In need of some advice

Tanya - posted on 04/29/2010

I found the total transformation parenting program very helpful. Lots of great tools and support.

Jacque - posted on 04/27/2010

Pray....Pray....Pray...for them and for you!!! Don't take the growing pains of your child personally. Step back from the situation and take a bluntly honest look at it quietly. Take the emotional aspect out of the situation. If you had a friend or family member dealing with these issues what constructive advice would you give to them. Don't use personal attacks or the blame game as options...these will only cause more strife and be extremely distructive. Then when you had some time to think and make notes sit down with your child and discuss the situation. Make sure the child understands the resolution is what is best for the family as a whole and not a battle for control. Then work together to come up with constructive solutions. Write them down so the notes will be available for review and enforcement if needed at a later date. Maintain your position of authority as the parent & adult and don't try to be a friend to your child. Your child has friends, they need the love, discipline, support, and structure that only a parent can provide.

Tracey - posted on 04/26/2010

Hi Terry
Mom of five here and my oldest is 25 now and I have teenage boys and a gurl and another 20yr old my advice to you is perserverance do not give up they need to know that you will always be there I have gone through alot with my kids and did it on my own for along time I have been through some tough times but my kids will always be my kids and it is important that they know your always gonna be there no matter what and that you support them through difficult times one day it will all pay off all the best to you....

Jayme - posted on 04/26/2010

I find that being open and honest works miracles. They need to know that you are there for them regardless. Kids can say hateful things but it is usually a cry for something. Attention or even a need for counseling. Ask why they are angry. Get to the root of the problem. NEVER GIVE UP!!!! It is our job.

Betty K - posted on 04/26/2010

Communication , understanding , time, self respect to one another,forgiveness, understanding one another.

Tracy - posted on 04/26/2010

When they do things that get themselves in trouble they are really pushing you to see how you will react. Some of it is for the attention they get from you (negative attention is better than no attention at all) and some of it is to see if you will stick t your rules or not. Teens are constatnly pushing the boundaries to see how much they can get away with. What they really want to know by pushing the limits is if their parents truly love them or not. Teens say they don't want boundaries and rules, but without them they feel unloved. That's where the "I don't care" attitude comes in. If you don't care enough to make and enforce rules for them, then why should they bother doing what is right? What incentive do you give them to do right?

Your children have to earn your trust and respect. They don't have to earn your love; that is a free gift you give to them. And nothing should take away your love for your children. But your trust is only earned by good behavior and following rules. When they follow the rules they should be rewarded by privileges like getting to go out with friends, having a cell phone, staying up later on the weekends, or whatever you feel is appropriate. When they break the rules, you have to take away privileges. Make them go to bed earlier, don't allow them the freedom to come and go in the car, etc.

You are going to have to talk to your children and tell them what your rules are going to be from here on out. Once they have a job and their own apartment and are no longer on your insurance plan, then they may live by their own rules. But while under your roof, or in any way dependent on you, they will ive by certain rules and you will enforce them. Tell them what the consequences are for breaking the rules. And be consistent. Don't argue with them about their punishments. Just tell them, "I'm not arguing with you," and walk away. They will yell, they will slam the door, they will stomp their feet. Ignore these things. If they talk to you with disrespect, then add on a punishment, but do not engage them in an arguement. If you let them argue with you, they are more likely to wear you down and get their way. They have the energy to argue all day long, but we don't. So don't do it.

Best of luck to you! Show those kids that you love them by giving them boundaries and enforce the rules when they break the boundaries!!

Angie - posted on 04/25/2010

Unfortunately, all the things you describe are often part of raising the typical teen. Just remember, you are the adult, they are the child and they need guidance. Let him know when he's hurtful and keep reminding him every time he does it. It won't go away 100% because we all hurt each other from time to time. Try to enjoy the time you have left with him, before you know he'll move out of the house and have his own life!

Toni - posted on 04/25/2010

First thing first, quit feeling sorry for yourself. I am sorry to be so harsh, but it is what it is. Then, ground their butts to their room until they straighten up. I don't know if you are married or have a significant other, but if so, where are they??? Unless your children are being physically abusive to you (if they are call the police), you are their mother. Stand up and say NO MORE!! They can either live by your rules or they can leave, but if you are letting them get away with everything, they are going to continue to do so. Get mad sister, take control of your house, your not gonna take it anymore....Good luck and God bless.

Ang - posted on 04/25/2010

Well forgiveness goes along way to rebuilding a trustful relationship. Sit down talk to him not at him and take baby steps together in fixing one problem at a time. Ask him to tell you something you can work on to better communicate with him and give him back the same. Make a specific time each week and go over how it went. Then use that time for fun together. Let him know you enjoy being together and communications seems to open up! I have three boys this has worked for us. Angie

Stephanie - posted on 04/24/2010

Are you talking about your kids or coworkers? If you give up on your kids that's not saying much about you.

Ellen - posted on 04/24/2010

They are kids and we must be the moms. We have to be strong whether we want to be or not, and it is exhausting! Unfortunately, teenagers don't care so we have to care for them. Take time for yourself regularly to refresh and re-energize. Go out with the girls once a week. Go to counseling, a support group. But you can't give up.