I have a 19year old son, who is in Uni.

Anne - posted on 09/10/2012 ( 4 moms have responded )

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he doesnt adhere to his curfew hours he talkes alcohol and smokes weed. He is generally a very quiet lad but i gave him an ultimatum to be home early or i wouldnt let him in. He defied me and sent me a text saying he would me late. I called the number he was using (he lost his phone!) but it wasnt picked thus i sent a message saying if he wasnt home at the agreed time then he shouldnt come home. He did that and he came the following day at 10pm with one of his pals, i refused to let him in and told him to go away which he and his friend did. the following night, his pal called me and asked me if my son could come back home. I thought that was very disrespectful, i told the friend (who 18yrs)not to call me again. It has been two days now and i havent heard from my son, am a single parent and I want my son to take me seriously and not think he can get away with anything...help. Do l look for him or stand my ground and let him realise that education is important etc etc

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Edna - posted on 09/14/2012

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I understand u coz I have been in almost the same situation, My advice is please dont chase him away, That age is very challenging, especially their first years in Uni. Pray and love ur son regardless, dont fight him coz u wont win that way. Accommodate him, talk to him nicely, but firmly. U realise u cant really lead life for him. My son is now 23 and we are now best friends ever. At that age it was a nightmare. I just want to assure u that all shall be well, be patient with him and also with yourself. Tell him all the dangers of what he is doing and dont forget to tell him that u love him and will always do, but there are things u can never be able to do for him.U must always remember that every individuals have their inner battle which they are struggling with, your son is no expiation. I dont really think he wants to be like that but its the addiction, U as the Mother is the only person who has that thing, (dont really know what to call it) to fight for and with him. U will win.

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Anne - posted on 09/14/2012

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EdnaThank you, it wonderful to know my son is not an exception, I have read and understood and will try and keep my fears in check and encourage him (most of the time its me yelling!) but again thank you

Anne - posted on 09/11/2012

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Wow, thank you, am so scared something might happen to him out there....he has no change of clothes etc....and will probably get mixed with all his alcohol and weed taking friends and he might come back worse than he was initially. I had an older sis who during her teens my Mom couldnt take it anymore and she threw her out, the next time we saw her! she was dead and couldnt get the clear picture of what had happend whether she had commited suicide or had been killed. I also come from a family who have had issues with drugs and alcohol (though i dont take alcohol myself) but am so scare scared of that happening to my son. Yes i have told him all about this and my fears but all he says when i catch him drunk, is "am not an alcoholic".....joys of motherhood!!

Ail - posted on 09/11/2012

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I think you should say what you mean. Instead of saying "don't call", say "I want my son to call me directly and apologize for being disrespectful. Then we can talk about his options." This way, there is no misunderstanding about your feelings and expectations. He may think you just want to be done with him and don't care anymore, which I know is not the case. You are frustrated with his behavior and want to teach him how to treat you and everyone else, including himself. Best wishes. He may stay away awhile, to punish you, but hopefully, he will come to his senses really soon!

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