How to handle a teen with attitude?

Melissa - posted on 05/05/2009

Jennifer I'm going through that with my 14 year old. He left last night and I have no idea where he is. Social services can't do anything they say and neitehr can the police. They tell me if they bring him home he will just leave again. Its frustrating because they know they don't have to follow the rules because they can just leave. Social Services also told me I have to let him in if he comes home, that I have a legal responsibility to give him food and shelter. I feel like I am damned if I do and damned if I don't.

Jennifer - posted on 05/03/2009

want to reply to the person who said "living in my home is a privilege"... What if you have a 14 yo and she says ok fine and takes off??? My step daughter has been AWOL 4 times in the last 6 months. We've dealt with the police and Children's Aid, she's been in and out of foster homes. I'm so worried about her, but since I'm divorced from her dad and am not her mother, I have no say at all.... but I can't just leave her be, There's GOT to be something better for her

Lori - posted on 05/02/2009

It's so nice to know that my teenage daughter and I are not alone in our growing pains!

Michelle - posted on 05/01/2009

I know what you mean, my 13 yr old daughter has the worst attitude ever. I think it is my fault because I baby her so much she is my youungest. I let her get away with a lot.

Adriana - posted on 05/01/2009

Hi, I have a 14 yr. old daughter, I had her when I was 20, so I was a young mother..now I think I made some terrible mistakes because her attitude is awfull, she does the common rolling of the eyes, and slamming the door when she doesn´t get her way, which I understand is what all teens do...but she is also very mad all the time, she doesn't do her chores unless she is reminded on the consequences of her "not accepted" attitude, she is grounded most of the time because we have a privilege/consequence deal and is as if she feels inmune, or she doesn't meditate on her actions: there is always a justification for her room to be a mess, or her homework not done, or her low grades (usauly it´s someone elses fault according to her), so we (her step dad, dad, and I) are unfare to her all the time! I just don´t know how to make her understand that she gets what she deserves. Plus I know she talks very bad about me at school, and with his friends, and it breaks my heart.... I´m just to sad I'm worried her values are all wrong: money, being popular no matter the cost, and getting it all not giving any!

Donna - posted on 05/01/2009

I just completed a class "PARENT PROJECT" contact your local juvenile probation office, that just happened to be where this one is set up through, or look online. It's a 9 week course but it changed the way we all communicate. I have kids ages 18 through 8. I love it!!

Jennifer - posted on 05/01/2009

Attitude? What attitude?? LOL play the game and roll with the punches...there is a lot of good advice here and I would add that IN ADVANCE the ground rules are set and reminded from time to time. For example, I tell my lovely text book 16 yr old daughter that when she gets an attitude ACCORDING to MY definition that I will simply ignore her altogether until she can be civil and spoken to like the adult she THINKS she is (of course I leave out that "thinks she is" portion ;) I usually try not to have confrontations and when things cool down, then I speak with her about what happened and ways to resolve problems, misunderstandings, etc. in a more constructive manner because whether we like it or not our teens are mini-adults. It also helps to remember, if we can, what we were experiencing at that age trying to break away from mommy and daddy and becoming independent beings...it's not easy...we want it all...to be spoiled AND have our independence...

Patricia - posted on 04/29/2009

Ahhh, the joys of having your 'child' go through that transition into 'teenhood'. I have a 15 year old son, and he rolls his eyes, always has to have the last word, wants things done HIS way, and he's ALWAYS 'right'... no matter what discussion we're having. I tell ya, for every time he gave me an attitude, bad remark, or given me the cold shoulder, I should have a ton of white hairs now!!!

I love my kids to death and would do anything for them, but I was glad that I did a majority of my strong disciplining with my kids when they were really young. I don't know, but I found that if you set boundaries with your kids at an early age, and they know and understand what is right and wrong, and are taught that they don't make the rules, etc... they do keep that with them as they get older. My kids are pretty good when it comes to discipline and acknowledging when they've done something wrong. They are pretty good about being honest in that area. They're good kids who have their moments, but in all, I think we've done a good job in showing them how to make right choices.

Allison - posted on 04/29/2009

my 14 year old does this daily. sometimes i swear she hates me. the rolling of the eyes,and constant attitude. any suggestions?

Diana - posted on 04/29/2009

Pick & choose your battles.....the best advice I ever got!



When my 14 y.o. son shows me attitude with a roll of the eyes or his grunts and sighs I conviently forget what we were discussing. For example...Mom can you run me to my friend's house....As soon as your chores are done....*grunt* - *eye roll*! Then 15 minutes later the chores are done and I am asked to take him to his friends house. My response..."Sorry honey, I am busy now and forgot all about it when I also chose to forget you disrespecting me with the grunting and eye rolls. Maybe tomorrow." After a couple times....it got much better. ;-)



The most drastic was when he was at a school function and he didn't like an answer I gave him when he called. He got angry and hung up on me. So.....I chose not to pick him up. When he got home (his best friend's parents drove him home and were laughing when they got here) I reminded him hanging up on me was his choice and picking him up was mine.



My son and I are very close...have tons of fun together and his attitude is under control. GOOD LUCK!!!

Mimi - posted on 04/20/2009

What teen doesn't have an attitude ? I have a 15 yo girl and 17 yr old boy I figure that this is what they are supposed to do. It depends a little attitude OK too much I let het know. You know " the look " is usually enough. To much or if she gets too stubborn about it. Time for a time out just like when she was a toddler. If she still can't get control of her attitude ( and I've chosen this as a battle ) She will lose computer, phone, and cell privilages. If she keeps going she knows that the consequense will be losing her privacy no door on the bedroom. Living in my home is a privilage.

Pamela - posted on 04/20/2009

I have an 18 year old and twin b/g 14 year olds. Pick your battles, the things that need to be done, manners that need to happen, make it happen, the little things, let slide. Just not too many, it can become a habit of being non-confrontational. Bad habit to get into. Your child needs to know what is appropriate and what is not. The world won't make life easy for your child and learning appropriate behavior before they leave your home, will make life easier in the long run. My 14 year old son can be a constant battle, I just keep on smilin' (most of the time) and only freak when he really crosses over the line. Some days are worse than others. Good luck!

Tiki - posted on 04/19/2009

Wow! I know what you mean. My daughter does this all so. It's hard to break these habit.

Elizabeth - posted on 04/19/2009

this is a great book. Helps you to work on yourself which in turn improves your teen-ager.

Sharon - posted on 04/19/2009

Above all - keep a sense of humour! And keep the lines of communication open - even when all you are getting in return are grunts!!

Tina - posted on 04/19/2009

I havbe a sixteen year old son and he is very good on the whole but he does have his moods I try to walk away its hard but otherwise it just leads to a confrontation

Ruth - posted on 04/18/2009

Hi. I've recently read a book called "Parenting Teens with Love and Logic." It's been very helpful for me. The advice makes a lot of sense - very practical. Long story short - the book suggests ways to get teens to show respect and be respected. It does not advocate parents using a heavy hand. In fact, it's just the opposite. Using love and logic. I found the book at the library - but liked it so much I bought it.



I have a Web site for parents and was able have to interview one of the authors and posted a few stories on my site.



http://suchasmartmom.com/2009/04/13/want...



http://suchasmartmom.com/2009/02/25/heli...