I want to let my daughters long term boyfriend sleep over?

C - posted on 07/17/2012 ( 170 moms have responded )

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Now before everyone freaks out..my daughter is 16 and her boyfriend is 17 almost 18. They have been together for almost 2 years with no problems or fights at all. They are very supportive of each other and love each other very much. He is my daughters best friend and it's obvious. They waited a while to have sex (about 8 months)and both of them are extremely responsible. She is on the pill and use condoms every time. They have discussed with each other what the plan is if she did get pregnant (which would be to have an abortion) they are not the typical teenage relationship filled with lust and pressure to do things. They have a very serious relationship and care deeply about each other. He usually stays to 12 or 1 am down stairs watching movies/tv and what not and I'm alright with that. Let me just repeat that I KNOW they have sex and I understand that and i don't have a problem with it as long as they are responsible. It's 2012 people not 1950 They plan to always stay together no matter what be it college or being apart for long periods of time or whatever. I trust both of them completely and they are both very smart and make good decisions. I also know his parents really well and we are great friends
I just want some feedback from others. I don't want any nasty answers about becoming a grandmother or STDs(they were each others first) we already have that plan taken care of. I think them sleeping together and waking up next to each other is just because they want to spend time together and want to be close and loving..so what are your guys's thoughts?

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Janet - posted on 05/12/2013

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I had the exact same question and almost identical situation with my sixteen year old daughter and her 17 year old boyfriend. I thought for fun I would look for answers in a German forum (I am German, but live in Canada) and North America and see if the anwsers are different. They are black and white. Germans were 100% open with the bf staying over in later teens, while North Americans were almost 100% against. The teen pregnacy rate in Germany is less than half that of the USA. Teens are going to have sex. Whether they do it in a car or an alley in secret with no protection or safety or in a safe home with education, care and contraception is your choice as a parent. It depends on the kind of trust you want to build with your young adults and how open a relationship you want to develop. I am not talking about being buddies. I am still my dtr's parent, but my role is slowly changing from disciplinarian and rule enforcer to guide, counsellor and life long friend. My best friend who agrees with the rest of you got pregnant at seventeen. I don't get the culture here. Sex is a normal part of older teens lives. It is not something needing to be shamed. Get over it.

Shell - posted on 01/28/2013

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I agree with Lisa.... we NEED to go back to the 1950's when kids having sex was NOT socially acceptable! When parents instilled certain VALUABLE values in their kids. The kids today are so entitled and out of control. Parents need to what is RIGHT not what is socially acceptable these days.

Angie - posted on 07/29/2012

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I guess I'm one of the old-fashioned ones...for a couple reasons I guess. One of them being how I was raised, another being that I wouldn't want that being an example to younger brother that it's ok, and finally they have their whole life ahead of them, why at 16-17 years old, even some parents allowing at 15, do they need to grow up so fast? I understand they are going to experiment with sex...we did the same; we can educate, we can advise to wait, but ultimately it will be their choice, as it was ours. My 20yo now completely understands why that is a rule, although he didn't quite understand it at 16-17 and I was the "mean mom" because other parents didn't care. I do have to say my son is the minority of his graduating class who doesn't have a baby. There is so much growing up and maturity still left to go through during these last teenage years. And I guess the biggest question of all, what are the positives to allowing this? You said you want to do this...I'm not sure if it's because they asked you to. It all boils down to where your comfort level is, where your morals are, etc, but I would make sure you are allowing for the right reasons....just my thoughts....best of luck to you :)

Hannah - posted on 11/17/2013

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hey! my parents let my boyfriend and they knew we had sex, I was on birthcontrol and guess what! bam, I am now 2 mo ths pregnant at 18.

Shell - posted on 12/29/2012

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Come on..... these kids don't OWN anything. They still live at home are still in school hopefully so are probably not working full time jobs... How crazy it is to be "ok" with or condone them having sex and possibly bringing a baby into this world. Kids having kids.... a major problem in today's society!! I know you said they would get an abortion, but still they are too young to have their parents be "OK" with them having sex at all!

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Abba - posted on 06/02/2014

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Hey. Everyone needs to chill. I think that as long as you are ok with it and trust that they are responsible enough that they can. Yes kids these days are maturing faster and that is OK! You people need to realize not all teens are the same. Today in this society everybody thinks we all do drugs and sneak out, but these kids are not! They are responsible and have a backup plan just in case! Sweety , you should let your daughter and her boyfriend spend the night as long as you are there. Just in case

The world has changed a lot since the 1950s and here is why, There are studies relating early periods to depression in adolescent girls, but the crucial anxiety hanging over the conversation is that, if kids are going to go through puberty earlier, does this mean they will become sexually active earlier?

Will their emotional maturity match their sexual development, and if it doesn't, is it realistic to expect that you can persuade them to hold off until it does? "There's a tendency to confuse puberty and adolescence. Adolescence follows puberty, they're not concurrent". Puberty is the physical change, adolescence the psychosocial transition, from childhood to adulthood.

CalistasMom - posted on 04/06/2014

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I think it is a difficult situation and you have made the best of it. I am 33 and I have 19 and 16 year old daughters. The 19 y.o. no longer lives with me, but I allowed her to have her boyfriend over for the night when she turned 16, so the younger one asked if she could do the same. I struggled with it and I could not see any real reason not to let her have her boyfriend stay over. I talked with the boyfriend's aunt (his parents are no longer living) and she agreed that it seemed okay, even though he is almost a year younger than this daughter. My daughter is on birth control pills and has made it clear she has no wish to have a child for at least a decade. We have a fairly small home but and so it's a bit close, but it has turned out to be an entirely workable situation. He stays over 3-4 nights a week. The boyfriend is extremely courteous and helpful, and though my daughter engages in altogether too much PDA with him around the house, other than that it's not been a problem. Both of them are straight-A students and he is the captain of two varsity teams, so they seem to have something going for them. I do the cooking and laundry and keep them healthy. Cute couple, really, and they obviously enjoy each others' affections in a normal way even though they are young.

Aidan - posted on 03/31/2014

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lol, knowing your kids are have sex under your roof cant be as bad as knowing your parents are (eewwww) haha. i reckon when kids are mature enough they should be alloud to have sex they have the same urges as adults infact stronger and as long as they are open with you and use protection it isnt that bad. sorry about the bad grammar/english

Shawnn - posted on 03/26/2014

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Boss Hog, you are out of order. This is not your personal religious forum. Respect the rest of the members and stop being inciteful

Boss-Hog - posted on 03/24/2014

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Ok, 1st/First and foremost You would allow your own Daughter to Murder a innocent Child that you allowed to become a Part of her L I F E? The BIBLE says in Exodus Chapter 20: Thou Shall not Kill. It is just one of the Ten Commandments. A child is a mere M I R A C L E by G 0 D!

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I do not know ONE mother in the world that would allow this. I'd throw my daughter out before I allowed my standards of HER to be lowered. Sorry to sound like a b__tch, but my mother was like that- and once I grew up- I saw how she lacked judgement.

[deleted account]

What the hell? Like being 16 and 17 (or 18) makes it alright? AS IF I'd let my daughter be screwing under my roof. My gosh- YOU set the standards and values in your home mom!!! No matter WHAT the kids want. Get a grip!

Mandy - posted on 01/07/2014

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I live in the UK where the legal age for sex is 16.I have 2 children, a daughter who turned 11 6 months ago and my son turned 18 in August last year and unfortunately for most of their lives as a single parent. I have brought them up in an open and honest way where they know that they can come to me and talk/ask me about anything and everything to do with sex/puberty etc and to not be embarrassed about it. My son started seeing his girlfriend 5 months before his 16th birthday and 5 months later his girlfriend turned 15. About 2 months before she turned 15 my son came to me and told me that his girlfriend's mum had said to them that when his girlfriend turned 15 that he would be allowed to stay round hers overnight in the same bed. She had allowed her eldest daughter to have her boyfriend sleep the night at the same age so obviously she couldn't have a different rule for my son's girlfriend. To begin with I was a bit shocked as I know that I wouldn't allow/encourage my daughter to sleep with a boy before she was 16 (even though I myself had sex with my boyfriend 2 months before I was 16). I did speak to the girls mum to check that this was the case and she confirmed that it was true. Obviously my son then asked if his girlfriend could stay round my house overnight and I said that she could as obviously her mum was happy for them to be sleeping together. They are both very sensible when it comes to protection. My son had a a C card which enables to go to a chemist or family planning clinic to get free condoms and his girlfriend who has health problems due to being born without a thyroid (one of the many problems with this is her chances of conceiving are very slim) but due to really bad periods had the implant fitted but unfortunately for her this caused constant bleeding so she is also on the pill so they have triple protection and I know that they were both virgins (as I said earlier my son is very honest and open with me). They are still together and are planning on getting engaged soon. Obviously I have now had to have the conversation with my daughter as she started her periods 4 months ago and I have made it very clear to her that she will definitely NOT be able to have a boyfriend stay the night until she is 16 and also make sure that she is never pressured into doing something by a boy that she doesn't to do and also that sex is something special that she should only consider doing with someone she loves. ( I tried to make light of the situation by telling her not to make the same mistake as me by sticking with her horse riding and not get side-tracked by boys cos horses are a lot less hassle than relationships!!! Hopefully she will take my advice). She did ask the dreaded question as to why my rule was different to my son's girlfriend's mum so I just explained that parents have different views on certain things. C M, I completely agree with you and your views and if they are in love, happy and responsible then it's ok.

Jen - posted on 12/31/2013

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Daniela - At 18 you can do what you want. However, your parents have the right to tell you that you can't do it while you are living with them. I understand your feelings - I had a curfew all through college because my mom wouldn't sleep until I was home, and sleeping at my boyfriend's was absolutely out of the question. I didn't like it either, but I was living in their house, and it was their right to set the rules. A lot of parents will become more flexible once their kids become adults, but if they don't, your only options are to live with their rules or move out.

Jolene - posted on 12/30/2013

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Daniela I was referring to the original post yours is a special case and as long as his parents are ok with you staying there you are both adults and really if you are paying rent and bills raising your younger siblings your parents live under your roof and you are free to do as you please so yes for you it is fine to stay at your boyfriends for a 16 year old it is not and I am a very strict parent so I don't think to many people will disagree

Daniela - posted on 12/30/2013

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Well I can't have kids I'm going thru pre mature menopause so kids is out of the question lol. It was just for New Years since most likely I will be home late but my mom doesn't sleep until I'm home and she wakes up early so I feel bad. I need to have fun I'm stressed at home and work and school and I'm raising my brothers daughter technically a mom I pay rent bills lol I can't have my own apartment so I won't leave my parents because they really need me but I still get treated as if I was 16

Jolene - posted on 12/30/2013

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I personally don't think it is a good idea have a now 18 year old stepdaughter and against my advice my husband allowed her to stay at her boyfriends if the weather was bad (I wanted her to have to come home earlier is bad weather was coming) then she just started staying more and more saying it is to foggy it is to dark ect anything she could think of then it turned to 1 night every weekend then the whole weekend Friday to Sunday night she just pushed farther and farther for years his parents regret allowing it now they call often complaining there house isn't a hotel but they are stuck with it she is 18 so hope they enjoy and when she gets pregnant they can raise the baby for them too i know it sounds harsh but I have 5 kids of my own ages 2 to 13 I don't need to raise their kid too and none off my kids would ever be allowed she is lucky she wasn't mine because would have been at that house at any hour of the night I wouldn't care dragging my kid out and making sure she was so embarrassed she would never do it again they have plenty of time to spend the night together and be adults when they are adults and have their own place there is no reason they have to sleep together now

Daniela - posted on 12/30/2013

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Hi I'm not a mom but would like a perspective from a parent. I'm 18 my boyfriend is 21 is it ok for me to sleep at my boyfriends house since we are adults and are responsible for everything. We both live with our parents but we go to college and work and I support my family with anything. My parents are really old fashion and they want me as their little girl forever I have a curfew I don't drink or smoke and I tell them where I am and be home at a certain time like 9 or 10 . I do plan on living under their roof until I graduate college but what should I do to break the little girl cycle since it's going to be like this until I move out ?

Chuck - posted on 12/29/2013

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Don't listen to the people that disagree! I think you should let him, it would help them a lot more in their relationship also you trust him and you know that he wouldn't do anything to hurt her obviously so again why not

Will - posted on 12/22/2013

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A parent has a duty to protect their children. Allowing your child to have sex before marriage, before she is even 18, shows a tremendous lack of responsibility on your part. No way should you condone premarital sex and you certainly should refuse to let the boyfriend sleep over.

Vic - posted on 12/02/2013

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All I can say is gross. You let your 16 year old who is not capable to making hypothetical life changing decisions when by filled with the actually feeling of pressure you get when making a baby. She agrees to abortion now but you better believe it is that baby's choice not yours when it really pregnancy happens. You allow this fu**ing to take place uder your household I say if they want to act like adults let them find somewhere else to do it

Sarah - posted on 11/26/2013

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I am not a parent in any way shape or form neither am i planning to be for at least the next 5 years, although i have 5 siblings and love children! In the UK the law states that age of sexual consent is 16 thus where there is a will there is a way! I am 18, have been with my boyfriend for 3 years. It is not a distraction to be in a relationship, I am a straight A student, and studying politics, english lit, sociology and psychology while helping my mum keep house and look after all the children. Sometimes parents underestimate us young adults, we pick up the pieces of the past generations mistakes, we get belittled, most of us are brighter than our teachers and many of our parents, we are also made to look disproportionately stupid. I BET YOU DID NOT KNOW THAT ONLY 3% OF SINGLE MOTHERS ARE TEENAGERS IN THE UK and where parents are open to sex and quick, free contraception there are less abortions and lower pregnancy rates . If I can vote for who will run Britain in an election I can bloody well have sex. My boyfriend has stayed over maybe 6 times, sleeping on the sofa every single time. Having sex is nothing to do with respect unless we are talking about how many partners you have, then we will be talking about self respect. I do apologise for any spelling mistakes, I am but a mere teenager.

Kilawattee - posted on 11/10/2013

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Hi Why do you support abortion? even though its 2012 this is a very bad idea. You are unbelievable.

Melissa - posted on 11/06/2013

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My daughter has been dating her boyfriend for well over a year and a half. He lives a bit over an hour away from us, and they often meet in a town about halfway between to go on dates. They usually try to see each other twice a month. Now, after dances, it is late. Pushing midnight all said and done. So he will sleep over. On the couch, not in her room. And when she sleeps at his house she stays in the guest room. I know they have talked about sex, weighing the pros and cons, and decided together that it was not best for them right now. I see no problem with sleeping over as long as he ultimately sleeps on the couch and her in her bed. But waking up next to your s/o is something meant for a little more long term... Ie marriage!

Angela - posted on 07/09/2013

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It’s quite an interesting debate here. I’m British and in the UK the age of sexual consent is 16 – that’s the LAW. So if a young couple, both of whom are at least 16 wish to indulge in a sex life with one another – that is their right, regardless of their parents’ wishes. In the UK, 16 is also the minimum age for marriage. Obviously, not a lot of 16 year olds are getting married, BUT the opportunity is there, in law for those who wish to.

Now – in the eyes of many religions, it’s wrong to indulge in sex without being committed in the bonds of marriage. What this actually means is that it’s perfectly OK for a couple of 16 or 17 year olds, in the eyes of the Church, to be having sex if they’re also married to one another – that’s apparently FINE! But a couple in their 30’s or 40’s who are NOT legally wed – well that’s not OK! This is a different perspective to what most people on here are saying – that teenagers aren’t mature enough but it’s OK when they’re older, say in their 20’s or beyond – whether or not they’re married. No wonder teenagers are confused – most adults probably are as well!

As far as starting to have sex at 14 or 15 is concerned. I’m personally against this – and vehemently so. Why? Because I’m a parent of BOYS. I also have one daughter. My own kids are all grown-up in their 20’s & 30’s. But if any of my sons had been in a sexual relationship with a girl under the age of consent I would have been very frightened and worried. I would have done my best to prevent this and stop it. What happens in these cases is that like many teenage relationships, it’s unlikely to last. If they’ve had sex when she was underage – especially if he’s a year or 2 older – what’s to stop her making a complaint when the relationship ends – if not before this time? In the UK this means a charge of child molestation/paedophilia. And the resulting period of time on the Sex Offenders Register (on a person’s record PERMANENTLY, even after the period of registration ends), which may impact on future career, reputation etc …. is not a happy or favourable conclusion to a young teenage couple having sex, even if they both believed they were deeply in love at the time.

I’m not going to criticise the lady who started this post (C M), but if her daughter got intimate with her boyfriend when she was only 14 or 15 and he was a little older – what on EARTH were HIS parents thinking? C M DID state that “I also know his parents really well and we are great friends” so I assume they knew that their son was on sexually intimate terms with C M’s daughter!

Quite frankly, as a parent, I seriously feel that when it comes to teenage sex, the possible outcomes can be far more devastating to the boy than the girl.

As to the argument that they’re having sex anyway so they may as well be doing it in their own home than a back alley, in a car or out in a forest somewhere etc …. And mother can ensure her daughter is adequately protected by appropriate contraception. Well I wouldn’t really agree with this either. As a teenager, (and I lost my virginity at age 17) I would far rather have sex in the forest or the back of the car than in my parents’ home – or my boyfriend’s parents’ home – at least if they were home! My sex life is nothing whatsoever to do with my parents, whatever age I am! Furthermore, the mother ensuring that her daughter’s using contraception correctly etc … well for me, any girl or boy who feels they’re old enough & mature enough to be having sex ought to be old enough and mature enough to arrange contraception for themselves. In my home town and everywhere else in the UK, there are free family planning clinics where doctors and nurses assess young people, take a look at their health, ask the right questions etc … and provide the best possible contraception to suit that person. Most family planning clinics have an “Under 20’s Clinic” available on one night per week. There are posters in public toilets and leaflets to pick up and take away to read in every doctor’s surgery, Health Centre and Clinic – lots of other places too. Most local clinic information is available on the Internet. There was no Internet when I was young but I knew exactly what to do and where to go to get help a long, long time before I even had a boyfriend, let alone a boyfriend I wanted to have sex with!

So we need to look at the whole big picture before we point the finger at any sexually active teenager OR any “permissive” parent.

Em - posted on 05/11/2013

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CM, it is a matter of respect and a rite of passage not afforded to teenagers. Whatever family planning you have discussed with her is your family's choice. However, allowing teens to play as adults in your house is not acceptable in our society and irresponsible. Do his parents approve?
Part of growing up and becoming an adult is being responsible and independent. If you want to live as an adult and sleep with your significant other, you work, support yourself, and take responsibility for your life.
The fact of the matter is neither of these children (and they are children) is of legal adult age....and likely even further from actual adult maturity. It is your responsibility as a parent to guide them appropriately until they are of age to make their own choices.

Sarah - posted on 01/28/2013

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I think you know your child best. It's good they have a plan and a backup plan. However I personally don't agree w abortion but I fully believe she has the right to make the choice that is best for her. I think if he stays over its NOT a big deal. I actually got pregnant (condom broke) at 16 and gave birth at 17 . My beautiful son was stillborn at 38 wks 5days . I wish all the world to have him back hence my opinion on abortion. I'm glad your daughter and her bf are responsible about prevention of pregnancy and hope that when the time is right they'll have all the things they want in life. It's so rare to find that someone at a young age and I think that should be embraced... I don't think him staying Hurts anything it may just make that relationship stronger...

Sandra - posted on 01/25/2013

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This is one of those posts that just won't go away. I commented on this well over a month ago.

The woman almost sounds "childlike" as if she is a peer...not a parent.

I read this post to my 17 year old Daughter. Even my Daughter thought this was ridiculous.

As I said before. The Mom is way too invested in their "relationship" & not in a GOOD way!

And really? "No nasty comments". What did you expect? Sorry lady. Life is not all "Pooh Clouds, stars & flowers."

1st thing you need to do is get you're own life. Perhaps YOU are the one that needs a relationship? Just a thought!

Lisa - posted on 01/25/2013

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My Opinion is No! I have taught my children that having sex under "My Roof" (Home) will only be allowed if they are married. Call me what you like (old fashioned etc.) I believe and know of course they are having Sex but does necessarily mean that I have to allow it under my roof. We need to go back to the 1950"s! People went to church prayed together as families. In this day and age everyone thinks it's okay because that is what Society allows? Where's the Morals Where's commitment? etc..My son is 24 now and my middle child turns 16 next week and asks me constantly can his girlfriend stay over?? I will not be that Parent although I have great lines of communication with them, they have been taught that every action has a consequence.

Already discussed if she got pregnant to have an abortion? wtf already pre-planning a murder of your future grandchild?? Great Parenting! Your going to have to answer for this someday..Good Luck!

Karen - posted on 01/24/2013

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"they are not the typical teenage relationship filled with lust and pressure to do things"

Umm...Yes, they are! Otherwise they wouldn't behaving sex!

It's very typical for highschool sweethearts to think they're going to stay together forever. How often des that actuallyhappen these days? As you said "It's 2012 people not 1950".

Francine - posted on 01/14/2013

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My thoughts are they are too young to be playing house no matter the age (teens) and no matter what dicussions you guys have had. They are not even legally adults at this moment and you are treating them like they are, they are just teenagers and do not fully understand everything that that entails.

Tah - posted on 01/08/2013

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We are helping little boys objectify our daughters. Look at the girl that was at a party and says she was raped by two football players at her high school. They have pics of her being carried around like a hog. That is bad enough. The video where the other boys who didn't even try to help her when they saw this type of behavior is just as bad. What they said about her being "As dead as Kaleigh Anthony" and then when asked what if it was their daughter.."Well it wasn't.....and she would have to get over it" shows a lack of empathy. Our children are not identifying with humanity and emotions. They have no respect for themselves let alone others. These are things that we teach to them. Respect yourself, don't just have sex because you can. NO your boyfriend can't come and spend the night just because you are "so in love". NO, i am not going to allow it because if not you will do it in the back of a car. I am just saddened that the mothers that allow this type of behavior don't think the way we are raising our sons and daughters now has anything to do with the state we are in right now. It is sad. Parents want to be friends and don't want their children to be upset with them. Children are running the households now and I find it sad. I had my son when I was 16. I became pregnant by my boyfriend of almost a year the first time we had sex. The condom broke. We were children. I told my son, I am not growing up with you, I am raising you. He just turned 16 himself on Christmas and I turned 32 one month prior to that. The same goes for him, No girlfriends he needs to respect himself and the girls he will come across, even if they don't know how to respect themselves. I will also be talking to him about being empathetic. College is coming, he doesn't really go to parties now, but when he gets home from wrestling practice tonight, we will be discussing the situation from above and I will be telling him(as I always do) not to just stand by while others do harm to another. Jorgia, I find it sad that people think it's okay to allow their children to do things because they are in. I see girls with shorts, skirts and jeans that basically show their tails..that's in, my child won't wear it. Kids are doing drugs, start with weed and most end up on hard core drugs, some say that is in, but I try to keep them away from that as well.When the middle and high school girls were wearing color coded bracelets to show what sex acts they would perform, that was obviously in, Does that mean you want your 16 or 17 year old walking around with a green bracelet that signifies she gives blow jobs or black saying she does anal. I could not make this stuff up. Girls as young as 12 through high school were doing this. Does that sound like a trend you want them to participate in. "In" doesn't mean it is good for them. In the OP, she talked about allowing him to stay over, she then herself began discussing their having sex and their plans for if they become pregnant, that is why we are discussing sex in our answers, because she discussed it in the OP. I will also not be held hostage by trends.

Feah - posted on 01/08/2013

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I have read some of the comments most of them negative. I do not see a problem with it if you don't. As long as they both know that this arrangement will not change the expectations that they go to college and work. The only problems seem to be moral(I am not personally against my fiance are on our 3rd year living in sin :p) , but not everyone has the same views.Just make sure you stay out of their fights. No matter how well they get along eventually they are going to fight as anyone who is living with another person is bound to do. I have experience my fiance and I due to college and financial reason have had to live with both of our parents at one point., and I know from personal experience there is nothing worse than a parent getting in the middle of a couples argument. So if you are ready go ahead!

Jorgia - posted on 01/07/2013

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Mary, i found your post about C.M grammar very rude!! now in school we call people like u a bully!! i myself had trouble in school with spelling and math and no whats its like to have your english grammar shoved in your face!! didnt realize this post was the topic of grammar anyhow!

Did they not teach U!! in school to stay on topic during a discussion??!

Jorgia - posted on 01/07/2013

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okay the comment said" i want to let my daughters long term boyfriend sleep over" IT DID NOT SAY THEY were going to have SEX! .....so if its a sleep over pjs and a movie and ma and pa r home and they r as responsible as u say they r/ then sure, why not? after all if u or anyone r worried that your teenage son or daughter r going to have sex because u let them have a sleep over then think again......u all were once in the same boat and if they r going to have sex then they will find a place and time and have sex, they r not going to wait for ma and pa to approve of a sleepover if thats what they want to do. Bottom line this is year 2013 and sex for teens is in. The other day i was talking to my girls who r 16 and 17 and they informed me that when girls talk about having sex with this one or that one they refer to it as a (KILL) so and so has had 5 kills with this one and that one...UNREAL!

Julia - posted on 01/06/2013

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Let them play house in your house! My thoughts I wouldn't allow it and I guess call me old fashioned.But that's my opinion so it doesn't matter,I think they will outgrow each other when they get older and be with someone else.

Strict - posted on 01/05/2013

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I strongly don't believe in allowing teens to date. Until the child is out of school I believe the only thing they should be stressing over is getting the best grade possible and good sportsmanship.

Essie - posted on 01/05/2013

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"I have spent 20 years in the medical community watching teens make poor choices"

Shellie, which part of a 16 year old having sex is a good choice?? Are you suggesting this 16year old can not get pregnant because her mother is discussing sex with her and entertaining it? Condoms break, pills dont work sometimes!! For some of us parents, talking about sex with our kids doesnt mean ok them to do it, on the contrary, its about the beauty of sex, AT THE RIGHT TIME(AGE)!!

I actually commend this mother for having a clear open line of communication with her child....I am willing to bet that most of the other 99% of you can't say the same.......

Actually Shellie, most of us have an even better line of communication with our kids about sex, babies, STD's etc. If you're suggesting that this mom is better than the 99% because her 16 year old is having sex with her approval, under her roof, then call me a bad mom cos as you said this is 2012, not 1912 so people arent naive and ignorant anymore. They are more educated so they should make wise choices. I would expect your kind of reasoning to be back dated to 1912!!

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I am just floored at the Bible Thumping "Jesus" postsYou can have your faith without being blind to society...This is 2012 people...not 1912....

I have spent 20 years in the medical community watching teens make poor choices and the vast majority of them are making them because they have parents who are to embarrassed to counsel and inform them about sexuality and their bodies. I have seen many a teenage girl pregnant and their mothers/fathers NEVER discussed sex with them at all, so they relied on the information they were obtaining from other teens and following in what they think is "normal" behavior......All these kids would be making better choices if parents were parenting and keeping the lines of communication open with their children about sex. Not talking about it and avoiding it is NOT helping.....Grow up parents...it is your JOB to INFORM your children about sex and sexual choices.....

I think that only a mother knows their children and that complete strangers are going to make comments biased to their own personal belief systems. If you accept the choices that your daughter and her boyfriend are making and you are comfortable enough to let them stay in your home....that is your choice and what people here say don't matter. It is a choice between you, your daughter, her boyfriend, and if he is a minor...his parents.....The rest of the world shouldn't care., nor should their opinions matter...

I truly believe if PARENTS spent better time being parents when it comes to talking to our children about their sexuality from an early age.....MORE teenagers would be making better decisions.....Abstinence may not be their choice, but they may be comfortable enough to ask for, and get the proper birth control to prevent unplanned pregnancy...Maybe then teen pregnancy would be down and so MANY teenage statistics I have seen over the last 20 years wouldn't exist........

I actually commend this mother for having a clear open line of communication with her child....I am willing to bet that most of the other 99% of you can't say the same.......

Sandra - posted on 01/05/2013

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Oh my goodness! My Husband has now joined in this discussion. (I have been filling him in on everyone's comments.).

I just read to him the comment from Joe Y. about "once the kids realize the world is bigger than their zip code..."

My Husband just commented: "Yes and also bigger than these kids' ZIPPER!" :o)

Joe - posted on 01/05/2013

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I can't believe what I just read, I am not a really conservative person but this is too much. This lady is going to regret doing what she is doing when they grow up and they realise there is world out there bigger than their zip code.

Mary - posted on 01/05/2013

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@Trol

You cannot possibly be an adult with a child/children.
Your grammar and spelling are that of a young grade school child.

If you want to pretend to be all grown up, please.. please. ... please learn the English language so the rest of us don't burn our retinas.

mk

Trol - posted on 01/05/2013

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Belive me... let them do what they want by comon sence in your rules and the laws, it will all end up perfect, there 16~18, let them have "there time", there not 12 anymore, im shure they have some common sence to lead there events to something they like..

Tracey - posted on 01/05/2013

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what about protecting her heart? Jesus died for us. courtship is beautiful dating without regrets. we were created in God's likeness and image.

Sandra - posted on 01/04/2013

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Such a LOADED discussion!
First I must say it sounds as though the Mom is a little "too invested" in her Daughters relationship. She seems to know very intimate details of the relationship. That being said, my own Daughter is 17. She has a BF of the same age. I DID allow my Daughter to sleep over at her BF's house New Years Eve. MY Daughter slept in in BF room. BF on couch. It was 1 time/a Holiday & I based my decision on the fact that I preferred her staying over than driving home on New Years Eve. Other than THAT type of situation ...I am against "sleepovers."
It almost seems as though this Mom scouting for a son-in-law?

Tammie - posted on 01/03/2013

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Mary, your morals are great and I believe in what you are saying. We have to face no matter how much we teach our children to wait until marriage, few and far between wakes. A 16 year old does not know the wisdom between in love and sex. I was 16, many years ago and not a good path of men I was going after. I am thankful I waited; I have a great husband. I really like your post Mary.

Brandi - posted on 01/03/2013

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Abortion is MURDER. Yes maybe it is your house and your rules, but I do not agree with abortion. If she does not want a baby then she should not be having sex. And if you don't want to be a grandma then you should not be letting your 16 year old daughter have sex or condoning her spending the night with her boyfriend. I am not stupid enough to believe that my daughters will not have sex before they are married, but I do know that no matter how old they are if they decide to have sex they better be ready to own up to the responsibility of raising a baby. I also know that if they are having sex at 16 then it will most definitely not be because I allowed it.

Strict - posted on 01/03/2013

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I agree with you Mary.

I too am shocked at the number of moms here enabling their daughters into living such an immoral lifestyle. I have heard about two types of people - those who have all their pregnancy weight melt off while breastfeeding and those who hang on to the last 10 lbs.

At what age did the immoral mother decide to stop breastfeeding her daughters long term boyfriend sleep over needs?

There are absolutely no words to say about this! Seriously some form of mental issues that really need dealing with!! This daughter is totally at risk in my eyes and someone should really intervene!!

Mary - posted on 01/03/2013

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I am shocked at the number of moms here enabling their daughters into living such an immoral lifestyle.
This is what is so wrong with society. Parents who have absolutely no morals and raising children with the same mindset.

This is truly sad.

If my daughters go out and have sex in high school, it will be without my permission and without me taking them to a GYN for birth control.
They will be doing so knowing full well that this is not what God has intended for them.
They will have to deal with the repercussions.
If they want to act like adults when they aren't, they will need to deal with it like an adult.
They will need to get their own birth control...etc.

We are teaching our children that sex is special between a husband and wife.
My kids will not be dating in high school.
They will not be hanging out with children whose parents okay such lewd behavior.
We will be encouraging courtship... dating with a purpose.

My daughters will be taught that if the boy/man respects them he will not pressure them for sex. He is obviously not the man God has intended for them if he is only thinking with his penis.

My boys are being taught to respect women and to wait for the woman God has intended for them.

mk

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