Lisa - posted on 06/01/2012 ( 18 moms have responded )
I don’t know where to turn how to cope and what to do. My 19 year old son has no idea what boundaries are. Will take whatever he wants things like my paints, tools, my cellphone and little things like that to use for himself. I don’t mind if he asks, most things I will let him use. At the age of 16 my son made his choice to move back with his father. It turned out to be the worse choice that he doesn’t understand. There was no parental supervision. He was allowed to come and go as he liked. Left alone most of the time. Not made to go to school or to at least get his GED. As long as he was working and out of his father’s hair his father thought he was being the best parent. A young person being left without a parent most of the time makes them loose the bound of a family. A young person doesn’t understand why they should listen to an adult when they pretty much left to take care of themselves. Two years later he came back here with a push from me and my brother. My child did not bath, did not brush his teeth. Lived on the street after a while before he would listen to his father. Since my son has been back he has been working on being a better person but the past 2 months he has been acting out again. Very resentful towards me. We fight, argue, if I look at him the wrong way if I ask what’s wrong he says “a lot” in an angry voice and if I ask more it turns into a fight. I put him into martial art classes hoping to give him some kind of goal, worth. I did this even though I really can’t afford it. He loved it has been at it for 5 months now. We just went to him second graduation to the next belt and he was mad at me for being there for taking pictures? This was even before we got into a fight. On the way home I gave him a senerial : If one of your paintings that you liked very much, you cared about and it meant something to you and someone came up and wrote crap across it how would you feel? He tells me it happens to me all the time I don’t care. I said yes you would. I asked him why he would write something on my drawing ruining it because it was a picture of something that he doesn’t believe in. I told him not to touch my stuff or to do that ever again. He told me he would. Well you can guess that led to an argument. We are driving home and I was stopping to get him a drink because he asked. The argument continues in the store and I decided I’m not buying him anything and started to walk out. He walks out with me then went the other way. I drove home, he walked. He fights with me all the time anymore. He now is telling me I’m to artistic and he is surrounded by it, he is so talented and I tell him all the time. He needs to express himself. He paints his wall in his room, I bought plywood for him to paint along with spray cans (he wanted me too) and he never did it. He just paints his room. I painted one of the plywood in the yard. I have two more sitting. Blank. I don’t know how to be a mom for him. If he asks for a ride somewhere I do it. If he asks for a couple dollars I give it. I let him paints the walls in his room. Pay for his classes. I feel the only time he is nice to me is when he wants something. When he first came down here he and I would talk. Now When I try to talk to him it’s just me wanting to know everything about him and he doesn’t want that. He thinks we judge him and look down on him. None of my family or me thinks this. We just want him to fix the problems he has (he created) and be happy. To let you know a little about his problems. He dropped out of school at 16. His plans at that time were to go to Life Skills. It is a computer base class to get your diploma. I had him signed up before he left to live with his father. When he came back I enrolled him again, he started going about 2 months with me driving him to school every morning a ½ hour away. He stopped going. He wrote graffiti on a building wall and was caught and went on probation for it. The week before his probation was up, he bunches his sister’s boyfriend and they took him to jail for that. I had to bail him out. He has a warrant out for his arrest because they said he missed a court date. All of these things can be taken care of. We learn from our mistakes. He is much stressed over all this, I understand that, but he is adding to his stress by pushing me away fighting to where I‘m now telling him to take care of his warrant and go stay with his friend. He is very much still like a child in some ways. Last night during our argument he took my phone (work cell phone) without asking and when I notice I told him I need it and I took it away. In order for him to get it back he punches the door repeatedly cracking it more, punching the wall and only stops till I threaten, or pretend to call 911. Why does it have to go this far. I don’t understand if a person is told something why don’t they stop knowing all they are doing is making there life harder. He has completely no respect for me and when I have told him that and say “and all I do for you” that gets thrown in my face. How dare I tell him “All I have done for you” He cares less what I have done, he just wants to blame all that has happen to him on me and his father. I forced him to come down here? NO I gave him a place to stay instead of the streets or a truck to sleep in, because that is where he was. I’m not saying I do no wrong. I think all I do is wrong. Whatever I do I make it worst. I don’t know where to turn how to help him. Because everything I try just back fires. I tried keeping my mouth shout, I tried doing stuff with him, putting him in martial arts, and I tried taking stuff away. NOTHING WORKS. It seems like it just gets worse. All I want is for him to have respect for me and his sister and our home. Respect for others. I want him to be happy, take care of the warrant, and get his GED. I’m not saying it all has to be done NOW. I know it takes time. I would give my life for him to be happy and content. Is this a teenage faze. When will it end??? He is 19; he is not a child anymore. I don’t want it to get worse, him doing drugs or suicide because I know at times he thinks about it. He won’t get help, won’t talk to anyone professionally. HELP!!!