I don't want to put my 15yr old son on medication just because people tell me I should?

Whitney - posted on 05/28/2013

If he had ADHD or ADD, it's proven fact that "tech stuff" makes it worse. You should limit the time he is using all of it. He probably needs medication, you don't seem to be informed on how medication works and the benefits of it. There are alternate options, but sometimes medications will be the route HE likes best. Try no sugar, limit technology, no caffeine. But in the end, explore ALL options.

Yao - posted on 05/18/2013

sorry to hear that,my son had adhd,and he cant focus either,and teacher always ask for medicine,you are right,then she can have peaceful day,i will try give him the green tea,see if it's work for your son.

Sherri - posted on 02/25/2013

My recommendation take him and have him tested. If he tests positive for anything then see what your options are and their recommendations. You are so close minded about this in the long run you may only be punishing your son. Approach this with an open mind until you have him tested.

Jennifer - posted on 02/22/2013

yes it gets old but I can't do anything if the educators won't communioucate this to me when it happens!
----
Now that you knew, what are you gonna do about it? You don't put your child under med because others tell you to, you give him med because the doctors tell you to since it might help your child's situations. He calls you name and all of that, and you tolerate the behavior. When will you take action? Are you waiting for him to kill someone and only then you'll face the problem and realize that he needs help?

Chris - posted on 02/17/2013

@Martha, great letter and explanations which I am sure will be of great help to Lisa.

Martha - posted on 02/17/2013

I am no expert. But I have two boys and some experience. My younger son experienced severe depression at age 6. If you have ever experienced depression, it is very confusing. You know something is wrong, but can't put your finger on it. It slowly starts taking over parts of your life, you don't even see it coming. Well, imagine a 6 yr old going through this. His depression got so bad that he was "hearing voices". We are not parents that jump on to a medication band wagon. In fact we were very much against medication, but we put our preconceived notions aside and started learning all we could. We went through many doctors before we found one we trusted. We saw some that made no sense at all, some we couldn't understand, and some that we went running from their office. We saw one psychologist that wanted to call my pediatricians office that night and have him prescribe an antidepressant on the spot after only talking with our son for 15 minutes! Finally we found a great doctor that spent 4 visits evaluating our son. He requested feedback from school, parents, family members and siblings. He was very honest with us. Said our son was depression with anxiety. He suggested at his age therapy, but hold off on medication. Gave us signs to look for, what to be worried about and what not to be worried about. About a year into this things got scary and our son at age 7 had thoughts of suicide. We decided it was time to try something differnt. He did end up taking some medication for anxiety for a year, along with therapy and very watchful eyes of his family. We decided after a year to see how he would do without the medicine, and over the summer when he was out of school we took him off of it. He has been fine ever since, and that was 8 years ago. He is very aware of his feelings, and lets us know right away if he doesn't feel right. This has happened a few times and it is something we have learned to work through. I think the medication gave him some clarity about how he was supposed to feel. Our son is very well adjusted, outgoing and confident today.

The feelings I have on medication is that when you are sure it is needed and it is done with caution it is a miracle. When it is not needed it can do harm. This is very tricky. There is no blood test or black and white answer. All the names and labels only confuse things. One thing that may help is to look at your family history. We didn't have a full history, my husband is adopted. Something I found out in research is that my son did have a higher risk of mental illness because of this. If a child is mentally ill and does not receive treatment that child is at a high risk of self medication (i.e. drugs and alcohol). They do this because they do not feel right and they are trying to change this. This can also lead to risky behaviors such as unprotected sex.....unwanted pregnancy........adoption. This is where we did have a clue to a family history. Not a for sure one, but a likely one. I really feel for you. This is not easy. In the end you are the parents and you are the one who truly have your sons best interest in mind. You live with your son, and you see his struggles more closely than anyone else. Do as much research as you can, be as informed as you possible can on both sides so your heart can make the right choice.

I don't know where you live, but NAMI was of great help to me. I went to some parent support groups that helped me find much needed information. They are not for or against medication, they are just there to talk about the struggles and to help you learn all you can.

I wish you all the best, and will send prayers for your son and your family.

Lisa - posted on 02/16/2013

@Chris, I to am not a person of this era! When I was younger this was not heard of, or if it was it wasn't talked about? So this will help in my quest.....! And I intend to " hang in there" fot the duration!! I have 10 bros and sis' , so I know how to standing up for what I believe in!! Onward and Upward! ;D

Chris - posted on 02/16/2013

@Lisa, I am happy that it gave you something to go by....I had problems with my son and was against medication. I KNOW there are kids out there that truly need medication and it has helped them. But, it is proven that thousands and thousands of kids have had their lives screwed around with....so many suicides too. Yes it is tricky to really know what to do...sometimes they grow out of it....sometimes it gets worse. Very important to get a good social worker, a very good doctor and lots of support. What made me think about it was the amount of suicides and school killings that we have today and this did not happen when I was a kid. Hang in there Lisa!

Lisa - posted on 02/16/2013

P.S., Maybe those who oppose my "tactics" should watch this Video too!!??

Lisa - posted on 02/16/2013

Chris T, I want to thank you for finding this video! This is exactly the information I was trying to convey to all the other parents here! On why I didn't want to put my child on "Drugs"! It is an epidemic ofepic perportions in this country!!! The "easy" way out", for those who do not want to pursue alternative solutions on this matter! I can't Thank you enough,...for this more than helpful story!! From one concerned Mom to another...I hope you have a wonderful day! :)

Chris - posted on 02/16/2013

You should watch this documentary and then talk to a doctor you trust. Sometimes medication helps but sometimes it is the worst thing you could ever do to your kid.



In the absence of any objective medical tests to determine who has ADD or ADHD, doctors rely in part on standardized assessments and the impressions of teachers and guardians while the they administer leave little room for other causes or aggravating factors, such as diet, or environment. Hence, diagnosing a child or adolescent with ADD or ADHD is often the outcome, although no organic basis for either disease has yet to be clinically proven. Psychiatrists may then prescribe psychotropic drugs for the children without first without making it clear to parents that these medications can have severe side-effects including insomnia, loss of appetite, headaches, psychotic symptoms and even potentially fatal adverse reactions, such as cardiac arrhythmia. And yet, despite these dangers, many school systems actually work with government agencies to force parents to drug their children, threatening those who refuse with the prospect of having their children taken from the home unless they cooperate.

Tracy - posted on 02/15/2013

There certainly is an overly abundant amount of prescription drugs being thrown at our kids these days. However, in this scenario, it sounds like there may be a problem that drugs MIGHT address. My step-son (now 22) was supposedly ADD but that child sure could concentrate on a video game, book, or board game with us when he WANTED to. If he wasn't interested in something, like anybody, he would give it little attention. They wanted to medicate him. However, a friend of mine's little brother was also ADD. That boy was surely ADD! While she was giving birth to her son she wanted her family in the room. Her brother, who was around 15 at the time - old enough to know how to behave, was messing with all the medical equipment, blowing up rubber gloves and then popping them, climbing onto HER bed as she was pushing, even trying to get between the doc/nurses as the child was being born. This behavior was with him on medications. Your child sounds like he could use a doctor's visit for an evaluation (yes, *gasp* I agree with Shawnn). It sounds like teachers have been telling you for a while that your son needs medication. Now, they are not doctors to make that determination, but that recommendation would be enough to make most parents call the doc for their opinion. A meltdown like you describe over anything at that age is not normal behavior. My son is beyond attached to his tech - his apple phone is everything he loves in this world. He is 16 years old. I have taken it away before and he works hard to earn it back. If he had a meltdown like you describe, he would probably NEVER get tech back. If addiction is something he suffered from, it would be my job to help him with that addiction.

Shawnn - posted on 02/11/2013

Like I said, Lisa, I wish you the best. You chose to take offense at my comments, not my fault, nor my problem. But, to continue to call me out for my responses (which were mirrored by others, if I may point out) is childish and vindictive, IMO.

Oh, by the way. I never said you needed to post your entire life history. BUT: when asking for opinions on subjects such as medicating children, know that the first thing people are going to recommend is an evaluation when you post something such as (quoted from your OP)"He is so "Addicted"( yes that's the word I want) to all this tech stuff he can't put it up!!! We have taken away these things, as well as privileges. When we take the ipod, phone, computer away...he has a melt down literally!" and (quoted from your OP) "I am just so tired of his teachers telling me to drug my child. This so they can have a peaceful day in class! ". So, I recommended an evaluation. Then you jumped all over my post claiming that I'm holier than thou and vindictive? Hmmm...Rich

One thing, though...to insinuate that I am a person who would not " truly know what a mother will do to, not addict her child, just because the social media tells them they should! ", to insinuate that I am not a good mother because you didn't like the options, alternatives, and opinion that I stated...well, my dear, THAT is vindictive. Not my comments.

You jumped on me like white on rice for simply suggesting that you have your kid evaluated, and that it most likely wasn't ALL the teacher's problem! Like Kristi C. stated, you attacked me because I didn't get outraged at those stupid teachers for even suggesting such a thing!

To be quite honest, my dear, I have spent each and every time that I've looked into this thread laughing my ass off at how pissed off and defensive you got just by reading my post. It wasn't my intention to piss you off, nor has it been my intention to continue to goad you, but lady, you're rich!

I wish your son the best. If you think that's vindictive, then oh well. I hope that your son finds treatment options that work for him, whether it be a non medicated form of treatment or not.

Angie - posted on 02/11/2013

@ Kristi....we are still struggling. Although the latest facility doctor accomplished getting him off all the meds, the facility itself pushed them through their program, advancing him without his successful completion of their own requirements, providing him a false sense of accomplishment. Our therapy sessions began with trying to negotiate rules and privileges at home & then just switched over to basic chit-chat sessions so the therapist could report good therapy sessions. And although he has cussed me out at therapy, refused to participate in conversations, has even cancelled a session, the therapist reported in progress reports he was always cooperative. He was even able to get a lighter into the facility, but the facility took blame for missing it during inspections. Thankfully, he was moved from that facility to an elevated needs home a little over a week ago....I just pray he was able to learn enough to cope in real life setting. I have noticed improvement in de-escalation of his behaviors, so I'm hoping that is something he can build on. As long as I keep our conversations chit-chat, we do ok. We start counseling with a new therapist so I'm hoping we will begin making progress with his authority/defiance issues....Thanks for asking :)

Lisa - posted on 02/11/2013

I have to say, Thanks, for those of you who commented justly and did not judge me or my intentions for my child. I did not realize that I was requiered to write out my complete history first before I posted?? So" Shawnn" I don't need your vindictive comments, Nor you better than thou attitude. I already have a sister-in-law just like you.... ! Oh, I see, Because you hold a degree you are automaticlly "better " ? I am not shy or inept, I worked with the public for over 35yrs, so have some experience in dealing with personalities. As for what" I "think will be beneficial to MY child, is ultimatly my goal here. Yes, I have seen first hand, exactly what putting your child on meds does! It either puts them into a state of lethergy or they need more drugs to make them work right! It has also led to the child "doing drugs" as well!! There are people who do whatever they are told, I am not one. I do research and ferret out answers to my questions as well as seek professional advice. And, I will defend my findings and also my decisions!! Yes I wanted feedback, but not when it is given with attitude. I get enough of that in my quest already! I will and am still seeking alternatives to this.......And I will prevail. Thank you to those who were supportive and not judgemental,( you know who you are) who truly know what a mother will do to, not addict her child, just because the social media tells them they should! As you see here I am not a "pied piper" follower, if you get my meaning. To all those mom's who are true in heart, Have a great day !

Kristi - posted on 02/10/2013

Angie--

That sounds like an excellent idea. How is your son doing now? Behavioral therapy can make a big difference when executed properly, consistently and with follow through. 11 medications for a teen sounds awfully excessive! Most adult patients ive ever known (and sadly, thats a lot), with mental health issues are only on 2-4. Good for you for continuing to seek other answers. Best wishes!

Angie - posted on 02/10/2013

My son at one time was on 11 medications in a residential facilty's attempt to control his behavior. I was VERY concerned about the various diagnosis but was told if I didn't comply, insurance would perceive me as not cooperating with medical advice. Well, the meds, all the different ones, several psychiatrists later, a psychiatric hospital stay, and another residential treatment stay, my son is completely OFF all meds now as nothing had changed with his behavior and it was determined by professionals these are his choices and the only way to correct is behavior therapy, consistency, and structure. I'm certainly not saying meds don't help people, but I think sometimes they are too readily handed out trying to mask the real issues.

I recently completed an Elevated Behavior Parenting class which provided some helpful parenting tips. The only way to change the behavior is to change what caused the behavior or change the consequence, good or bad. Try to pick one specific behavior he does and chart when he does it for a week. Let him know you are doing this. After you have charted and let's say he did it 20 times, set a goal for the following week...only 5 incidents are acceptable...if he meets that goal, he can have his phone back. You might be surprised how much he will want to please.

Also see if your school as an online parent portal...if so, get signed up on it and check homework assignments/test grades; if not, be proactive and get the teacher's email addresses; I realized they see hundreds of kids a day, but if they know you are an involved parent, I have never had one not willing to communicate with me on assignments. Best of luck to you :)

Chaya - posted on 02/09/2013

If you put him on Ritalin or Straterra, he will calm down and learn to follow through with stuff.
I don't blame you for opting not to drug a kid up, I don't get why we put our kids on antipsychotics then tell them not to use drugs. (I've seen it happen) I know what mental health professionals think, but I get it from a teenagers pont of view too.
It's a safe bet that as long as he isn't being treated, he's going to fail to follow through, melt down, and fail to do what he needs to do, it's up to you and him.

Kristi - posted on 02/09/2013

Lisa--

You seem to not want to put your son on medication just because someone has suggested it to you, not because you are really worried about the effects it might have on your son. You sound extremely defensive and you attack someone who didn't get outraged at those stupid teachers for even suggesting such a thing.

I just spent an hour trying to find a reference for your statistic about a child/youth taking a prescription medication going on to using harder, illegal drugs. In fact, all the references I looked at, drug use has either remained the same or declined depending on which category of drugs you were looking at. Prescription drugs are being abused by teens but most commonly they are the prescription pain killers and Xanex. Reason being, they are easier to get because they are usually right in their parents medicine cabinets.

According to your original post, your son's behavior is beyond clowning around. Refusing to do homework is not the teacher's fault, destruction of property, completely disrespecting you. You said nothing works, you are at the end of your rope and it sounds like you are dreading the next 4 years.

I would continue to seek out a doctor until you get a conclusive answer. No disrespect, but are you being completely honest about all of your son's behaviors? I know that is hard to do because you feel like they are going to judge you, at least that's the way I felt when I went to counseling with my daughter's half sisters and then years later with my own daughter.

I suffer from mental illness. As much as I hate it, I have to take 7 medications to keep me balanced enough to manage day to day. I have tried more than once to get off any of them but every time we screw with them, I get disregulated and it makes it very difficult for me to function. I used to be on 12. I've been on medication for over 20 years and I've never even smoked a cigarette, let alone done illegal drugs. Sometimes medication can be helpful. Sometimes our brains are just wired a little different. If your son does have ADD or ADHD their are also behavioral therapies available to try, as well. I would suggest setting aside all your preconceived ideas and thoughts and prejudice and go into a new search with an open mind. IMHO, your son does need some sort of help, as do you. Again, no disrespect but you just seem so angry and resentful.

Good luck in whatever you decide.

Madeleen - posted on 02/09/2013

I have daughter (14) who is currently on meds(concerta). It has really helped her a lot to concentrate and litterally to just have the pot simmering and not boiling over all the time. It has also helped her organise her own life and things. I really do think in certain instances medication is a very good thing. You shouldn't just go on the word of the teachers though. Take your child to a professional to ascertain whether meds would in fact make a difference

Shawnn - posted on 02/07/2013

Wow, Lisa...you asked for opinions, but you sure don't like it when you get them. Let's see the "tone" of my response...LOL...that's rich.

You did make it sound like it was you against the world, and that everyone's picking on your "poor baby". All I did was state things that, in my personal experience (in parenting, in being employed in the school district, in interacting with both children and parents on a daily basis, and in my daily work at the University) I have observed. And, having worked with kids who's temperament mirrors that of your son, I've recommended what I ALWAYS recommend: Evaluation and exploration of treatment options.

You never said that you'd had the evaluation done, and that, yes, he probably does have an add issue, or an odd issue...You never said that you're actively working with the school administration...You said that the teachers wanted you to drug your kid so that they could have a “peaceful day”. You said that they purposely withhold information on your son’s progress until it’s “too late” to do anything about it.

I simply gave you alternatives to look into. I did not once tell you that I’m a professional instructor, or an administrator. But I HAVE been around this block a few times, and I do have the practical knowledge that is required. I’m also the no nonsense parent who will more than happily contact any and all of my son’s teachers to make sure he is taking care of his responsibilities.

So, I’ll wish you the best. There are non drugging options, but they don’t always work either.

Lisa - posted on 02/07/2013

Shawn Lively, I am not a Dr. or Teacher (w/ credentials),... Are you a Dr.? Are you a Teacher? I really don't care for the tone in which you offered your advice, however..... My husband and I Have had our son "evaluated", several times but the "evaluations were inconclusive. We are NOT going to do the drug thing because we have done research in that area as well! FYI; Are you aware that your child is more likely to become addicted to drugs once the "helpfull drugs" are introduced to their systems?! I think the % rate is somewhere in the range of 60-73% !! Thats just not good odds in my book. Also, while I did not get a degree in "Teaching", that does not disqualify me as "A teacher", all parents ARE teachers ! I knew there would be those who will always blame the parents, no matter what. And yes I DO KNOW that teachers are not babysitters and they see thousands of faces during the year. I apologise if I gave the impression that I am at odds w/his all his teachers, I am not. I do have issues with one, thats all. You do know that teachers have different personalities also? Well this teacher acts just like a" petulant child", so yes there is my issue. This is the one I have trouble getting a straight answer from. I went to the principal with this as well and WE are working together on this matter. I also have acsess to the schools website and can get all the same information as you discibed. That is how I can see my sons "Lack of responsibility" in his getting work done ! In todays world there are so many people who have been conned into this mindset "that a drug or combination of drugs" will cure anything?! So thats just what most of them will do, go with the flow and take them??? I am not ill informed, I ask questions if nessesary to get to the RIGHT answer,.... But I do know that the same answer isn't the right answer for everyone!!! That's why.... I am here.

Shawnn - posted on 02/06/2013

Um...There truly are some children, and adults as well, who benefit from medications to control their impulsive behaviour.

Have you even had your son evaluated for ANY condition? Trust me, with a 15 and an 18 yo, I know how the technology addiction goes, but a guarantee you that when a "normal" teen has their tech taken away as a punishment, they most definitely DO NOT melt down in the way that you are describing.

Also, the teachers HAVE let you know that your kid is a problem in class. They've notified you. It's now YOUR TURN to take charge. Do you realize that, in your average middle school, a teacher sees anywhere between 150 and 200 students a day? Do you really think that, at that level, the teachers have the time to individually contact the 50-75 parents of troubled or "problem" students on a daily basis? The short answer to that is NO, they don't. They've appraised you of the situation with your son, and it is up to YOU to continue to facilitate contact with them, on a daily basis if you feel the need.

Just from what you've posted here indicates that your son may possibly have an attention deficit. And, to be quite honest, drugs don't HAVE to play a part in his treatment. But I would recommend an evaluation!

And, I'd recommend that you start contacting the teachers daily. In our district, we can monitor our students electronically through the school district's portal. I can log in, see my son's up to date grades, which assignments he may be missing, or lacking on, which need to be made up, which were failed, etc. I can contact the individual instructors through there. I can even pay his lunch tab (irrelevant, I know). My son has the same access, and he knows to check it weekly, or daily if he's trying to bring a grade up.

The thing is, like I said, they don't have enough hours in the day to contact everyone every day about every incident. But, they're usually ecstatic when a parent initiates and continues contact. You and your son's teachers should be a team, not a divided group fighting against each other. It is not their total responsibility to follow your son around and nitpick him all day. And, at this point in his development, it's not YOUR total responsibility either. It's a team effort. Your son, you, your husband, his teachers, and his counselor are the main team players.

Your other option at this point is to remove him from school, homeschool him yourself, and hope that you have the patience and skills to mentor him for the next 4 years to at least complete his basic education without the stigmata of "drugging".

All of the rambling aside...I recommend at the very least having your son evaluated for possible attention deficit or occupational disorders.

Rolando - posted on 02/06/2013

Having the same problem my kid. I'm debating weather to get him the med's. I don't know if i'm being a bad parent but at the end it's not about the teachers or anyone else. Our kids are the ones who suffer. If the drug is what's going to help him in school then maybe you should start thinking about it. I am.