Laura - posted on 09/06/2011 ( 1 mom has responded )
My 12 year old daughter has a very mean spirited, manipulative friend. I know & tell my daughter that this behavior is based on her own insecurities. But it doesn't help when my daughter's feelings are being hurt. This girl is in my daughter's group of friends & is popular among them. And so far as I know, this behavior seems to only extend to my daughter. She will tell my daughter that kids at school told her that they hate my daughter. This girl makes plans with my daughter then changes them last minute when something better comes along, in front of my daughter & me. (which I have called her on & told her that was hurtful & rude) I told my daughter to nurture relationships with friends outside of this"Clique", which she has. Now this girl is befriending these girls & excluding my daughter.
I am getting very upset myself.
I am good friends with the girl's mother & help her out ALOT with transportation etc, but am now beginning to say no more, so as to minimize extra contact with this girl. The mother is very career focused & a little "ditsy", disorganized & preoccupied.
It almost seems that this girl wants to be my daughter (She calls herself my other daughter - She came up with that herself which I always thought was a little bit of manipulative behavior).
I can't believe that I am letting a 12 year old girl upset me. But I can't allow her to upset my daughter, anymore.
I feel that if I encourage my daughter to cut ties with this girl completely that she will manipulate the other friends. Then my daughter will have no friends at school. (My daughter has a few friends outside school & gets along well with everyone. She is sweet & her school friends like her, but I can see them being manipulated too as this girl is quite dynamic. My daughter doesn't, & shouldn't have to, have the manipulative skills to navigate through this.) I tell her to just be herself & things will work out as the true colors of this girl will be revealed. But I hate to see my daughter suffer.
What do I do?