how to have an open relationship w/my 14 yr old

Julia - posted on 05/27/2009 ( 15 moms have responded )

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my 14 year old daughter doesn't know how to be open with me about boys. I'm not strict at all and would love for her to tell me everything.

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Penny - posted on 09/10/2011

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You can't force your kids to talk to you but you can remind them you are always there to listen. I have always told my kids they can tell me anything. I might get upset but will always love them. My daughter tells me more than my boys do but they know I will always be there to listen to them. Just let your child know how much they are loved

Susan - posted on 05/27/2009

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my daughter is nearly 15 she had sex 4 the fist time a couple of months ago i was horrified but she spoke to me about it we all need to open our minds up to our girls a bit more and they do learn to trust us and tell us everything i had a really good talk to her about it and told her how i felt.we were all her age once so we can relate to what they go through so just remember back when u were her age tell her that u no wat its like by the way she is still with the same boy so that was a relief and now her girlfriends tell me everything aswell

Holly - posted on 05/27/2009

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Okay Julia, lets make it our goal to be better in touch with our girls by the end of summer. I'm going to start small and work my way in. maybe a few girls only lunches or outing?? any ideas?

Holly - posted on 05/27/2009

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I hear what your saying Julia, my daughter is 13 and perfers to share NOTHING with me. I believe I should have started earlier, I don't know how to encourage it now, just keep trying?

If you get any positive advice pls share.

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Lande - posted on 08/07/2013

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Hi! My name is Lande Yoosuf and I'm a Casting Producer working on a show about parents that have a very open relationship with their teens. Basically, parents that practice "Friendship Parenting". If this sounds like you or anyone you know, please contact me ASAP at lande.yoosuf [at] punchedinthehead [dot] com. Thanks! :-)

Julia - posted on 06/12/2009

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Quoting christina:

My daughter is 15 and just today she told me she had sex for the first time with her boyfriend 4 months ago. I really am glad because i was afraid she'll never talk to me about things like that although i'm very openminded and all of her girlfriends love to talk to me. So don't worry. Teenagers just need time to open up. I'm sure she knows you are there for her and if you are openminded as you say she will talk to you very soon. Just don't ask her about things all the time. She will talk whenever she feels to. They feel very ashamed and need time to open up. I remember mine laughing and hiding her face saying she can't talk to me about boyfriends and sex and then after two days coming suddenly all byherself in the kitchen and talking for over one hour about her boyfriend, her friends sexual problems,asking questions and advices. So just be patient and a good listener.By the way. I'm sorry about my english and i hope i helped in anyway. good luck with your sweet teen. i believe this is the most interesting and exciting age for both of you!



Hey Christina,  Thank you for the encouraging letter, it made me feel better.  I did stop bringing it up to her, when she is ready to talk i'm sure she will.

Robin - posted on 06/11/2009

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Being open-minded is definitely the first step in following your children from their teens into adulthood. Like Trisha and Julia said, be careful what you ask and how much you share cause you may not always like what you hear. You have to pick your battles when dealing out the consequences for certain actions, because if you overreact, you will slam that opened door shut quickly.



My husband does not have the relationship that I have with our children, because he has a hard time being open-minded and not being so old-fashioned. Now our kids are 24, 19, and 16 and I know most everything about them, even the stuff I don't want to hear. Even their friends have always talked to me and asked me for advice. It is very sad that there are so many teens that feel like they can't trust their parents enough to open up to them.

Shelly - posted on 06/11/2009

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Julia,

Just start talking to her...open up to her about some of the things that you have been through with your first boy friends or about the first boy you liked just be careful on how much you tell b/c they will use it against you later!!! LOL... The only way you can have an open relationship with her is if you are open with her!!! We have always been open with our boys who are now 22, 17, & 16 yrs old and still talk to us about every thing!! Try it you maybe surprised

Christina - posted on 06/11/2009

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My daughter is 15 and just today she told me she had sex for the first time with her boyfriend 4 months ago. I really am glad because i was afraid she'll never talk to me about things like that although i'm very openminded and all of her girlfriends love to talk to me. So don't worry. Teenagers just need time to open up. I'm sure she knows you are there for her and if you are openminded as you say she will talk to you very soon. Just don't ask her about things all the time. She will talk whenever she feels to. They feel very ashamed and need time to open up. I remember mine laughing and hiding her face saying she can't talk to me about boyfriends and sex and then after two days coming suddenly all byherself in the kitchen and talking for over one hour about her boyfriend, her friends sexual problems,asking questions and advices. So just be patient and a good listener.By the way. I'm sorry about my english and i hope i helped in anyway. good luck with your sweet teen. i believe this is the most interesting and exciting age for both of you!

Trisha - posted on 05/27/2009

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Thats a very hard age. I started when my kids were little by letting them know they could tell me anything and I wouldn't judge them...just try to guide them. My oldest two have totally open relationships with me (almost too much sometimes! LOL) But I see all these kids lying to their parents and its sad! Now not to say sometimes what they tell me hasn't come back to haunt them, sometimes there has to be consequences...but they continue to be open with me. I am a parent when needed and also a friend when they need...its a balancing act. They have to be reassured you can be trusted... Good luck!

Katherine - posted on 05/27/2009

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we started massage when my son was born and every once in a while we still do it even now that he's 15. that touch and time together opens him right up.

Angie - posted on 05/27/2009

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My son is the same way. I have to trust that I've raised him properly and respect his privacy. We have a good relationship otherwise so I pray he's making wise choices.

Julia - posted on 05/27/2009

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Quoting Holly:

I hear what your saying Julia, my daughter is 13 and perfers to share NOTHING with me. I believe I should have started earlier, I don't know how to encourage it now, just keep trying?
If you get any positive advice pls share.


Hey Holly, thanks for the email, i thought i would be the only one going through this but i guess other moms feel like i do.  I hope to find a solution soon before she heads out to High School and i get lost with her.

Julia - posted on 05/27/2009

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Quoting Julia:

how to have an open relationship w/my 14 yr old

my 14 year old daughter doesn't know how to be open with me about boys. I'm not strict at all and would love for her to tell me everything.


 

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