I'm a mom of a soon to be "Teen Mom"

Crystal - posted on 11/08/2009

well i think being the age that she is and fixen to b a mom u have done about all u can do. i know its hard because she is your kid. but she is really not a kid any more. just help her all u can to try and still lead her in the right path, and let her know that u love her very much and will help her in anyway that u can. but also let her know what u two will not stand for and hope that she will do the right thing. and yes when this baby gets her her mind will grow up to. that baby will make a difference in her life it did mind.if u need to talk any time please do.

Brandy - posted on 11/07/2009

I, myself, was a teen mom. I was 14 when I got pregnant and 15 when I had my now 15 year old daughter. Her "sperm donor" was a real piece of work. I was totally in love with him. No matter what my parents said, it didn't matter. I had to figure things out on my own. My parents made me be a mother. I still went to school and my senior year, I had a job. My advice is to be strict. You still have 4 weeks to change things. She is still under age and living in your home. Make sure she realizes that. Maybe just because my parents were hard on me, I give the same advice to you. My parents being that way to me worked out wonderfully. My senior year of high school my mom passed away and my dad went a lil crazy and left. I was a single teenage mom within minutes. If it hadnt been for my parents making me be there and be a mother, I would have had to give my daughter up because I wouldn't have known how to take care of her or how to be a mother. But I did it!! And I am sure if you work hard enough in these last 4 weeks, you will do the same for your daughter.

Gwen - posted on 11/07/2009

I feel your pain. I have two boys that just had babies. 18 & 19. The babies are 16 days apart. I brought both up with values, principles, and morals. I realize that I cannot make my children follow the rules. It is their choice. However it is my choice as to what I choose to put up with. Some choices were and are very difficult. Knowing that the choices I had to make affect not only their life but also their girlfriend and child's lives. So with one of the boys, who was living with us along with his new wife who was 8 months pregant would not get a job and continued using drugs was kicked out of the house. We allowed the wife (18 yrs old) to stay as long as she wanted. She was not doing what he was. But he could not. He had no place to go. He slept in his car in park just around the corner from the house. After a few days they found a place to stay. They hated it. But they made their choice. As did we. He now has a job. Has is own apartment. (this just happened in May of this year). We hated having to do this but he could not live in my home and not support his own family, nor do drugs while staying here. I have a 16 year old still at home. My son and his wife know we love them very much. She comes over weekly. Him not as much. He is still doing drugs. He is not allowed to come over high or drunk. On most occasions he respects that. Our relationship is not as stressed as some would think.

Its a very tough choice to make. However for us it is and was the right choice. They were both required to take responsibility for their choices. Including the pregnancy. We are their for them in every way we can be, as long as it does not compromise our value, principles and morals. They all kow this. Because of this our problems have lessened.

Hope it helps.

Jennifer - posted on 11/06/2009

Hi. I had my first child 3 weeks after my 18th Birthday. My parents told me that I could stay with them for a month after the baby was born and then I needed to get my own place. Fortunately, they helped me with the process and I actually moved out before she was born. Most people viewed this as them being "mean to me", but it turned out to be the best thing that they could have done for me. I became a responsible adult who did not go out and party while my parents were stuck with the child. They offered to help with the baby if she was sick and I needed to go to work, but they did not watch her while I was going out. If she stays at home and receives too much help, then it is very likely that it will happen again. It is also very hard not to be the mommy to the baby once it arrives and could cause a divide between you and your daughter. My parents always supported me emotionally and helped me financially if absolutely necessary. I very rarely ask them for help, even as a single mom now. Like I said, she may think you are being mean, but having her own place and responsibilities is what she will need to become an independent person and mother. She will have to learn the hard way, as I did about the boyfriend. She WILL eventually figure that part out when she is stuck at home with the baby while he is out having fun or playing video games! If you have any more questions or want to talk about it, just send me a message

LeeAnn - posted on 11/06/2009

I was 17 and pregnant, I turned 18, 2 weeks after my son was born. Having my son was my choice, my mom made sure I knew all of my options and supported my decision (emotionally not financially) I did get married to the father of my son, who is a dirtbag - this was something I had to learn on my own. My son will be 18 in Feb, my ex is a convicted child molester and is on the child abuse registry, he is a liar as well. I now see my ex for who he really is and so does my son, but it took time. Make sure she knows you are there for her and her child and you both love her and her child. I love the fact that my mom always stood by me, she was always there for me to talk to, even when she did not agree with me. My mom is my hero and I have a lot of respect for her strength. I am now learning how hard it is to watch your child make choices that I do not agree with and watching him live with his consequences. My son and I now are mending our relationship...... I think the best thing I have said to him " we need to start working on an adult/adult relationship". Best wishes and warm thought are with you.

Michelle - posted on 11/06/2009

Be there for her and try not to burden her with advice. She needs to feel she can do this and have some confidence. I was surprised to hear that you have a curfew for her and it was such a big issue. Being out all night long without word is wrong and scary for you. I understand that. At her age and with what she is going through now it sounds like she needs a transition from being your daughter who is pregnant to a new mother who needs a friend in you. Of course she needs a mother figure too. Try going to classes provided by the community to help young mothers. I went to many when I was pregnant with my first and besides being informative they help show the reality of the situation and get the mother concentrating on the baby and themselves. Invite the boyfriend and see how many times he shows up or rather doesn't show up. That could be a wake up call for your daughter and to see if the boyfriend if on board or not.

Barbara - posted on 11/05/2009

I WAS IN A SIMILIAR SITUATION FOUR YEARS AGO, I FOUND OUT MY THEN 16 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER WAS PREGNANT. I FELT LIKE HER BOYFRIEND WAS NO GOOD FOR HER EITHER, WE HAD THE PROBLEMS WITH HER GOING OUT WITH HIM AND NOT COMING BACK WHEN SHE WAS SUPPOSED TO. I WAS LOST I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO, FELT LIKE I WAS GOING CRAZY. SHE WOULDN'T TALK TO ME OR ANYTHING. I PRAYED, PRAYED, PRAYED. DON'T GIVE UP ON YOUR CHILD, SHE WILL APPRECIATE WHAT YOU'RE DOING. I'M GLAD TO REPORT THAT MY DAUGHTER OPENED HER EYES AND REALIZED TGAT I WAS ONLY LOOKING OUT FOR HER BEST INTEREST. YOU'RE NOT ALONE.... GOD BLESS YOU, STAY STRONG IT'S NOT EASY BUT IT DOES GET BETTER

Janet - posted on 11/05/2009

I am in a similar situation....my 16 year old had a baby Sept. 1 2008, when she was 14.! Her boyfriend was out of the picture for much of the pregnancy, and completely gone by the time the baby was 2 mo old. Over all believe it or not it has turned out to be a good thing. I love being a grandma, as I am sure you will also. Dont worry if initially your daughter seems less then motherly. Mine was not really interested in/attached to Alexa for the first few months , as the whole thing was so new to her.Around the 6 mo mark she really started to come around, and now (14 mo) she is a wonderful loving responsible mom! I am sure your daughter will be a great mom too, just expect to be doing a lot of baby care untill she adjusts. We are fortunate enough to have access to free daycare for Alexa due to the fact that Brittany needs to finish high school (she is now in grade 10). If you look into it you may be able to find a similar program in your area. It is a true blessing as much as I love Alexa it would be difficult for me to care for her full time whilr Brit studies. Congradulations on your new addition,

and best wishs to you all :)

Tracy - posted on 11/04/2009

My daughter waswonly 16 when she had her baby, I was also excited but worried about how she would cope. My grand daughter is now 5 months old and my daughrter is coping well (with some help from mum) If the BF is that bad he will not like the responsibitlity of a child and will probably leave her and the baby and she will be needing your help and support more than ever. I feel the same about my daughter's BF. All I can say is just be there for her and your beautiful grandchild

Patricia - posted on 11/04/2009

I dont know how much help I can be but I was a teenage mom. I know now having him was the best thing I could have ever done and was the best thing I have ever done. His dad and I arent together anymore but it took as much as us getting married to realize what a mistake it was and just slamming myself against the same wall to realize how many mistakes I was making. Just be there mom I know its hard and I know your dissappointed but she is gonna need you and so is that baby. Good luck and I hope the baby is healthy and you all find a way to be happy.

Mary - posted on 11/04/2009

I have not been in your situation, but my sister has. Try and not worry because God will take care of everything if we have faith. Your daughter will need you so try and be strong. I'm sure she will want you to care for her child as much as you can. I would definitely help her as much as you can but be careful and don't let her use you. You can only do so much. Make sure your daughter knows she has to be responsible now. Talk to your daughter and try to have her to see different situations that her bf may not be there for her and her baby when they need him. Tell her you will always be there. You seem like you are a sensitive, caring mother and I am sure that you will handle this situation quite well. You are already concerned and you are preparing yourself for anything that comes your way. You will be fine. I will be praying for you. If you need anyone to talk to feel free to contact me. Friends in Christ.

Katie - posted on 11/04/2009

I was a teen mom. I had my son at 17 and my daughter at 19. If it would not have had a supportive family I NEVER would have made it. I had to learn about my babies dad on my own. He was no good and I just wanted to believe that he would change. He never did. Your daughter will see the light as I did. Be supportive, but make her do the work with the baby. Remind her that her child is her life now and that the baby should always come before her wants. The father sad to say will probably get bored or tired of the situation and disappear.I had to learn from my own mistakes and so will she. I am willing to listen, talk, and share my own REAL life with both of you.

Jeannette - posted on 11/03/2009

I completely agree with the prior post -- be emotionally supportive, but do not enable her by being the babysitter and financier of her child.

Denise - posted on 11/03/2009

I don't have a teenage daughter (or a daughter for that matter), nor was I a teenage mother... however, I believe that our generation are more open as parents with our children than our parents were with us. Being more open and communicative with our children seems to work to our advantage. I think communicating with the kids, treating them with respect, without making demands on them helps them to know that we are not the enemy. Your daughter needs to understand that there are rules everywhere in the world, not just your home. You have rules for a reason, and if she wants to be treated like an adult, then she needs to show that she can be adult about following the rules of the house. Most importantly, when the baby comes, you need to let her do the work. That is her responsibility. She chose to have sex. You also need to make it perfectly clear that you are not a built in babysitter and are not available at all times. If she wants some time to herself, she needs to ask first if you can babysit. If you can't, you need to tell her you can't. Let her find out what life is really like with a baby. Life is the best lesson for her. You don't have to make it more difficult for her, but you certainly don't have to make it easy for her either. She has to live with the consequences of her decisions. That's part of being an adult! Good luck to both of you! and may God bless your family!

Michelle - posted on 11/03/2009

When your daughter has her own child, she will realize the responsibility and maturity that she will need to be a mother. She may or may not realize her BF irresponsible behavior right now, but when it comes to him being responsible, either he will be responsible and blow you away, or possibly the opposite.
Regardless, you are going to be a mother forever and now get to be a grandmother. I really believe that your daughter will realize what is of importance and that is her unborn child. Best of luck to you!!!

Beth - posted on 11/03/2009

As a teen mom myself I pretty much went through exactly what your describing as your daughter's experiences. All I can suggest is to support her decision whatever it may be. We all learn from our own experiences, yes as kids we listen to what our parents have to say but it is part of our growing into adulthood. My daughter is now 15 and I was 15 when I had her. It was tough but with family support I was able to graduate high school with my class. I am married to her father and we have three more kids. He was not making the best decisions as a teen and my parents hated him, now as adults they respect him and know he can be counted on if ever needed. Try to talk to her see why she isn't answering the phone. She is seeing herself as an adult and expects to be treated like one which is probably why she doesn't come home at curfew. I'm not saying it is ok that she is not following your house rules I just think some serious honest discussions need to take place. She is too far into her pregnancy for you not to know where she is, it is just not safe. I hope after you read this you take something positive from it and I pray for you and expanding family. God Bless

Anndrea - posted on 11/03/2009

Sweetie what i'm about to suggest to yo may sound funny but...

I myself was a teen mom @ 16yrs old. so i know what she's going through, and I know how you and her dad feel. My parents were so supportive not so much about me being pregnant, but the baby that was coming. Believe it or not, this is still apart of God's plan for your family! Like you said your daughter's not a bad kid, so embrace this. Give her the help cause she's gonna need it. Funny but this is when she's gonna need you all the most. Because trust me once the baby gets here and the daddy wants to spend time with her and she can't because of the babies needs, he's gonna start to move on. Sad to say that because she's really gonna be hurt behind this, but you guys as her parents will be there to help her get her life back on track. Let her know that this is not the end of the world, but a new begining of her life. When you have a child, you never know whom you are raising. I feel good things about this, and you will too. Don't put too much thought into this boy, focus on your daughter and the baby. Her eyes will see your support and love, and she will thank you for being there when she needs you the most. I thank God everyday that my parents helped me back then. Keep on praying to God and ask him daily for guidance on this. And if you don't mind, i'm gonna pray for you and your family for love, understanding, strength, and wisdom to make it through not just today, but everyday. John-16:13 says- Howbeit when he, the Spirit of truth, is come,he will guide you into all truth: for he shall not speak of himself; but whatsoever he shall hear, that shall he speak: and he will show you things to come.



It will be okay!!!! Anndrea

Lisa - posted on 11/03/2009

Hi, My daughter got pregnant at the age of 14. No where near old enough to have a baby. What could I do get mad, that wasn't going to fix it. I supported her and every way I could. By the time we found out the father was already out of the picture plus I had called the police on him for being in my home when I wasn't there. This was after I gave him about 10 warnings. He was using my daughter. My daughter is now 16 almost 17, I am raising the baby. She has a lot of health problems. Pulmonary lung disease on top of epilepsy. My plate is full with having all of my children home except 1 and raising a grandbaby. There are 7 in my household and I am the only one cooking, cleaning, giving baths, and giving medicine and on top of that working a full time job so we can have insurance. My other daughter also has a bum boyfriend which we cannot get rid of. He won't work or do anything to help. I am not hard on her because last December her son was born stillborn. Which thank goodness was not this boyfriends baby. But since she had lost little Will she thinks Calvin that is his name is all she has. He is mean and abusive. I am still working with my daughter on this. All I know is be there for your daughter and love that baby, you never know what could happen. Our lives have been turned upside down this past year and if I could do anything to change it I would. I am so thankful for my grandbaby Haven, sick or not I have her and I will do whatever it takes to keep her well. This may not be the advice you are looking for but I thought I would share this with you. Also my 16 year old has a really smart mouth also, they think they know everything and I believe the temper tantrums are worse than a baby's. I have learned to ignore her and walk off. I refuse to talk to her when she is in that mood. It don't take long for her to come up to me and tell me she is calmed down and really needs me to talk to her. I then listen. We are all lost at one time or another and not sure which way to turn. Just listen to your heart and say a little prayer and it will come to you.

Davie - posted on 11/03/2009

prayer woman!! ill be praying for you...i cant imagine being in your situation, my daughter will be 13...but @ your daughters age thier isnt much anyone can do but pray..and hope she makes the right decisions when it comes to her and the baby

Ulanda - posted on 11/03/2009

Keep your head up girl, my daughter had her son at 17, he was a complete suprise to all of us, I had two days to get his stuff ready, and boyfriend was pits, dump her same day, it's been a year, he is a happy healthy ,busy baby. her and boyfriend are done he was very disrespestful to her and us, but if you try to tell her she won't listen she will have to learn on her own, she knows you are in her corner , try not fight to hard, she will come to you when she has had enought , e-mail me anytime ulransom@aol.com

Jamie - posted on 11/03/2009

I was a teenage mom at 16. Fortunately for me and my child, her father and I were already engaged to be married AFTER I graduated high school. The pregnancy just sped things up a bit. I was very firtunate to have his support as I continued high school and recieved my diploma. Granted, it wasn't easy taking care of myself, the baby, a husband, and school, but I did it. Graduating was my ultimate goal. I have also been a single mom before. I went through pregnancy and already had two daughters by this time. I can say that from my expereince, if the relationship between the father and you daughter is a decent one, it is important for her to have his support, whether (as a parent), we like it or not. Mentally and emotionally, she needs as much support as possible. She needs positive words said to her and to know that she is loved more than anything. We may not always agree with our childrens actions, but just knowing that you love her and supported her is something that she will never forget and with that said, she will more than likely want to make sure you have a strong relationship with the baby. This is a blessing for you hun. I realize this is hard times, it isn't going to be easy for either of you. Just keep looking out for her and the babys best interest. By the way, you mentioned the father has a warranty out for his arrest? If this is a serious matter, maybe he should doo his time after the baby is born. Let me know how things go for you and your daughter please. God bless!

Stacy - posted on 11/02/2009

Well, Liz. I was a teen mom and I don't know if you were I have not read your profile, but I remember how rebellious I was and that got me in a girls home. i am not saying that this is an option, but hey she is almost 18 and I am sure there are places in which you can get some help some organization that will help your daughter as an unwed mother, I mean it seems that you and your husband have done the best you could and now it may be time for her to face a hard fact that doing what you want will be harder without the help of your parents. This is what you may have to face as well, she is needing a real hard smack of reality and you would think that getting pregnant would have done it.But in all honesty sometimes you have to cry in order for the ones you love to feel what you feel. Girl, I feel for you I am not in your place but I myself have a teen daughter that is on the brink of destruction and I call it all" cummed" up.The boy she is dating has clouded her mind and we fight all the time because well, I am the enemy now. But as I told her last week when she came home high, I will take your shit and put it at his door or wherever he is staying and you will see who loves you and is there for you, I did and she returned in tears..Momma knows best because I have been there. Stay strong and bite the bullet and let her see the harsh realities of being grown, with a child and a boy who has no clue and she will return to you open to change..Good luck and I am here if you need someone more to talk to. Good luck Girlfriend and I wish you and your daughter the best.

Robin - posted on 11/02/2009

Hopefully when the baby comes he will realize what a big responsiblity it is and will leave your daughter alone. Try to stick to your rules (your house) and be as supportive without doing it for her. She will be considered an adult very soon and once that baby is in ther arms, she will see things differently. All you want is the best for your kids, she will prob feel the same way when her baby comes.



Good luck!

Angela - posted on 11/01/2009

Nothing is harder then seeing your child make a mistake that you can't fix. You love them and want them to be safe and make all the right choices. However, what we tell them and no matter how much we pled with them one day they go out and do what they want. Soon your daughter will be 18 and have her own child. She most likely thinks that she knows whats best for her and her baby. Just remember you spent the last 17 year raising her to make the right choices and being a good mother, now she has to start being the mom and she is going to use some of what she learned from you and she is going to use some of her own ideas. All you can do is love her and be their when she needs you. And she is going to need you more then ever very soon. I can't tell you what is the best move to make right now. I can tell you that at the age of 16 I had my first baby and my mother was there for me every step of the way (the babys father was not).Things worked great for a year after I had the baby my mother let me live as though I was an adult and make my own choices. I cares for my baby and she helped me when I was in need. One day she said my way or leave and I left. It took me two years and another child to see my mom was right the whole time. So is teaching your daughter to grow up and see the light worth losing her and your grandchild for a short amount of time or do you want her close so that you get to share the moments of your grandchild and daughter growing up together. And just maybe you can find that right in between spot that so many of us never found.

Sinead - posted on 11/01/2009

i havent been it that place my mum has. trust me 1 day she will relise what he is really like and you need to stay on her side the best you can until that happens because when it does she will need you so just try and keep the comunacation as open as you can and be there when it counts and it will make all the difference in the world to her

Jennifer - posted on 11/01/2009

I was a teenage mother. and now my daughter is 14 yrs old. As scary as this whole thing is and as much as you just want everything to be ok ; im sorry to say its out of your hands.. in her mind shes grown. If she lives with you and expects you to help her when the baby gets here then she has to understand that there are rules. and if they are to be home at 11p then she must obey those rules. you will be the only true friend she has and she will realize that this boys life is not going to hault like hers will, and shes gonna be hurt and need you even more.. just dont take over. she needs guidance. dont be the grandmother raising the grandchild while your daughter has continued to be a teenager and go out every weekend. the best thing i can suggest is to pray for strength and guidence and most of all patience. good luck

Denice - posted on 11/01/2009

I am in a similiar situation, my daughter just turned 17 and she is pregnant. Her due date is 12/05. She has a great support system like your daughter does....well her bf or baby's dad is very lazy....he is constantly lying about what he has for the baby such as car seat, etc. But we find out later it isn't true.....I tell my daughter like I would tell your daughter, never give a person your all at such a young age. I pray for her to be a strong person and she has shown a lot of signs that she has that strength. Be patient and pray... your daughter is listening to you, I was a young mom and I learned the hard way.....the grass wasn't green at all....I didn't want her to be a teenage home and tried hard to make it different for her than it was for me.... but it didn't work out that way. Hold your head up, pray, and know one day it will get better

Elizabeth - posted on 11/01/2009

Ok, she just came home. She is sorry and is trying to get on my good side, I can't give in. I don't want argue with her, but she needs to know. i will wait I guess and talk to her tonight......Also her bf has a warrant for his arrest. Another bill he won't take care of let alone the charges...

Elaine - posted on 11/01/2009

Elizabeth

been their done that.... i had rules and they needed to be fallowed she did not like it ether. As long as they live in my house its my rules....(once they turn 18 they are an adult in the eyes of the law...) so have your curfew and rules for helping out and don't be a carpet be strong.... she needs to be the mom and you be the dotting grandma.... its hard. my abby moved out when she was 18 and latter said she wished she just fallowed the rules and stayed home .... soon as the baby came that dead beat dad just left her and my grandson is now almost 4 and she got less then 300.00 she only got that because they put him in jail.... and he has Never seen him..... sad i know.... our girls learn the hard way it seems... but be strong and stick to the rules she may leave but she will also be wiser ..... we can tell our kids and show our kids but its up to them to learn.... my abby is doing good now days....We do need to help our kids but as they turn 18 its a give and take.... (respect) they need to have it and show it.... earn it.... we like to protect them as much and as long as we can... as i alway say for every action there is a reaction and kids need to understand and learn it..... so hang in there... =)

Elizabeth - posted on 11/01/2009

Thanks for the response....The sad thing is, is that she is not a bad kid, just got mixed up with the wrong people. I know she is going to need me, I was 18 when I had her and her sister and had no one to help, my husband had to work all the time. I will be there no matter what. SHe is also finishing her class soon, graduate first semester.... I am proud of for working so hard at that, that was he plan before getting pregnant, and she will be attending cosmetology school sometime this spring or summer....

Debbie - posted on 11/01/2009

Hang in there. When the baby comes she will be so wrapped up in all the baby needs from her that she hopefully won't have time for anything else. She's going to need you when tha baby comes, and she should be getting pretty tired if she's due in 4 weeks. So I would say to just be there for her and be patient. Good Luck and let me know how things work out.