I need Help!!! My 17 year old daughter is out of control. No matter what I do she rebels I could say smoke and she wouldn't don't know what to do!!!

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Laurie - posted on 01/08/2013

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I said goodbye to my 17 year old this morning. She is going to North Dakota to live with her stepfather (my husband) who is working in the oil patch for recessionary economic reasons. He comes home once a month. I think there is a reason that children are supposed to have two parents because otherwise some kids just wear a single parent out. My daughter is not using drugs or promiscuous but she is very disrespectful to me. She thinks she can live under my roof and not have any rules or responsibilities. When I try to impose any kind of order, she tells me how awful and screwed up I am. If I show anger, I am "bi-polar." When I am calm, I am "too programmed." She "hates" me, all her friends "hate" me (I am sure they get a one-sided view), etc. Everything that happens to her is somehow my fault. The daily drama got to me so I said if you want to live here you have to respect some rules and me. She called my bluff and said she wanted to go live with my husband whom she can wrap around her finger. Rather than give an inch, she elected to leave her high school her last semester of her senior year, leave her friends, her hometown and move to a very small town and high school in North Dakota. I gave her multiple chances to backtrack and get out of it but she did not take any of them. Where did my sweet daughter go? I used to think we had a pretty good relationship. I don't know who this person is. Over the years, I have always been there for her, spending all kinds of time and any money I had to make her life better. I would do anything for her. But now I am enemy #1. I was heartbroken watching her leave but I did not know what else to do. I don't know when she will want to come back to visit. Perhaps, the real world will teach her something I failed to do?

Barbara - posted on 01/08/2013

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La Vette,
Thank you for your kind words. We are all struggling here, me included. Teenage girls (I don't have boys, may be they are challenging too?) are so hard to parent, sometimes harder to love that when they were little because they get so mouthy and disrespectful. Sunday my daughter was sweet as pie, 'hey mom, lets have a movie night together'. Yesterday, back to the teenage 'I HATE you! You are SOOOOO annoying!' I try to keep my reactions under control, but there are DAYS when I wonder if I'm crazy - or is SHE crazy? Neither, just the struggles of a parent who wants to keep her safe to become an adult, and a kid who thinks the precipice of adulthood means she can say whatever comes to mind. I try to remember when she has a volatile reaction to something that she is basically reacting to her stage in life and not really what or who I am. Tough one. I simultaneously want to have her grown and gone (to college), and at the same time want to hang on to her last few years of 'childhood' with all my strength. We all struggle, teens included, in the phase of childhood and I guess it's preparation for them to fight battles of their own in the 'real' world. My prayers are still with you.

Colleen - posted on 08/20/2010

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i so can relate im going through it mines 16 im ready to kick her out i don t no what else to do

Christie - posted on 10/21/2013

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can someone please help me my 16 yr old daughter is out of control. smoking marijuana in my house when im at work with grown men in my house,had to leave work several times when the manager called me about the music and found all this going on ,the men looked like gangsters..i was furious went biserk then she left and didn't come back till the next night. shes ditching school, high all the time ive thrown away so much marijuana remnants from her room and marijuana, she thinks shes grown, shes disrespectful and im about to kick her out.i have tried everything she has been in juvenile hall three times once for armed robbery..got off probation and there was no more help for me, I put her on the bus to school and she just detors now they are talking about fining me? I take her phone she don't care. she lies about her age to grown men she was half naked when I walked into my house the other day and found a party going on ..she had no remorse....ive really had it, money is missing from my room.

Sabrina - posted on 03/09/2009

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Its a shame what kids have to go through now-a-days. They drive us crazy with the way they act, dont want to listen and lie's all the time. But then you have to wonder what kind of peir pressure they are under. i just dont know anymore, I wish i could protect her and keep her out of trouble all the time but i cant, they wont let you, they think they are all grown up so what do you do???????????

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Ericka - posted on 05/08/2014

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I can't tell you all how comforting it is to have found this site. The comments posted about the struggles of parenting a teenaged daughter mirror our own situation and it's so nice to know we're not alone!

Julie - posted on 03/04/2014

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Wow, relieved I don't have to suffer alone. My 17 year old daughter, soon to be 18 is also uncontrollable. Today she called me fking scum, normally it's fking bitch and so on. I've had it. She went to her dads to live a couple weeks ago, but just comes in my house, eats, changes clothes every now and than and leaves. She has no respect for me, my home, her brother, teachers, and so on. But her father thinks shes an angel. I've tried to get him to help with her behavior, but he sat right next to her last summer while she cussed me out and he did nothing. So I'm in a loosing battle. After the scum comment today, I've decided to clean out her room and not allow her to come back into my home without permission until she respects me, my home and outside of the home. It's caused me so much stress and I can no longer deal with the pain. I too have done everything for her. My son is in college and is ashamed and embarrassed by his sisters behavior that he too no longer wants anything to do with her. I feel I have no choice, but to cut her off until she realizes what she has done. Tough love is soooooo hard.

Candie - posted on 12/11/2013

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i got 16 year old and she is upset calling me names and stuff cause her daddy spoiled her and move out and left her in my care and so now she yelling and callling me names. he doesnt care she giving me hell

Marjorie - posted on 12/11/2013

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You're pretty stuck with your home situation.you absolutely must do family intervention.shes way past the point of reasonable negotiation and you've got to save her and yourself.gather family and friends.you need support hugely darlin.best wishes.

Marjorie - posted on 12/11/2013

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Sweetie you're inde trouble.its gone too far.you absolutely need professional help.she need intervention and rehab.time for tough love honey.good luck.

Ryca - posted on 11/07/2013

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Very good point. I didn't even think of that. I think you're on to something there. I guess it just surprises me that they know that 18 isn't all that it's cracked up to be.

Barbara - posted on 09/10/2013

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Natalie,
Your daughter is not equipped to love you the same as you love her - she's still very much a kid trying to 'grow up'. As far as Grandma is concerned - have you posted a message on Facebook? My daughter lives by her facebook and instagram on her ipod.

You need to take a strict role with her, but passively. I would change the locks on the doors or have them re-keyed so that she can't get back in just anytime she decides to show up. I know this may be a little expensive - around $75.00 per door, plus new keys for you and your hubby, but it would stop her in her tracks when she 'drops by to refuel'. All kids need to have a clear understanding that living within a family unit has rules and standards. If she comes drunk - send her back where she came from, if she can't keep a civil tongue, tell her to leave. At nearly 18, it's time she faced the music and stopped using your home for a crash pad and your family for target practice. Life in the fast lane has consequences, and don't think I don't know how hard this will be to do. I have had to call the police on my daughter three times. Once, due to her outrageous and destructive behavior, the officer had to put her in handcuffs. This happened in the driveway of our home in front of neighbors and me. It broke my heart. We remember the time when they were babies, I remember singing to her as I diapered her little bum, staying up all night to weather her through a back head cold and bathing her in a luke warm bath when she was feverish. I remember the many times I helped with her homework at the kitchen table and have driven her and her girl friends all over town looking for the 'right' dress for an event.
I remember the time I brought flowers and balloons to a school assembly because she was on the honor roll for the second time! We remember all of these tender and loving memories - the time she screamed and cried all night because something frightened her - a bad dream. Took the flash light and checked the closets, under the bed - you know the things you have done for her, and she remembers some of them as well. Patience is a good thing, and we all want to have patience with our kids, but rules and standards for conduct are just as important. Set the standard and don't back down - stay firm and resolute with a gentle spirit and a calm demeanor. 'Sorry honey, I can't let you come in when you are drunk - you can't stay here if you are going to be disrespectful - you can't come and raid the fridge any time you want and take no responsibility for your actions. Straighten up, clean up your act, get your diploma or GED and replace your hateful words with respect and then you can come home.' I have banned three of my daughters friends from our home - one using ??? drugs (probably marijuana - passed out on our front lawn), another sneaked into our home without my consent and slept in my daughters room (in the CLOSET thought I wouldn't see???) The third lies repeatedly to me AND her mother - telling mom she's at my house, but she never showed up - heaven only knows where she goes. My daughter was outraged that these friends are barred from my home - too bad! They broke my rules - I won't accept any responsibility for them and I call their parents every time they show up. You may need to do something like this as well. I know my daughter still see's them at school, but they know I'll call their mom's or dad's if they show their face at my house. My daughter is not allowed to visit their homes either, as I suspect one of the mom's has a drinking problem. We need to take a firm hand, but a gently guided hand with love and set the boundaries and then cement them so the kids know that if they chose to cross them, they will not have the freedoms, privileges and 'soft life' they've been living. Hope this help - I pray everyday for my teen daughter and all teenagers - I know it's a tough phase of childhood, but we lived through it and came out the better for it, and I pray they will too.

Connie - posted on 08/24/2013

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Most of the times when I read some rather personal rants in any of the social media, I often wondered, what was the motivation of the person posting it. Is it validation, revenge or just venting? Now I find myself in the situation where I have this ugly feelings just bottled up inside wanting to explode.
I am an old fashioned, antiquated, strict, paranoid, weirdo, annoying, crazy bitch, psycho Mom according to my daughter. And yes I guess I am guilty. I am the kind that wants room clean, help with the dishes, mop kitchen, do your own laundry, do your best at school, help your family. Also I expect the “normal” social behavior like if you are going to a friend’s house, I rather drop you off and meet the parents or adults in the house you are staying, get their numbers to keep in contact. If going to an event please stay out of the dangerous area, keep in touch and I pick you up. Too much? I don’t think so!! In return you get a room to sleep, maybe not the fanciest clothes and gadgets but decent enough to keep up with the times, food, a pet and a loving family including grandmother. I think is a good deal, but my daughter does not think so and the pain this clash has brought into our lives for the past (at least) 3 years has become unbearable. I have suffered the fear and anguish of the not knowing where is your runaway teen daughter, her drunken rants and insults plus her asshole boyfriend influence so many times that I had stopped hurting by now. I am ashamed of her behavior and as well as mine. I have not always reacted well to the situations and attacked back, and taken away privileges like phone and internet access (not ashamed of that). But what I think is the lowest point in our relationship is now, after Saturday when she said she was not going to leave again, she left!!. After weeks of incessant partying with her homies, stopping by the house with indifferent attitude just to eat and rest to leave for days again not saying where, as usual. But she knew I was going to be out (I spent a day away with my husband relaxing visiting friends and gran daughter) and I thought she stayed home. Little did I know that when I came back home she is nowhere to be found and my Mom in her room on the floor after she suffered a fall. There is really nothing anybody could have done to prevent it, even the life alert system we have for her didn’t help, but it would have been nice if grandma got help before I arrived. Turns out grandma had a “silent” heart attack and is now in the hospital in ICU waiting to get better.
The drop that spilled the cup: I sent several texts to my daughter’s friends I know could get in touch with her asking to let her know her grandma is in the hospital. I also left notes at the door in case she came back to “refuel” ….no answer. It is now 2 in the morning, Monday, and no news from daughter. I can’t believe partying with her friends is more important than grandma, I know is more important than me, but grandma? And to know my mom could leave us any time with her last memories of my daughter acting like a street kid, completely against all the morals and principles she instilled and upheld in her family saddens and angers me. I can’t say I will never forgive her but if feels like I could never will. The love and incomparable joy God gave me granting me a daughter is as big as the pain of her not loving me the same.

Marie - posted on 04/21/2013

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Wow I have been in turmoil over the last couple weeks with my 17 year old daughter,so grateful to have found this page,that I am not the only one so confused and distrought by the behavior of my child, that I have always done nothing but sacrafice,and help and try to inhance her life any way possible.I 'm far from perfect,there is no handbook on perfecting raising childran so we strive to do what we think is in their best interest.but now at 17 she believes that she is pretty much an adult now and can do as she pleases ,totally direspectful to me ,where she would never have been like that in the past ,it came out of nowhere ,her whole personality has changed and did I mention it started when she began dating a 20 year old! (she will be 18 in 3 months) and all of a sudden I am her #1 enemy! I am her Mom and refuze to act like a friend ,to let her do whatever she wants!But I keep thinking I am the crazy one,she just wanted me to cuddle her the other day and now she can"t wait till she is 18 to get as far away from me as possible !who stole my daughter and left me this stranger? I cannot pray enough,there is so much power in preayer ,I know,but I cannot help feeling such sadness and dispair,like what did I do so wrong ,when and why is this happenng

Laurie - posted on 01/08/2013

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Barbara,

Thank you so very much for your posting. I am struggling today to come to grips with what could be much more than a temporary separation (it is not quite like sending her to camp for the summer). I was not a perfect mom but it was not from lack of trying. Maybe I tried too hard. I guess if I could say anything to you about your situation it would be--be careful. Before Xmas, I thought my daughter was difficult at time but I had no idea that our lives could change so quick. The original event was not that significant but it kept growing. I think she was using it as her Waterloo and I was clueless as to what was really happening. I was preparing myself for her going away in six months to college but I wasn't ready for her leaving today. So, next time you have a confrontation with your 15 year old, hesitate a minute before you act. Think about my situation. Decide if what you are trying to get her to do is worth possibly losing her. It may well be as I believe there must be some boundaries set for children but just think about it a little more first so that you are prepared for any and all consequences. God Bless.

Barbara - posted on 01/08/2013

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Laurie,
This has to be the hardest day of your life. If she chose to leave everything of value behind her, including daily contact with her friends, her pain level has to be enormous as well. At least you both had the option to send her to dad and her separation from him could be contributing to this situation as well. I think we all try to do the best we can with and for our kids and maybe a few months with dad will help her see the light of day.
My daughter is 15 and when I get upset about something - I'm 'controlling'. When I want something done 'now' as opposed to 'when she gets around to it', I'm a 'neat freak'. She claims her friends hate me too, but they don't demonstrate this when they are over, and are friendly and considerate to me. I've been told the teen years are incredibly difficult for the kids, trying to separate from parents, yet feeling unprepared for adult life, wanting to embrace the 'freedom' of being and adult, scared of the consequences if they mess up. I vaguely remember those feelings when I was a teenager, replaced by work, responsibility, some hard knocks, love, loss, pain, dissatisfaction. They know the world is a tough place and are struggling to find their own sense of identity, their own personal values (as opposed to the ones we try so hard to instill in them), wanting mom, not wanting to NEED mom, be their own person - it's a battle and my daughter also deflects her feelings of inadequacy to them by reflecting them back to me. They seem to have a misunderstanding that life doesn't begin at 18 with the 'adulthood' label. The journey is what happens through all of this and our responses to challenges that sets our course. You have done the only thing that she will give you room to do right now, even if this means sending her away. Time and separation may bring her back into your arms, keep the faith in her and the love you have for her uppermost in your mind. She may thank you for this in the months or years to come, and in the mean time, heartbroken for sure, at least you will have some peace knowing you did the best you could. My prayers are with you and your daughter.

La Vette - posted on 11/29/2012

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Thank you Barbara for helping me to see what I have been doing wrong. I am sure that my daughter is feeling that way and rightfully so. IT IS HER TIME TO SHINE . i have been so busy dealing with drama until I could not see it. I am taking your advice.

Thanks for sharing. You are a Jewel>

Barbara - posted on 11/25/2012

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I know this is very hard for you right now and understandably so. It may be that she needs a few days to get her head together. I know my daughter has threatened to run away 'stay with grammie or my friends' and it scares hell out of me. I guess the only thing I can think of is to give her a call every day, remind her gently how much you love her and miss her, don't pressure her into coming home just yet and give her time. One of the toughest emotions to endure (as my daughter told me) is the feeling she hasn't measured up, she feels guilty for making me angry or upsetting me and she says the best thing I can do for her is to reassure her first, then leave her alone to work through it. Maybe this is how your daughter feels right now, guilty about her behavior with you and upset because she knows you love her so much. Time may not heal all wounds, but it does make it easier to get through all the conflicting feelings of anger, resentment and guilt. Tough it out for the time being and give her the room to cool off and work through things on her own. At 17, she's not a baby anymore and she can do it. Don't mention dad or his garbage, it will only be another wedge between you. Even if he's a jerk, he is still her father and she must have some tender feelings for him. My prayers are still with you.

La Vette - posted on 11/25/2012

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Thank you for sharing. I truly appreciate your advice. My daughter is 17. she ran away a year ago. After sdhe returned home we have been getting closer and closer. She is graduated early next month from high school and will be Val or Sal of her class. beautiful inside and out until i still her no, then all hell breaks out. we had a argument like mothers and daughters sometimes do. She calls her father who I have been divorce from for three years. He likes to see this happen because he hates my guts, which is another issue. I thought he was taking my daugher home with him to give her the opportunity to cool off. iI found out the next day that she did not want to stay with him either so instead of him bringing her home he took her to his 26yr old daugher' house and told her she could live there. his 26 yr old has to small children and a husband that cant hold a job. i called the sister and told het that my 17 yr old does have my consent to reside with her. She in a very disrepectful told me that her father said she could> it just blew me away because my daughter call me "mommie" hug and kiss on me all day long. because we had a disagreement that turn to a nasty argument due to her talking crazy to me> maybe i should have been calmer, but just for the record i didnt hit her or anything> i called her father and ask him did he give our child permission to live there he said no but i knew that was a lie, then he told me to just let her stay.( unbelievable). I never thought my daughter would turn against me and allow them to do the same. my daughter has even told her father in the past to stop disrepecting me. All i know is that i am devastated and truly concern about mydaughter. Shes been away five days She call and told me she loves me but when I asked her to please come home so that we can work things out. she flip out on me again. Thanks for your prayers. BE BLESS.

Barbara - posted on 11/24/2012

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You are absolutely right that it is SOOO much easier said than done. I don't think anyone ever told me being a mom would be easy and we have certainly had our difficulties in the last few years since my daughter became a teenager. They are flailing around trying to act the grown up part that they aren't capable of assuming yet. You have to do what your heart tells you is the right thing, but for her sake, please try to make that decision when you are calm, not upset and in the middle of a tug-of-war with her. Things tend to look a little differently when we are calm and not embroiled in a battle of wills with our teenagers.



My daughter and I, after our last huge argument, went to our separate bedrooms, I tried to sleep, heard her crying in her room, tried to reach out to her and went to give her a hug and an "I love you". Was met with "Get the f___OUT of my ROOM and DON'T COME BACK, I HATE YOU!" The next day, after little sleep for either of us, she stumbled into the living room with groans and moans. I'd been crying for at least two hours already, made up my mind that we needed to have a heart-to-heart. I started out with an apology for losing my temper and told her she was the only person in the world that was worth my life to me. I told her I wanted us to be closer, to share more, then explained that I was going to shut up and just listen to her. She could tell me anything she wanted, she just had to keep the gutter words out of it. She opened up like a beautiful rose just waiting for the opportunity to let out all the hurt and disappointment she felt inside. I didn't speak for nearly an hour, letting her spew out all the hurt and sorrow she felt, including some anger at me. We agreed we would have a 'mom and daughter day' at least twice a month. Dinner and a movie, get our nails done together, game night once in a while. There were no conditions or limitations except we had to keep in a reasonable budget. We are growing closer with these mom and me times, shopping at our local farmer's market for healthy fruits and vegetables just today. I can feel the distance between us diminishing and the bond, so fragile before our talk, strengthening like it was before she entered the 'teens'.



No one can say what will work for you and your daughter, maybe our approach isn't right for either of you. I know in my heart that I could never turn her out - I'd worry myself to death over what might happen to her, if she's cold, eating properly, safe. All of our actions have consequences, good and bad. Try a softer, gentler approach, reach out in love to her, she's suffering more than she would ever admit to you. Picture her as the sweet little toddler with those little sweaty curls around her forehead when she was two or three. She's even more vulnerable now than she was then. She just doesn't want you to know it. I will keep you both in my prayers.

Barbara - posted on 10/30/2012

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Please don't throw her out. She will see this as the rejection of who she really is, not a discipline for her behavior. Mine is 15 and I've threatened to let her live with a relative a few miles away, she was crushed that "You never wanted me". Not true. I do love her and I want her home where I can be mom. I'm hoping after a few years of weathering this storm, reality and reason will resurface and she will understand I wanted only what was best for her, to keep her safe, to see her educated, to get her started well in her life and as prepared as possible for adulthood.

Barbara - posted on 10/30/2012

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Oh how many times have I heard those same words from my 15 year-old daughter. My friends tell me to remain calm, establish firm limits, chose my battles wisely, and not to allow her to goad me into reacting to her nasty comments. Easier said than done. Apparently the girls are much more mouthy than the boys at this age. I've tried heart-to-hearts, baring my soul, explaining the limits are a sign of my unconditional love for her, protection. No go. She calls me 'controlling' and occasionally when angry adds the 'b' word to the end of that. I've had to accept that, for the foreseeable future, she is going to hate my rules and quite possibly, hate me for enforcing them. OK. If it keeps her off drugs, away from harmful activities, I just have to accept that my care for her, my loving limits for her, are hateful at her age. It just is so difficult, relaxing to give a little freedom, reining it in when they abuse the privilege. I don't know what I thought the teen years would be like when she was small, I just didn't expect all the venom, the hateful and hurtful words, the defiance.and deceit with lies all of the time. When I ask her if something is going on at school or with friends, I get a sarcastic 'Why ask mom, you don't care anyway'. Why would I bother to ask if I didn't care? It just doesn't make sense. I'm on overload with much of this, questioning myself all of the time and need input. I'm a widowed mom- hubby killed in car crash when she was an infant and am quickly approaching the end of my emotional rope with this. Don't tell me to kick out my kid, I can't and won't consider that.

Rita - posted on 07/16/2012

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Kimmi - posted on 12/20/2011

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I can honestly say I'm sorry but it feels good to not be alone. My 17 year old daughter did drugs & drank so she couldn't get out of bed to go to school. I have saved her so many times from the drugs. She just don't get it at all. I'm so lost. I seen a tattoo on her right breast, she did herself, then she got a fake ID & got another one, then another, I have lost count of them now. She gauged her own ears. Everything that bothers me she does even more. So I just excepted her for who she is. I try building her up. I will get her back then in a week I lose her again. I am so lost, so stressed and a emotional wreck..what happened to my baby. She says she goes over to see her dad. But she is partying all night long. Then comes home sick for a week. I need help.

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Stephanie - posted on 08/22/2010

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p.s. I ended up leaving at the age of 16. My dad and I now have a stronger and better relationship this way. Some people are just programmed not to be in the same room with one another for long periods, and this DOES NOT mean you love one another less.

Stephanie - posted on 08/22/2010

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I am not a mom of a teenager, how ever I am 18, and have some advice for you about how I had acted when I lived at home. I never followed my dad rules, simply cause I wanted to rebel. There is a thrill factor included. I turned real bad when I was actually 14, and after awhile my dad just started to let me get away with whatever I wanted. I was still quite bad for a few months afterwards, however once I realised my dad stopped "caring" ( which he didnt, he just wanted me to think that he didnt mind how I was acting even if it worried him to death), I did calm down and actually act like a civilised teenager. It might hurt for a bit, and I honestly dont know your daughter or who she is hanging out with cause that factors in majorly, however I was smoking and drinking and walking the streets at 3am after sneaking out. I was out of control at 14 yrs old, and my dad did reverse phycology... it seemed to work on me, however it may not work for you and your daughter.. hope this helps even a little

[deleted account]

My 17 year old says that she is a little afraid of being an adult. She likes the freedoms but not the responsibilities. It could be the same thing, just more blown out of proportion. Turning into an adult is scary and confusing and they are learning that they are not as free as they think they are at 18 and that is a big disappointment to them. Remember? 18 just meant that mom and dad could kick your butt out if you ticked them off. There was no magical tiara, or award or freedom that kids dream of....nothing that says "do what you want" just laws, penalties, rent and college. Maybe she is realizing these things and fighting for whatever freedom she can wiggle from you now.

Cath - posted on 06/06/2010

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I have a 17yr old daughter who yells and swears at me all the time. She never takes a blind bit of notice to what i say or ask. She calls me a control freak if i try to put my foot down or tells me to shut up. I feel so alone as her father left and he would probs find it all highly amusing. I've asked her to move out tonight as I can't take any more I feel battered, and I need to think of my son who is 14 and a good boy but this atmosphere is not good.

Dawn - posted on 06/30/2009

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Quoting Theresa:



Tammy is right.. pick your battle wisely. Ask yourself if it is really going tomatter in five years if this goes your way or hers. If it will change her life stand your ground firmly, but with love. If it won't change her life, its just what you prefer maybe you could compromise and let her feel as if she gets her way at least sometimes. I do understand it is hard I have a 19 year old and an 18 year old. Both daughters.





I know exactly what you are going through i ahve a 16yr old daughter whos is very stubborn and rebelous!!after amny fights i learnt to be hard hit her were it hurts that nis her pocket !!i told her she refuses to meet me half way then ino longer give her m,oney or buy her things !!she has to work for it !!

User - posted on 06/28/2009

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Who is the parent here? If she doesnt obey your rules, and doesnt like it in your home, send her on her way!!! You don't know what you have till it's gone!! She will soon know that it wasnt so bad at home, you were just being a loving parent. If you disapline ( I can't spell, sorry) a child from day one, they would never be out of control...Sure, kids, like we all were once, had peer pressure, boyfriend, girlfriend issues, but you never disrespected your parents! Sit her down and talk to her...Ask her if it is so bad at home, what is bothering you? Tell her some stories of your young years and what you went through. Being a teenager isnt easy, but you only have a few years to be one...The rest of your life you have to be an adult.....Tell her not to be so angry...you get more bee's with honey!!!!!!!!!!!! Good luck Natalie.....It's nothing that you did....It's hormones.....She'll snap outta it sooner than later.......

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I have to say that the one thing that really works for me and my 16-yr-old daughter is good communication. I listen when she needs me to without judging, and she then can respect what I say back. I know it may not be that easy with all kids, but most teenagers just want to be heard. Also, one of my rules is; if I ask something of her, and her co-operates, then I will be more likely to return the favor. It is a lot of give and take. A lot of choices to make. I pick and choose my battles carefully and always think before I speak. Especially to a teenager!!! If you knock them down and tear them apart for doing something wrong, then your never going to correct the problem. I have spent the last few years trying really hard to keep my relationship a positive one. I realize that not every child is the same, but for the most part they just need to know that they are loved way too much to behave inappropriately. Also, I always make sure the punishment fit the crime when necessary. Hope this advise helps. Good luck!

Emma - posted on 03/11/2009

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I bet there are loads of mums out there who sympathise with you and many of us who have been there and done that just to wind up their parents.



Its tough to deal with, Is there anyone else she is close to her that could chat to her? I know it seems never ending now but believe me she will grow out of it if handled sensitively and not too heavy handed, made me more rebellious than ever with my parents until I found myself pregnant at 19 and then boy did I grow up fast! I now have a gorgeous 21 year old daughter who is complete opposite of me at that age, she is in Uni and doesn't even smoke!



Try to play the whole thing down and get her to talk about her aspirations and what she wants to do with her life, support her in her decisions and get info on what she wants to do.



At 17 we think we are invincible and threatening the horrors of cancer etc just don't work.



Can you think of anything that may have caused this rebellion?change at home etc?



Good Luck and please remember it won't last and just to put your mind at rest I got pregnant by my long term boyfriend from High School not some drunken, drug crazed night out!



Another thing to consider is discussing contraception with her if you think she may be having sex as prevention is best form of contraception, pretending your kids don't have sex leads to much more heartache than facing facts  x x

Roxanne - posted on 03/11/2009

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My daughter is 15, she's been a handful since grade 7. In January she quit school and had no choice but to go to work full time. I wasn't about to let her sit on her butt and do nothing. I am happy to say after a month of getting grief from complete strangers about quitting school, she has signed up to do grade 10 by correspondence and still works full time. She had to pay for it, I had already paid school fees and what not in Sept.  Maybe not the choice for all parents, but she is a different kid. She's nice to be around again, she does her chores, pitches in when asked.....it's just..amazing.  She is saving for a vehicle her dad found for her, she pays room and board, just like she would living away from home. And realizes that life isn't all roses, that you have to work to get ahead and become something in life.



We tried the talking to her, taking things away, grounding, you name it, we ran out of ideas. Everyone likes to tell you you're doing it wrong, but they don't try to help you solve the problem either. Just do what works best for you and your child and the rest of the household.  Most of all, having someone to vent to or just give you a brak helps so much.

Bernadette - posted on 03/09/2009

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just love them the best you can and remember that we didn't grow up without any growing pains either. We parent's hate to have to see our kids struggle and in pain but as difficult as it is, that's exactly what we must do. Hug and kiss your kids and always let them know that you are there for them.

Bernadette - posted on 03/09/2009

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just love them the best you can and remember that we didn't grow up without any growing pains either. We parent's hate to have to see our kids struggle and in pain but as difficult as it is, that's exactly what we must do. Hug and kiss your kids and always let them know that you are there for them.

Jennifer - posted on 03/08/2009

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I have a 17 yo boy who is caught between bad and good. He is lazy until I hit the roof and start yelling. Then he does really good for about an hour. He argues to the point of exhaustion. The bad thing is that I see him struggle with the bad kid and the good kid. I don't know how to respond anymore.

Sabrina - posted on 03/07/2009

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Easier said than done, I couldnt live with myself if i did that. Any other suggestion?????

Lynn - posted on 03/07/2009

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THROW  HER ASS OUT....SINCE SHE WANTS 2 B GROWN LET HER B GROWN OUT-SIDE OF U'R HOUSE!!1

Sabrina - posted on 03/06/2009

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I know what your going through, my daughter will soon be 17 and she thinks we cant tell her what to do, and because she will be a senior this year she can do what she wants and there is nothing we can do about it. Everything i say to her is wrong, and she dont want to listen. I truely dont know what to do!!!!!!

Bernadette - posted on 03/06/2009

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I have a 17 yr old daughter too and I know exactly what you are going through. Whenever she and I have a major disagreement over things(usually over chores), I just try to remember the fights that my mother and I had and how open and caring she was- she was firm yet her rules had some wiggle room. That is how I tried to raise my kids-firm but flexible-and it helps in difusing some of the big situations.

Natalie - posted on 03/06/2009

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Thank you for the help. I just feel like maybe I am losing my mind. Times have changes so much since was a teenager. I guess maybe I need to give a little also. Thanks again for the advice.

Theresa - posted on 03/06/2009

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Tammy is right.. pick your battle wisely. Ask yourself if it is really going tomatter in five years if this goes your way or hers. If it will change her life stand your ground firmly, but with love. If it won't change her life, its just what you prefer maybe you could compromise and let her feel as if she gets her way at least sometimes. I do understand it is hard I have a 19 year old and an 18 year old. Both daughters.

Tammi - posted on 03/04/2009

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Have you tried to have a heart to heart talk with her?Try asking her what is wrong, why she is rebeling so bad and what she thinks you should do to help her through whatever it is she is going through.I am quite sure if you ask her she is going to say some really hurtful things, which I went through but bite your lip and listen to her then ask her how the two of you can work this out and get along again.Make sure she understands that you just love her and want what is best for her.It would be so much easier as a parent to say go ahead do what you want to but thats someone who doesnt care enough to set rules.I know its not easy but one day she will thank you for it all.good luck.Oh one more thing. try to compromise, let some of the small stuff go and worry about the big stuff.Best of luck to you

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