Is it suicide or a drastic call for attention??? Please help!!!!

Laura - posted on 01/30/2009

my daughter used to cut herself and had a real temper issue and throw things at the other kids , hit them thow knives at them, tried to suffocate my youngest, but now she has been diagnosed BIPOLAR. She now takes Prozac and we havent had any problems since then , so there is help but yu have to seek it. TRUST ME ITS NO EASY ROAD, THERE WE PLENTY OFF DAYS I WANTED TO CRY. but with the help of a psych and a trip to highland, she has come a longgggggggggg.....way . she is now married, and has a baby of her own, and doing well. i can listen if you want to talk and no keep going through his things. i hopw you find comfort soon.

Melissa - posted on 01/29/2009

I just want to say thank you to everyone who has taken the time to give me some helpful ideas and kind words...Thank you all for your prayers and hugs!!! I will post something when I we start counceling to let you know how things are doing...xxx   Mel

                       God Bless you all....

Melissa - posted on 01/29/2009

I want to thank you for responding, I have made and appointment with a counceling service once again we will start sessions asap! Over the past few years we have gone through so many changes and our house is a on the hostile side right now but we are going to work on it too. As for the sex talk we have talked to him starting from the age of 7 and especially now because he is engaging in sexual activities, seems like we are having a talk just about everyday which is ok as long as he knows! Alot of the things you said I do agree and understand its just getting back to doing it the right way, if that makes any sence.

          Once again thank you very much...will keep you posted and let you know how it all goes.........xxx Mel

Shelly - posted on 01/28/2009

First pray that he will open up to some one then get him help he is crying out for it with the cutting.  Please do not ignore it... I will keep you and your family in my prayers

Ginny - posted on 01/24/2009

Sounds like a really tough time. Not only am I a parent of 2 teens, I'm also a therapist who's worked with lots of teens over the years. Cutting (superficial wounds, not deep wounds that produce large quantities of blood) is generally a coping mechanism for teens. It is popular with some emo, goth and scene kids and not typically considered suicide gestures. It would be important to try to figure out what he gets out of the cutting. Some common examples are:

...cutting is a release...like the blood and the stress all come out at once

...cutting helps me know that I'm alive...that I am capable of feeling pain

....cutting feels good

....cutting is a way of punishing myself for things that I feel ashamed about that no one else knows

....cutting helps me cope with stress and emotional pain

Let your son know that you want to try to understand better and see if he's share with you more about how cutting helps. Once you know, then you'll be able to help more effectively. Martial arts, sports, punching bags, and sprinting are all good resources for boys to help them release some of their stress and anger in healthy, productive ways.

As for privacy, my experience counseling teens helped me know to set the ground rules early about privacy. In our house, "You are entitled to privacy in your life as long as I don't have reason to believe that you're involved in something illegal, unhealthy or dangerous. If so, all bets are off. i'll search your room, your car, your bookbag, your everything to find out what's going on to keep you safe. That's my job as a parent."

I'd say a good sex-ed talk is called for since he's so wrapped up in the girlfriend. Generally speaking, the research does not support the age-old parental fear that "if you talk about it, you're condoning it or making it more likely that they'll do it." You want him to have accurate information for making sound decisions, including things like "no, douching after sex is NOT a contraceptive method," most birth control methods don't protect you from STDs, you can get an STD without having intercourse, and reminders about risk for legal trouble if he's older than his girlfriend.  This is all straight talk that he needs to hear from you --- not from his buddies.

And lastly, don't believe that your son won't ever do anything risky. It's just a set-up for you to be disappointed. Expect him to do some stuff, be prepared to react firmly but compassionately, and restate the house rules and expectations. Let him know you'll be monitoring more closely because he's made some bad choices but that you'll be watching for him to make good choices too. Make sure you let him know when you see him making those good choices and doing well.

Hang in there, and know that having a good counselor to work with him could be a great resource --- especially if he's not willing to let you in on what's going on. Let me know if I can help further.

Peace,

GM

Inga - posted on 01/24/2009

Teenagers are so complex... I thought I knew my son pretty well also, but he has shut me out of a chunk of his personal life. I would trust your gut & seek professional help. I think seeing a professional helped him deal with some issues that were out of my realm.  I wish you and your son all the best, Melissa.

Lori - posted on 01/24/2009

You are not doing anything wrong if you are doing what you FEEL is right. BUT - what you are dealing with might very well be outside of your influance. Relationship issues can be DEVESTATING in the teenage world and in the teenage mind - and I hope you will seek out help/counselling from PROFESSIONALS in your area. Go yourself, first, and follow the advice of people especially equipped to help your son with this issue in getting him the help he needs to get through this very troubling time for him.



Cutting is a big red self-esteem flag - I have known of several teens who 'indulged' in this behavior, and when asked, doesn't it hurt? they all respond about the same way: 'No, it doesn't hurt, it actually feels better.' 'Better than what?' 'Everything else.'



Your son needs help - he is hurting. Please consult a professional to help you manage this very big challenge. Hugs and prayers to your and your family!!!

Joanne - posted on 01/24/2009

hi my name is joanne and i am a mother of an 18yr old son. i also have a 23yr and 21yr old daughters. I totally symathise with you. Its very hard these days wondering if you are doing the right thing with your children. It gets so much harder as they get older. I would worry if one of my children were selfharming although i think its a visual that there is something wrong. We all want our children to do well in life but in my experience i think it helps to sit and talk and find out what they want in life and what their interests are. I try not to put pressure on my children but encourage them in whatever they decide. For instance, my son wants to b a profession al golfer. he had no interest in school. I decided to let him leave early and concentrate on his golf. In my opinion, he can always return to his studies when he is mature enough to do so. I have done all the snooping with my daughters, (reading their diaries and phone messages) your son is still going through puberty. Please sit with him and find out his goals in life. Dont put pressure on him with school. Its not the end of the world if his grades are slipping. I have just come home from a funeral of an 18yr old boy who hung himself. This boy was outgoing funny and the bell of the ball. Nobody knows what goes on in their heads. So tell your son that no matter how bad things seem there is always a remedy. Nothing s ever that bad and everything is solvable. Be tollerant, sympathetic, and patient. I hav learnt that and now i find my children hav no problem talking to me when they have their own. My other advice is get to know their friends, welcome them into your home and become a friend to them also. You learn alot from them too. kind regards.