If your son got someone pregnant

Lisa - posted on 03/17/2010 ( 599 moms have responded )

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My 17 year old is having a baby in September and everything seemed to be going fine until the parents of the boy found out...now he does not want anything to do with my daughter or the baby and neither do his parents....he will be 19 when the baby comes. They say that this will ruin his life and that he is going to University in the fall and that we can expect no help financially from them....I would like to know what other parents think...I also have a son and if he got someone pregnant he would have to support that child even if he only knew the girl two days or two years....

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Caylynn - posted on 09/18/2012

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was a teen mom i'd say force him as much as possible to if not who cares about being together i'd say at the least dont walk out in the baby your young to be a parent but werent to young to have sex thats whats important is the baby but to not have send money but like if it were me i would support my child or grand child all the way my son would have no choise but to be apart of especially the way my husband will be wen our boy gets to teen years but i have a daughter also im 20 married our own place jobs starting school and two kids i was teen mom it was hard struggled alot but eventually graduated hs im sorry for what shes going through and its hard i know how she feels

Letitia - posted on 09/18/2012

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My sons are still little (3yrs and 10wks) but I will be telling them from a young age about the 'birds and the bees' and they will be learning about consequences of their actions. If my boys get a girl pregnant at ANY age then they WILL be supporting THIER baby. Whether it be they at there while the baby grows or they are giving child support!

In your situation, I would be telling the father that he can still be a dad while at uni. He can see the child as often as he can and if he wanted to buy things for the baby he could. It's wrong that his PARENTS have told him to hae nothing to do with it. The deed is done so he has to live with the consequence of his actions.

After all this, if he still wants to have nothing to do with it, I would send him photos every chance I got (remembering he did want the baby before his parents got involved). I think he does want the baby but he doesn't want to deceive his parents.

If worst came to worst and he was still not involved then I would be getting your daughter to claim for child support. The baby can't live on air and she will need all the help she can get.

I really hope the father changes his mind. Goodluck with it all

Sally - posted on 09/18/2012

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Even if he never acknowledges the child, he's still legally required to provide financial support. His parents need to grow up and teach him to be a man.

Elizabeth - posted on 09/17/2012

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When I got pregnant with our first child (we weren't married yet) my husband's father advised him to "disappear" and wanted to know if I had his ssn for any reason. It was quite the slap in the face, considering that we were both in our mid-twenties. We did get married, are still married, and have a second child, both children are now teens. Fortunately for me my husband was more mature and responsible than his own father would have been, and it is for this reason that I could never respect my father in law. I hope the father of your grandchild will dig deep and reject his parent's irresponsible behavior and step up to the responsibility, but if he does not, your daughter can apply for aid at which point the state will track down the father and require him to be responsible for child support or face the social stigma of being a deadbeat dad. Other than that, I would say good riddance to bad trash. People who advise their child to abandon his own child do not deserve to be in that child's life. Good luck to you.

Heather - posted on 09/16/2012

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I can't believe any parents would tell their child to leave the girl who is pregnant with his baby. Take the boy to court for child support, they might ask for a DNA test but that should not be a problem. Good luck!

[deleted account]

Just found this post and I hope everything has all been worked out by now. Saying that if I had seen this when it was first posted I would have said that your daughter and her baby are probably better off without him and his family.
If my son were to get his girlfriend pregnant you better believe that I would make sure he stepped up and took responsibility for his actions. His bio father broke up with me when I got pg (at 18), but still wanted to be in the babies life so he drove me crazy the whole 9 months. Then when my son was 5 days old he called to see how he was and that was the last time I heard from him until my son was 8yrs old. My son will NEVER become like his bio father. I refuse to let that happen.

Jennifer - posted on 08/13/2012

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I am so disgusted by how this boy's parents (and the boy) are choosing to handle this situation. I was a teen mom too and my heart hurts for how your daughter must be feeling right now around this. It is too bad that the family doesn't want to pay child support but state laws usually have something else to say about that. I went to college got two undergrad degrees and my masters degree as well. This young man needs to know that a baby does not need to be the end of the dream to go to college. The saddest part in all of this for me is that unborn child. My son is now 18 years old and he is so incredible. He works two jobs, goes to college, has a great girlfriend and is amazing with his little siblings. I got married when he was 3 years old and my husband has always been his dad and he calls him dad. However, there is a hole in his heart when it comes to his biological dad who was in his life for the first 3 years and then jumped ship. His dad has been in and out of jail most of his life and it confuses him. Especially through his early teen years he was confused by the emotions he had around his biological dad. He had a great relationship with his grandparents on that side of the family thank goodness, as I grew up with his bio dad and therefore they were quite supportive. It did not make up for the confusion though around why his dad "did not want to know him" which is how he sees it. A discussion needs to happen with him and his family. They are teaching their son horrible things. My dad had a child as a teenager and his parents did the same thing to him. He walked away from the mom and the baby. Well, when Tim (my brother/his son) was 14 years old he showed up on our doorstep. He was a very broken and hurt boy. I was too young to understand it at that point but years later when he died in a car wreck high on drugs my dad was forced to deal with his part in it.

Angela - posted on 08/13/2012

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I have four boys and I agree that if you are making a decision to have sex that both should take responsibility. A baby does not ruin lives it actually will give both strength to push harder for their goals. I think right now you should be there for your daughter, which i'm positive you are but she might go through a lot of emotions over this. Hopefully this boy will find a way to do right by your daughter once he gets away from his parents. If not I would encourage you to look into options about child support. Either apply through the state or obtain a lawyer. Honestly I hope that its just because his parents are putting pressure on him and not because he really wants to do this. He probably needs time to get his head together and maybe he will come around. I wish your family the best and no matter what you have each other through it all.

Karen - posted on 08/11/2012

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I recently found out my 17 year old has gotten his girlfriend pregnant. I have spoken with her parents and both my son and our family will help this girl. My son was also supposed to go to college in the fall of 2013. Hopefully he will eventually get a college education but for now he has a a baby on the way and a full time job waiting for him after graduation. Although I am still in shock and sick with worry about these kids i feel both my son and my family need to step up to the plate.
This baby is a part of our family and my sons child no matter how young he is.

Alexis - posted on 07/09/2012

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I would hold my son to the same standard I would hold a daughter to (who is stuck with the baby). My son had just as much to do with it as she did. If there was a questions as to whether or not it was his I would have a paternity test done and if it came back it was my son's he would be there 100%. I wouldn't make them get into a relationship if they didn't want to, but he would be there financially and physically for the child.

Lindi - posted on 07/04/2012

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Geeeeez - and what about your daugter's life!!
Your not asking they get married. This is really scary and I don't think you want these people as rolemodels in your grandchild's life.

I will report him for statutory rape if I were you (well, in my country the legal age is 18) and see that ruin his life. If you are old and 'responsible' enough to have sex you need to be able to take responsibility for that. His parent' decision will most propably haunt him all his life and they will all regret it later - once they realize what abundle of joy they missed out on.

Every action/decision in life comes with responsibilities and we must deal with them. This baby is going to be the biggest blessing in your life!! Good luck!!

Marissa - posted on 07/03/2012

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My sons are only 4 years old and 3 months old right now, but if they ever got a girl pregnant I would expect them to man up and be there for the girl and new baby. Also their nest eggs would immediatley go to the new baby, while it may not be much 5,000 would help out quite a bit for they start-up costs.

Jodi - posted on 07/01/2012

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That's why we have civil courts......you make a baby, legally you are responsible for the support of that baby! He can get an education, he needs to, AND he can help support this child. It's time for him to own his responsibilities and for his parents to get their heads out of the sand! You are old enough to have sex then you are old enough to deal with the responsibilities that can follow.

Carrie - posted on 06/30/2012

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My son is 10, but is already fully aware of what will happen if he finds himself in a similar situation. He will be required to be a Dad, but not in my house. This may sound harrsh, but I wanted to raise horses from the time I was 5, not babies. I do not want to ever do diapers and bottles, again. As far as your grandchild, & daughter, they have a right to support from the father. Courts will pay for DNA testing if this young man's family denies the child

Elizabeth - posted on 06/29/2012

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After the child is born file a case with child support recovery and go after him for the child support. if he is old enough to have sex then he is old enough to take care of his responsibility's. And what about her life? If it was my son he would have to take care of the child. But if they don't want to help they don't get to see the baby.

Jennifer - posted on 06/28/2012

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How sad. My son is 17 and I would definitely want to see my grandchild if he got someone pregnant.
I am sorry they feel this way maybe if they would have taught their son safe sex he wouldn't
be in this situation. Regardless of how they feel he has a legal responsibility to this child.
You might want to remind them of this. Maybe they would care a little more.
I agree also that he can be a father and still go to college. Sending them updates and
pictures will hopefully turn them around.
I do feel sorry for them. A grandchild no matter what age the parents are is a wonderful
blessing, I also feel bad for your daughter she doesn't deserve to be treated so badly by
them.
I will add you all to my prayer list if you don't mind.

Natasha - posted on 06/28/2012

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He's over 18. He's considered an adult and will have to pay child support. Your daughter needs to get this under way now.

Kimberly - posted on 06/27/2012

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Well there is one thing for sure... They are wasting their money by sending him off to school. The parents have already shown you what they have taught him, (to be lazy, irresponsible, and trifling) This will show up again as he goes through college, so keep this in mind.... Now what you do, and although I know this will be financially hard, you be your daughters backbone, allow her to be a parent, allow her to go out every once in awhile, inform her that this is her child and she is responsible for the well being of this child. You then inform her that although this is an emotional time for her that This To Will Pass....
You go on and set her up with any and all Family services that are available to her and the baby and make sure she stands tall... And be the best mother ever, cause while she is raising this child with unconditional love, the father will still be working on trying to be a man.
I tell you all this because I was a 17 year old mother with a strong loving family backing me and that is all it took... I then developed my own saying... "THE BEST REVENGE, IS SUCCESS" and today I am a wife and the mother of 4 loving children 3 boys and 1 girl, all which I taught God, responsibility, morals, respect,love, family values etc.....
At 48 I am proud of the blessing God gave me in these 4 gifts, My oldest son 31 will be getting married in August. My 27 year old son is working 2 jobs and helping me at home, My 22 year old daughter is at the State University on 7 academic scholarships and is now working for the police department. And my 14 year old son is reeking havoc as any 14 year old would do being that he grew up with older siblings...LOL...
I guess what I am saying, Is that there is light at the end of the tunnel and how she may feel about a guy at 17 totally changes when you actually grow up.
Now for your second question about what would you do or tell your son if he got a girl pregnant? Well, I feel like you do about that, so much so that I can't even repeat here the things that I have said about not being responsible if it ever happened. But, I did always keep it 100 with all my children.... I am delighted in stating that I am the proud owner of 7 graduation caps (1 being mine) and expecting 5 to six more and NO GRANDCHILDREN YET!....
In closing I want you to know I will be praying for you and your family.... God Bless and stay happy

Marie - posted on 06/22/2012

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Simply, he is not a minor, he got the goods then ran, make him be responsible, go to family court to get the family court to tell him of the fathers responsibilities to pay for his child's needs.



They just want to cop out from paying support. He did the deed and ran. make him responsible.



Dont have anything to do with them don;t waste words or mince words, JUST ACT and go to the family court, as long as you have the Dads name address etc, let the court fight on behalf for the babies rights for finical help.



Oh but as they don't want anything to do with the baby make very sure then to get full custody.

As people like this like to play games.



Not all is lost -:) Mean business, count your blessings you don't have that sort of person forever in your daughters or babies life, " crucial to work though any bitterness, daughter to Heal and move forward, set the boundaries get payments to help raise this baby, thats due.



For get about what you cannot change but do fight and change what you should.

Christian - posted on 06/17/2012

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It's sad that this situation hasn't helped you be a better person. Oh well, it happens. Thanks for leaving me to it. :) Have a fantastic Father's Day.

Kelley - posted on 06/15/2012

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I have had this discussion with my 17 year old son many times since I found out he is sexually active. I have made it known to him that if he gets his girlfriend, or any other girl pregnant, he WILL forever be a father. He would be made to stand up like a man and take responsibility. That being said, I also grit my teeth and provide him with condoms in hopes that he will make educated decisions. I am dumbfounded and irate as to the thinking of that boy's parents!! This is their GRANDCHILD! This baby was made by their son and your daughter, he cannot just pretend it never happened, legally or morally. Not to mention, your daughter is still a minor and he is an adult. I am so sorry you are going through this, but he should be legally made responsible if he is choosing not to be.

Shawnn - posted on 06/15/2012

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Kim/Kate, whatever your name is, you amuse me so!



I enjoy reading your so defensive posts! I'm not inconsistent, nor an idiot as a parent, my dear. I have my stand, I have my views, and I stand by them consistently.



ETA: I retract the rest of my statement, and agree with Chrissy.



I'm not feeding the troll any more.

Christian - posted on 06/14/2012

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@Kim/Kate

I'm not angry. I'm sure there was a time when I was angry, but I passed that stage before I found Circle of Moms. Actually, I'm very happy. I have a wonderful son. I'm proud of him and I love watching him grow. I'm proud of myself. I know that material things don't matter, but I do take pride in the fact that I have a nice home in a great neighborhood by a park, I drive a luxury car and my kid goes to a "foo foo" school that costs way too much money for his age AND I do it all by myself by the grace of God. So, while I'm bothered by the injustice of the situation - the same way I'm bothered when I see deadbeats live in luxury while the mothers suffer - I wouldn't characterize myself as angry.

As far as your situation is concerned, in my profession, we break things down into issues or beat and actions or whatever you want to call it, but there are several issues that can be found in your own statements. Putting aside the entire situation about your son getting someone pregnant or not (which is a separate issue) - you have shown that you have clear character flaws. If I had you as a witness in court, I could crucify you in front of a jury because some of your comments are just plain indefensible. You can flag me or call me small minded or whatever it is you do, but you have stated some things that demonstrate a breakdown in basic human morality.

1) YOU wrote that you would rather give money to lawyers than to a pregnant 20 year old unmarried woman. You stated that it was the "principle". Well, if you google the actions of psychopaths and narcissists, you will see that they constantly do immoral/mean/illegal things because of the principle. Don't twist this statement and say that I'm calling you a psychopath, I'm not. What I'm saying is that you lack moral character because you would rather hurt/withhold money from someone because of the "principle" than let go of your pride and show empathy by assisting.

2) YOU have written over and over that this child is a misstake. Generally, people with basic humanity and character don't see human life as a mistake, especially babies. The fact that you unapolegitically write that the child is a mistake shows that you have morality issues. You don't value human life that you don't find valuable. Hitler was like this. He felt his family and friends were valuable, but Jewish children were not valuable. Jewish people/children were mistakes that could/should be dismissed or elimated without sadness. Your son and his sex partner may have made a mistake, but the child is not a mistake. The fact that you don't see that distinction shows a human character/morality flaw in you. You keep touting adoption like that choice makes you humane, but its the feeling that you have toward the child that exhibits your character flaw. You have never wrote that the child could have been consummated for some great purpose. You simply call it a mistake. Something is wrong with that thought process. Even people who have abortions (moral people who have abortions) mourn the loss. "Your son is a mistake. He should not have been born." I'm sure that statement made you angry. The angry that welled up inside of you is the same feeling that people with basic human character have when you call any baby or child a mistake. For the record, I don't think your son is a mistake. I'm sure he - like the "slut's" unborn child has/had a purpose. If she aborted it, maybe the purpose was for your son to be safer when choosing sexual partners.

I'm sure you won't understand any of the statements above. You'll go on defense. You may have a snappy comeback or an insult or some statement that doesn't address any of the basic issues (that's what your personality type does), but at the end of the day - I choose to see the positive side of everything that happens in my life and I will teach my child to do the same. I'm grateful for my child. I'm grateful that I have the strength and prosperity to succeed and I'm grateful I'm open minded enough to see my own flaws (and I have a few) and try to fix them instead of defending them.

Anna - posted on 06/14/2012

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Hi. We were in the same situation with our daughter. She was 16 when she got pregnant, the waste of space was 19. He was going to another country when my daughter told him she was pregnant & his parents told him he wasn't to stay here because it wasn't what he wanted in life.

[deleted account]

Shawn - lol,,,, I have just read some of your other posts and I see EXACTLY where your coming from now.

You encourage your young sons to use guns.
You believe the only way to raise a child is to belt them. People who choose not to smack their kids - you laugh at an enjoy the I TOLD YOU SO - when there kids end up in JUVI..........(let me remind you that 90% of parents do not belt their kids and they all DO NOT end up in Juvi.....)

How you have the audacity to go on a parenting site and negate other people for their choices, when your own parenting skills leave a lot to be desired - is so hypercritical that is borders on ridiculous.

THAT is my opinion - so if you don't like it...well...................:)

Shawnn - posted on 06/12/2012

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I love it. Kim came in, hijacked the thread. First her son is 19, and the girl is "a bit" older, now, after a few pages, her son is still 19, but the girl is now "significantly" older.

First, it was casual sex, then it wasn't...he didn't want a relationship, but she did...she's poor, her parents have no money (but now they do)...

Kim, I am appalled at your sense of "responsibility". You are doing your son no favors by buying the other parents off and getting them to "agree" for him to sign away rights and not support the child. If you are that "concerned" that she's a slut, get a paternity test and deal with it more responsibly.

I'm not saying that he doesn't have the right to sign his rights away, but shouldn't HE make that decision? Not YOU? Oh, wait, because you're "well off" and have "worked hard for your fortune", you're in control of the purse strings...

Well, all I can say is that I'm glad that my son's sense of responsibility is higher than that. His first thougth wouldn't be to run home to mummy and hope she can make it all better.

No, I certainly don't know your, nor your son, for which I'm actually grateful. Before you start bitching and bashing on me, just remember one thing.

YOU put it on the internet for the world to see. You don't like the responses we're giving you, but that's ok. That's your right, not to like what you read. As it's my right to disagree with you, and call it like I see it.

May the rest of your life be blessed, and Karma not come back to bother you for this little deed. Because, I think, in the long run, you may regret it. Maybe not. Who knows. It's only my opinion, after all.

Christian - posted on 06/12/2012

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No, you are clearly sensitive and twisting my words. If a woman (or man) is left to raise a child alone because the other parent "decides" that he does not want to be involved, then he is a deadbeat. If you adopt, you are giving the child to people who want to have the responsiblity of raising a child. In that instance, you are being a blessing to someone else.

If however, you force someone to raise a child alone because "you don't want to help" for any reason, then you are a deadbeat. Plain and simple. Also, if you force a woman to adopt her child through threats and intimidation because you don't want to face your responsiblity, imo you are devoid of human decency and character.

Christian - posted on 06/08/2012

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It's also interesting that women who hate deadbeat dads that are unrelated to them will GO TO BAT for a deadbeat that is their son, brother or friend. They want to repaint the picture when at the end of the day if you ignore your kids financially or emotionally, you are just a deadbeat plain and simple.

Christian - posted on 06/08/2012

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@ Michele: I'm with you. I can never see myself being disappointed in my son, BUT if he becomes a deadbeat dad, it would break my heart. it's so avoidable. Just show up for your kids. It's funny how women show up when it's "inconvenient" and men dissappear. but that's another topic. :)

Michelle - posted on 06/07/2012

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If he is a good kid, that means he does not drink, do drugs, hang out with bad people, go to clubs or get into fights, then I would file on him and make him pay child payment.

One thing I cannot stand is a DEAD BEAT DAD.

But if he is not a good guy and has problems like drink, drugs, hang out with bad people, go to clubs or get into fights and you file on him you will reget it because he will get visatation rights and you really do not want that child around a bad person. He could harm the child or the people he is around can harm the child.

Something you have to think about.

Your daughter can raise this child on your own, I raised 2 children on my own, I worked a part time job, went to school, I lived with my parents and took care of the house, yard, washed, cooked and took care of my parents (senior citizens) ran errands and took care of the dogs in the house. I was 23 and 28 when I had my kids.

Michelle - posted on 06/05/2012

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My son is 14 and we found out that he has had sex, though he will not admit it to us. We found out because he got on my computer and was looking up informantion about sex and transmitted diseases. He hung out in the woods with two girls diffrent times with each one of them and never would come home when he was suppose to, 1-2 hours past his curfew. I found him smoking cig's.

I told my son that we cannot stop him from having sex he thinks he knows more than us, but without protection he can get diseases. I told him that the girl could sleep with someone else and that person she slept with could have been with 2 other people which means you have been with 4 people and you take a chance of getting a disease, crabs, aids anything. You also take a chance of getting her pregnant. If she miss one birth control pill she will get pregnant.

I told my son that if he get's someone pregnant he has to take on the responsibity of his mistake, part time job, school and his child. If the other person does not want that child then she/he has to sign all cusoity rights over to you, and put in writting that she/he will no longer come back to see the child or change thier mind. If they do then they have to pay back all back child support money in full.

I raised 2 children, held a part time job and went to college. I lived with my parents took care of the house, cleaning, cooking, washing, running errands for them, yard work, payed them half my tax money and half my school money and when my mom had a heart attack took care of her as well as my children. It can be done.

your son can get on food stamps as well as the child can get on medicade or file for chips insurance. Chips insurance is for children and is based off your income (can be $20 month or lower, depends on how much you make)

Michelle
countrygirlmh@yahoo.com

Christian - posted on 05/17/2012

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Kim, you're acting like the girl originally wanted to adopt. From reading your previous posts, it seems like she didn't. Why would she ask you for money if that was her first instinct? Who wouldn't want to adopt if the man/boy that got her pregnant told her that he wanted nothing to do with the baby? To face the harsh reality of being a single mom, where the dad's family totally disowns the child is tough on a grown up, so it has to be horrible for a teen to endure. When I got pregnant, I was in my 6th week and I threw up. I not the kind of person who throws up, so I knew there was something inside of my and I thought of that something as a little person. If that girl thinks of her something as a little person, she is have a HORRIFIC time right now.

I think that fundamentally that there a two main reasons that women get the choice. I will explain this to my son. 1) It's thier body. So, if my son had to have someone enter his genitals and scrape/vacum living cells from his insides (i.e. an abortion), then he should be allowed to make that choice. The same goes for adoption. Pregnancy is painful physically and emotionally. Those are not 9 easy months, so since a woman's body is the ONLY body affected, it's only fair that she gets the choice.
2) At the end of the day, while there are exceptions to every rule, for the most part a woman will (married or not - unwanted pregnancy or not) be the primary caregiver for the child. She will spend the majority of her time and income caring for the child, so to ask a man to contribute 25-30 percent of his income to his biological creation is not undue burden.

A man's choice comes beforehand. It's very simple. Don't have sex with a woman if you do not want to risk the possibilty of the responsibility that may be involved if a child is created. One of my favorite quotes, which helps me accept responsibilty in situations that I think may be hard or unfair is that "When you choose the action, you choose the consequences". I will teach my son to face the consequences of his actions. I hope it will build character in him to learn his life lessons and be a responsible man of substance, who deals with challenges positively instead of running away from them.

Christian - posted on 05/17/2012

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Kim, you're acting like the girl originally wanted to adopt. From reading your previous posts, it seems like she didn't. Why would she ask you for money if that was her first instinct? Who wouldn't want to adopt if the man/boy that got her pregnant told her that he wanted nothing to do with the baby? To face the harsh reality of being a single mom, where the dad's family totally disowns the child is tough on a grown up, so it has to be horrible for a teen to endure. When I got pregnant, I was in my 6th week and I threw up. I not the kind of person who throws up, so I knew there was something inside of me and I thought of that something as a little person. If that girl thinks of her something as a little person, she is having a HORRIFIC time right now.



I think that fundamentally there a two main reasons that women get the choice. I will explain this to my son. 1) It's thier body. If my son had to have someone enter his genitals and scrape/vacum living cells from his insides (i.e. an abortion), then he should be allowed to make that choice. The same goes for adoption. Pregnancy is painful physically and emotionally. Those are not 9 easy months, so since a woman's body is the ONLY body affected, it's only fair that she gets the choice.

2) At the end of the day, while there are exceptions to every rule, for the most part a woman will (married or not - unwanted pregnancy or not) be the primary caregiver for the child. She will spend the majority of her time and income caring for the child, so to ask a man to contribute 25-30 percent of his income to his biological creation is not undue burden.



A man's choice comes beforehand. It's very simple. Don't have sex with a woman if you do not want to risk the possibilty of the responsibility that may be involved if a child is created. One of my favorite quotes, which helps me accept responsibilty in situations that I think may be hard or unfair is that "When you choose the action, you choose the consequences". I will teach my son to face the consequences of his actions. I hope it will build character in him to learn his life lessons and be a responsible man of substance, who deals with challenges positively instead of running away from them.

Carmen - posted on 05/14/2012

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Ahhh, Mindy.....I have also been on both sides of the child support issue. And I agree....the system is broken. It doesn't work the way it is. When they take so much of your money that you can't pay rent on even the dumpiest apartment. But, I don't want to turn this post into a child support thing. I loved the things you said in your post.

Carmen - posted on 05/14/2012

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That's a tough question, Kim. As a grandma that would be hard. Both of my children had babies when they were young - although not quite that young. And each one of my grandchildren are so special and I love them so much. That being said, I think I would be supportive of my daughter wanting to put her baby up for adoption even though it would be hard. At 15, I would question her ability to be a responsible parent....and as much as I would help, I am the grandma, not the parent. I have always believed that adoption was the ultimate love for a child. To know that you are not equipped to take care of a child for whatever reason and to want to give that gift to your child.

Sarah - posted on 05/13/2012

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Wow. The baby is just as much his responsibility as it is hers. You never blame the girl fully, thats demening and stupid. Unless the boy is a complete moron. If he's a total idiot I can see you blaming her. How can he go to university or grow up if he can't make his own proper decisions? Whats more important? Being a selfish stupid moron who makes a bunch of babies and runs back to his Mommy and hides after his 5th girlfriend is pregnant? Or nail the title of father and responsibility into his head?
Guess what, it's your job to teach him to do the right thing. Not doing your job as a parent and teaching him responsibility makes you a shitty parent. resign, you should probably stop having children.

Carmen - posted on 05/11/2012

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I know a young man who I believe was 15 when he got his girlfriend pregnant. They do not get along, but he worked through high school, spent time with his daughter, paid support and went on to become a surgeon. All along, his daughter was a big part of his life. Having a child does not mean the boy can't become succesful....it only means that he may have to go about it a different way. And it's NOT going to be easy. But, nothing worthwhile is in this life. I think it's deplorable for his parents to encourage this attitude from him. This is their grandchild too. It doesn't say much for them that they are teaching him he doesn't have to be responsible for his actions. I'm really sorry.

Karen - posted on 05/10/2012

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I'm with you lisa. I have two boys and a girl. It is a real possibility to me that one of them could go through a teen pregnancy issue. Legally he has to support the child. I know that i would be upset but will give every ounce of support i can if/when this happens in my world.
Good luck and enjoy being a nan :)

Christian - posted on 05/09/2012

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@Kim: In the analogy, I meant that having sex with women was speeding because men/boys know that if a girl/woman gets pregnant, they are really powerless as far as the choice to have the child or not. In reality, they are not totally powerless because they can choose how they react to her decision, but that's another conversation.

You are right. I absolutely don't know anything about your son, except what you post about him on this blog and like I've said before, I'm sure he or you are not monsters. He's probably a regular teen, who did something that most regular teens are doing, but he got "caught" (for lack of a better word).

Everytime you add a new fact, it begs more questions and thoughts from me. What if the baby is your son's and has epilepsy? Are you sharing your medical history with the adoptive parents? What better person would be better equipped to deal with him than a grandma, whose son went through that. I know I'm off topic and I'm sorry, but SOOOO much of this situation as far as your feelings (not your son's because he's not posting on here, you are) is similar to my child's father, except that we are adults. He wanted nothing to do with me once I got pregnant and nothing to do with the child (but that plot thickened recently, which is why I asked you the question about child support before). My kid has a sickle cell trait and other ailments caused by his dad's side that he should have told me about! Wooosah! Not your fault . . . i digressed.

Please don't take this as a hostile question: If your son battled with epilepsy and his life was at stake, how can you be so eagar to not have contact with his offspring (if indeed it is his offspring)? Life is not promised and if he's already had a scare, God forbid anything happen to him and I feel weird even typing that because no mother wants to or should have to consider that, but this could be his only child. How can you be so secure about deleting this baby from your life?

Rachel - posted on 05/09/2012

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Ok... First thing is congratulations on a cute little baby! Regardless of how the paternal family feels about it, every baby is a blessing!
Second thing... Wow. What jerks!
Third thing... I don't know where you are, but where I am, that is considered statutory rape. Your daughter is under age, but he isn't. He could actually go to jail for that. I bet that would really screw up their plans for college....
I totally agree that he should be responsible for his child. And no, it doesn't matter if they have known each other a day, week, year, decade, whatever! They BOTH had a part in conception, and they BOTH need to have a part in the raising of this baby. If he wants nothing to do with his child, ok... but he still needs to provide for the baby. Each action has a consequence. Sex sometimes leads to pregnancy. If you can't handle the consequence, don't do the action....

Christian - posted on 05/08/2012

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I agree with Naomi & Donna - Surprise!!

The thing is is that we live in a society where it is very well known (whether it's right or not - I think it's a good thing, for the record) where a woman gets to choose whether she becomes a mom. It's not a hidden secret.

Sort of like speeding. Everyone knows that if you are caught speeding, you will get a ticket and pay a fine. Some speed and never get caught. Others have to pay the fine.

Not saying that adoption isn't a good choice, but the thread is about what would you do if your son got someone pregnant and my inclination is to make him take responsibility. To me, its not good practice to know a law and then get mad at the enforcement.

I think that's where upbringing comes up. I know a man, sort of like Kim's son, who is/was really great in school, things always went his way and he generally got what he wanted in life. Great athlete, smart, two degrees. It's clear his mom did a great job raising him (as I'm sure you are doing your best Kim) BUT where I think she fell short is that she never quite let him fail, so when things didn't go his way, he cut and run. So, when he knocked up a woman, he got mad because in his eyes, he did everything right and it still didn't go his way. He wanted a wife first and then children - that is how most of the people in our community do it and you are looked down upon if you do it differently (like I did). To this day, he ignores his child.

I think it would be differerent if his mom would have taught him that sometimes things happen that you don't like and you deal with them by fixing the situation and/or changing your outlook. Not by complaining that "it's not fair" or "ignoring responsibilty".

I'm sort of rushing, so I don't know if I'm clear,but my overall point is that sometimes life is not fair, but that doesn't mean that you should not be responsible for you actions.

Jennifer - posted on 05/07/2012

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not to open a can of worms here but he is an ADULT she is still under age HE can be charged in some states with stagitory rape if he does not grow a set and man up and take care of the baby well i guess he needs a swift kick in the ass. sorry this kinda stuff pisses me off

Mindy - posted on 05/06/2012

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i have a 17 year old that got pregnant and had my beautifull grandson. being a teen mom myself at 16. this experience brought me to my knees. it was not what i was wanting for her. but he came and the brunt of his care financially has fallen on me . thank god i have a strong mother to help me with her and the baby. and a husband that loves me and has tried to help too. we r a blended family though so he has his own kids he has to help support. ironically he pays very high support on a low pay scale. but everybody has spouted off child support on here. i recieved child support for her and my son and watch my husband pay for his own. the system at least in our state does not care about the kids. all they care about is money. they dont care if one parent is abusing the system or taking advantage of it. my advise is ironically not status qou. leave the support alone. help your daughter financially, encourage her to get her education and go further, my daughter has taken some help state wise, but she will walk that stage in her high school in may a whole year early and go to school in the fall. My grandsons dad is a fine young man, we have had our issues but i he loves my grandson. he visits our home and i have taken the financial brunt and not held it against him, because i want my grandson to have both his parents. my advise just love that baby, and the rest will work out. support your daughter in her decisions whatever they are . And most of all just love them both

Donna - posted on 05/05/2012

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I agree I have a son also, and if he got a girl pregnant then he would be out there getting a job, and going to school! He did the deed to sow the seed. There is a reason it was intended for two to make a baby cause it takes two to raise it.

Naomi - posted on 05/05/2012

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If my son got a girl pregnant he WILL be there to support the mother and the child; regardless of the relationship status.
I will be there to support them both and the baby when it arrives.
My son's father wasn't there to support me and i think that he has an appreciation for the affect it had on me doing it alone.
My son has several friends that have fathered children; one in particular dropped his girlfriend like a hot potatoe.
My son counselled this young man on the importance of being supportive of the mum and being there for the baby.....must have bought him up right i guess!!!

Tayce - posted on 05/05/2012

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As a younger mother myself (first child born when I was 20), I still went to school through the pregnancy and did online classes until my son was old enough to go to preschool. Now I have graduated from one program and I have 3 years to go in a 5 year program... all while being a mommy first and foremost! Their claim that he can't go to university and it is going to "ruin his life" is a bunch of garbage! It's not easy and takes determination but it can be done. I agree with the person that said to handle this calmly, I have a step niece that is going through a hard time, she is 6 months older than my son but her mom and dad absolutely hate each other at this point. It makes her very insecure. Every time I get to see her she will not stay by herself and follows me around everywhere... I also get "Aunt T you love me right?" it's incredibly sad for the child. You don't want that to happen either. Just be as supportive as you seem to be! Good Luck!

Elaine - posted on 05/04/2012

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Haha! That made me think of the Maury show, also! I remember seeing a woman who was having something like the 12th or 13th man tested to see if he was the father, and it still wasn't a match. I can't imagine how out of control she must have been to have 13+ potential fathers. Sometimes accidents just happen, but some people are an accident WAITING to happen.

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