Denise - posted on 05/23/2012 ( 18 moms have responded )
I thought that my 16-year-old daughter was sexting with a much older guy and it turned out that she wasn't.
What happened was that my daughter "Samantha" left her phone out on the coffee table and went to do something one night a month and a half back and then got a text message. Out of pure curiosity, I decided to check it and the message was a photo of a 30-something-year-old man completely naked with a really sexual message.
I immediately assumed (yes, big mistake on my part) that she was doing stuff with this guy and felt sick. I furiously confronted her, screamed at her, yelled at her that I raised her better than that, and made the mistake of not letting her speak her side of the story because I thought that she would be lying.
I gave her a huge punishment: Grounded for 2 months, absolutely no privilages whatsoever, stripped her room to just a bed, dresser, and bookshelf, confined to her room for half of the grounding, then, before I called the police to report the sext, I smashed her phone with a hammer and announced that she would never have a phone again.
Most of what I did and said was out of anger and I still regret it to this day.
Samantha kept insisting that she wasn't doing anything, but I wouldn't listen.
Then, a couple of days later, I learned that the guy who sent the message was trying to send it to his girlfriend, but accidentally typed the wrong number. The police even showed me proof of it and that while I was disciplining her, the guy sent an apology text to Samantha.
I felt SO horrible and embarrassed, so I went up to Samantha's room and when she opened the door, she glared at me with the most angriest eyes I had ever seen in her. I made a very sincere and heartfelt apology to her and practically begged her forgiveness, but she showed me her middle finger, said "f--- you" and slammed the door in my face. (No, I did not punish her for that because I felt like I deserved it after what I did)
I am so guilty and angry with myself over what I did. She has not spoken to me since and she frequently glares at me with angry and unforgiving eyes. I hear her talking to her friends on the house phone and whenever she talks about me, she calls me by my first name, not "my mom" or anything like that and also refers to me as "her" not "my mom".
My husband, who was away on a business trip when this happened, is extremely angry with me for immediately jumping to conclusions and not letting her tell her side of the story. He told me that not only am I going to buy Samantha a new cell phone (which I am definately going to do), but I have to buy her the very best phone there is, regardless of how expensive it might be.
I'm worried that my actions may have destroyed our relationship and have never felt more guilty in my entire life. I'm worried that even if I do buy her a top-of-the-line cell phone, she still might not forgive me for my other actions.
What should I do? How can I get her to forgive me? Would buying her a top-of-the-line cell phone, like my husband demanded me to do, work or something?