I have two teen daughters who fight all the time. How can I get them to stop. It's driving my husband and I crazy.

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Melissa - posted on 11/02/2008

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I have 17year old twins and an 18 year old... and they USED to fight all the time. I started forcing them to spend time together, but out of my range of hearing. I told them that they would continue until they learned how to get along. I would give them projects to go and help a neighbor, something to do at home, etc that required them to work together. It took a little while, but eventually that... along with losing their privileges for fighting..... finally curbed most of it. There is still the occasional squabble, but not like it used to be!! Good luck.... it's too bad kids don't come with their own personal instruction booklet.. that would make it much easier!!!

Melody - posted on 08/01/2012

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Why can't you punish them. They live in your house under your roof. Yes you can punish them
I have 2 girls my oldest just finished college and moved back in she is 23 and my youngest is 15 they fight and are disrespectful to each other all the time. We took my older daughter's car away for the rest of the summer she can get her self to work. I also have given them more chore's to do around the house. My husband and I are both teachers so we are all home during the summer together. we love to go things together but then the girls will get into it and it makes it miserable for us all

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Alisa - posted on 09/09/2012

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So funny,Im dealing with the same thing!I find the weekends are when we find them at each others throats.Perhaps theres more free time on weekends than all of the hussle and bussle of weekdays with school etc.If they have seperate bedroom,you can seperate them.I dont so I remove them from one another.My husband thinks yelling wiil work.I disagree,Id prefer to talk all things through.Sometimes it works sometimes it does not!Its a phase like all the rest.Remind them that Life is so special and can be so short!I do with my girls!Remember mom to have a glass of wine LOL and remember how fast they are growing into beautiful ladies!Good Luck.Alisa

Sumitra - posted on 09/09/2012

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i know how you feel sometimes i feel like i want to just get up and leave. i have 2 teenage daughters and one 20 year old whose comes home from uni in the holidays and a 6 year old all girls. the older two fight constantly they tell each other to die and one calls the other obese ! i try so much to stop them but them im told i take sides. 10 percent of the day they are fine. they have 2 different personalities completely opposite one likes clothes makeup and like to buy clothes and spent my money. the other is cautious the 20 year old of what she buys and how much she spends and therefore tells the other one off for spending and running cirlcles around me.

i have always been an assertive but close mother and i thought i would enjoy my daughters but sadly somedays i sit outside in the car wondering what i will into !!

Jo-Anne - posted on 08/02/2012

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I highly recommend the books by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. They are wonderful! Fighting is a developmental phase, but you can help everybody through it. We help teach toddlers to share and not to pull each other's hair; with teens we have to teach them to problem solve. I find it helpful to empathize with each of them, give them some time, and then have a meeting about some common issues. Also, try asking each of them separately, at a calm time, how they feel about each other. You might be surprised to learn they actually like each other, and that they also like fighting! ;-D

Jennifer - posted on 11/09/2008

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I have girls o 14 and 11 who bicker constantly. You can't leave them in the same room for any length of time without there being a fight. I'm told they will grow out of it but I hope it's soon coz I'm being sent round the bend.

Mona - posted on 11/09/2008

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Hi, I have two boys - 16&17 - they have been fighting since they were about 11 - it´s really getting out of hand - they have broken, door frames, glass doors and many other things. They are strong and I can´t get in between of them. I cannot "Punish" them any more, they are near adults and it is insulting to punish. So what do I do? Talking with them just does not work, and getting them to work together is not possible as they have their own stuff, and nothing in common!!

Keisha - posted on 11/06/2008

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make them spend a lot of time together... punish them for it.. regardless of who starts it... they will try and work together if that happens...

Jennifer - posted on 11/05/2008

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I would have to agree with Robbie. I have 2 daughters 17 & 12 I almost lost my sister about 6 months ago. During this time my daughters were fighting ALL the time. Finally I had had enough and said my sister is fighting for her life and the 2 of you are fighting over clothes. How would you feel if your sister died? It made them stop and think. Sure they still have their fights but now they go to the mall together. They went to a Haunted House and passed out candy with no fighting. It was wonderful!! Good Luck.

Robbie - posted on 11/04/2008

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I know how you feel! My 2 teenage and preteen daughters have the same problem. Tonight I had had enough, stopped them in mid fight and ask them point blank. "How would you feel if your sister died tomorrow and you had to go the rest of your life knowing how nasty you spoke to her just now?" That stopped them immediately and it was over. They just looked at each other and really considered what I had said. No more arguments the rest of the evening. Don't know if this would work for you but it did for me. P.S. - I just had a recent cancer scare that really brought home mortality for my older kids. Reality bites sometimes but it sure wakes you up to what is important in life! Even kids!

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