How to limit computer time?

Jennifer - posted on 03/30/2010 ( 24 moms have responded )

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I have tried to set rules, a time frame...But my oldest son who just moved back in doesn't seem to wanna listen. He's a master manipulator. He will say things like, I just got off of work and want to relax, I'll get off in a 1/2 hour. I am Leary of starting an argument in fear he will move out again.

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DigiParent - posted on 12/07/2012

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I know of a great free software that will automatically shut down the computer after a certain amount of time that you set. There are a few thing to be improved but I guess that what you get for free software. You can download it at http://digiparent.weebly.com/ . I hope you enjoy it as much as I do!

Amanda - posted on 04/30/2011

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Parental control !!! My dad used this when i lived in his house. You are the parent and he is the child.

Virginia - posted on 04/28/2011

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Have a password so that he can not get on it, unless you let him. Just did that with my daughter who is 16.

Jenni - posted on 04/27/2011

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I set a time for computer which is 30 minutes Sunday- Thursday and 1 hour Friday and Saturday.

Beth - posted on 04/24/2011

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Your computer, your rules. If he wants to move out, let him. If he's that desperate to have his computer time, tell him to get a job and buy his own laptop and router. If this kid is going to school and it is interfering with homework and getting up to go to school on time, take the keyboard. Why are you so afraid of him leaving? Would you rather have a person in your home, eating your food, running up your bills who has NO respect for you, or someone who realized that he's lucky to have a home to come to? Either set the rules now and enforce them or you'll be back on here wanting to know how to get your home back from this kid! Best of luck, and God bless!

Dawn - posted on 04/10/2011

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it's called tough Love just put the restrictions on it and tell him your sorry but that is the rule in your house..

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 04/07/2011

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This is probably going to mirror a lot of other answers, but...

Parental controls! Go to your control panel, then User accounts. Set up a separate, password protected account for each of your kids, with NO administrator privileges. Then, go into the accounts, and it will give you the option to set the times they are allowed to log in, and will shut them out when they aren't allowed. Even if they are logged in, it will lock them out.

If he wants more time, he can spend another $300-500 and buy his own computer.

Angie - posted on 04/05/2011

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I put parental controls on my computer so that it logs them off at midnight and won't let them go on until 5 pm that way i know they are not sitting on FB all day instead of doing what they are supposed to... now if i could just get my TV to do the same thing. :)

Julie - posted on 04/05/2011

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Check out the Parental controls in the settings. You can set up profiles for each of you in the household and set time limits or timeframes of when he is allowed to go on. Once the timespan is past the computer logs him off automatically and he cannot go back on. This makes it a more arbritary limit that you have agreed to and does not become a power struggle anymore.

Good luck.

Lisa - posted on 04/10/2010

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Your house your rules and he needs to learn to respect that. My stepmother had same problem when her adult son was living at home. If he threatens to move if he does not get his own way offer to help him pack. He knows he is winnig by using emotional blackmail. Call his bluff and maybe increase his rent/board for living at home for the use of the computer and the inconvenience he is causing you. I have a password on my computer which my kids don't know and when I dont want them on I just activate the password.

Dee - posted on 04/05/2010

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Don't let him control you like this. YOU are the parent! Set the rules and make him follow them. In the long run he will respect you. He may not like them initally, but will respect you. I have a son that I also have to set time frame on with the computer. Otherwise, he would live on it 24/7! If your son tells you he will be off the computer in a half hour, make him get off in a half hour. I use to unplug the cord right in the middle of a game my son was playing. Yes it made him mad, but he learned real quick that when I told him to get off the computer, thats what I mean. Good luck!

Rhonda - posted on 04/04/2010

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If he's legal age your house your rules. If he's a minor your house, your rules, use parental controls on the computer. It worked for me and now they earned the privelege again.

Carolyn - posted on 04/03/2010

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This is somthing I have no knowledge of...the reason I say that is because we all can give advice on what to do but have we ever been IN that situation to be able to to ssay this works. There's alot of different suggestions put on the table try them and see which works for your house. But I most certainly know whatever you decide you must STAND FIRM because once he sees your doubting yourself, he's got you again

Deb - posted on 04/02/2010

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I, like Carrie above, have passworded my system because my 13 year old was sneaking on in the middle of the night, lying about it to me and having inappropriate conversations. I no longer allow her access to the internet when I'm not in the room, and I severely curtail her time. She'd stay up all night on there if I did not stop her.

I understand that our situations are not that similar, but your son, as an adult, has another option. He can buy his own laptop or desktop and then he can do what he wants, but he cannot misuse your goodness by abusing you with manipulation, threats (if he wants to move out again, let him) and using things in your house that you don't want him to.

Carri - posted on 04/01/2010

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Well how I limit computer time is that I sign into the modem using my user name and password and put schedule rules on the children' s computers since they all have their own laptops. I go by their computer names and IP addresses and put a time when they can go online and when the internet is to be shut off and the modem will automatically kick off at that specific time..

Tracy - posted on 04/01/2010

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As a manipulator, he's got you right where he wants you. How dare he use your love for him as a bargaining chip?! Set an old fashioned egg timer near the computer (that both of you can hear) and when the timer goes off, unplug the modem and put it somewhere that only you have access...your purse, the glove compartment of your car (locked.) Or, if you don't think you have to go that far, come to the computer and say, "Time's up," and see that he gets off. If not, unplug the modem. Your house, your rules. It's that simple. Don't let him hold you hostage. That isn't love. You should talk to him, not in an argumentative way, but in a non-judgmental way. Start out by saying that you love him and are overjoyed that he has moved back in, but you feel that if he lives in your home, he needs to abide by the house rules. And that means a limit on computer time. Offer him suggestions for other activities that will help him blow off steam from work. Exercise is good; going for a jog, shooting baskets, riding a bicycle, or skateboarding. Taking a shower or bath after work is good to relax tired, achey muscles. The more you can say the words, "I feel" instead of "You are" the less you will put him on the defensive. "You feel that he is abusing his privilege", "You feel that he could do more to help around the house", etc. Then let him express his opinions, and try to work out a plan that works for both of you. Just keep in mind that part of the compromise has to be that your rules are followed. If he follows those rules, then he can have other privileges that aren't computer related. Good luck with your parenting!

Valerie - posted on 04/01/2010

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what is your issue with computer time? do others need to be on it? is it what he is doing on it? is it the time of day? it matters what this issue is about and what your main concern is...do what is right because it is right...parenting from fear will hav bad consequences...with more info i can offer you more

Vickie - posted on 04/01/2010

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I have set time limits on my children (3) for one hour a day. In this time they can play whatever game they want. They can have an extra hour if it is school related. If boys want more time they don't get it. If they winge to much or go over time I unplug the modem and take it with me.. then there is no internet and they get very bored with nothing on the computer

Victoria - posted on 03/31/2010

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HOW OLD IS YOUR SON WHO WORKS. IF HE GROWN TELL HIM HE NEEDS TO BE OFF THE COMPUTER BY ONE A.M. AND THAN IF. IF HE DONT UNDERSTAND THAT HE NEEDS TO LIVE BY YOUR RULES,THATS WHEN YOU NEED TO RETHINK IS HAVING HIM LIVE THERE A GOOD IDEAL FOR YOU OR THE YOUNGER KIDS. ME ON THE OTHER HAND WHEN I TELL MY SIXTEEN ITS TIME FOR HER TO GO TO BED AT 10 PM, NO PHONE CALLS AFTER 8P.M. , AND SHE CAN NOT STAY OUT PASS 9 PM. THOSE ARE MY RULE AND THEY ARE ABIDED BY. THATS WHAT I SAY MY HOUSE, MY RULES. NO MISUNDERSTANDING. DONT LIKE MY RULES GET YOUR OWN HOUSE. BELIEVE ME WHAT I SAY OR MY HUSDAND SAY IS OUR RULES.

Christina - posted on 03/30/2010

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First of all, good for you that you understand that your son needs limits! If he just left a permissive environment, he may resent structure for a while. Of course something like this is much more complex than we as responders can understand. From my experience, I would recommend some of what the other moms have said. It may be good to sit down first and have a heart to heart with him. Whether or not he is an adult, he is your son and evidently needs your help still. Your job is not to enable him, but to give him the skills to succeed in life.

This means ensuring he is acting as a responsible, contributing member of the household. Even my 1 1/2 yr. old grandson understands he has a job to put the plastic containers away when I clear the dishwasher! Of course it is fun for him to do this at his age but my point is that children of any age need to understand their role in the household is important and they need to be accountable.

It sounds like he has also had a lot of stress to deal with and does need to relax and unwind, so set up some guidelines for him that are in his best interest as well as in the best interest of the household. You can also him that he is important, that you are glad he is there, but that you love him too much to let him just tune out or not contribute to the household in some way every day.

A computer, especially if it is yours, is a priviledge, not a right! There are other things he can do to unwind as well, like B-Ball, etc. Perhaps checking out a book on Tough Love from the library is in order to give you some strength. It helped me with my 3 teenage daughters when I was a single mother.

I hope this is helpful. You are not alone. Good Luck!

Dianne - posted on 03/30/2010

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Read more of these comments and you will see how many options you have. There are a lot of Moms who have similar problems. I get so much out of COM.

Good luck:)

Dianne - posted on 03/30/2010

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How old is this son? If he is an adult, he can follow your rules or leave. Set up a chore list and the hours he can earn. Post it everywhere. Keep the original in a safe place and when the others get "lost", repost it.
He is old enough to understand the word NO. He can either work with you or get out. That is the only way to deal with kids when they come back home. You must think that they are there to make your life easier, not the other way around.
The chore list can be fair to him or not, it doesn't matter. If you think it's fair then it is.
Parenting is not for sissies. Stand up and be strong. Courage:)

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As long as you are afraid of your son, he will continue to manipulate you. Your house, your rules, unplug the computer when you leave if that is what you want to do.

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