If your son got someone pregnant

Lisa - posted on 03/17/2010 ( 599 moms have responded )

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My 17 year old is having a baby in September and everything seemed to be going fine until the parents of the boy found out...now he does not want anything to do with my daughter or the baby and neither do his parents....he will be 19 when the baby comes. They say that this will ruin his life and that he is going to University in the fall and that we can expect no help financially from them....I would like to know what other parents think...I also have a son and if he got someone pregnant he would have to support that child even if he only knew the girl two days or two years....

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Mariah - posted on 05/04/2012

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My gawd it sounds that girl is gonna have to go on Maury to figure out who the father is. I would def get that paternity test done for your son to save him the humiliation of that.

Elaine - posted on 05/03/2012

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@Ebere: Oh, I agree that it's possible he's not the father. I was only answering the question of how could someone be the father if she is 8 weeks pregnant but he slept with her only 6 weeks ago.

Ebere - posted on 05/03/2012

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Even with that calculation, Kim's son ismost likely not the father of her baby..that's according to my calculations..or am I wrong? Kim why don't you people do a paternity test first? You might be suprised at the outcome and might not need to sign away parental rights afterall, if he isn't the father

Elaine - posted on 05/03/2012

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I might be able to help with the confusion about her being 8 weeks pregnant. You first need to understand that there is a difference between 8 weeks from conception and 8 weeks gestation. The one that doctors use when talking about how far along a pregancy is, is weeks gestation. Weeks gestation is the number of weeks since the first day of the woman's last menstrual period. So for example, let's say a woman gets her period on January 1st. If she ovulates and conceives on January 14th, she is 0 weeks post-conception (2 weeks gestation). On January 28th, when her pregnancy test shows a positive result, she is 2 weeks post-conception (4 weeks gestation). On February 25th, she would be 6 weeks post-conception (8 weeks gestation). I hope that helps.

Christian - posted on 05/02/2012

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Yes, we really have to agree to disagree. Why does the sharing have to be hostile? I don't think it needs to be hostile. And, when you buy things for your son, you don't think of it as 25% of your income that you never see. It's going to your son. In my view, you will see it. An investment in your kid or grandkid's future is an investment in your future.

I just think its a control issue. It's like, it didn't happen the way you pictured it or wanted it, so you simply reject it and create hostile scenarios to justify your choices. And I'm NOT SAYING that you made a bad or wrong choice, It's just my opinion that the reasoning behind the choice stems from being disappointed because your expectations were not met and you have no control. Again, this is really coming from my interaction with my child's father, so feel free to disregard if you think it's complete lunacy.

I saw your other posts. My ultrasound changed four times in the 9 month course. It started out 6 days behind, then 4, then 14 (I think the tech made a mistake). The final one was only off by a day, but I was induced. Anyway, it gets more exact the closer you get to the due date. My advice would be, and this is easier said than done, not to stress about it until the baby is here and then get a paternity test done. There's nothing you can do about it, so why worry.

On a side note: Quick Hypothetical: If the baby came and you/your son ended up having to pay child support, would you then want custody and/or visitation with the child or would you just stay disconnected? I'm asking this for personal reasons and I'll probably have follow-up questions if you don't mind.

Christian - posted on 04/30/2012

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I can understand where you are coming from. I also approve of abortion and adoption AND also choosing to be a single parent, then enforcing all financial laws to the fullest extent. I considered all of those option carefully before I chose option 3. Before I got pregnant, I was very naive about children and people's views about thier offspring. In fact, until my child's father, I had never heard anyone say that they have no connection whatsoever to any child, especially a blood relative. Given, I literally, as a single woman with no kids was the "go to girl" to babysit and I stopped mom's in stores to have conversations about thier kids, so my connection to children in general may be a tad abnormal.

This particular thread is very sensitive for me because of the situation that I am in. That's where the "pigheadedness" for lack of a better word, in my posts, come from. It's not that I think you are wrong for eventually adopting or wishing the girl would consider abortion, it is the reasoning behind it.

It seemed like it was more about the principal of not wanting an unplanned pregnancy than about the innocent child that may or may not enter the world, which is hard for me to digest. I still don't understand how you can have the means to help out a teen mom financially, but choose not to, but I guess I would have to be in your situation to "get it" and I hope I never am. AND, the religious part of me accounts for the fact that God may have let your son in particular inpregnate this particular girl knowing that you would put the baby up for adoption and the adoptive parents would lead the child to greatness. Sort of like Steve Jobs.

In my personal situation, I deleted abortion as an option, simply because I'm older than most people in this situation and I'm established (lucky) enough in my career that I'm FAR from wealthy, but I am financially stable enough to take care of my child and I alone. My child's father is not where he wants to be in his career, but he makes an average income, so it floored me when he said we couldn't "afford" a child because in my eyes, he wanted me to use abortion as a form of birth control. I understand that we used protection, but the fact that I got pregnant when we used a condom made me think it was "meant to be" for my son to be in this world.

Alot of things that you wrote in your posts, were either word for word quotes that he used about me and/or very close paraphrases, so it strikes a chord with me. In hindsight, I am grateful that my child's father is not involved in his life, I don't have any drama, but it still sort of bugs me when someone takes the "sins" (for lack of a better word) of a mom out on a child.

And I'm not saying that you are doing anything wrong by adopting the child, but it would have sat better with me (AND I AM FULLY AWARE THAT WHAT I THINK IS NOT IMPORTANT, it's just my opinion - not being sarcastic, its true) if the sole reasoning behind adoption was that the child would be better off with her family because they are both too young and unable to emotionally/financially support a child. The rest of the issues (girl asking for money, holes in condoms, girl being older) being brought up contributed to the "bad taste in my mouth" about the entire conversation.

Sorry for the book.

Christian - posted on 04/28/2012

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Kim (deep sigh). I read your post. I think you deleted it. I can understand why.



When I first starting reading your story, I sincerely thought that that poor baby was missing out on a grandmother and father. Now, after our Blog Battle Royale, I know that you absolutely made the right the decision. The child is blessed. To me, your story is a confirmation that all things happen the way they are supposed to, so we should stop complaining (and judging, yes I was judging you) and let God do his thing because He doesn't need our help.



On an unrelated topic: My undergrad is in English, so it's even more ironic that my spelling is bad. I rely heavily on spell check. :)

Christian - posted on 04/27/2012

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@KIm: Yes, let's agree to disagree. I am okay with it. I have written 3 times now that all I know about you is what you have written in these posts and I CLEARLY think that your grandchild is better off with you not being in his/her life.



Did the girl admit it? How do you know that your son didn't put the holes in the condoms? It's his tin. He might have wanted it to break so it felt better. Men do that just as much as women sabatoge condoms.



Can I ask you a question? Just be honest because we have agreed to disagree.



Is there anything that you feel that your son or you have done wrong in the situation?

Christian - posted on 04/27/2012

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@Kim: I don't think I'm being mean. You've called me an idiot, stupid, small-minded and hoped that I didn't have children. You have every right to your opinion. And my opinion is that you are selfish and lack moral character. I also believe you are doing what is best for your grandchild because he or she doesn't need you influencing thier life.



I absolutely did not tell you to have your son have a vasectomy. You seem educated enough to realize that I was illustrating the point that your son is not a victim because he did have choices.



I don't have to have the same opinion of you. If it makes you feel better to flag my post, feel free. Flag away. It won't change the fact that you may never see that precious baby, who might have your son's eyes stare up at you. If you are not angry, why are you so mad? I'm not mad at you. I just don't have a high opinion of you, which does not change your life in anyway, shape or form.



I hope that one day that you can recognize that the fact that you would get so upset over my opinions about your situation that you put in an online forum that you would flag me, completely shows a character flaw in you. Most people will just read, get worked up for a second and go on about thier day. Not you, you have to flag my post. Maybe get me banned from the site. That response is a character flaw. It has nothing to do with religion. Yes, I'm a Christian, but I'm also a single mom, who had a baby by choice out of wedlock, so trying to paint me as the holier than thou type, is not quite accurate.



If this were a film, you would be a villain. It's fine if you disagree with me just like it's fine if I disagree with you. Call me all the names you want, I don't know you and I will not be flagging any of your posts. Now, I think I'll go look at the new topic you posted. It should be an interesting read.

Christian - posted on 04/27/2012

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@Elaine: I don't think you're defending her. I know your just voicing your opinion. I really don't think that the woman poked holes in the condom. You don't have to be an attractive woman to get a man to have sex with you without a condom. From Kim's post, she seems like she is trying to create any reason to make it "okay" for her to reject the grandson. FYI: I used a condom with my child's father. Neither of us wanted a child. He accused me of going into trash can and putting the sperm inside of me. Later, he took it back because it was clearly ridiculous. The whole in condom thing is a cop out that 5% of women do to really rich guys and 75% of deadbeat dads claim.

Elaine - posted on 04/27/2012

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Not to defend her or anything, but it seems to me that Kim is TOTALLY settled with her son's decision. It's everyone else's reaction to his decision that she finds unsettling. This woman poked holes in the condoms because she wanted a baby. She used Kim's son to have a baby. Well, she's getting what she wanted, but nothing more. The end.

Christian - posted on 04/27/2012

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@Elaine: Didn't know that about vasectomies. That is probably why abortions are more popular than vasectomy. I don't think teen boys should get them. I was just trying to make the point that there are always choices, so you can't be the victim. Even weird ones. :)



@Kim: I did go back and read some, not all of the posts. You wrote that the girl persued your son, yet you admitted that teen boys have raging hormones. You wrote that you wished that the girl would have a miscarrige. Kudos to you for feeling guilty. You wrote that you would spend tons of money to keep the girl from getting any of your money. You'd rather lawyers get the money than your grandchild. Seems a little selfish. There's no need in me writing more. You seem angry. Probably from guilt. It will be you and your son's loss.



I was especially happy that I was not the only person outraged by your post. I do have a son. He's amazingly awesome.



Please know that however I feel about you and your situation, I know that everything happens the way it is supposed to happen, so it is most likely for the best that you or your son won't be able to influence this innocent's child's life. The baby is blessed. I hope that you can find real peace with your decision because right now, you don't seem truly settled with it.

Elaine - posted on 04/27/2012

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FYI, not all vasectomy reversals are successful. In fact, unless the reversal occurs within 3 years of the original procedure, there is a 1 in 8 chance that it won't work and that he would be permanently sterile. If he waits 9 years, that goes up to a 1 in 5 chance. I would definitely NOT recommend a vasectomy for a teenager, and I don't even know of a reputable physician who would do one on a teenager.

Elaine - posted on 04/27/2012

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I'm not sure how to start a new discussion thread on Circle of Moms, but I think that Kim does have a good point about fathers' rights. If a woman gets pregnant, her options are abortion, adoption, or parenthood. But if a man gets a woman pregnant, his options are parenthood, parenthood, or parenthood. If a woman decides she is not up to the task of motherhood and gives up the baby for adoption (signs away her parental rights), people tell her she is making a selfless and loving choice. But if a father doesn't feel up to the task of fatherhood and gives up his parental rights, people tell him he is a selfish and heartless monster, even if pregnancy occurred due to deception or sabotage. Actually, I should restate the man's options. His options are to 1) raise the child, 2) retain parental rights and pay child support, or 3) sign away his parental rights. Kim's son has gone with option #3. Many of us don't understand it and wouldn't choose it, but we can choose to accept his choice just as I would accept the choice of a woman who opted for abortion. Incidentally, I am Mormon and my husband is atheist, and we have always gotten along just fine.

Christian - posted on 04/27/2012

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@Kim - still haven't read all of the posts, so I HOPE that I'm taking your posts out of context, BUT . . .



If you have made so much money, why is it so appalling for you to help support a child in your bloodline? Did you ever discuss character building and responsiblity with your son? Even if I concede that she tried to get pregnant (which is a tad ridiculous and all deadbeat dads say that when they are up against the wall, which makes me think you are possibly a man posing as a "single mom"), it shows a huge lack of morality in his upbringing that he would not want to give his child any money to help just because he's mad that the girl got pregnant and decided not to abort. I don't agree, but I can understand a man who doesn't have money. It's stressful to think of having a month to feed when you are barely scraping by, but if you have a huge conglomeration and you don't want to support your grandchild, I think it just plain sad and selfish. That's probaly why your son lacks moral character.



And FYI, it's not in anyway a mark on your grandchild's mother to call you for money as soon as she finds out she's pregnant. It's called planning. Take it from me - a single mother who has never gotten any support from the father because he lacks moral character like you and your son - when you find out that you are pregnant, you IMMEDIATELY start thinking about resources and money to support your child. That doesn't make you a golddigger or a bad person. Abandoning you bloodline because it doesn't suit you does.

Christian - posted on 04/26/2012

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@Kim: I haven't read every post. I'm going to because I hope that I'm reading your comments out of context. Question: What religion are you? It doesn't matter and I'm not asking to judge. Just curious.

Mariah - posted on 04/26/2012

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Wow Kim, to read that she did intentionally sabotage the condoms and lied about being on the pill is just beyond insane. I pity that child who will be in the care of a woman whose mental health is of questionable stability.

I am glad you were able to find a solution that works for both your family and hers, and your son will be able to move on with his life. It is unfortunate that he will have a biological child out there who will not know his love, and that he will one day have to tell his future wife/mother to his [wanted/planned] children of the existence of this child.

Elaine - posted on 04/26/2012

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If I gave birth to a child and gave that child up for adoption, I would still be the biological mother and my mother would still be the biological grandmother. The child would also have an adoptive mother and adoptive grandparents. They would raise her, love her, and take over all the duties of parenthood. Biologically, I would be a mother. Socially and emotionally, I would not be. Biologically you are a grandmother. Socially and emotionally you are definitely NOT a grandmother. We agree on that. I thank you as well for this interesting conversation! Indeed the weather is nice, and I hope you have a wonderful day!

Elaine - posted on 04/26/2012

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It wasn't sarcasm. "Grandchild" is just the term for the offspring of one's offspring.

Elaine - posted on 04/25/2012

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I only meant grandchild in the biological sense, as in "I wish the best of luck for the soon-to-be born individual whose DNA contains half of your son's chromosomes."

Elaine - posted on 04/25/2012

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I think what most people are having trouble understanding is that in some cultures, religious or economic differences are a MUCH bigger deal than in the United States. It is inconceivable to them (and to be honest, me too) that such differences would be considered more important than one's own child. But then again, all a person has to do is read the news headlines to see that every day, all over the world, people are killing other people in the name of religious or cultural idealism, so it isn't very surprising that simply severing all ties with a child might be considered a loving or healthy choice if the alternative would be to put them in the center of a familial culture war. I don't understand why two people would have intercourse if they hated each other so much, but what's done is done. I wish the best of luck for both your son and your grandchild.

Elaine - posted on 04/25/2012

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Okay, I understand now. Thank you very much for clarifying that for me. I appreciate it.

Elaine - posted on 04/25/2012

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First you say she cannot take him to court. Then you say he cannot own anything in case she goes after him. Which is it?

Kristi - posted on 04/24/2012

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@Kim... I don't understand your post or many of these posts at all! It takes two to tango, birth control or not. Nothing is 100% guaranteed except abstinence, and if these two chose to engage in sex, it is both of their responsibilities to provide for a child that comes out of that union. If only one person wants the baby to be born, it does not give the other partner a get out of jail free card. They might not be able to be forced into parenting, but legally, they are financially responsible for providing for that child until the child is 18 years of age. Any parent that does not make that crystal clear to their children of childbearing age is shirking their responsibility. There are no guarantees people! This is why the law protects the child and requires the parents to be financially responsible for them, like it or not. To tell your son that just because he wore protection he can bow out is a crock of you-know-what. I hope the mother and her family take him to court and enforce the law.

Elaine - posted on 04/24/2012

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Kim, I must admit that I am very confused about your posts. I am unaware of anyplace in the United States forbidding someone from having a bank account or owning a home or car for fathering a child until that child is 20 years old. Do you live in a different country that punishes people like that for having children? I am also unaware of anyplace that requires your son to leave his school or leave the state if he fathers a child. By the way, she didn't "do nothing" to prevent pregnancy - she made sure that he wore a condom. His choice of birth control was a condom and her choice of birth control was a condom. Sometimes birth control fails. Was there evidence that she tampered with the condom? Because THEN I would understand why you blame only her.

Ariane - posted on 04/24/2012

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Kim, The only way to prevent pregnancy is abstinence, he doesn't have to be there for her he can choose to not be included, it doesn't sound like the same boat, eveyone is fifferent. our son choose to have sex with a girl he barely knew, he choose not to ask if she was on bith control as well, he chose the girl had sex with, no it is his choice to be a dad to a baby he created or walk away forever, life is not fair and we know women have all the control in this situation, he didn't prevent it enough if he wanted to make sure he didn't get a girl pregnant he shouldn't have had sex, plenty of people get pregnant using all sorts of methods including tubal litagtion and vasectomy's. I think there is a lot more to this story than what you are saying and this is tough cause we don't kbnow you, your son, the girl her family etc. But to say he shoul;dn't be held accountable is a cop out IMO, he knew sex=baby.

She should be excited about being pregnant if that's what she wants. He should be allowed to not be there, you should be allowed to not see your grandchild or support the child.

Rhonda - posted on 04/24/2012

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Sorry, he now has a lifetime of responsibiity. Actions have consequences. The only responsibility that you can make him have is child support. Children aren't free and they have lots of expenses and it isn't fair to ask one parent and that parent's family to bear the cost 100%. Go to court and get child support. At the very least, they will impute minimum wage to him (assuming he's able bodied and no reason why he can't work). Courts take parental responsibiity very seriously. You won't get anything from the grandparents, but you also don't have to let them see the child. (only the father!) If the father and his parents choose not to be involved, so be it. You can't force him to be the type of father you'd like him to be and you can't force the grandparents to be the type of grandparents they should be either. Rest assured, they will eventually think of the child that they turned their back on and that'll have consequences of its own.

Elaine - posted on 04/24/2012

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Unless one of them deceived the other (by lying about being on birth control, poking a hole in the condom, etc), then both parties are equally responsible for what happens as a consequence of having sex. The baby is not just "his" child or just "her" child. It is THEIR child. A deadbeat mother or father is still a mother or father, even if he or she never acknowledges it. I feel so sorry for any child that is hated simply for being associated with someone. I can't imagine what it must be like to be shunned from birth for something beyond my control.

Ebere - posted on 04/24/2012

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Kim raises good points..I never really looked at it that way and I remember my mom telling me once that we (females) were the ones who knew our cycle..when you're safe, when you're not and all that..but all the same the parents of the boy should assist a bit financially..besides we do not know if he used a condom or not.. Both parties should be blamed if they didn't use a condom..it means they were both irresponsible

Ariane - posted on 04/24/2012

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My anger is more towards the parents, his parents, sex should be equal," it seemed from the original poster he was on board until his parents got involved. For myself personally I belive you should know what you want and disclose all before entering a sexual relationship, even if it is casual so both people can make a descion if it is right, I applaud her parents for standing by her, but his are making it difficult for both. I do agree that he should be responsible, whether that's standing up and being a dad, or backing off and letting her know not to expect anything. For years women have fought for equality, now it feels like we fight for superiority, but that's not the point. We should all want to teach our children about actions and consequenses She should not expect anything from him unless he wants to be there, her descion was to keep the baby. Kim you bring up good points, my post was more geared towards his parents. i do wish we could get some more info on this.

Ariane - posted on 04/23/2012

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His Parents are ridiculous. He is 19 and creating a life takes 2 people, he should be responsible. My husband had just started college (he went back late in life) when I found out I was pregnant, it was a struggle, we had a mortgage and bills and 2 cars, then boom he went back full time, we had to move in with my mom, rent our condo and work alot more, then we found out! But he finished it took a little longer, but he did. We had the support of our parents and it was fine. However your daughter is probably better off if these parents have the idea their son shouldn't take responsibility for his own actions,

Barb - posted on 04/22/2012

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The parents should be the ones saying you need to be apart of your babies life, not talking him out of that. If it was my son I would want him to man up get a job and do what he needs to be a good dad. If he didn't do that I want be furious and I would help support the baby and be there for my sons child wheather he was involved or not. This family will regret it one day I hope or soon figure out they need to be there for their blood!

Lisa - posted on 04/19/2012

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Legally speaking the parents will be forced to pay child support since he is under 18 and will continue until he finishes college. So go after him.

Mariah - posted on 04/18/2012

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I'm not religious, yet I still don't think sex is ever casual because of the very real consequences one can face when all the best intentions, precautions, and safety measures fail.

Ebere - posted on 04/18/2012

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Its very wrong of the boy's parents to say that..they should've taught their son to be more responsible and use precaution if he didn't want to ruin his life and cater for a baby.. Can't they be taken to court?? They should at least support financially. Do they know that its even harder on the girl?

Ginger - posted on 04/17/2012

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I would also like to say if this ever happens and both the kids decide they don't want the child and want to put it up for adoption and the other grandparent don't want the child and after a DNA test was done just for precaution. My husand and I would openly adopt the child. We will raise it as our own child. The child will know who its father is and mother is.

My son will still have to take responsbility, will still have to help with the child, clothes, diapers, getting up with the child and so forth. Because even if he legally isnt the father no more he still the father through blood to this child and will help in raising this child.

This is a very slip and tricky road to go down and all you can do the best you can to protect this precious life that wasn't asked to be brought into this life. But to wrap the loving arms you have around it and protect it the damnest you can.

Children are NOT like pets. Where if you grow weary of the pet or get tired of them you can hopefully find a new home for them. Children no matter what are forever tied to you. You can deny the child/grandchild is yours but in the end it still is blood it still in the family tree and it will always be in the back of your mind nagging you. It will stalk your thoughts when you less think about it when your laying in bed it will slip into your thoughts and haunt you.

That is something children do to their parents and to some grandparents.

All my husband and I know is that we wouldn't want our grandchild to be raised by someone else.

Yes, I do know there are people who are out there that cant have children, I am friends with many and I myself have become of those people now. I had one child I can not live through having another one. But I want my grandchilds life in my life no matter what, even if that means adopting it and raising the child as my own.

Elaine - posted on 04/17/2012

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I am so sorry to hear that this young man is being encouraged to shirk his responsibility. If either of my sons got someone pregnant, I would absolutely expect him to be the best father that he is capable of being! My grandchild would deserve nothing less than two loving parents. Certainly demand a paternity test and child support. As for your daughter, I highly recommend community college as a way to get her core classes out of the way when she graduates from high school. I teach at one, and many (if not most) of my students have jobs and family responsibilities. Evening, weekend, and online courses allow them to find the right balance between work, school, and parenting. Make sure she takes courses that will transfer to a 4-year college. It is a cost-effective and flexible way for her to continue her education, especially if she earns a certificate or an associate's degree while she's at it. She has been hurt deeply by the father of her baby, but as my mother once wisely told me, "Success is the best revenge." Best of luck to all of you!

Tanya - posted on 04/17/2012

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It doesn't matter whether I like your response or not... it's your decision to make. If you can live with the decisions you make then so be it. I give my opinion, and you're also free to take it or leave it. As for the outside world... my doors are wide open, dear...there isn't a baby in the world that isn't good enough to be part of my family. People make bad decisions, but babies are never "dreadful mistakes". Unfortunately, some of them are raised to be dreadful, but they are still never mistakes.

Tanya - posted on 04/17/2012

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Kim, seriously? On the one hand you're saying your sons are "respectful"... on the next you're saying that they shouldn't have to deal with a baby that they created... how "respectful" is that? How "respectful" is it to be sleeping with a girl....no matter how many precautions were taken....when you don't intend to take responsibility for the things that we all know can happen when a male and female have sex?

As for his very low sperm count...why in the world would he have had a sperm count taken if he wasn't trying to have children, no matter how many meds he's taken? And it only takes one sperm to make a baby, anyway. So that's no excuse to go out and have sex and then ignore the baby you create.

And has it ever occurred to you that this baby, if it is indeed your son's offspring, is YOUR GRANDCHILD? Half your son... no matter who the other half is. And you want to terminate your grandbaby? And refuse to pay a cent to help out YOUR GRANDBABY?

I have 4 sons. Respectful to me, means not sleeping around with someone you aren't committed to 100%. Respectful, to me, means dealing with the consequences of your actions whether you made the right choices at the moment or not. Respectful, to me, means not giving in to a moment of selfish pleasure unless you are ready to deal with a lifetime of sacrifice. My sons know that if they play, they'd better be prepared to pay should something happen. They will NOT disrespect my grandbabies, or the mothers of those grandbabies, so they'd better be sure about what they are doing should the opportunity arise to create a grandbaby. BTW, I am the proud grandmother of a little boy...and his daddy...my son...fully supports his mommy in every way, even though they weren't married and neither of them planned this baby. And I respect them BOTH for this.

Also, why are you, so involved in what will or won't happen, anyway. Your son was big enough for "casual sex". Now he's big enough to handle the consequences. The decision as to whether your son will be involved with this baby isn't yours to make. And the law says that if the baby is his, he will pay, so he'd better put on his paper hat and start flipping burgers at night while he goes to school!

Also, I KNOW there are women/girls out there looking to get pregnant. But it takes 2 for a pregnancy, and men are every bit as capable of saying NO as women are!

Shawnn - posted on 04/17/2012

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AMEN Ginger!

Kim, my replies are not meant to be condescending, and if you are perceiving them as such, I cannot help you.

I merely stated that in my OPINION, and in my son's OPINIONS, sex isn't casual. That's what we've taught our kids, both by word, and by example. And I fail to see how, by my definition, you can say that it is a condescending response!

Seriously? Like Ginger said, he wanted to dip his wick. And, I'd expect MY sons to man up and take responsibility for their actions, not come running back to me and say "oh, it was just casual, I really didn't want a relationship." They'd be getting a hug and a boot to the ass back out the door. Yes, I love them, yes, I support them. I support them taking responsibility for their actions.

I pray daily that my sons will have the common sense to not indulge themselves, and as I said before, THEY are the ones that have come up with the abstinence contract. Not me, so I feel that they'll be ok. No, I really don't have my blinders on, dear, but I do expect that my men will be men and take responsibility for consensual actions resulting in pregnancy.

Ginger - posted on 04/17/2012

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If that was my son, I don't give a damn if hes going to college and doesnt want his future ruined. He choose to dip the wick and become a father, it takes two to tango. My son will take responsibility, if we are able to help we will so his grades dont suffer and hes able to get a good job once hes graduates but once that happens our hands will be off the financial part and he will be responsible and believe me I will tell him that any time he messes up in one way or another. We will also want to be involved in that childs life. He will also be expected to be involved in that childs life no matter what, that child is apart of him and since that child is apart of him, its also apart of us. If we can't help financially than he will be expected to get a job and go to college.

His future IS NOT ruined as the same goes for your daughter. They are both taking a different path than they or the parents expected. Yes its going to be hard but thats life.

My son doesn't know and will probably never know unless something like this happened, on how his birth went and how he almost lost his mommy. When and if this day ever happens he will know how it went and how importantion life is and you never know what can happen in life or how in a snap life can change in ways you never expected and it can never be changed back.

I think this boys parents are taking this the wrong way and they are going to regret this decision especially when the grandchild comes in search of her father.

I feel for your daughter and how much shes going through right now. I hope the best for you all.

Shawnn - posted on 04/16/2012

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Kim, BACK OFF. I'm sorry that you took offense to questions that I would ask my sons, should they find themselves in that situation.



You have YOUR opinion on sex, and I have mine. MY OPINION is that there is no casual sex. I don't care if WikiP has it listed, with a definition. IN MY OPINION there is nothing such as casual sex. Simply because of the consequences that can occur, NONE OF WHICH ARE CASUAL.



ETA: The word "ain't" is in the dictionary as well. Doesn't mean I recognize it as a word...Just as an example

Shawnn - posted on 04/16/2012

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Oh, lets see, raging hormones and "constant erections" don't happen until you're older than 14???

HEHEHE Kim, you certainly amuse me. Yes, my boys have raging hormones! And, yes, they have BOTH been faced with the sex decision, and BOTH have given the answer I gave above. SEX IS NOT CASUAL. Sex is a serious activity that can have SERIOUS consequences.

And, yes, Kim, my kids are, as you put it, one in a million...but I can't believe that they are t he ONLY ones their ages who haven't had sex, nor plan to have any relations in the near future. I'm sorry that you can't say the same, I guess...I'm also sorry I asked questions that obviously hit the hot spot for you...but they are the EXACT ones I'd ask myself or my kids.

Mariah - posted on 04/14/2012

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While people may delude themselves into thinking it's just casual sex, in reality it's not. Condoms can break or slip and they don't protect against all STDs. The Pill is not 100% effective. Emotions almost always get involved one way or another. Casual sex with a stranger, acquaintance, or even a trusted friend is risky behavior, period.

When things go wrong, like in your son's case Kim, it can get very ugly very fast.

When the time comes, I will teach my daughter that she shouldn't engage in that kind of behavior because of the very real & life altering consequences that she could face. I'm not saying 'no sex before marriage' because that is an unrealistic expectation, but that she should really get to know someone before they become her sexual partner.

If you had taught your son to be more prudent in who he sleeps with he probably could have avoided this girl who is obviously after your money. You never know, she could be the kind of crazy that would sabotage the condoms and it is his kid. For his sake, I hope it's not.

Mariah - posted on 04/13/2012

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Obviously Shawnn has taught her sons that sex is never casual because it carries serious consequences like pregnancy, std's, emotional attachments, etc.

Shawnn - posted on 04/11/2012

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Well, I guess, my view (and my sons both agree) is that there is no "casual" sex. Sex isn't "casual", regardless of the precautions being used. If he didn't want to "ruin his life", he shouldn't have had "casual" sex. Just my opinion.

Now, I do understand your point of view if she's digging...and he needs to protect himself from that too. Its a tough line to be the parent in this one, actually.

Shawnn - posted on 04/11/2012

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Wow, Kim, then I suggest you pay for at least a paternity test. But, one question. Your son is telling you she "wasn't his type"...but if you weren't in the room, and didn't see the precautions being taken, then there is a chance it's his, and are you ready to change your stance if it IS his?

And, honestly? I cannot believe that you would suggest to another woman (of consenting age) that they should terminate! I guess she knows where you stand, huh?

Seeing someone "casually" doesn't absolve responsibility if a child is created, and I certainly hope that you are ready to at least have him take responsibility for a paternity test. It is, after all, in his own interest, because if she was a tramp, and did sleep around, the paternity test is his golden ticket of absolution if the child isn't his.

Dusty - posted on 01/17/2012

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It's pretty crappy of him & his parents to say that, but unfortunately, they've made their choice. However, your daughter can petition the courts to order him to pay child support. If he doesn't put his name on the birth certificate (from the sounds of it, he won't) then she can ask for a paternity test & once his paternity is proven he will more than likely be ordered to pay child support. But, what you & your daughter need to know before going to the court with this matter is that if paternity is proven & child support is ordered, he will more than likely get visitation rights unless he says he doesn't want them. Good luck. Obviously your daughter would be much better off without the idiot in her life anyway :)

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