is it ok for a 12 year old to have a 15 year old byfrien/girlfriend

Hilary - posted on 09/30/2009 ( 172 moms have responded )

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My 12 year old daughter has recently gotten a 15 year old boyfriend. We have always had the rule in our house your boy/girlfriend can only be one year up or down. And now she is testing this and making me crazy. She thinks I am being compleatly unreasonable and that I am the worlds worst parent. I really dont agree but would like some more opinions on this matter. Thanks

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Wendy - posted on 09/30/2009

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I would stick with your rule, at that age they have different interests. Your daughter is excited to have a boyfriend, maybe a first kiss, a 15yr old boy is interested in more than kissing. Don't put her in a position she's not ready for, be strong enough to tell her no.

Robin - posted on 04/25/2013

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Absolutely not. The age gap is too large, even if she's very mature. He's in high school, why is he looking for middle school girls to date?

Rita - posted on 04/25/2013

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Hi Hilary: I'm assuming this is your first time going through something like this. All of my children are grown the oldest (daughter) is now 33. When she was your daughters' age she too had a b/f that was 2yrs. older. Of course you are concerned which I know I was. However, if you have had the daughter/mom talk and she respects' you I think its' okay. The reason being, you to her are being unreasonable and vice-versa. If you think about it if you say "no" absolutely not what do you think is going to happen? She will see this b/f behind your back and you dont' want that to happen. If your relationship with her is on solid ground and your her mom as well as a friend at least she will talk abt. him to you. Allow her to bring him home for you to meet as well as your husband. Boys' dont' grow up as quick as girls' which has been a proven fact. At that age they are still into playing games, hanging out with other friends' who as well have g/f's. Its' a fun time. I dont' think she or he will become involved which I know is a BIG worry to you. I think all moms' would agree that when their daughters' start seeing boys', moms' see it as their little girl is growing up and that is 'hard, I know I thought I was going to go stir-crazy. If you allow this you have a handlle on it. She still has to be home at a certain time, she has homework, maybe not so much on weekends but at least you have the advantage of him coming to your home. Talk with him about his family, siblings etc. If you allow him into your home you will know where they will spend their time. Ask her to invite him over, ask him how his family is, how many brothers'/sisters' he has. Dont' get into a long questionaire or you wont' see him again, not to mention how you will embarrass your daughter. She will see him elsewhere. Your daughter is trying to be just like her friends, she doesnt' want to say to her friends I'm not allowed. She might tell a best friend but thats' where it will end. With your daughter being 12 and him 15 to be honest it wont' last long. Your daughter is wanting to be like her friends, she will still have her friends' and he wlll as well. He is still playing games on the x-box or on the pc. Possibly skate-boarding in the warmer weather or playing some sort of sport. In the winter which is gone he probably plays hockey, even in the summer they play floor hockey or I guess it should be called street hockey. Your phone line will be tied up quite often, probably more so than her seeing him. Dont' worry MOM it will be okay. Your daughter is growing up, she isnt' leaving home. We wont' even touch on that subject. When all of my children left home, it was a heartache for some time especially the last one. Needless to say they never really leave home, you see them more often. I dont' know how many will agree/disagree I'm just giving you my take on it. Talk a little more to your daughter and ask her what sort of boy he is, not in a under tone voice like your already saying "No". Be her friend as well as her mom. With this being her first b/f and like I said, it wont' last, she is going to need you. She will be heartbroken. No doubt missing a day of school being so upset.
To her the world will have fallen apart. Keep your conversations going with her, she loves you and her dad, and she really does respect both of you, even if it doesnt' seem that way right now. She doesn't want to go behind your back, she just wants approval. I wish you luck and I wish you both well. Take care! :D You certainly have had alot of replies.

Melody - posted on 10/01/2009

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Hell no what is wrong with you they are babies, they need school in their life right now!!

Maria - posted on 09/30/2009

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At the risk of sounding prude, I personally believe that at 12, a girl is too young to have a boyfriend no matter how old the boy is, specially when it's at this stage that their curiosity is peaked. My husband and I told our boys from day 1 that we would treat them like they would if they were girls and that is, there are ground rules and they are there for a reason. I always tell my boys, now 17 & 16, you'll know that special someone when you find her. And when you do, you're better prepared when you're out there financially and emotionally vested and mature.

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Tianna - posted on 04/11/2014

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im 15 and my boyfriend is 12 i say idc age shouldn't matter let her try it yeah somethings will be hard and everything but atleast its not a 18 year old guy

Sophia - posted on 02/21/2014

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She is way too young to date... And you are not unreasonable..... Mom no no.... They are both too young and things happen..... And she is still under your care.

Kirsten - posted on 01/15/2014

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The problem most of these parents or if some arn't are saying end the relationship. The problem is the parents really can't do anything about it. I was that age once too and when my mind was made up it was if my parents didn't approve I went behind their backs. My oldest daughter just turned 14 and when she was 13 she was dating a 15 year old. Did I approve, absolutely not. I told my daughter no so many times, she then just went behind my back, lying, sneaking out. So really you might as well just let them and let nature take its course. About 6 months later my daughter broke up with him which was a relief but I just let it go and let her learn her own way. By the way her father didn't approve either.

Deborah Ridgely - posted on 12/22/2013

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At this point, it may be too late to do much of anything to change her mind about it. The real problem, I think, is that you didn't lay the groundwork earlier about all the whys about boyfriend relationships with her. You need to keep your relationship very open and friendly with your daughter, so that you can give her advice and she will listen. Tell her how much you treasure her and how she should treasure her gift of virginity, saving it for her future husband, so she will not have regrets when that happens. A lot can happen between now and then, and it seems she could still put herself on a right road towards staying pure. Help her to make the right choices along the way.

Rosella - posted on 09/16/2013

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Okay first of all i think you should IMMEDIATLEY end this relationship. and the boy is 15 YEARS OLD! 15. and she's 12? i don't think that goes together. if she thinks it's the end of the world then i guess that's just what she'll think. NEVER let a child speak in and attitude towards you. it's a form of disrespect, and it's way out of line. hope i helped:)

Yours'Truly - posted on 09/11/2013

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I'm 12 and I have a 15 year old boyfriend... They are okay dating as long as they aren't doing nothing. If you trust her and know that she is very mature then let her try... :)

Ella - posted on 08/22/2013

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If your daughter is mature and you now the boy well than I think sure let her go for it.

Deborah - posted on 06/05/2013

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In my opinion, I think 12 is way to young to be dating any age boy. There's quite a bit of a difference between 12 and 15. I'd be careful and what she may be learning from a 15 year old that would be hanging around with her.

Claire - posted on 06/03/2013

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Personally I'm not sure you can stop her. By saying no you will most likely force them to sneak behind your back. My 13 year old had her first bf at 12 and he was 14. They dated 6 months and then she broke up with him. Her bf now is the same age as her and they've been together 2 months, we'll see what happens with them.

Louisa - posted on 06/02/2013

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It all depends what you think you are the Mom are you not, I do agree with some of the other posts about the age gap though I think it's about the maturity of this boy. If you meet him and decide he is wonderful she should be allowed to date him but at the end of the day none of these moms can help you it's down to your own judgment

Sophie - posted on 04/24/2013

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ok i am a 12yr old and i am dating a 15 yr old he is so sweet nice adorable he treats me well most parents think 15 yr old boys only want sex some do some dont just talk to ur daughter

Paula - posted on 02/03/2013

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She is WAAAAYYY. Too young for a boyfriend that age, and I am VERY LIBERAL! She must be quite developed and older looking? I would suggest that you not forbid, but insist that they are not allowed to be alone, he can come and watch tv with the Fam, etc,goo to the mall with a parent there, insist on speaking to and/or meeting his parents so ALL the parents are on the same page.

Kathleen - posted on 02/02/2013

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My soon is 15 and his gf is 13 i feel soo good to hear that I'm not the only one who worries about that

Madison - posted on 01/31/2013

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i am 12 years old myself and i am dating a 15 year old boy he respects me and doesn't make me do anything i am not comfortable with. Many parents may think all 15 year old boys want is sex, but that is not the case. It is not normal to have sex when your 15. Hope this helps!

Sandra - posted on 01/18/2013

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The rule must be kept, because if you break it, then there will be no more rules!!!!

Rita - posted on 01/08/2013

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Whooooa!! I would not have my 13 yr. old dating a 15yr. old boy! This is a discussion for "no" discussion. I mean your not really going to be able to stop her seeing this boy but I certainly would try and put a cap on it. You can set up a regime that she is allowed to go out but all of her bounderies stay the same 13 or not. Wknds. I would try and have him over more than her going out. This way you have your eyes' on them but you have to be conspicuous. You dont' want to be right beside them at all times. If you have had words' with your daughter about sexual activities, and I hope you have, if you found her to be listening to what you had to say lets' just hope she abides'. The only thing that worries me is the fact of this 15yr. old boy. If you know the parents' talk with them and not in a way that would be offensive. Most 15yr. old boys' hormones' are just at that peek. Do you find this boy to be polite (not just showing it for your sake), does his parents' have rules and guidelines to go by? Does he have both parents in his life? I'm not saying that this would change him. Just remember a boy at 15 is both curious and feels needs that he never felt before. Do you feel that there is a trust issue here? Either with him or your daughter. Would your daughter do just abt. anything for him? Or he for her? I mean its' quite obvious that this relationship isn't going to last forever but you never know when something is going to pop up!! My daughter had a b/f at 14, believe me/you I thought I was going to go out of my mind. It turned out to be a wonderful relationship and I believe it lasted abt. 3yrs. The one thing with her b/f was that I could sit and talk with him openly. He didn't have a mother to lead him so I became that one. I had no qualms abt. talking to him abt. sex, what could(not) happen. He was very grateful that he had me to talk to. I was neither mean nor did I put him down. So having an open door for the b/f sometimes' works' but I wont' say always.
Ask him questions like Is this your first g/f? Do you have house rules? Are your parent(s) strict with you? Get a feel for him. You will know where your daughters' head is at and perhaps you will get straight answers' from him. Then make your judgement as to do you feel that these two definetly need to be chaperoned. It will all come together for you. Good Luck! The joys' of being a parent to a teenager :D

Gabbie - posted on 01/05/2013

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hi I'm 12 years old and I have a 16 year old boyfriend I honestly think it's ok but if a girl's my age would wanna have sex or anything that far I think u should talk to your daughter and stuff like that but my bf thats 16 me and him always text and we don't really love each other but we really like each other and he adores me so I think it's ok hope this helped

Makayla Dawn - posted on 01/03/2013

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Im not a mom im a 12 year old girl i dated a 15 year old boy. He respected and loved me because my mother tore us apart i started self harming. Give her the talk meet the boy, if you think they will still have sex put her on borth control and tell her the bad side of it. Aids is a scary thing my uncle has it yes he is happy and fine but all the medications he has to take effect his daily life, forget a pill and your sick all day long. If that helps any

Nikola - posted on 12/15/2012

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Maturity is not something a preteen can master. At the age of 13 she is not ready to have a boyfriend. She is just starting to really discover her body, and figure out who she wants to be. At this age neither of them are mature enough to handle the nature of that kind of relationship. Boyfriend/Girlfriend relationships are the begining of a courtship. If the maturity that is neccesary for a relationship is going to be in place, both sons and daughters need to wait until they are older. I did not approve of my daughter having a real boyfriend until she turned17, and even now at the age of 18 she is still not 100% mature enough for the relationship she is in.

Titch - posted on 12/15/2012

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that's ok, I dated a 14 year old when i was 11... just so long as she's mature enough and the boy's not to Crrraazy! :D

Kim - posted on 10/28/2012

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A 12 y/o should not have a boyfriend period espcially one that is 15. Stand up and be a parent and not a friend. Your aughter is only a child onc she does no need to be focused on having a boyfriend hell I was still playing with dolls when I as 12. Having a boyfriend was last one my list. I was too focused on Michael Jackson and New Edition and doingthe things that a 12 y/o child would do.

We as parents need to top tryng to be friends with our children and be parents.

L R - posted on 10/24/2012

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Hilary, I do hope that your daughter sees this.... NO it is not appropriate for her to see a 15 year old boy. 15 year old have different thoughts than a 12 year old boy.... I'm sure he is a nice boy but a 3 year age difference at this age is big.

Nancy - posted on 10/18/2012

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In response to the young boy, Damien. In know it feels like love now. Let us know how it turns out. Just please, take things very slowly, she is still a little girl. That is about age, and could be about the law.

Damien - posted on 10/18/2012

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im not a mom im a boyfriend of a 12 year old i love her sooooo much its fine you respect them in every way well i do respect her she is every thing in m life she means every thing to me she is my soal mate its not all about age its about trust and love and i have alot of that for her.

Melissa - posted on 09/20/2012

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Absolutely not under any circumstance!!! They are not at the same place when it comes to what they want from eachother!! So NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

Dianne - posted on 09/12/2012

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hell no that is just asking for trouble. he is older and will want to do things that she is not ready to be doing physically, emotional and mentally. Peer pressure is hard enough on kids today and she doesn't need to be pressured into having sex way before she is ready which is something he will want to do. Set boundaries and stick to them. Make sure she knows what the punishment will be if she disobeys you.

Ariana - posted on 09/09/2012

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I don't think there is any problem between a 12 year old and 15 year old dating. If you want to put limits on this tell her you realize she wants to date someone older and more mature but you'd like for him to come to your house so you can meet him. If you make your values and morals obvious to her and him they are more likely to follow them.



Also by banning this relationship you are sending it underground. The fact that she has told you about this shows that she is trying to push limits and show you how mature she is. You can talk to her and tell her how you understand that as she gets older new rules/limits will be made and that this is a test for how trustworthy she is. If she lets you down by doing something (whatever you feel necessary to say) and you discover this you will lose trust in her and this opportunity (to date a slightly older person) will be taken away.

Jessica - posted on 09/07/2012

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I had an 18yr old boyfriend when I was 14 I still look back on it as a horrible idea. I now have a 27 yr old husband and Im 23. Wonderful dating older after you pass the age of 21. But younger then 21 BAD IDEA!

Jessica - posted on 09/07/2012

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Ehh....12 and 15 seems too big of a gap to feel healthy. Each teenage year is such a huge difference. I dated a 15 year old boy when I was 13 and it seems ok to me looking back now (but dating his 17 year old brother before that... not so much. At least I figured that out 2 weeks in before anything more than kissing happened.)

Ava - posted on 09/06/2012

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my daughter is 12 and a half...this boy will be 15 in december...recently found out he touched her in her private area...can he get in trouble?

Mommy - posted on 09/04/2012

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It depends on the child. My daughter likes a 15 year old and I have no problem with her dating him. But his dad won't let him take her to the movies after he already asked her. He seems to really like her we have know him for years. I feel if you try to stop it then they will try to find a way if they really like each other. I would rather be open to it so then we know what is going on instead of them sneaking around to see each other.

Jdfalsdjflj - posted on 03/23/2012

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I dont think its bad, my daughter dated my sons best friend, and they have been together for 3 yrs now. They were the same age.just keep an eye on that boy.

Sarah - posted on 02/03/2012

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Personally I think 12 is too young to date anyone so that's my stance.

Amy - posted on 02/03/2012

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I dated a 15 year old (when I was fifteen), and I've got to tell you, there is no way on earth I'd let my 12 year old date one!!! For many reasons, but mostly emotional maturity (lack of) and physical/sexual maturity (too much, at least when compared to a 12 year old).



I also babysat for a doctor who delivered a baby to a 12 year old with an older boyfriend. Food for thought...

Trina - posted on 02/03/2012

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i would say no. i think this is a critical age and the 3yr is a major difference at this age

Margarita - posted on 02/02/2012

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Hi Hilary,



So inquiring minds would like to know...did she ever go out on that date.



And if so how did you handle the situation.

Staci - posted on 02/02/2012

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My husband would not approve of his 12 year old daughter dating a 15 year old boy......I know that I wouldn't. I am not in those mom shoes yet...my daughter is 5.... If u do decide to let her date, I would limit their "dates" to your house. Good luck.

Sharisa - posted on 11/04/2011

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NO way, way to young and like another parent said Why would her even want to date a 12yr girl... Not a good idea at all. Put your foot down Mom

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