im 16 can do what i want

Sue - posted on 05/17/2012 ( 18 moms have responded )

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my 16 year old is skipping school and failing lots of classes. she has been quite direspectful and when i tried to takke her laptop away she declared thats it im 16 and can do what i want im moving out.She has some friends that are not the best influence . What will banning the friends do.

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Francine - posted on 05/18/2012

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I would do a little experiement with her she wants to be treated like an adult then do just that. Let her make her own decisions, make her realize she needs to contribute financially to the household like rent/mortgage, bills, food, clothes, entertainment in that order and make her understand that all this has to be paid by a certain date every month or else she looses these services just like she would if she were on her own. Let her know she needs to sit down every month a make a budget and can only work with that budget, she can't borrow money from mom or dad since she wants to be treated like an adult. She will soon realize she still needs her parents. She needs to understand in order to do all that she will need to continue to go to school, work part-time and support herself with no help from anyone.

Amy - posted on 06/12/2012

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I am new here, so excuse me if I cross some boundary or some rule. I think that Rights come with Responsibility. We have our kids do their own laundry, they do the dishes, their own homework in the dining room, and when they use our computer, a parent sits with them. They both have phones, but no texting on their phones...they both abused the right of testing, so they lost that right. In their rooms, the only electronics they have are lights and clock radios. Rights can be earned, but that means that they will work with the Responsibility that goes with that Right. Sounds like a lot of rules, but society has them and the police have them. Since they live in this society, get used to the rules.

Tina - posted on 05/27/2012

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What about the youth leader at church? Any help from them? In TX 16 doesn't give them a right to do anything. If she runs away, you can report her and she can see how green it is in juvie for a few nites. Who bought the laptop? That's who it belongs to. I've stripped my kids rooms of everything to where they had a matress to sleep on. Even the door was taken off their bedroom. There's a price to pay, you just need to figure out what means the most to her because that's the price. Good luck. I've raised 3 kids and it was like being pecked to death by chickens only more painful :)

Shawnn - posted on 05/22/2012

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I'm not sure where everyone lives that is saying that you can't do anything about it at 16, but in the US, you're responsible for her until she's 18, so sounds like its time for some family counseling, whether she wants to or not. Her other option would be to turn herself into your local youth services (juvie) for their program.

Kristi - posted on 05/20/2012

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First of all, I'm terribly sorry for what you're going through. I've been by my best friend's side for a long time now as she has been going through things like this & now much worse. Tough love is one of the toughest things we have to do as a parent but it is for everybody's own good at the end of the day. Banning her friends is useless. All of them are making poor choices & I'm sure other parents are saying the samething as you are. She will find a way to communicate with them, I can almost guarentee it, so I would cross that off your list of things you can do. She needs to be held accountable for her choices. Good or bad. By you, the school, social services & law enforcement, whoever it takes. Tell her right now, this it, here is what is expected of you (going to school everyday, getting acceptable grades, keeping a pt job or volunteering X amount of hours/week, etc) then tell what she can expect from you (a nice home, a good education, healthy meals, certain privileges if she meets your expectations & this is what will happen when she doesn't, truancy officer will be called, phone, computer, etc privileges revoked, she doesn't come home, she's a runaway.) I'm sure you've got my point. Like I said, this will probably your most difficult undertaking so far & it is absolutely vital that you follow through 110% of the time, but believe me, better now while she can still have light at the end of her tunnel than when she's staring down the verdict of an accessory to attempted murder charge at the age of 23. I can tell you those friends, they won't be there for her then. Thoughts & prayers are with you & your family.

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Jacqueline - posted on 07/11/2013

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She's trying to establish her independence and be her own person. face the facts. She's 16. She thinks she's an adult and in most parts of the country she could seek emancipation.
You can't control her but you can advise, you can inform, you can give her some respect.
It's probably story time........remember all those 16 year olds you knew in High school? What happened to them? Give her some perspective on what long term effects her actions and choices may have by sharing the long term effects of positive and negative behaviors of people you knew.
This has been very effective for us. Does he get to all classes all the time? No. But he realizes now that he will live with the consequences of his choices and I will love him just the same. He knows exactly what classes he needs to graduate and does his best in those. Of course he is a boy with ADHD and NVLD......and yes seriously at the end of senior year he's leaving whether that be college or his own place. he has made his choices. Girls may be easier. duuno.

Andrea - posted on 06/25/2012

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well im sorry but she is only 16 and she can not do what she want. one one she is 16 and until she is 18 you are responsible for her. no matter if she is out of your house and living with someone else. if she do something the police are still going to bring right back to you. if she dont go to school truancy is going to send you the letter and send you to court. and even to jail. and for 2 she is in your house. you pay the bills. she has to follow your rules. get a job (if she can or if you want her to) to help with bills, she needs to be in school. but if you dont want to deal with her go down to juvinal cout have her emanupated and have her move out. so you are not responsible for her any longer. and if you dont want to do that take away all of her privlages... going anywhere. friends, tv, phone, computer, everything. until here grades, attitude and everything improve. i had to do the same thing when my daughter was doing the same thing she is 19 now. i took it so far as not to allow her to go back to MI to see her dad during the summer and she was grounded that whole summer no friends no pool, no computer, no tv, just books. and after one summer of her not going cuz she thought i was bluffing. the following school yr she was nothing but A's and B's and well behaved.

Deaunna - posted on 05/22/2012

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Hi Sue! I too am sorry you are having problems with your daughter. I am master life coach and peaceful parenting specialist. I just finished a FREE report that can help you: "The Definitive Guide to Transforming Your Troubled Teenager." You can download it here: http://supermomscoaching.net/family-reso... How do I know I can help you? I recently helped a couple who were on the verge of sending their 16yo son to military school. Within 30 days of working with me, their son was back at home, taking the initiative to catch up on his school work, became more cooperative, respectful and a highly functioning teenager. They now enjoy a peaceful home and a happy family. Let me know if I can help you!

Shawnn - posted on 05/22/2012

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The only way they can do that in Wyoming is to go before a judge and get emancipated. They do NOT have the option of not attending, nor does the parent have the option of absolving responsibility.

Hmmm No wonder the ones that I deal with as college freshmen expect to get it their way all the time...because apparently, that's what societal norms are now.

I guess my kids are the abused ones...LOL

Valerie - posted on 05/22/2012

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@ Shawn, from my experience with my girls (in California), as long as I reported to the school that I did NOT authorize them to NOT be at school, it released me from the legal liability of them cutting school. I was very worried as I did get the letters stating "your child has been out XX amount of days and you must attend a hearing if this continues and you could face a fine and XX months/years in jail"- so I took that letter to the police and the school and asked what I could do because I was physically dropping them off on school property every morning, but they were leaving as soon as I did.. they said as long as I don't lie/cover up for them, then the consequences go to the teens at that point, unless they feel the parent is not doing their part and allowing it to happen- or worse yet, helping the teens do it... So, I also took it a step further to protect myself and after that, I would call the school everyday after I got to work as well to see if they were there or absent.. if they were absent, I would make sure they knew I did NOT authorize the absense, there is no valid excuse and that they need to be given another citation for cutting school.

Darcel - posted on 05/21/2012

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i think part of the issue is that some parents did not set boundaries when their kids were little. Now its not so cute...... at this point they are going to have to learn the hard way.... tough love has got to be the answer....

Dianne - posted on 05/21/2012

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Going through the same thing with my 16 year old son....grades still good, but just refuses to communicate ANYTHING with me...goes wherever he wants....sleeps all the time....out late with his girlfriend (who by the way is NOT good for him). I had a summer job lined up and he didnt go to fill out the application and now he missed out on that opportunity. I am at my wits end. His father and I are divorced so that plays a big part in his miscommunication to me....tells Dad then conveniently forgets to tell me!!! Asked if he wanted to get counselling but says there is nothing wrong.

Not sure how to implement tough love in this instance, but all we can do as parents is to hope for the best and pray for kids!!!! And be there when they need us.......

Tomika - posted on 05/19/2012

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You don't have to ban friends invite them over and get to know them. Know your enemy. As for your daughter, in Ohio at 16 she has no rights I'm not sure about your state. Get more involved if you are there no one else can be an influence on her. When My child needed tutoring we both got it, when she said the teacher was unfair I sat in a whole days worth of her classes (she was going throug marital problems and not in the best mood). Become proactive Be there at the school every time she turns around. It may be time consuming but would you rather lose money taking care of your child or use the money for bail or diapers for her kid? Realize you can't be a friend and a parent the respect barriers will be lost...now you can be a friendly parent. Children don't make decisions they make choices from what you have already decided. Maybe she needs a little tough love and not just having her lap top taken away

Valerie - posted on 05/18/2012

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My twin daughters are 16 and completely out of control. They have been spiraling downward since about the age of 13 1/2... starting with alcohol and some bad friends to now, addicted to drugs and in a lot of trouble. They were cutting school constantly, getting citations for drinking, smoking, drugs, running away, etc.. finally it did all catch up with them and now they are both in juvenile hall. One gets to come home and the other has used up all her chances and failed all the programs the courts have ordered and she is now being sent to a group home for troubled youth. It has really taken it's toll on me as I am a single mom. I have to say that getting the authorities involved REALLY helped.. even though they aren't done with it all and we are heading into a new phase which is hard, but I am accepting it. As the placement team told me, their fear of finding her dead in a ditch outweighs everything else.. so for us, we have to go to extreme measures. I wish I had the foresight earlier on and had gotten authorities involved sooner rather than later. I tried intervention for 2 years on my own putting them into counseling, rehabs, etc.. to no avail.. now here we are.. good luck! It's really tough giving "tough love" but some kids really need it! Sending positive thoughts and prayers and strength your way! Valerie~

Elizabeth - posted on 05/18/2012

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Ban the friends, ground her, and if she runs away report her as a runaway. DO NOT put up with it. As soon as she sees she can do this and get away with it she will go hog wild. She has probable heard how friends get away with this and is trying the waters herself. You want to get this under control before it gets out of hand. Trust me.

Sherri - posted on 05/18/2012

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Call the truancy officer and get them involved. It is legally your responsibility till she is 18 at least in our state.

[deleted account]

Sadly, she is right, she is 16 and can do what she wants.

My brother had a daughter (actually 2) that pulled the same thing. His wife and him are seperated and the girls left both of them and decided to couch surf.

The oldest is now 25 a single mom with 4 girls under 7 and the 17 yr old is still couch surfing, has dropped out of school and has a part time job cleaning in the evenings.

We are from a very small town so it's not like we don't know what is going on, but there is nothing that he can do about it.

Neither of them have got any control over her and he realizes this.

Good luck with yours.

As Auntie, I have had no contact with her and when she crosses my path I treat her as I do the rest of the kids in her grade, I don't talk to them cause I don't know them so she gets the same treatment. She has never had respect for anyone. I had my own suggestions about 14 years ago but here we are.

Pamela J - posted on 05/17/2012

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Send her to boarding school, preferably a military one. You have an obligation to see to it that she gets educated.

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