I want to know if it is ok to let my 13 year old daughter hang around with the same age girl who has many discipline issues in her home. My daughter just started going out with friends and now boys have come into the picture. She was grounded last week for a week for lying to me on where she was. I don't trust the children she hangs with, but she always cries and says they are her friends...Any advice on how to deal with her. She is the only daugter we have.
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Mary - posted on 05/29/2012
Thanks Robin for the advise. Things seem to be going better after we grounded her for a week and took everything away from her...Facebook...TV...phone calls with friends and not allowed outside without supervision (this was not to punish her, but to let her know that this was a consequence of her lying to her Dad and I) . She has now earned some of her privileges back and know what are conditions are reading her friends. If boys are present they need to stay in the yard with supervision. I am not yet ready to have her run around with young boys as I know it may send the wrong message. I am thinking I'm being a bit strict, but I want to keep her well advised to what may happen with boys if girls are not careful and the consequences may be great. This is my only daughter so it's hard to know what is best for her. I have two adult boys (they were much easier) and my 13 year old daughter came much later in my life, but so grateful to have her. She also has a chronic illness which plays on me, but I still need to make good decisions for her so she can see that it is done out of love and not out of anger or selfishness. It is done in the best interest of her health and well being. Thanks this is a great site to speak to other mom's....I am grateful that you took the time to send me a message
Robin - posted on 05/28/2012
I have the same problem. I fortunately have 2 older daughters that keep my up to date on what the youngest one is doing. We have had to teach her that a true friend would not encourage her to do things that she will get in trouble for. We have cut her off from her phone and facebook as punnishment for her choices. She knows what she is doing is wrong and that she will get in trouble for it. We have told her that she to make good quality friends and in no way do we encourage a relationship with the friends who are a bad influence. There are no out of school events with these "friends" - and as far as trust goes - it was freely given until we had reason to question her choices. Now it is earned and taken away based on her actions. We do not hold a grudge, and she does earn privileges back but that's what they are - a privilege, not a right.
Louise - posted on 05/16/2012
Sit her down and tell her what the ground rules are. For example she has to let you know where she is and who she it with, she has to carry a phone with her and answer it when you ring. She must agree a time to be in and stick to it! Other than this let her have free rein. If she keeps to her side of the bargain then you have no reason not to trust her and arguements will be less. You can't stop her growing up and if you dont give her some freedom she will rebel and do things any way.
You have to make sure that she understands that you trust her and that you want to know where she is for safety and not that you want to control her. Just because her friend has no rules to adhere to does not mean your daughter will go the same way. Cut her some slack within reason.