I found out today that my 15 yr old daughter is pregnant.

Susan - posted on 05/26/2012

Excellent replies ladies. Very well written and honest answer Kristin. We have the same scenario occurring in our high school band. Same age female and the male is 16/17. My heart aches for them and their lost youth because now they have a big responsibility of a child to raise. And they're going to get married.

I suggest that you ask your daughter why she wants to name a particular one young man at this time? Does she foresee a future with this young man? You may need to ask some tough questions to see if she's facing the reality of the situation such as Kristin has described. Because the reality is he's not her Prince Charming to her Cinderella.

I'm 50 and I have watched this scenario happen when I went to high school several times and each couple that got married due to pregnancy divorced. My parents got married due to pregnancy at 18 and got divorced. My youngest brother-in-law is now getting divorced and he got married because his girlfriend got pregnant 15 yrs ago. I can't think of anyone I know that has stayed married because of getting pregnant. Hence my stance on not going that route at least as a reflex to getting pregnant. We still have two in high school and if this were to happen, we will support them in any decision but marriage at that time. They have been told that too - but have been told that they should first abstain (yep, Catholic); and if they decide that they're not going to wait, then to be responsible and use protection and not just because of getting pregnant but also because of STDs.

I wish many blessings to you and you daughter as you both travel this new road together. And that while it may be confusing and/or difficult at times, that it is also full of blessings and brings the two of you closer together.

Kristin - posted on 05/25/2012

That is a tough one. I was 16 when i had my oldest son who is now almost 16. Their are definately a lot of choices to be made and raising a child as a teenage mother is a very tough road. My parents supported me when I was pregnant and we researched all the available options to us. My family is very catholic so abortion was not an option for me (nor do i believe in it), and we looked into adoption as well. Now at 16 i was young and idealistic and so was my sons father, we decided to keep the baby. I stayed with my sons father until he was 4 than we split and at 20 years old i was a single mother with a 4 yr old. It was hard as I wasnt able to party with my friends and i had to go to school than college and raise a child plus work. However, that being said i would not change a thing. I love my son and by having him at such a young age it taught me how to overcome obstacles i never would have before and how to work harder and be more responsible. I also had a lot of support from my family and i never gave up. I think your daughter really needs to think about if she is willing to make changes in her life and be responsible. As for not knowing who the father is the wisest thing she can do is to be honest and tell them that there is a chance the baby may be theirs and she will more than likely have to do DNA tests and hope the fatehr will be supportive. Also, if your daughter is not ready to be a mother there are a lot of people who are willing to adopt a child. I know I contemplated adoption for my child as I knew a married couple could give my baby more that I could at 16, however i was selfish and wanted to keep my baby. So i worked very hard in school to get a good career and sometimes eneded up working 2 to 3 jobs and school just to make it, and i never could have done this without the support my family gave me, It worked out very well for me as my son is now almost 16 and is an honor role student but we sometimes struggloe with his self esteem as he feels he made my life harder but he didnt having him gave me courage and strength i never would have found otherwise. I hope this helps and i wish you and your daughter all the best

Louise - posted on 05/25/2012

You are right. She can not tell one lad that he is definitely the father if she does not know for sure. This is unfair on him and her. She is going to have to wait until the baby is born and then have a DNA test because if she is wrong her world will turn upside down.

Nice to see a supportive mum on here. She is going to need you more than ever now.

Kristi - posted on 05/24/2012

Good for you for not turning your back. Part of you probably wants to cry for her & what the future now holds and the other part probably wants to give her a good swift kick in the a$$. Right now the main thing is to make sure she gets proper and consistent prenatal care for both her and the baby. Too many times teens get wrapped up in the drama and the emotions and forget about the FACTS. It is time for her to face reality. She is not a care free, happy-go-lucky 15 year old girl anymore. She is now a mother-to-be, responsible for the survival of another person. She doesn't come first anymore (in her world), the baby's needs out weigh hers. No more parties, now it's parenting classes. Spending money...diapers and bottles, not clothes and make up. I'm sure you already got my point. She needs you now more than ever, even if she says she doesn't. You will need every last fiber of strength and patience you can muster to get through this. Don't give up and don't ignore your needs. You're no good to her if you get worn out and beat down. If you feel like you can't get through to her with the cold, hard facts ask for help, maybe someone from Planned Parenthood or a school guidence counselor, possibly a private family therapist. You'll know what feels right for your family.

As for her picking the daddy she wants, that is not fair or morally ok for anyone involved, including your daughter. I'm sure you didn't teacher her that it was ok to lie. This lie will have life long and life altering effects for everybody. Again, make her aware of what those consequences could be and remind her that you did indeed, raise her better than that. The truth always comes out, one way or another. She is better off to start with it than end up trying to explain it all away later, especially to her child.

I'm sorry I didn't offer much more than a little tough love but in the long run, a little of that goes a long way. Remember to take care of yourself, too. It is ok to take time out and have a GNO or soak in a nice bath with a good book. If it gets to be too much just say, I need a break and go somewhere private or for a drive, whatever. You're not walking away from your daughter or the situation, everybody needs down time, a chance to clear one's mind and possibly gain a new perspective. Find a support group for you and your daughter, if she's willing. I really think Planned Parenthood would be a great resource for all kinds of assistance with what you are going through. I wish you and your daughter the best. Obviously I don't know anything else about your daughter but my daughter's older sister (from my ex's 1st marriage) was also 15 when she got pregnant. At that time, she was doing miserably in school, sneaking out, drinking, you name it. We all thought and so it begins again because her mom was 16 when she had her oldest and wound up with 8, didn't finish school, lives off the government and on it goes. Well, as it stands today, "Renee" is now 20, she does have a 2nd child but she has a full time job and her own little apartment. She went to night school to get her GED and is half way home on getting her degree to be an ultra sound technician. She gets help with babysitting from her mom and me. Her grandma bought her a used a car. She still parties once in awhile but she is raising two bright, beautiful children who are loved by everybody who's ever met them. I don't know if that was TMI but I thought it might give you some comfort knowing you're not alone and some hope that your daughter and her baby will do alright.