Terrie - posted on 12/30/2011 ( 330 moms have responded )
My son has been a problem child since he was about 14 or so -- I can't remember the age for sure since it seems like forever. He's punched numerous holes in walls, broken a lot of things, been verbally and physically abusive. We've caught him smoking pot. He's been arrested 5 times for possession & paraphanalia. The courts kept sending him back home to us since he was a juvinile, telling me that if I don't come pick him up I'll be charged with child abandonment.
The last time was a couple of months before his 18th birthday so they charged him as an adult. They were going to send him to a diversion program after he paid a $250 fine and then it'd be dropped from his record. We told him that he'd better look for and try to find a job because we won't pay a penny of it. Of course he didn't, missed his next court date and then recieved a letter from the courts saying that he now has a $1500 fine and a warrant. We won't pay that either. Since he thinks that he's an adult because he's 18 now we've told him that he needs to man up & handle it himself.
Nope, we don't pay for a cell phone, give him a penny nor give him access to our cars. He thinks we're horrible, cheap & lousy parents and says that we don't love him since we've tried to keep him on a short leash. We've tried to for years, taken him to psychiatrists, psycologists, had family counseling, rehab -- You name it. We keep asking ourselves what we've done or are doing wrong. They all say that it's not us and that what we're doing is right -- even his probation officers. We still wonder. We've gone round and round with him. We've written out and given him our family and house rules, had discussions (and yelling matches) about them. He's still disrespectful, calls us horrible names, will do no chores and sneaks out -- sometimes not coming home at all for a day or two.
This last week has been horrible. He was gone for two days at Christmas and was sooo disrespectful and nasty. Unfortunately my mom was here from out of state and witnessed it... mortifiing to me but she really backed me up emotionally thank God.
Yesterday just out of the blue he went off on me, screaming & yelling for at least half an hour. I stayed calm as best as I could, talked to him, tried to calm him down & finally just walked away. A few minutes later as I was doing my hair & getting ready to take Mom to the airport I heard glass break. Our dining room table has - or now had - a glass top over the wood table. It was "an accident" of course. Funny how every time he destroys something it's an "accident"-- A hole in a door, a wall in the bathroom, a lamp, floor fans etc.
Yesterday was my breaking point. I told him to get out. He pleaded with me but I didn't back down. After he left I noticed that he'd been having quite a conversation on the computer.and in the midst of things left it up. He's dealing pot and someone owes him $500. I have no idea where he is and it scares me to death. I packed most of his clothes in trash bags & sat them out on our front porch along with a letter. In the note I told him how much we love him but he needs to straighten out his life. I told him that if he tries to get into the house we'll call the police & possibly file a restraining order. We changed the locks on the doors. That was the hardest letter that I've ever written.
I hope he realizes that we still love him. He's still my baby no matter what but I know that it had to be done. My heart is broken & I'm falling apart. I can't stop crying...