Is it normal for your 14 year old boy to be disrespectful to you?

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Christa - posted on 12/18/2010

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Single mom here wih a 14 year old boy... He will turn 15 in January... Mine to has been pushing the limits... I am hoping that it will get better soon. Grounding and talking to him about his behavior just dont seem to work anymore. I am told that I dont understand and he is under pressure and all sorts of things.. And I just tell him welcome to the real world. And that I love him and that I am here for him but that the disrespect and all needs to stop and stop now. Most of the time he comes back in a short amount of time and tells me he is sorry and that I am right and he will work on it. And he does but things quickly get out of control again... HORMONES just SUCK!!! LOL I want my nice boy back... lol. Best of luck to all you other moms out there as well...

Becky - posted on 12/08/2010

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I wish my son did the same when i call him out on his behavior. He just keeps pushing and mouthing back until I go postal and loose control. I have read books and tried different things, grounding taking things away etc.. but its not working, I have a real defiante one here!

Carol Lea - posted on 11/19/2013

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My son who's 15 next year has changed into a nasty boy to me I am not alloys to go to his school play cause he won't go .I feel I have no control over him if I say no he says yes I feel I can't even be in the same room as him because I am only good enough for money iv stopped that now I feel I don't have control anymore and he's only 14

Francine - posted on 09/26/2012

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I've just been through the teenage years with my oldest who's 20 now and am now in the throes of my 14 year old and I will vouch that yes it is normal at that age to be disrespectful to their parents because they are testing their bounderies with you, "what are they going to do, think or say" and if you just let it go each and everytime then they will think nothing of being disrespectful. My 14 year boy started high school a few weeks back and he thought he could just start being disrespectful to us and we set him straight right away. Since then he knows where his bounderies are and the "please" and "thank you" have been in his vocabulary more often and it also teaches them to be respectful to their elders, like teachers, grandparents, aunts and uncles, etc. If there is 1 thing I cannot tolerate from kids or teenagers is disrespect.

TN - posted on 08/21/2013

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Thanks Sandra - its nice to know there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I would sure like to 'direct' his energies into something more effective, more productive. I wonder if there are any other parents out there who have had success in this area. We've tried sports activities, but I'm thinking of something where he would have more control in an area where he could excel. Any ideas??

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American - posted on 08/05/2014

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Demand the respect!!! You have to let them know that kind of behavior is not tollerated and if he is being disrespectful while friends are around then he wouldnt have friends over. It is your house your rules Peorid...that simple!

Leanne - posted on 08/03/2014

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My son is the same way, exactly, and I was told he will grow out of it, it also seems to be worse when his friends are around, he is being disrespectful to show off, and even they tell him to be nice to your mom, but when he wants something, money or a ride, or to learn to drive, etc. who does he run to. me

Francine - posted on 05/09/2014

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Patricia, sorry it took so long to reply, what we did is we sat him down, had a conversation with him and reminded him that we will not tolerate his behavior in our household. As parents we treat him with respect and dignity and we were not expecting nothing less in return from him, oh and I did say that I would take everything that is electronic away for 1 month at a time whenever he was not being respectful to anyone around him be it his friends or elders. He's involved with Ventures, started out with Cubs and the first thing they expect from these teens is respect above all and tolerance.

Shawnn - posted on 02/27/2014

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Ah, and 'dante' has demonstrated the level of maturity of an average 14 YO boy. Which is why we, as parents, are charged with discipline and teaching proper behaviour to our kids. Obviously, Dante's parents have let him run wild, and are raising an entitled little brat, with an asshole comment like that...

Monica - posted on 12/06/2013

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My problem is I'm a single mom, my only son and he is #1 to me. I want to be a cool mom, but as we all know kids need and like to have rules. They may say they don't, but if you let them do anything, what will that teach them. Having rules is a part of all of our lives. Anyway, I'm not liking these teenage years already and he is only 13. He is a good kid, but thinks he can wear me down. Not only that but there are just somethings as a woman that I don't know about boys. I'm still trying to figure out men. (what woman isn't), I just don't know things about how boys act. All the books tell you, but as we all know everyone is different. As his only parent I want to discuss things like puberty, sex, girls, How to be a young man so he can grow to be a Strong Man. But as his mom he don't want to talk to me about any of that. I try to tell him I'm here for him, he knows that, he knows how much I care and love him. But how do I get through to him and let him know its okay to talk to me?

Tj - posted on 11/18/2013

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use as teen are under presser cuz we like girls are age and mostly we get reject and every time we lose are self of steam it hard to get over we boys that are teens hid are emotions that y some teens boys have turned to cutting to feel the heart will glue to get it back to get it back together but it eventfully backs boned repair my name is Tj and im a 14 year old boy tell me it this help

Sandra - posted on 08/21/2013

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I posted the below in a different thread for Moms of Teenage Girls. But the same applies here....
I totally feel for you! My Daughter is 17. For us, the 14th year was a slow progression into what my Husband and I call "Mean-ager." She EXPLODED into full blown Mean-ager status at 15. That year was the worst! It was like surfing a huge wave and hanging on for dear life. I am not kidding. Just when I thought I could not take it anymore....my daughter turned 16.
It was amazing! She became my sweet Daughter again. Now, she still sometimes gets annoyed with us...but nothing major. She just started her Senior Year of HS and has a part-time job on the weekend.
So it DOES get better. I see light at the end of the tunnel. Hang in there & "ride the wave!" ;0)

TN - posted on 08/19/2013

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My son just turned 14, but his behaviour is increasingly becoming worse. He says we don't listen to him, but we hear his argument, and when he sees we disagree or he's not going to get something he thinks he should get, then he restates his argument. When we take our turn, and explain our stance, he says he's not finished saying what he needs to say, -- even though we have and he doesn't like our answer. Then when we point out that he's being disrespectful in certain situations, he indicates that we are not listening to him and that he finds it disrespectful. In many situations he says we are not listening to him. Point - we went shopping for school supplies - we listened very carefully to what he wanted, and when we didn't agree, we explained why (ie he didn't need a whiteboard for example). On the way home he said he was mad because we didn't purchase the blank paper he said he needed. Neither me or my husband heard this -- and then he says we are not listening. Honestly -- he never said it to either one of us -- it has happened on more than one occasion - we can't both be deaf?? Help -- he's out maniupulating us -- we feel terrible, but need to keep his demands in check.

Jennifer - posted on 06/04/2013

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My 14 year old thinks he can do what he wants and talk to me and his father however what i do cause he has a sister that is adhd and a brother that is adhd and bipolar

Christa - posted on 05/24/2013

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I can tell you that it does get better. My son is now 17,and I wrote back when he was 15. Things have really calmed down a lot. I learned that giving him an outlet for his frustration really help. Karate,soccer,football anything with lots of physical activity! Now my son is actually caring and considerate again. No more disrespect every time I turn around!!!!

Morine - posted on 03/31/2013

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you.have.got.to.be.kidding.me. you must be the stupidiest person in the world if u actaully believe that your TEENAGER is not going to be DISRESPECTFUL is that even a question?!?!?!? of course he is but that doesnt make it akright all the time, boys need someone to vent on, they cant do it at school becausse they want to stay out of trouble, and if they do it with friends then they wont have any, youneed to be supportive yet if he goes too far, tell him if he hurts your fellings, that will make him feel horrinble

ANNA M - posted on 09/26/2012

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i know exactly how u feel cause my daughter does the same and I've done everything but nothing seems to work like i said I'm so tired of all of this and tired of her lies and now my depression has gotten worse. please help me before something bad happens!!

ANNA M - posted on 09/26/2012

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what do i do or who can help me with my 14yrold daughter who is very disrespectful,abuses me,is very mean to her brother n sister. i don't know what to do anymore please help me!!

Ellen - posted on 06/16/2012

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My 14 year old son is very egocentric. He always wants to be alone and does nothing to help out around the house. However, he wants us to cater to him always. He is rude, disrespectful, calls us names and won't listen to what we say. He can be aggressive, although he feels badly afterwards. What do we do?

Carol Ann - posted on 02/27/2012

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No excuse for abuse...kids like adults need to take ownership and be accountable for their actions.

Melissa - posted on 12/16/2010

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I have a 14 year old BOY...He has ADHD and boundry issues,it is very hard some days because sometimes he really dont have controle over how he is though we still hold him responsible for his actions,its hard to get threw his head that he is the one yelling and blamming everyone elts for what he did,in school its all the teachers at home its me thats the bad guy.Hes a good kid its just he is in that stage were he is seeing what he can get away with and the I dont care stage.I have counsling and family support for him and me so that we can get threw this part I just hope it all works for him in time.Oh I have a little guy also with Apraxia and sensory w/hyperactivity!!!! He is 4.

Becky - posted on 12/08/2010

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Need help! My son is 14 and in the last year he has been very disrespectful in a way that he puts me down. Says that dinner are disgusting and pitches a fit when I tell him to do his homework and only wants to do things if he gets paid and or gets something in return. He says to me I will do my homework when its dark, I don't like the laundry basket in your room cause its not where he wants it, doesn't see the purpose of school. I never spoiled him with gifts, I was a single mom for years with him. please help!

Jane - posted on 10/28/2010

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Normal? Yes. Acceptable? No. My son is now 17 and he went through a period between 13 and 14 of being a real snot face. However, we corrected that behaviour very quickly by being consistent in our discussions with him, punishments/groundings, taking things away, etc. It is self correcting IF you are consistent and do not accept the behaviour.

Jasmin - posted on 10/27/2010

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I have been there my son's now 17 ...lol....yes it's normal as you said hormones' but you must not allow it to, yes you need to understanding but he needs to know he has to respect too, talk to him about the changes he most likely is going through and be firm that he needs to respect you, keep open lines of communications with him cause this is the age you might lose him to his friend he needs to know that you are there for him and that you care, cause he's confused to but again respect is key show him respect never give a reason ........

Theresa - posted on 10/26/2010

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It is normal, however you do not have to tolerate it. He can and should learn to keep it in check. My 14 year old has gotten quite the mouth on him. When I call him on it though, he knows to stop and try to be more respectful. I just remind him that he's getting out of line and I don't like it. That usually gets him to control it, for awhile anyway. Most times he doesn't even realise how disrespectful he's being. If he says things in the heat of anger I talk to him about it when we've both calmed down. Good luck.

Tania - posted on 10/25/2010

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yes it is normal hormones and they are stuck between im not a liitle kids but im not an adult iether this is my 2nd teenage son thats at this age

Rita_2_davey - posted on 09/14/2010

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I think they go through a stage, just to see what they can get away with. As well it depends' on who his friends are and how they speak to their parents'. Sometimes' things' are said that you can brush off, but just don't let him get away with alot. Just simply tell him that you dont' like his attitude, you will only put up with so much and you will decide what consequences' should take place. Always let him know how much you love him though. At this age they get somewhat embarassed but by passing this msg' to him, he may re-think before he says' something. Good luck, been there. It won't last long.
I hope you find this helpful.

Jennifer - posted on 09/14/2010

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I think it is normal for any 14 year old (I've had 3) to attempt to be disrespectful.

Over correcting may aggravate the problem, even 14 y/o's are learning boundaries.

I think Immediate corrections for the worst offenses are necessary. The rest of the time remember their world is so confusing they sometimes forget who they are talking to.

Christine - posted on 09/14/2010

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well by reading your replies you can definately see your not alone....i have a 14 year old son and he is seldome disrespectful but i see it increasing all the time....because he has a 16 year old sister he thinks he should have the same curfews, rules, etc....being the mom of 2 teenagers i know how much it hurts when they say certain things....but i can promise you one thing...you'll get use to hearing it before they stop doing it....when im told..."i hate you you are ruining my life" i always reply with.......well start writing down the things you hate me for because by the time we are done with this ride im sure there will be alot..........alot of times they are trying to find out what control they do have in their lives...so i try to give control in alot of other areas, letting them pick out their own clothes when shopping, picking whats for dinner, giving freedom in other areas but when the line is crossed they are simply reminded that there is no room for negotiation in this area....they have to learn respect in order to function in university, work etc....

Tracy - posted on 09/13/2010

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I would say it would depend on the type and degree of disrespectful. If you are expecting him (or her) to be "yes mom" (without an eye roll) and "thanks for the help with homework mom" then you are probably expecting too much from MOST teens. But certainly any name calling (to your face - admit it - even you called your parents names once your bedroom door was closed!) or belittling or anything very harmful is not "normal". It may or may not be signs of something more serious but it's at least something to not let him/her get away with.

Steffanie - posted on 09/06/2010

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Yes, 13 and 14 are hard... I hated them with my first two, and am not looking forward when my ten year old hits that age. It is totally normal. They become better at 15.

Elva - posted on 09/06/2010

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no but i am having the same problem and i dont no what to do about it it seems he doesnt have to do anything you tell him to do

Gina - posted on 09/04/2010

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The "norm" is what is set in the home by the parents..."train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he shall not depart..." in all fairness, there is a part of the brain, the amygdala, that is not fully formed/developed in its connection to the frontal lobe...the part of reason. So, there is a lot of miscommunication, misreading and misunderstanding that is going on on both sides of the conversation. Rather than punish (since we see how well it works in the punitive system), discipline by teaching the principle behind the paradigm and establish an understanding for the "why" or "why not" of something. This is also the time to model the manner of manhood that you want him to see and develop. Be the example that you want to see. I hope that this offers some help. It's rather challenging with little to no information.

[deleted account]

Oh yeah! My step son is almost 24 now. He did grow out of it, but he had an attitude from around age 12 through 15. Apparently, he and his mom fought quite a lot during that time. I was fortunate in that we didn't have him at our house full time, so he was better behaved with us, but whenever he did get out of line, we just stood firm without letting him draw us into a fight. Eventually, he learned that the only person he was upsetting was himself, and he got over it. I'm sure that his hormones settled down, too, and that that was a big part of the solution as well. All I can say is that this, too, shall pass.

Michele - posted on 09/03/2010

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Oh yes! But it doesn't mean that you should let him talk to you that way. It's normal - he's pulling away form you the only way he knows how, You could just remind him that you understand that he needs his own space and time, but that rudeness is not tolerated in your household and that there are consequences. Get ready for some door slamming and general hibernation in his 'man-cave' until he is about 16 - trust me they grow out of this, My son has evolved into a charming young man after driving me to distraction

Stacey - posted on 08/31/2010

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I agree with the other replys. Hormones. I go through this with my 14 year old boy also. It doesnt happen very often though. They loose things like video games, computer time, ect, for this type of behavior.

Mindy - posted on 08/26/2010

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not sure about boys but my 15 yea old daughter does and i have to remind her daily who the boss is sometimes i think teenagers go thru the terrible twos again

Julie - posted on 08/26/2010

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All children try their boundarys its only natural, however its important to re-inforce those boundaries and let them know that certain behaviour is not acceptable. Boundaries are important they keep our children safe and make them feel safe. I had parents that did not have boundaries and I remember feeling that they did not care what I did or what happend to me as long as I was not doing anything around them it made me feel isolated and wary about the world around me. I have 2 daughter both mothers themselves now both girls had ADHD without boundaries they would have been in great danger as children like this have no fear or restraint
it may make you feel bad however just think how you would feel if you had not kept them safe and they harmed themselves how would you feel then boundaries are what we give our children to keep them safe and happy even when their turning us grey or balled lol

Christy - posted on 04/10/2009

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I don't know that they realize how they are talking to us but it is getting really old. I have a 14 and 13 and if I hear the phrase "I don't understand" or "That doesn't make sense" again I will scream. I can tell you that it will get easier or at least it did for my nephew...

Jannette - posted on 04/10/2009

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14 years old is a critical age especially for a boy who is starting to build his identity as a teenager, i guess it's hormonal same with the girls girls. Disrespectful in a way how we take it or rather how they behave towards us. I feel the same way sometime as a mother of a 14yr/o boy and an only son, did i spoil him to behave like this? not really...their behavior can be straighten up by spending time to talk with them and figure out what's on their mind...maybe they need sometime to be reminded and most of all give them space.

[deleted account]

It's normal for them to try it, :D

but you don't have to put up with it.

People treat us how we let them treat us.

We are respectful of our teens and we expect respect in return.

Not that we always agree (ironic laughter).

They are welcome to express themselves respectfully.

This does not include eye rolling, slamming doors, yelling, cursing, etc.

Boys do try to mumble, but I have found that when I ask my son to repeat himself so that I can understand him, he manages to speak English quite clearly, especially if he is asking for something. After all, when looking for employment or in college interviews, they must be able to speak intelligently. They might as well start now.

If we as parents do not require this of them, then they will not be well prepared for the challenges that face them.

I think most kids will at least attempt to rise to the expectations set for them.

But if we have no expectations as far as respect for parents goes, then they won't respect us at all.

Angela - posted on 04/10/2009

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It is normal. Just remind him you are still the boss. If you let them know you are fearful in anyway they sense that and it will be down hill from there.

Chris - posted on 04/10/2009

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yes im afraid it is, my son is nearly 18, and we only started to get a proper conversation out of him about 8 months ago. i watched a programme ages ago about teenagers. and it said something at the front of the brain used to converse, doesnt develop untill they are about 18.



so i had to put up with his mumbled words, shrugs,dunnos, and blantant hormonal outbursts for 3 years! you do have to scold them about it, because if you dont they will walk all over you, stick to your guns and dont let him get away with things, and let them know you love them,and you will get through it! my son is know back to the adorable boy i once had!!

Shelly - posted on 04/09/2009

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Carol,



  Yes this is very normal they are at the age were they need to figureout who they are and were thier boundries are the trick is how you handle it.  Stand your ground and just make sure that he understand that he still is a child and you are the adult in this relationship and your not going to put up with his disrespect...

[deleted account]

my son is 13 and tends to toe the line a lot. I don't know that he's been blatantly disrespectful, but there are a couple times I have to remind him that I'm his mother, not one of his friends. he straightens up after that.

Glenda - posted on 04/09/2009

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My son will be 15 in sept. and i have been going through this for 2 years now.



the most important thing 2 remember is no matter what happens remind your child



that he is your life and that u will always be there for him. sometimes children act out



in rage do 2 the fact that something is going on in there life and they feel like they cant



confront us parents about it i have always tried to make my children understand they can talk to me about anything. i wish u best of luck

Crystal - posted on 04/08/2009

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Yes! His hormones are going wacky. What I did when my son was that age was when he was doing it. I would say do you realize how your talking to me. His big thing was yelling. I would say why are you yelling at me. Then he would set and think for a minute and realize he was. They really don't know how they are acting. like katie said you really need to put yourself in their shoes and remember how you acted at that age.

[deleted account]

Hormones, hormones! My son will be 14 few months I can say he has ever been disrespectful without coming back and apologizing, he knew what he said or did was wrong. I try and remember how I was at that age. You have to call him on it or he will just continue to do it. Let him know how much it hurts you and it works both ways to get respect you have to earn it.

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