How to regain respect from my two children

Cheri - posted on 05/31/2010 ( 6 moms have responded )

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I have been a good mom over all. Unfortunately, I was in a marriage going no where. I built and store, ran it for 3 years and lost everything in the economy of 2008. Lost a marriage of 24 years, my son started staying over with his big sister with 3 children. Now, he doesn't want to be with me at all. I have tried to be understanding with his teenage attitude but now he is saying I need to earn his love. I still have a lot of junk to get rid of, from the retail store. I sell on ebay, craigslist and such. He said I need to get rid of all my junk. I love junk for garden art, and such. I get no respect from any of my families. They believe I was a failure and they treat as such. Now, I will be homeless August 1st, the money I received from the divorce has paid my rent thus far. But, the money is gone, I do not have a job in the real world. I make more than I would make at a 40 hour a week job at $10.00 an hour, which, if lucky at age 52, with taxes and such taken out. Well, so to put it gently, I am lonely, depressed, low self esteem, and have no support system. I help my mother 3 days a week with her dimencia issues. I clean houses for a living and help individuals prepare to move. I like what I do, but, I do not make enough for the amount of bills. It feels good to get this off my head. I am reaching out to anyone that would like to become a friend and guide me. I am not selfish, but at this time I need help, or I will be no good to be there for anyone else, right? Thanks, Cheri

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Angie - posted on 06/02/2010

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First rid of all your "junk". Sell it as quickly as you can, however you can. It's a minor thing that your son has asked you to do that can be done over the summer months. Include him in the selling process so he knows that you are taking him seriously.

Next, get a job. I'm sure your children will respect you more if you show them a good example. Not only will you gain self respect but you will have benefits as well. If you like cleaning house, etc. start you own business doing that. The Small Business Adminstration can help you get started, and since you're a woman, they will be even more willing to help you.

Finally, seek counseling. It's obvious that you don't have respect for yourself. It's the single most important thing you can give your children.

Good luck!

Anne Marie - posted on 06/01/2010

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i am sorry to hear about your tough time too. Teenagers can be cruel but i really believe it is their hormones. My daughter hates me too right now but i still tell her I love her and wish her a good day when she leaves. I think you really need to focus on yourself as well. If you are not well you can not really be there fully for your children. My husband has suffered from depression for years and was in total denial that has been a detriment to me and my family, three children. As well as financial help from the govt. I would check into getting medical help for depression. It will make a difference for you and your family. I would also ask your Generalpractitioner for a referral to a specialist. When depression sets in it takes over and causes so much confusion, lack or organization, lack of energy and sometimes aches and pains that can not be explained. There is so much help out there for depression, you may find that is the route of your problems. Taking care of one problem at a time is the key to recovery of yourself, yourself esteem, and your family. Good luck to you thinking of you.

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Hi Cheri, I'm sorry you are having such a tough battle to fight! How old is your son? It must be so hurtful to feel as if your children have abandoned you! It's odd that he thinks you need to "earn" his love. I wonder what he would say if you told him that although he doesn't feel any love for you, you will always love him unconditionally and will always be there for him. If he's graduated from school, consider yourself lucky that you have this time to focus on YOU. I'm with Louise; see about getting assistance from the government. Also, there are support groups that you can join...just google it for the area you live in under "support groups for single moms...or depression" I'll keep you in my prayers.

Louise - posted on 06/01/2010

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Cheri, I am sure in time your son will realise that you have done everything for his benefit. Don't let him worry you right now he will come back I promise. Concerntrate on you for a while and try and get things sorted out. I am always around if you want to get anything off your chest. xx

Cheri - posted on 06/01/2010

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Louise, I want to thank you so much for your kind words. Infact, I realize that Cory is probably hurting in his own way. I just hope someday he will realize that all I did, in the long run was suppose to be for my family. I always had my family in mind. Everything spiraled out of control. Going to clean for a client right now. I will get back to you soon. L, Cheri

Louise - posted on 06/01/2010

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Cheri, I am so sorry you have had a terrible time. I really don't know where to start with all your problems. Your son will soon realise that you have had a major upheaval in your life and have done your best to work through it. He is probably so tied up in puberty that he can not see what you have been and are still going through. I am british and do not know about the american welfare system but is there not an agency that can talk you through what you can do and how to obtain some financial advice. I am not surprised you are lonely and depressed I think that is an understatement! If you ever want a chat please contact me and I will do my best to help. I am only sorry that I can not reach out and give you a big hug as that is what you need right now.

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