I want to let my daughters long term boyfriend sleep over?

Janet - posted 6 days ago

I had the exact same question and almost identical situation with my sixteen year old daughter and her 17 year old boyfriend. I thought for fun I would look for answers in a German forum (I am German, but live in Canada) and North America and see if the anwsers are different. They are black and white. Germans were 100% open with the bf staying over in later teens, while North Americans were almost 100% against. The teen pregnacy rate in Germany is less than half that of the USA. Teens are going to have sex. Whether they do it in a car or an alley in secret with no protection or safety or in a safe home with education, care and contraception is your choice as a parent. It depends on the kind of trust you want to build with your young adults and how open a relationship you want to develop. I am not talking about being buddies. I am still my dtr's parent, but my role is slowly changing from disciplinarian and rule enforcer to guide, counsellor and life long friend. My best friend who agrees with the rest of you got pregnant at seventeen. I don't get the culture here. Sex is a normal part of older teens lives. It is not something needing to be shamed. Get over it.

Em - posted 6 days ago

CM, it is a matter of respect and a rite of passage not afforded to teenagers. Whatever family planning you have discussed with her is your family's choice. However, allowing teens to play as adults in your house is not acceptable in our society and irresponsible. Do his parents approve?
Part of growing up and becoming an adult is being responsible and independent. If you want to live as an adult and sleep with your significant other, you work, support yourself, and take responsibility for your life.
The fact of the matter is neither of these children (and they are children) is of legal adult age....and likely even further from actual adult maturity. It is your responsibility as a parent to guide them appropriately until they are of age to make their own choices.

Shell - posted on 01/28/2013

I agree with Lisa.... we NEED to go back to the 1950's when kids having sex was NOT socially acceptable! When parents instilled certain VALUABLE values in their kids. The kids today are so entitled and out of control. Parents need to what is RIGHT not what is socially acceptable these days.

Sarah - posted on 01/28/2013

I think you know your child best. It's good they have a plan and a backup plan. However I personally don't agree w abortion but I fully believe she has the right to make the choice that is best for her. I think if he stays over its NOT a big deal. I actually got pregnant (condom broke) at 16 and gave birth at 17 . My beautiful son was stillborn at 38 wks 5days . I wish all the world to have him back hence my opinion on abortion. I'm glad your daughter and her bf are responsible about prevention of pregnancy and hope that when the time is right they'll have all the things they want in life. It's so rare to find that someone at a young age and I think that should be embraced... I don't think him staying Hurts anything it may just make that relationship stronger...

Ateeq - posted on 01/28/2013

hy

Sandra - posted on 01/25/2013

This is one of those posts that just won't go away. I commented on this well over a month ago.

The woman almost sounds "childlike" as if she is a peer...not a parent.

I read this post to my 17 year old Daughter. Even my Daughter thought this was ridiculous.

As I said before. The Mom is way too invested in their "relationship" & not in a GOOD way!

And really? "No nasty comments". What did you expect? Sorry lady. Life is not all "Pooh Clouds, stars & flowers."

1st thing you need to do is get you're own life. Perhaps YOU are the one that needs a relationship? Just a thought!

Lisa - posted on 01/25/2013

My Opinion is No! I have taught my children that having sex under "My Roof" (Home) will only be allowed if they are married. Call me what you like (old fashioned etc.) I believe and know of course they are having Sex but does necessarily mean that I have to allow it under my roof. We need to go back to the 1950"s! People went to church prayed together as families. In this day and age everyone thinks it's okay because that is what Society allows? Where's the Morals Where's commitment? etc..My son is 24 now and my middle child turns 16 next week and asks me constantly can his girlfriend stay over?? I will not be that Parent although I have great lines of communication with them, they have been taught that every action has a consequence.

Already discussed if she got pregnant to have an abortion? wtf already pre-planning a murder of your future grandchild?? Great Parenting! Your going to have to answer for this someday..Good Luck!

Karen - posted on 01/24/2013

"they are not the typical teenage relationship filled with lust and pressure to do things"

Umm...Yes, they are! Otherwise they wouldn't behaving sex!

It's very typical for highschool sweethearts to think they're going to stay together forever. How often des that actuallyhappen these days? As you said "It's 2012 people not 1950".

Francine - posted on 01/14/2013

My thoughts are they are too young to be playing house no matter the age (teens) and no matter what dicussions you guys have had. They are not even legally adults at this moment and you are treating them like they are, they are just teenagers and do not fully understand everything that that entails.

Tah - posted on 01/08/2013

We are helping little boys objectify our daughters. Look at the girl that was at a party and says she was raped by two football players at her high school. They have pics of her being carried around like a hog. That is bad enough. The video where the other boys who didn't even try to help her when they saw this type of behavior is just as bad. What they said about her being "As dead as Kaleigh Anthony" and then when asked what if it was their daughter.."Well it wasn't.....and she would have to get over it" shows a lack of empathy. Our children are not identifying with humanity and emotions. They have no respect for themselves let alone others. These are things that we teach to them. Respect yourself, don't just have sex because you can. NO your boyfriend can't come and spend the night just because you are "so in love". NO, i am not going to allow it because if not you will do it in the back of a car. I am just saddened that the mothers that allow this type of behavior don't think the way we are raising our sons and daughters now has anything to do with the state we are in right now. It is sad. Parents want to be friends and don't want their children to be upset with them. Children are running the households now and I find it sad. I had my son when I was 16. I became pregnant by my boyfriend of almost a year the first time we had sex. The condom broke. We were children. I told my son, I am not growing up with you, I am raising you. He just turned 16 himself on Christmas and I turned 32 one month prior to that. The same goes for him, No girlfriends he needs to respect himself and the girls he will come across, even if they don't know how to respect themselves. I will also be talking to him about being empathetic. College is coming, he doesn't really go to parties now, but when he gets home from wrestling practice tonight, we will be discussing the situation from above and I will be telling him(as I always do) not to just stand by while others do harm to another. Jorgia, I find it sad that people think it's okay to allow their children to do things because they are in. I see girls with shorts, skirts and jeans that basically show their tails..that's in, my child won't wear it. Kids are doing drugs, start with weed and most end up on hard core drugs, some say that is in, but I try to keep them away from that as well.When the middle and high school girls were wearing color coded bracelets to show what sex acts they would perform, that was obviously in, Does that mean you want your 16 or 17 year old walking around with a green bracelet that signifies she gives blow jobs or black saying she does anal. I could not make this stuff up. Girls as young as 12 through high school were doing this. Does that sound like a trend you want them to participate in. "In" doesn't mean it is good for them. In the OP, she talked about allowing him to stay over, she then herself began discussing their having sex and their plans for if they become pregnant, that is why we are discussing sex in our answers, because she discussed it in the OP. I will also not be held hostage by trends.

Feah - posted on 01/08/2013

I have read some of the comments most of them negative. I do not see a problem with it if you don't. As long as they both know that this arrangement will not change the expectations that they go to college and work. The only problems seem to be moral(I am not personally against my fiance are on our 3rd year living in sin :p) , but not everyone has the same views.Just make sure you stay out of their fights. No matter how well they get along eventually they are going to fight as anyone who is living with another person is bound to do. I have experience my fiance and I due to college and financial reason have had to live with both of our parents at one point., and I know from personal experience there is nothing worse than a parent getting in the middle of a couples argument. So if you are ready go ahead!

Jorgia - posted on 01/07/2013

Mary, i found your post about C.M grammar very rude!! now in school we call people like u a bully!! i myself had trouble in school with spelling and math and no whats its like to have your english grammar shoved in your face!! didnt realize this post was the topic of grammar anyhow!

Did they not teach U!! in school to stay on topic during a discussion??!

Jorgia - posted on 01/07/2013

okay the comment said" i want to let my daughters long term boyfriend sleep over" IT DID NOT SAY THEY were going to have SEX! .....so if its a sleep over pjs and a movie and ma and pa r home and they r as responsible as u say they r/ then sure, why not? after all if u or anyone r worried that your teenage son or daughter r going to have sex because u let them have a sleep over then think again......u all were once in the same boat and if they r going to have sex then they will find a place and time and have sex, they r not going to wait for ma and pa to approve of a sleepover if thats what they want to do. Bottom line this is year 2013 and sex for teens is in. The other day i was talking to my girls who r 16 and 17 and they informed me that when girls talk about having sex with this one or that one they refer to it as a (KILL) so and so has had 5 kills with this one and that one...UNREAL!

Mary - posted on 01/06/2013

Sin is sin no matter what year it is.

Julia - posted on 01/06/2013

Let them play house in your house! My thoughts I wouldn't allow it and I guess call me old fashioned.But that's my opinion so it doesn't matter,I think they will outgrow each other when they get older and be with someone else.

Strict - posted on 01/05/2013

I strongly don't believe in allowing teens to date. Until the child is out of school I believe the only thing they should be stressing over is getting the best grade possible and good sportsmanship.

Essie - posted on 01/05/2013

"I have spent 20 years in the medical community watching teens make poor choices"

Shellie, which part of a 16 year old having sex is a good choice?? Are you suggesting this 16year old can not get pregnant because her mother is discussing sex with her and entertaining it? Condoms break, pills dont work sometimes!! For some of us parents, talking about sex with our kids doesnt mean ok them to do it, on the contrary, its about the beauty of sex, AT THE RIGHT TIME(AGE)!!

I actually commend this mother for having a clear open line of communication with her child....I am willing to bet that most of the other 99% of you can't say the same.......

Actually Shellie, most of us have an even better line of communication with our kids about sex, babies, STD's etc. If you're suggesting that this mom is better than the 99% because her 16 year old is having sex with her approval, under her roof, then call me a bad mom cos as you said this is 2012, not 1912 so people arent naive and ignorant anymore. They are more educated so they should make wise choices. I would expect your kind of reasoning to be back dated to 1912!!

Shellie - posted on 01/05/2013

I am just floored at the Bible Thumping "Jesus" postsYou can have your faith without being blind to society...This is 2012 people...not 1912....

I have spent 20 years in the medical community watching teens make poor choices and the vast majority of them are making them because they have parents who are to embarrassed to counsel and inform them about sexuality and their bodies. I have seen many a teenage girl pregnant and their mothers/fathers NEVER discussed sex with them at all, so they relied on the information they were obtaining from other teens and following in what they think is "normal" behavior......All these kids would be making better choices if parents were parenting and keeping the lines of communication open with their children about sex. Not talking about it and avoiding it is NOT helping.....Grow up parents...it is your JOB to INFORM your children about sex and sexual choices.....

I think that only a mother knows their children and that complete strangers are going to make comments biased to their own personal belief systems. If you accept the choices that your daughter and her boyfriend are making and you are comfortable enough to let them stay in your home....that is your choice and what people here say don't matter. It is a choice between you, your daughter, her boyfriend, and if he is a minor...his parents.....The rest of the world shouldn't care., nor should their opinions matter...

I truly believe if PARENTS spent better time being parents when it comes to talking to our children about their sexuality from an early age.....MORE teenagers would be making better decisions.....Abstinence may not be their choice, but they may be comfortable enough to ask for, and get the proper birth control to prevent unplanned pregnancy...Maybe then teen pregnancy would be down and so MANY teenage statistics I have seen over the last 20 years wouldn't exist........

I actually commend this mother for having a clear open line of communication with her child....I am willing to bet that most of the other 99% of you can't say the same.......

Sandra - posted on 01/05/2013

Oh my goodness! My Husband has now joined in this discussion. (I have been filling him in on everyone's comments.).

I just read to him the comment from Joe Y. about "once the kids realize the world is bigger than their zip code..."

My Husband just commented: "Yes and also bigger than these kids' ZIPPER!" :o)

Joe - posted on 01/05/2013

I can't believe what I just read, I am not a really conservative person but this is too much. This lady is going to regret doing what she is doing when they grow up and they realise there is world out there bigger than their zip code.

Mary - posted on 01/05/2013

@Trol

You cannot possibly be an adult with a child/children.
Your grammar and spelling are that of a young grade school child.

If you want to pretend to be all grown up, please.. please. ... please learn the English language so the rest of us don't burn our retinas.

mk

Trol - posted on 01/05/2013

Belive me... let them do what they want by comon sence in your rules and the laws, it will all end up perfect, there 16~18, let them have "there time", there not 12 anymore, im shure they have some common sence to lead there events to something they like..

Tracey - posted on 01/05/2013

what about protecting her heart? Jesus died for us. courtship is beautiful dating without regrets. we were created in God's likeness and image.

Tah - posted on 01/04/2013

I think I just swooned when I read Mary's post....That sums it up....

Sandra - posted on 01/04/2013

Such a LOADED discussion!
First I must say it sounds as though the Mom is a little "too invested" in her Daughters relationship. She seems to know very intimate details of the relationship. That being said, my own Daughter is 17. She has a BF of the same age. I DID allow my Daughter to sleep over at her BF's house New Years Eve. MY Daughter slept in in BF room. BF on couch. It was 1 time/a Holiday & I based my decision on the fact that I preferred her staying over than driving home on New Years Eve. Other than THAT type of situation ...I am against "sleepovers."
It almost seems as though this Mom scouting for a son-in-law?

Tammie - posted on 01/03/2013

Mary, your morals are great and I believe in what you are saying. We have to face no matter how much we teach our children to wait until marriage, few and far between wakes. A 16 year old does not know the wisdom between in love and sex. I was 16, many years ago and not a good path of men I was going after. I am thankful I waited; I have a great husband. I really like your post Mary.

Brandi - posted on 01/03/2013

Abortion is MURDER. Yes maybe it is your house and your rules, but I do not agree with abortion. If she does not want a baby then she should not be having sex. And if you don't want to be a grandma then you should not be letting your 16 year old daughter have sex or condoning her spending the night with her boyfriend. I am not stupid enough to believe that my daughters will not have sex before they are married, but I do know that no matter how old they are if they decide to have sex they better be ready to own up to the responsibility of raising a baby. I also know that if they are having sex at 16 then it will most definitely not be because I allowed it.

Strict - posted on 01/03/2013

I agree with you Mary.

I too am shocked at the number of moms here enabling their daughters into living such an immoral lifestyle. I have heard about two types of people - those who have all their pregnancy weight melt off while breastfeeding and those who hang on to the last 10 lbs.

At what age did the immoral mother decide to stop breastfeeding her daughters long term boyfriend sleep over needs?

There are absolutely no words to say about this! Seriously some form of mental issues that really need dealing with!! This daughter is totally at risk in my eyes and someone should really intervene!!

Mary - posted on 01/03/2013

I am shocked at the number of moms here enabling their daughters into living such an immoral lifestyle.
This is what is so wrong with society. Parents who have absolutely no morals and raising children with the same mindset.

This is truly sad.

If my daughters go out and have sex in high school, it will be without my permission and without me taking them to a GYN for birth control.
They will be doing so knowing full well that this is not what God has intended for them.
They will have to deal with the repercussions.
If they want to act like adults when they aren't, they will need to deal with it like an adult.
They will need to get their own birth control...etc.

We are teaching our children that sex is special between a husband and wife.
My kids will not be dating in high school.
They will not be hanging out with children whose parents okay such lewd behavior.
We will be encouraging courtship... dating with a purpose.

My daughters will be taught that if the boy/man respects them he will not pressure them for sex. He is obviously not the man God has intended for them if he is only thinking with his penis.

My boys are being taught to respect women and to wait for the woman God has intended for them.

mk

Faith - posted on 01/01/2013

Well said!

Essie - posted on 01/01/2013

Well said Sheryll. A mom who supports a 16 year old in having sex is not worth her salt. Most probably they did it themselves at the same age so they have no morals whatsoever, sluts.

Strict - posted on 01/01/2013

Are you crazy! Why? So your daughters boyfriend can steal from the medicine cabinet and take your pills!

Sheryll - posted on 12/31/2012

You don't want anyone to disagree?
Well I do. She isn't a adult, your suppose to be a Mother not a friend.
Children and she is that, need guideline and they need to be shown the way. And your suppose to guide her. At 16 she should be getting ready for college not a adult relationship. Why do you think that you should let stay the night? Kids shouldn't be given everything they want. She isn't mature enough to have a adult relationship. She should go to college (hopefully)., go to votech or work. You need to guide her, this is what Mother's do. We aren't their buddies, nor do we give them things that aren't healthy because they want it. Being a Mother takes back bone and courage and we shed a lot of tears in the dark. They hate us, but they always come to us when they need the right answer or help. Then in their 20's they become our friends. But until then it is what is best for them, not what is easiest for you.

Aeryn - posted on 12/31/2012

I think you are a very understanding parent. Although I am 25, I wish I didn't give in to the pressures of sex at the age I did it at (17). So I rather teach my children abstinence. I never thought I would say that. But as you said it isn't 1950. And with my son I will teach my son even though I don't agree with it,of he so chooses to do it before marriage to wait until a relationship like your daughter and her boyfriend. And to practice safe sex. And abortion would be out the door for them. I don't believe in it and I would be there to help them in every second that they need. (These aren't to come down on you. We have two different parenting methods. I'm just stating my stance on it.) I believe you see your daughter as an adult. Age is nothing to maturity. And she's coming across as responsible. I would have to get an extra room if my son wanted his girlfriend to live with us or if I thought it was a good idea. I don't want to say it's a great idea and people think I'm being hypocritical. But I will say if I had YOUR VIEWS, I would do it. It's important to be supportive of a healthy relationship. They will definitely respect you for giving them a chance. They will also be less likely to run away and get a dumpy apartment in some hood because that's all they could afford just because you didn't approve. This way, they are in the same healthy environment. Again, I commend you as a mother. I can see you have a close relationship and you are non judgmental. Good luck to you guys and I wish them nothing but success together.

Also, people saying their daughter does not have a boyfriend and blah blah. You know NOTHING of what goes on behind closed doors. You may think she hasn't but she more than likely has and had sex. I've seen straight A students keep relationships secret while being in the honor society and into all these activities their parents had plans. Never got caught when it came to phone calls or anything. So please. She never asked for judgements. Think from her point of view. State yours but not like a teenager. Don't go off on a rant. Act like adults.

Sheri - posted on 12/31/2012

CM- Thank you for letting me know I am not the only reasonable mom out there. I understand where you are coming from and agree with you 100%. She is your daughter. As long as you protect her emotionally and physically, you have done your job. Sometimes that means doing things everyone else might not agree with, but they are not her mom. My daughter is 16 and her boyfriend is 2 yrs older. He graduated from HS last year and joined the military. He was home for a month and it was spent here at my home as a member of my family. They both needed the time together. My mom passed away in Septtmber and this holiday was so full of emotions that he was the one thing that I knew would be able to help her through. No way I would let society tell me I was wrong to let him be there for her when she needed it most. And I bet he needed her before going into his training. Hats off to you! Your daughter will always know you have her best interest at heart and will feel safe talking to you and coming to you for the rest of her life.

Essie - posted on 12/31/2012

I seriously cant even begin to understand how parents can come here and say its ok for a 15, 16, 17 or even 18 years to have sex! Come on people, whatever happened to morals? Just because they do it doesnt mean its ok and we as parents should teach our daughters to abstain until they finish high sch atleast, not encourage them! My daughter just finished high sch, she's almost 19 and she doesnt have a boyfriend yet. Not because she cant but because she understood that her education comes first and that she has all the time in the world for sex after she completes her education, and she knew that having a boyfriend while in sch will only disrupt her studies. Now she can have a boyfriend and i wont worry about her having sex because she's ready for it now, as an adult! This is how i raised her and its how i was raised. Morals dont get out of fashion, i guess parents have just become irresponsible and failed drastically on instilling this on their kids so they try by all means to justify their 15 yr old having sex. If you think you're being supportive by letting this happen, better think again. These are just kids with crazy hormones thinking that they need sex but thats where the parents come in and tell them its just a phase that will pass, not go to the nearest store and buy them condoms! Your kids will thank you later for teaching them to wait when they are mature to distuguish the sex they had at 15 and the sex adults have.

Shelley - posted on 12/30/2012

I have to vote no. Not just no but NO NO NO NO NO! That is way too much for a 16 year old. While they may be "mature" it's still a lot for kids to handle. You should be encouraging her to become an independent woman. Yes, she can still have a boyfriend, but they BOTH need to learn how to be individuals. Where are her friends? Honestly she may lose friends if those friends' parents know you are letting a boy sleep over. While you say she is safe from STDs and pregnancy, there really is no 100% guarantee. Wouldn't it be awful to think she got pregnant under your sanctioned roof? Encourage sleepovers with girlfriends for now.

Tammie - posted on 12/30/2012

The problem ls that no whether it is 2012, A 16 year old does not have the wisdom to make those type of decision when and where it is the right time for sex. A couple of years will she regret the decision? The new man will he ask question that won't sound appropriate to you or her. A lot to think about.

Shell - posted on 12/29/2012

Come on..... these kids don't OWN anything. They still live at home are still in school hopefully so are probably not working full time jobs... How crazy it is to be "ok" with or condone them having sex and possibly bringing a baby into this world. Kids having kids.... a major problem in today's society!! I know you said they would get an abortion, but still they are too young to have their parents be "OK" with them having sex at all!

Tah - posted on 12/29/2012

Ashia, You are a child though honey. I was reading the way you were speaking to the other lady was wishing it was more respectful. I understand your situation. I got pregnant at 15, the first time I had sex, had him a month after I turned 16. my son just turned 16 on christmas day. We used a condom and it broke. I didn't know about birth control other than that or how to get it, should I say. I was the product of a being a preacher's daughter and in catholic school. You didn't discuss it. Now. I am open about sex with my son. I still won't allow the him to stay with any gf(which he isn't allowed to have) and she certainly can't stay here. You may think now that it would be okay to allow your child to sleep over. Now you say that you were allowed to sleep over, and you became pregnant. It seems to me that you would want to save your child from a teenage pregnancy, no matter how much you wanted yours and worked to make it happen. You are in a committed relationship now, but will you be in 5 years, or 10 to this man. You are still growing and maturing and changing. He is as well. What you love about him now may be different when you really get to know yourself. Let me explain something else to you. Your mother will help you financially as long as you are under her roof. I had a job 4 months after my son was born and worked while going to school, sometimes 2 jobs at a time. I gave her money when I got paid, but guess what, it was nothing in comparison to my parents mortgage, utilities etc that were used to put a roof over my head and heat the bottles I made in the middle of the night. Let's say you apply for public assistance, if you live with your parents, they want their income. If they make too much, you won't qualify. If right now you are under their insurance. They pay for that. I was under my parent's work insurance, so they basically paid for my child to be born. O I thought I was so grown just like you, because I was about to become a mom. I had it all figured out. Like my dad said. If he was such a man, he would be marrying you, getting a job, moving you out and paying for the birth of his child. Until you are doing any of those things above, it's just playing at it. I think you should give more respect for you mother who is gonna be picking up more slack than you think. Especially if this guy decides to leave. I hope not, but it happens often. The guy sees how your hormones change, you gain weight, he sees the price of having a child is his freedom and his sneaker money and he bails. I wish you the best. Now my son's father is still in life, has been the whole time.We just didn't stay together,though we were "in love" and "committed" then. there were many fights about him financially supporting his son and being a good role model, because boys mature at a slower rate. I was all mom, all the time. Sometimes men get to chose when they want to be a dad. I am blessed that my son has his bio dad and my husband that love him, but every person that has a baby doesn't have that same outcome. I wish you the best because your road is about to be longer and harder than it ever had to be. It's what happens when children make adult choices. They have to pay the consequence. You may love and want your child, but it's still a consequence. You may not believe me now, you may not like what I said, but it will ring in your head as these things begin to unfold. I have been on my own since18. My son has highest honors, he scored above the national average for PSATs. I know raising a child to be successful when you have them as a teenager isn't impossible. What it is, is hard, gut-wrenching, expensive and time-consuming.It's that way when two adults with careers and support have children, can you imagine being a teenager? You have no idea, you think you do, you don't, but you will. I helped my sisters raise their children from the age of 7. I could make bottles and change pampers by that age. i babysat and everything else with a slew of nephews. When I had my own at 16, it was a different world, but I was glad I had changed pampers for 9 years, or I would have really been in trouble.

Tah - posted on 12/29/2012

Tracy, you may think that they are too strict, but what you are doing is lying and helping her to deceive her parents and I am sure you would not want someone to do that with your child. You are lying for them. Lying by omission and arranging for them to be together. You have to realize that they have a daughter. Parents with daughters at that age are(and should be in my view) more strict. Let's say she got pregnant. Who would have to give up and suffer more. She has to carry the child, and go through the risk. She has to be up with the child and get almost no rest and try to balance school and motherhood. I am sure you would encourage your son to help, but he would have it easier and have to postpone virtually none of his hopes and dreams. You also don't know that their may be other reasons they are strict. If I found out that another parent was fostering a relationship that I had forbidden in the first place, I would blow a gasket. It would not be a nice or pleasant showing. I just think that your choice to allow this just because "you" feel her parents are too strict is a poor showing as a parent when really we should trying to help each other, not encourage teens to be even more deceitful. There is some more I want to say, but I understand T.H.U.M.P.S and will leave it at this for the moment.

Dianne - posted on 12/28/2012

I feel parents need to realise once their children are growing up and are teenagers especially 16+ we need to yes have good parenting, but we must also make sure we are not controlling their lives entirely, as this will not allow them to develop into the individuals they are meant in becoming.
Some parents believe the more we impose our morals and values onto teenagers it will make them better people. Remember each and every one of us has a different personality, it doesnt matter how many times you may say 'No' to them, they can still go and do it their way. I guess we all have different parenting styles, some parents are stricter as this is the way how they were raised by their parents, and they believe this is what one needs to do to raise their child.
As parents we need to teach kids to have a good balance in life with school, career and boyfriends and to talk to them openly about sex and other issues. For some parents this maybe a daunting task. If it is it maybe a good idea to seek help from a professional family relationship counsellor who can provide support for both parents and teenagers. Most of these professionals are unbiased and will look at your situation from your frame of reference and they will avoid imposing their own values onto yours.
I guess we all have been raised differently and we all have different beliefs around these issues, but you do what you think is right.

Katiana - posted on 12/28/2012

I think you should let him. First of all its obvious that your daughter and you have open communication and i'm a firm believer that if you dont let your child do something around you theyll do it behind your back, so why not allow him to sleep over in your territory where you have control and can keep your child safe. :)I say go for it. they already have sex so what is there to worry about. at least shes not sneaking around with a bunch of guys... You obviously raised your child well :)

Samantha Marie - posted on 12/28/2012

So they have been together for two years. That makes her 14 when it started. You said they waited 8 months before doing it so she was 14 or 15 when they had sex....I'm 15 and I still haven't had my first kiss yet and she could possible have a baby right now...wow that is so so so wrong and I cannot believe you would condone that! Sorry for being so harsh but I mean come on seriously?! U as a mom can actually picture ur daughter,ur sweet little girl,doing such nasty and discusting things?! That is sooooo incredibly gross! Plus, what are they going to have left to give eachother on their wedding night when they already have sex and wake up in the same bed? And if she really cared about him they would stop doing it especially before he turns 18 bc he could go to jail for having sex with a minor. These are just my thoughts on the matter. Take it or leave it but personally, I don't think ur the best mom ever sorry although I'm sure lots of sluts want u to be theirs haha

Cari - posted on 12/27/2012

Kids have to be taught since little.. study and make a career and parents get involved.. . and tell them no pregnancy. yes. yes. yes.. it helps.. come on parents. ..... where are your kids.. .. stop throwing them with friends and video games....... it is ... 2013 but society is ruined. there is an age for everything. and kids are not being taught right. PARENTING PARENTING.!!! BYE AND GOOD LUCK....

Cari - posted on 12/27/2012

TO ME will all do respect. sex in the home? are you kidding me.. bye. and good luck.... that is your child.. God bless all !!!!!just different opinions......

Cari - posted on 12/27/2012

shell bell is right on the button!!!! no sex. tooooo young .. PARENTS WAKE UP..... .... my god. my girl is 16 and no way.......................................................... raise the kids with values.. .!!! that is why the world is crazy and we are loosing our control with them.. PARENTING IS ALL.....

Shell - posted on 12/27/2012

I would never allow this in my home whether it was my son or daughter. I think back in the 1950's people had more respect for their bodies and there weren't so many teenage pregnancies, and I don't think parents allowed that back then (but I guess I don't know for sure). I guess I'm old school and totally disagree with the idea of actually permitting your children to have sex in your home. But as has been said, it sounds like your mind is made up and I dont' think there is anything I could say to change it. Is there??

Cari - posted on 12/27/2012

ok everyone is different I respect. you. good luck.! :)

Dianne - posted on 12/27/2012

Legal age to have sex in our country (Australia) is at 16 years of age, if this was such a bad thing and violated the child protection laws, then why would governments approve such laws?????
Child Protection Laws are very strict here, and I guess the governments had thought it hard and felt that the majority of young people 16 years + would be capable of making their own judgement wether or not to have sex.
Young people at 16 years + have a legal right to make this decision, regardless what the parent may think they need to do, as parents we need to guide them, but in the end they will make the final decision wether we like it or not, as many young people know legally they have a right.