Donna - posted on 04/23/2012 ( 13 moms have responded )
My 16 yr. old & I used to be "best friends". I felt like I was always giving good advice while we spent a lot of time together & had fun. Her dad was always the super lenient one, wanting NO conflict, so I became the hard ass even 'though I wasn't much of one. In eighth grade she got this "boyfriend". She got jealous when he wasn't around but then said she only felt that way when he was at camp/unavailable. In jr. High he started sleeping over sometimes on weekends 'cause he lived a subway ride away. They were just kids in the very next room --no sex. But she pushed it. After 2 years he was there all the time, making a filthy pigsty (really gross; food filthy clothes, etc.) I would get mad and tell her- ok scream at her to clean up. And he was there more & more rarely relating to me, very quiet. I reached a breaking point. I said he had to go. usually my husband didn't want to make waves & said stuff like "do you want to lose your daughter?" But even he had to agree it was too much. My daughter had a freakout. "Why can't it just be like it was in 8th grade?" She also accused me of being a racist 'cos he's not white. Her attatchment to him seemed unhealthy then but NOW forget it. After we stopped the constant party in her room, just making a filthy mess and watching dumb shows; no sex, It's true. They are just "best friends". She has gone to his house w/out fail, regardless of what is going on or what I say EVERY SINGLE WEEKEND FOR 8 months- without fail. When I raise the issue, she says i'm crazy; there's no problem It's my problem. She curses at me, calls me crazy, says there's no problem. When pressed, she says she has fun there and there are other friends around- his friends i've never met. Still it's supposed to be ok cause there's no sex. He's been smoking & dealing "weed" since he was a kid. I don't know what else. His mom, whom I've never met, is always drunk or on crack & I recently learned heroin. She brings home 20 or more years younger guys and my daughter & this boy have seen her having sex. When I bring this up, and I only know because MY DAUGHTER HAS TOLD ME, she tells me not to DARE speak of him or his mother. She also tells me that she fully intends to spend every weekend at Bruce's house as long as she's in high school. Why? It varies: I smoke cigarettes; I am mean; I make bad food, it doesn't matter. If I threw her a party and bought out all her favorite stores, she would still leave Fri. for his house and come back on Sun. My husband and I fight constantly-screaming fights. He isn't hard on her (at least she's not having sex) so he doesn't think it's so bad and I should "relax". It's been escalating. Now I want to kill her.She treats me with No respect. But no matter what--she goes to Bruces house Fri afternoon 'til Sunday and doesn't see what MY problem. She won't even pretend she'll stop for even one week.It's gotten to the point where I want to leave my family and never come back. We've had 2 sessions w a family therapist but I have little hope. I'm verging on leaving for good. My heart is broken. I adored my daughter. She is unreasonable, obsessive and had hung out with mostly just this one jerky kid for four years now. Should I abandon her and my husband, move back to my home town and forget I ever had a family. She acts like she knows everything but is not correct. Has NO respect; curses at me; refuses to even compromise and "doesn't see the problem". I think the whole thing is unhealthy, sex or not. It's downright weird. He is not even her "boyfriend". She has no other boyfriends, never has. She is very pretty and smart but not as much as she thinks. She demands I respect HER. Why? My husband can't stand conflict; says no one cares about HIM.He acts like it's not that bad (her behavior) and when she finds someone else to hang out with she will. HUH? How can that happen, I ask. I wish I was dead sometimes. I HATE her sometimes. She steps all over me. Again, she doesn't see the problem. I'm talking EVERY WEEKEND, FRI- SUN AFTERNOON, NO MATTER WHAT I SAY OR DO.Should I leave this "family" for good? It's not a family since one member only lives here 5 days a week! PLEASE HELP ME.