If your son got someone pregnant

Lisa - posted on 03/17/2010 ( 599 moms have responded )

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My 17 year old is having a baby in September and everything seemed to be going fine until the parents of the boy found out...now he does not want anything to do with my daughter or the baby and neither do his parents....he will be 19 when the baby comes. They say that this will ruin his life and that he is going to University in the fall and that we can expect no help financially from them....I would like to know what other parents think...I also have a son and if he got someone pregnant he would have to support that child even if he only knew the girl two days or two years....

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Daniella - posted on 02/17/2013

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Sadly, your daughter didn't get pregnant by herself, she had some help. Apparently his parents are the run from responsbility type, which does not help your daughter or grandchild. It seems to me they are forcing your hand, and by that I say take the father to court to force child support because without a court order the system can't help her get the assistance she needs such as WIC, medicaid, or food stamps. It may seem cruel to go this route but your grandchild is the one who will suffer without the asssitance.
Apparently he didn't think about ruining her life when he got her pregnant. This isn't about his life or your daughter's life its about what'sbest for your grandchild.
I too have a son and remind him of his responsbility should this happen to him along with remindng my daughter of the same fact. I hope things work out for your daughter and grandbaby! Good Luck

Lillian - posted on 02/17/2013

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It's sad that this happens too often. I would encourage your daughter to establish paternity as soon as THEIR baby arrives. Sometimes, it takes the proof to make people come around. I pray that the paternal grandparents as well as the father, have a change of heart. God bless you and continue to support your daughter!

Lindsey - posted on 02/17/2013

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I'd make my son stand by his child and he knows it and has known it since before it was ever going to be a possibility. I'd also stand by both kids. It's not just their son shirking his responsibilities as the childs father but also them as grandparents.

Bernadette - posted on 02/17/2013

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He is old enought to have sex he is old to be a dady. This is real life not childish thay knew what they were doing under the sheets would cause a baby. Time to pay up!

Dee Dee - posted on 02/17/2013

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omg , 494 comments.
I don't know if anyone would read my comment. anyway, here it is.
I don't have any son, so this will never happen to me. however, if it does happen to me, this is what I would do.....
1. buy something she like and visit her...
2. make sure she has vatamin, food and medical insurance and doctor for her and baby.
3. ask her if she need any help.
4. offer her help just like they are married, if she want me to. or else, I will stay away.
5. help my son to accept the reality that he has a son. get marry to build a family or stay responsible as much he can as a father. Loves comes many way and shapes.

MaryLou - posted on 02/17/2013

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Start by getting a court ordered Paternity test. When the baby arrives, go for child support. He helped make that baby-he can help look after it. If he and his parents chose not to have anything to do with it, so be it. That is something they will have to live with and have deal with facing that child later, years down the road. you need to do this.

Karen - posted on 02/17/2013

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Hmm, is the time stamp correct on this.? This came in me email today... bit did this thread really start in 2010?!! If so, recent posts really don't help now do they? Lol

Karen - posted on 02/17/2013

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Regardless if he wants to help or not, child support is not an option but a requirement! She didn't get pregnant by herself and she shouldn't have to carry the finances by herself either. One day when he grows up, (clearly he's still immature) perhaps he will want to be in the child's life. Don't force that. The child and your daughter would only siffer if he participated unwillingly. But demand he steps forward w/ child support. Perhaps he will think twice before getting or leaving some girl the same situation he helped get your daughter in, in the future. If he is held accountable for his actions. Ruin his life? Certainly not. Change it perhaps... but he should have considered the responsibility of sex and being an adult before pretending he was one. Best wishes!

Rana - posted on 02/17/2013

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Uh no! We told my older boys that if they were old enough for sex they were old enough to man-up and take responsibility. The fact that he is 18+ he will have no choice if your daughter wants to take him to court. That is what's wrong with this world is parents want to be their kids buddy instead of stting boundries and making them accept responsibility for their actions. I'd leave the parents out of it and just deal with him.

Sarah - posted on 02/17/2013

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I dont give flying shit what he or his parents think. HE IS FINANCIALLY responsible. The law says so. If that changes if he wants to be part of baby's life or not, he syill has to pay. Child support. I would hope that he goes to college becayse he now has to get a good job to suupport that child. Tell her to expect that he will have to do a paternity test so it wont matter if he starts denyng that its his baby next off. Been there done that. Prepare her to be a sngle mom, she needs to finish school go to college and get a job to support that beby as well. I know I went threw thus as well and thank god for my mother who partially financial ly suppritrd me and my son as did my 2 jobs and then school loand till I was gainfully employed by the time my son was 2. And Im still in the same career 15 yrars later. Married, divorced, remarried and with 5 children now. Its hard but tell her to only count on herself and then there is less disappointment and heartbreak for her. If he at some point strps up the better for baby even if he doesnt deserve the chance the baby does. Good luck to your daughter and your family. Enjoybthat grand baby. My mother says its better than being a mom! Lol

Jacqueline - posted on 02/17/2013

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I had my daughter at age 17, she is now 21 & in college (thank you Jesus). I had talks with her at a very early age because I didn't want her to be another version of me. If you know your young daughters are sexually active, introduce them to some form of birth control. It's not easy being a young mother. #speakingfromexperience#

Jody - posted on 02/17/2013

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The boy should have thought about the consequences before having sex without protection. You and your daughter could fight to get financial support, or this may be a blessing in disguise, have him sign away his parental rights so that he and or his parents can't come back in 6 months or a year or 2 and decide they want the baby. Good Luck and I will be hoping for the best for your family.

J M - posted on 02/16/2013

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Its all about a wee babies life here, now toddler? and all the adults should grow up and stop being the baby!

He made the baby, and as long as their proof he is the father 100%,m then financially when ever he does earn some $$, "legally he is 100% responsible to pay, no doubts no confusion , he has to either pay willingly, or pay because the law will help him grow up and tell him about birds and bees . babies and his r e s p o n s i b i t y :) If his Parents are to cowardly to step up for their own Grandchild as well, really they are copping out as well.


Even if he has nothing to do with the baby now, what happens when he ,may get another pregnant, is his Mummy and Daddy going to rescue him then as well?.

He played, he should pay, simple.. also the baby has it rights to know its Father as well, so its not just about him, or $$ very s ad however this happen all the time, and it's the babies always miss out, or may be win if they may have a dead beat father, depending which way one looks at it.

If the Bio Boy Father/ and his parents, your in laws are like this now, then better with out them, but do hope they come to their senses, as in the end they will miss out having a lovely wee Grand child:(

Julia - posted on 02/16/2013

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I'm so curious how this all turned out. I've seen this situation so often were once the baby comes everyone loves it and comes around. It has been a few year but through all the comments couldn't find an update. Call me old fashion but my sons girlfriend turns up pregnant and after I wack him in the head it is right to the ring shop. PERIOD! Don't lay down with a girl you aren't prepared to marry birth control or not. This will be a very clear issue in our family.

Joni - posted on 11/24/2012

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Child support services is there for situations like this. No matter how old you are you cannot have a child and expect not to at least pay child support for it. The only way to get around that is if you are a deadbeat and refuse to work. I have two teenaged boys and I have always touted the importance of condoms not only to prevent pregnancy but STDs as well. I would accept any baby into my family regardless of how long the parents knew each other, it is not the baby's fault its parents were reckless and those reckless parents will need all the help they can get until they find their bearings. It is hard enough being a parent as an adult I couldn't imagine being a parent at 17.

Janet - posted on 11/21/2012

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I agree with all the other respponders that the boy should definitely help with financial support for the baby. So many young men are getting girls pregnant and expecting someone else to support and take care of them. However, the baby isn't here yet, so I will be praying for your daughter's sake and the sake of the this precious baby, that once the father sees it as a REAL living being he will see things diferently. If not, then I will pray for him and his parents because it will truly be their loss and one they will most likely live to regret.........

Adrian - posted on 11/17/2012

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My son and his then girlfriend got pregnant at sixteen. I am proud to say he stepped up like a man and stood bybher even when they were not together. My granddaughter has the security of knowing she is loved by both parents.Hopefully this young man will realize what he is throwing aay and stand up to his parents.because no matter what they may say it is still up to him.i would still make him own up to his financial responsibilty to your daughter and their child,its not fair for it to only be on you.

Carla - posted on 11/12/2012

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well my advice to you would be first off is to tell him and the parents you want to do A DNA so that there is no doubt the child is his because that will be what is said next..Second after this is done and the baby is his reguardless he will have to pay child support makes no difference what his parents say..If he didn't want tp pay he shouldn't have played..and I always told my sons the same thing you get a girl pregnant then your going to help support and take care of that child..but in saying this as a mother I would also insist upon a DNA test..just to make sure as there are lots of girls who claim they belong to this one when in fact they don't..

Rachel - posted on 11/01/2012

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He helped make that baby, he needs to help take care of it financially.

It doesn't matter what they say, your daughter needs to take him for child support.

Lauren - posted on 11/01/2012

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my eldest childs dad walked away when he found out i was pregnant and never gave me or her a 2nd thought, even moved country and even when i messaged most of his family to inform them she was born (10weeks old at this point) he still didnt want to know and his parents stuck by his decision and turned their backs too... now my daughter is turning 4 in january and he has booked flights and hotel to come and meet her as he now wants to be apart of her life and admits how stupid he was and how he dealt with the situation...

Amy - posted on 10/29/2012

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Lisa,



I would give him a month or so after the baby is born to change his mind about wanting to be involved. If he doesn't come around then ask him to sign away his rights. Means he will have to take no responsibility for the baby but he will also get none of the advantages. If he refuses to sign away his rights, take him to court for custody and support. You can't force somebody to want to be apart of something they don't want. He and his family will be the ones to lose out. You and your daughter should enjoy this time and screw him if he doesn't see it as a good thing. As for it ruining it life, he should have thought of that before she got pregnant.

Sarah - posted on 10/29/2012

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Wow, way to teach the kid to never take responsibility......My son would absolutely be held responsible! God bless you for not turning your daughter away!

Veronica - posted on 10/23/2012

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Lisa, first of all - be a proud GrandMA! Help your daughter, she must be horrified. The boy migh change his mind in time. His parents make a terrible mistake. I am a mother of a boy, if he would ever get a girl pregnant, even if by accident, i would take responsibility myself, if he would not. I try to teach him that you have to be responsible whatever you do.



Wish you the best, hang on. Happy you are an understanding mother and dont treat your daughter badly.

Carmen - posted on 10/22/2012

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Tough luck for them! If your daughter takes him to court and has a paternity test done, then he doesn't have a choice unless he gives up his rights! It takes two to tango!! It's really too bad that people don't make the man (or boy) assume his responsibilities! It may be more of a struggle, but college is still possible. I graduated with my BA andI had two kids. It doesn't ruin your life unless you allow it to.

Cass - posted on 10/16/2012

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Hopefully the parents just need time to come to their senses. People are saying it's the boy who is the dead beat but it's really the parents, right, because everything was fine until they found out. The real war is against his parents, they want to cover this whole story up with denial so that he can go to university. Great, he has the right to go to university - but get the child support, your daughter has the right to child support. If the parents aren't responding to your request of signing legal documents of having zero rights to the child in the future, then I especially doubt they will respond to the DNA testing (unless you take matters into a lawyer's hands). If your determined to get the child support your daughter needs, and the parents of the boy aren't cooperating, then play your cards, they boy had sex with a minor and this is taken seriously by the law - the parents will respond to that as they have no choice. Either way, you have the upper hand in this battle.. if you chose to fight it. Perhaps though, you may be content with just knowing they will have to walk with their head down. Its perfectly okay to not wish a stressful war, and just deal with matters as they are, alone. Best of luck and I feel for you guys, sending love!

L R - posted on 10/16/2012

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It may be to the best interest of your daughter that this boy isn't involved in her life. If you can be supportive to your daughter physically and financially, I would help her to get her life on track and I give her thumbs up for keeping the baby and going on. If he does pay child support, then he has the right to see the child and have partial custody and truthfully, it may seem like a great idea now but for the baby's sake, I would walk away from him. Your daughter is young and has a whole life ahead of her. She can hopefully go to college and do well for herself. But until then, she needs your love and support. I commend you for being there.... Best of luck.

Elizabeth - posted on 10/15/2012

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Sorry did not realize this was an older post. I hope all is going well for your daughter. :)

Elizabeth - posted on 10/15/2012

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First here is a big {{{hug}}} for you Mom. Second, the Parents can say what ever they want, but he does have to accept responsibility for that baby. Financial at least. You can not make him become emotionally involved at first but as he matures that may change. (he is obviously still young mentally if he let his parent push her away). My heart goes out to your daughter, it must be so hard on her to be rejected like that while pregnant. I hope for her sake the parents are just reacting first and thinking about it later and will change their minds. I know I am bad for reacting fast to things. Hopefully they are not bad people just scared for their son.



I have already told my son he would have to support a baby if this happend to him. But I would hope to be able to work it out and college too, it would only benfit the baby in the long run if the father has an education. I just tell him he would be working, and going to a local college and not way to school like he plans.

Deborah - posted on 10/15/2012

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I see that you have received many replies but here you go....too bad for that family thinking that he is not going to support the child because that is what CHILD SUPPORT COURT is for! Your daughter needs to get the ball rolling on that ASAP and when he graduates and is making more money then she needs to take him back to court again. She didn't create this child on her own and how dare these people expect her to handle on her own! I have a son and I would not stand for this type of behavior. They are not teaching him to be a man.

Andrea - posted on 10/10/2012

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Good luck on the financially part! It's not up to them, it's up to the State after your daughter files for child support. You can't just go around making babies and not expect to have to pay for them!

Tia - posted on 10/07/2012

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Just have her file for child support as soon as the baby is born,and accept that,that may be all she gets from him.In the Bible it says that we all are to be married before having sex or having kids.People often over look this,and they think that they can do it their way and everything will be the same.If she was married to the guy,he would probably be there for her and the baby now.Its really sad that his parents are acting like that,but you talking to him probably won't help.The only people that can convince him to do the right thing are people who he knows and truly cares about,like his parents,not you and not your daughter.Also,they may have told him that they won't be raising his baby for him,and that he has to either go off to college,or move out and get his own place.The parents seem to not want to let anything get in the way of their son going to college and becoming successful,and he does not want to go against their will and lose all of their support.

Wendy - posted on 10/06/2012

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his parents are selfish deadbeats and teaching him that he doesnt need to take responsibility for his actions. he is 19 he will be old enough to pay child support. paternity test then go after the family in court

Amy - posted on 10/01/2012

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Well, 19 years old. He is an adult. The court will order support even if he isnt working. Im sorry he/they are being like this....he will regret it later.



You wont even need to take action against him im sure, the local DHS will do it themselves.

Amanda - posted on 10/01/2012

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wow i'd say take his ass to DCF. he thinks this will ruin his life nobody ruined it for him but himself. i mean what about your daughter?? she has a right to go to college. just because THEY are pregnant doesnt mean he has no reasponsiblity. they both do. DCF is department of children and families. they help get child support enforced. it takes kind of a long process so if your daughter wants child support to help her out then she should get started soon. you go there a astablish paternity. he HAS to show up and give a paternity test or he will be in toruble. they do all the work for you and if the test comes out that he is the father then they make him pay so much child support based on his income and your daughters income and how old the baby is and everything he or she needs. and if he doesnt pay every month he can be thrown into jail 1st hes givin a warning then they do something about it. he doesnt have to see the baby bit he DOES have an obligation to that baby and your daughter to finanicially help. at least they have this in florida. im not sure if they do where you are but hopefully they do

Shelly - posted on 09/30/2012

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it so sad when parents let there child think that it is ok to not be responsible for things they do in life .Then the parents of that teenage boy will be so upset when he depends on them for everything and never takes responsibility for any of his actions and wonder where they went wrong.i have a younger brother and he was 15 and my mother told him he was responsible for that baby that he didnt have to be with the mother of the child but he needed to be a daady the best he knew how.My mother was a single mother and knew this would be hard but my brother got job by 16 helped diapers and clothing ect.and now there married both have great jobs and three healthy boys he was scared too at first but i believe if someone could talk to him and explain things he might come around my dad left when i was young so i comend your daughter for doing it alone it is a hard job best of luck to you

Patricia - posted on 09/30/2012

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Have your daughter set up a meeting with the boy and you; don't pressure him. Just talk to him as if he was your own son. Maybe his parents are forcing his hand, maybe he doesn't even want to go to university; he might be feeling very guilty and have emotional issues himself.

My brother's girlfriend had an abortion, against his wishes years ago when they were teenagers, and he never got over it. He wanted the baby; he was Catholic.

Be the boys Mom; he doesn't seem to have good parental role models.

Good luck.

Shawn - posted on 09/29/2012

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Tell him and his parents that men take responsibility for their actions. Period. This is where all the self indulged, irresponsible, gratification junkies are coming from. His parents are enablers, allowing him to shirk responsibility for his actions. If nothing else sue them, keep every message, every comment, save them to word documents with the date and all attached and sue them. He helped make that baby and if nothing else should help support it, and if his parents want him to beg off then they can take up the slack. Teach them that raising irresponsible brats is unacceptable.

Mary - posted on 09/28/2012

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Actions have consequences. This is a lesson we all have to learn in life. It does not matter what he wants or his parents want. It was his choice and he needs to take responsibility.



Technically she is underage and he is over 18. He needs to think his lucky stars he is not being charged with child abuse and having to register as a sex offender. The same thing happened in my town and they put the boy in jail. In addition to this the father of the 17yo girl brought a civil suit against the boy and his family.

Elissa - posted on 09/28/2012

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You can't make people do what's right.... But you sure as hell can get the court on their ass...lol. This is a psycho drama trying to make a girl feel responsible for having gotten pregnant... Same kind of people who blame female rape victims.... If they want to help him, they can pay his child support bills.

Laualee - posted on 09/25/2012

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that right the respect that so that should have to support what he done aye

Jennie - posted on 09/25/2012

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Trust me by the sounds of it she's better off I'm on my own with two boys and its hard but I get double the hugs the kisses and the I love you ya can't do anything about it just be there for your daughter at least every decision that has to b made is up to her no hassle or hardship and down the line tell the child the truth when he/she is old enough to understand I know I will and ill b so proud that I got them to where they are and I'm sure so will ur daughter gud luck and congrats on becoming a nanny :))

Jen - posted on 09/25/2012

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It isn't their call. He's a legal adult and what their feelings are on the matter are irrelevant, though certainly sad that they aren't interested in meeting their grandchild. Your daughter is well within her rights to seek child support and perhaps that will steer him towards visitation with his child, and maybe, with time, cooler heads will prevail. But regardless, it's not their business.

Abigail - posted on 09/25/2012

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its amazing that their sons life will be ruined, how about your 17 year old. what if their child is the one who had gotten pregnant. am sorry you are going through this. at least the parents know. they will miss out on the joys of grandparenting. if they are not going to help financially there is nothing we can do. but the father should not be let off the hook. let him go to college, let him get a part time job to support this baby. why do men think its normal to be irresponsible. you are not being spiteful by asking for child support. please support your daughter and your grandchild who is a blessing. we dont know what the future holds but things have a way of working out. l hope your child will also be able to finish her education.and am thankful she has your support. are you a single parent?

Sandra - posted on 09/24/2012

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hard to attend college while you are in jail.



that's how they do it here in Tennessee.



You pay support or first they take your driver's license next they throw you in jail



it doesn't matter whether you have a job or not- support is figured on what they think you should be able to make



i have seen many a person male and female thrown in jail for failure to pay child support while in court with my ex so has he- he has never missed a payment



child support services will take care of the paternity testing and child support case you are not required to hire a lawyer



As a mother of 4 teenage boys I can't imagine letting them off like that. Fortunately, they have a 5 year old brother that drives them crazy they all say that they are never having children. Best birth control ever.lol

Tracie - posted on 09/24/2012

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His parents can say anything they want. At 19 he is legally an adult and legally and financially responsible for his child. Period.



Best of luck to you.

Alexandra - posted on 09/22/2012

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He needs to support the baby. It is the law, believe it or not.

You might have to go to court with this.

Meanwhile, make sure your daughter feels loved and supported so that her life does not become miserable. And that baby will need a tremendous amount of love.

Congratulations Grandma!

Lauren - posted on 09/21/2012

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I agree 100% if my son came home and told me he had got a girl pregnant university or not i would tell him he HAS to be there for the child - fine if he doesnt want to know the mother anymore but the child deserves both parents and ok he may not be made of money but every little helps AND having this child should give him the kick up the bum to do well at uni to be able 2 support the child in the future if he cant do so right now...

Crystal - posted on 09/21/2012

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wow... the boy still can go to college he can still continue hes goals but its gonna take a little while bc he has to support a child . i would talk to his parents and if his parents and him dont want nothing to do with the baby i would file for full costody or file for child support . that boy parents are just wrong

Tyla - posted on 09/19/2012

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I say you file for child support against him because he is an adult! If he wants nothing to do with her or the baby the least he can do is send money...I have a son and a younger brother (who recently had a scare with his GF) If my son or brother got someone pregnant and refused to help her I would kick their little butts!! If he was "man enough" for 2 minutes of "fun" he should be man enough for months of being uncomfortable, hours of pain, and 18 years of raising a child....file for child support and point out to his apparently parents with no values that if it is ok that she throws her life away from getting pregnant he should have to do the same for getting her pregnant she is not the only one who made the decision to have sex

Caylynn - posted on 09/18/2012

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also id say child support not awww but i dont want him to get mad or no he doesnt mean to be rude no those thots go through every girls head just do it

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