i have a 21 yr old daughter wit a baby

Felissa - posted on 07/30/2010

Does she have post partum depression? Maybe feeling overwhelmed and confused about what is expected of her? Do you have family or friends that can be a support system for both you and her ( not necessarily meaning financially). I would suggest sitting down and having a discussion, not a fight and list some obtainable goals for her. Make a list of the things that you expect her to do and the consequences for things that are not done. Make a list of all the agencies in your area that are there to help people in her situation and hand her the phone.

Do have a pastor that maybe you could talk to? Maybe a objective third party to help give advice would be helpful.

I hope that things work out and that she realizes that it is time to grow up and be a resposible mother. Wishing you the best!

Barb - posted on 07/30/2010

I don't know what state you are in, but in Indiana they have a job web page you can go to and see all the jobs that are available through the state and apply for them online. I was 20 when I had my son and when he was 2 months old i started working. It was very hard to leave him but my nearest relative was 500 miles away so i had no choice. Perhaps that's part of the problem, she has a choice. Maybe making yourself less available, which i don't know if i could even follow that advice. I have a step grandchildren which i take every chance i can to watch and take care of but I live 2 hrs from them so that isn't nearly as often as i'd like. Best of luck to you. Find the difference between empowering and enabling.

Tina - posted on 07/29/2010

My daughter is 20 and has 2 girls under 1. She lives here BUT she is going to school FT! When she found out that she was PG for the 2nd one she said she had to do something to support her daughters. So she is going to school to be a Medical Assistant. Your daughter needs more than just a JOB. She needs to be educated so that she can give her child the best life possible! If you and the state are will to help her till she could get through school and get a good job that would give her a chance to be a great provider for her child! Plus, doing something like that would also motivate her to want something better for her and her child than living with her mom! I wish you the best of luck bc I know it is NOT easy!

Louise - posted on 07/29/2010

Maybe she has a cushy home with you and feels no need to get a job. Her age is not an issue here I had a baby at 21 and 24 and I knew the responsiblity of raising children. Where is the father in all this he should be providing too. The best way forward to kick your daughters butt into gear is tell her she has to move out and that she has three months to find a job and somewhere to live. Tell her you are deadly serious and that you will help where you can with baby sitting but that is it. Watch to see if she makes any effort, mark the moveout day on the calander and attract her attention to it. I can not see any other way to get her full attention. Your daughter is 21 she knew what she was doing when she got pregnant. You on the other hand had no choice. I am sure you love your daughter to bits and the new baby but don't do everything for her she has to grow up and take charge of her life. It will be the making of her if she achieves this. She just needs a little push.

Angie - posted on 07/28/2010

She has got to get motivated. She has a child that is depending on her for care. In most states there is a website you can go to that has listings of all jobs in your area. Let her know that getting a job is no longer a choice but a requirement. Have her contact the welfare department and find out how they can help her get on her own two feet. Finally, go to the courts and have the baby's father start paying child support so she'll have a little more money for her child.