I'm scared!

Nicola - posted on 02/17/2009

I have a 13yr old son too & it's nothing to be scared of at all.My son is really good luckily and as long as you set them definate boundaries(although they will be challenged) then you won't go far wrong.Most of all keep the lines of comunication open as it's now with all the raging hormones he'll appreciate knowing he can come to you with anything xxx

Shelly - posted on 02/16/2009

Becky,

  Okay stop take a deep breath...can you say "Hormones" he's body is going though alot of changes at this time in his life and just doesn't know how to handle it.  One suggestion is get together with his teacher and see if she will work with you on turning in his homework.  Even if it's just something as simple a home work journal she will sign off if he turns in his home work and you sign off if it's put in his folder to be turned in.  As far as him complaining about doing every thing oh yea been there done that and how I cured that is I made ours do everything for two days and they figured out really quick that no they didn't do as much as what they thought.  The trick to this is telling them in advance that this is what your going to do...As far as sleeping alot yes they do seem to sleep alot more at this age all the way through thier teen years.  Part of it is they grow more now that any other part of thier lives not just physical growth but mentally and hormonaly.  Now is a good time for his dad to step in and take over the main roll of parenting.  As much as we love our boys we are not equipted to deal with teen boys feelings.  The reason I say this we are not boys never have been never will be.  Yes we have been through the same things as our sons but we have never had that blast of testosterone pulsing through our bodys and can not understand what they are feeling.  Dad has been there and would be better equiped to explain to him what is going on with him is normal but you need to work out a plan to deal with his feelings.  Dad needs to try and be there when your son is feeling over whelmed.  Right now dad/son time is important just tell dad that he needs to try and remember what it was like when he was this age....Yes I know i'm asking alot my hubby can hardly remember yesterday...Tee Hee Gotta love um...just stay consistant with him follow through is very important at this age also.  And no mom I'm not telling you to completely back off just don't be the main disciplinarian.  Do not be the main one that trys to solve his problems.  Make a plan with your hubby before you try to do any of this.  B/c he needs to know what kind of plans you to can agree on.  Time to renforce your parenting team...

Becky - posted on 02/16/2009

Thanks for all the advice. To answer the question of what problems I'm having with my son, he gets Ds in school and throws temper tantrums whenever I ask him to do ANYTHING. He thinks he is picked on. He always says "why do I have to do everything?" when in reality, he does next to nothing. He blames his bad grades on his teachers-- "I turned in my homework, but my teacher said I didn't." etc. He has a cel phone and video games, but he doesn't seem to care if I take anything away from him. He was a real nice kid, seriously right up until he turned 13 last summer! Sometimes I wonder if he needs anti depressants because he isn't as social as he used to be, he sleeps a lot and just seems unhappy a lot of the time...

Regina - posted on 02/16/2009

Scared of what? Girl 13 is another number. Don't be showing any signs that your " SCARED", these kids tind to act on that behavior. Just think back when you were a teen and how you felt! Be active in your teens life get to know there friends, welcome them like your own. Make your house a safe comfortable, respectful place for your child to lounge. That way you'll have lot's of control and insite on what and who your child is involved in/with.

Shelly - posted on 02/16/2009

Becky,

  Don't be scared,  we all were once new moms to teens too!  All you can do is so the best you can 90% of parenting is common sence. and 10% pulling from other parents that have gone before you.  The biggest thing is making dure that you have establish the fact that you are thier parent not thier friend.  They have plenty of friends they only have one mom.  And just remember that your first one is always your experimental  child you find out what works and what doesn't with your first and  fom the looks of your profile picture you are going to be going throught the teen years for awhile.  Just remeber as they grow every ones of them will be different...But most of all alot of prayer trust me you will bw calling out to the Lord alot with your first one....So please just enjoy these last few years that you have left to shape him into a productive young man it passes oh to soon....I hope I have helped withyour fears just remember that you too once was a teen,  And now is an important time for dad.... 

Pati - posted on 02/16/2009

Hi and Wow, it looks like you have your hands full. Dont be scared you will learn to deal with teenagers. Keep the lines open with him and keep the rules clear. Keep having fun with them and making family time something of a ritual. I think staying involved both by having family time and being involved with their sports or hobbies is a big key to having smoother teen years. This is a great forum if you run into challenges.

Nancy - posted on 02/16/2009

My son turned 13 in January. I also have 16 and 14 year old girls. I am very fortunate that my kids are well behaved. I love my teens. They are so much fun. We laugh and play and joke around with each other. I know so many parents who struggle with their teens, but so far, other than NORMAL attitude issues, we have been lucky.



Are you having particular struggles with your son? Do you have specific questions? I would be happy to talk about things with you.



Nancy