How to handle a mouthy 14 year old that is my step son?

Tara - posted on 11/08/2009 ( 3 moms have responded )

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My 14 year old step son is very mouthy and disrespectful, he talks horribly to his little brother and never listens to a word i say, well sometime he does but alot of the time i reallly have to get mad and yell to get him to do it, i really would like a better way to handle him. please help if you have any ideas.

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Tracey-Lee - posted on 11/09/2009

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Hi Tara,

Have you ask him one on one about how is is feeling..sometimes the hormones kick in and we of teenagers need to act like a helicoptor and hover above a situation. I agree that yelling back at him will not help it will only add fuel to the fire. Ask him how he feels and where he sees himself in the family, I know this may seem strange to ask. sometimes it does become confusing, being a teenager is not easy..hang in there it won't last forever. just keep the lines of communication open for him, if he chooses not to use them it is ok as long as he knows that you are there for him and he will come around..speaking to him with a calm mono tone voice may also help, if he hears calmness in your voice then with a little hope it will influence him to speak the same to others..when you are talking to him, playing role reversal can be a great way for him to hear and see how he speaks to others, and you can see how he hears you..I use this strategy in my workshops..most teens at the end start to laugh they just don't get it at the moment of impact. Good Luck..

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Audra - posted on 11/09/2009

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I know it may sound childish, but thats why it works. Evey time the mouthing off starts or swears, send him to a time out to his room, your not being the horrible mean step-parent they are expecting, the younger kids are seeing the lesson and he is getting a punishment two ways, a chance to reflect and a little reminder he is a child, not an adult. My husband did this with my son (his stepson) who is 13 and it is working very well.

DaNita - posted on 11/09/2009

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currently i have no step children living with me. however, i did. and honestly i didnt do very good. after having my own children and planning a new family with a new husband did i start learning and searching for information that would help the blending of my new husband and my children from my first marriage. i learned many things but the greatest is that step parents should not disipline step children until there is a relationship of mutual love and respect. which in your case means your husband needs to stand beside you and correct his child! if you have younger children in the house this can be very hard for them to see you take the mouthiness from him and not allow it from them. i wish you the best of luck and i can tell you that it does get better. 8 years into my second marrage and my sons are 16 and 14 and they totally adore their step dad. its been a lot of work but you can do it!!! hope this helps

DaNita

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