Is it wrong to snoop on your teenage kids?

Violette - posted on 06/04/2011 ( 119 moms have responded )

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I read an interesting story on a website regarding a mom who goes through her teen daughter's room and cell phone checking for inappropriate texts, etc. I have an 11 year old and I'm curious if mothers out there would snoop on their kids as this mom did.



Here is the link to the woman's post I was referring to:

http://www.peoplesinsight.com/articles/1...

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[deleted account]

It's wrong. Snooping and finding out things won't make teens stop. You'll just piss them off.

[deleted account]

ABSOLUTELY! I would. It is my RESPONSIBILITY as a PARENT to monitor their friends... grades... boyfriends...health...teeth..periods...diet... activities...and yes, their digital communication.
My stepson took possession of our 'community computer' for a summer. It was located in the living room...basically so someone could use Google to confirm something in conversation. After being home for a week, he moved the computer to his bedroom. I didn't LOVE this...my argument was that it belongs in the living room.
After about two days, he came to my friend Mike...and told HIM the computer is messing up. (Mike has a degree in computers) Now the boy didn't tell ME the computer was messing up...he saved it for the programmer. This brought up a red flag for me.
Mike found "hotdate1234U" and "hotbabesnow" installed on my computer. The boy tried to say it wasn't him...but when Mike showed him the date at time...3am....It was pretty much confirmed.
After Mike left I sat down with the boy and explained to him...if the anti-virus is throwing these windows at you...you have to get away from that website. Two days later...the computer is "messing up" again.
So.....I talked to my little brother. He gave me a really cool program that ran on my laptop...in my bedroom, at the other end of the house from the boy and the computer he moved to his room.
This computer program was called a "rat". It had a TON of neat little buttons...I could turn on the webcam and see what he was doing...I could turn on his mic and hear what was said in the room. I could see each page he went to...and even pull up a window that showed me what was on his desktop. I could move his mouse...I could disable his mouse and I could turn off his keyboard. I could type little messages to him and the only way he could continue on the computer was to click "OK" to the message I sent him.
I would leave the laptop running with the rat pulled up, it stayed on the bedtable beside my bed. If he got into something I didn't approve of...I would turn off his keyboard so he couldn't type...and then I would send him a message saying something like..."it is 2am. You should be in bed, the whole family is going to Pigeon Forge tomorrow morning."
He would immediately power off the computer and try restarting it. I would send him another window that would say something like, "Nope, that didn't work, try something else." "Go to bed D..."
Basically, I terrorized him. But...I kept him from learning about feet fetishes and pedophiles at MY house. He can learn that crap somewhere else...not on my watch.
Now I have two stepdaughters that are 9...I'll do the exact same thing to them too. And Lord protect the pervert who attempts to contact MY girls......I'll bring him crashing down faster than Windows 98!

[deleted account]

That's a downright lie. Snooping will create more problems and won't stop any teenager from doing something bad. Sickens me.

[deleted account]

I have two teenage sons, 17 and 12. The 17 year old leaves his cell phone lying around everywhere, in the kitchen, the living room and it looks like he's got nothing to hide. His laptop is also open without a password. Good grades, great friends and so no reason for me to snoop at all. However, the 12 year old cell phone never leaves his side and goes to bed with him and when I walked by while he's using his laptop he checks on me to see if I was looking, very quiet and secretive. I ask him as a joke that if I give him money would he let me look at his texts, the answer of course as I anticipated was no. I believe that because of his young age, further investigation is warranted, what I mean he's gonna be monitored closely unlike my 17 year old son. Two different behavior, two different approach.

Kristi - posted on 06/27/2012

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Sabrina B.-- When you are under 18, you live in my house, I am responsible for your well being and your up bringing, and I love you...your business IS my business. I am the parent, not my daughter, she doesn't snoop through my things because she is not responsible for me, she will not suffer consequences for my behavior, she will not recognize a child predator on my FB page, she does not need to know who my friends are because I am capable of resisting peer pressure at the age of 41. She does not need to know how much money I have or don't have in my wallet because the finances are not her responsibility...have I made my point yet?

It is not breaking trust, she should already know as a condition of having a cell phone or online accounts, such as FB or email, that you are going to be checking them. Your daughter might be doing the right things, doesn't mean everybody else is. Are you going to go another 3 years without "snooping?" IMO, that would be a wreckless, irresponsible thing to do, especially from 14-17. Turning a blind eye doesn't mean it can't or won't happen to you. Generally, when a child is hiding something they get defensive and self righteous and pull out the guilt card. Not always but often and not just children but adults do the samething. Anyways, I guess I have killed two birds with one stone here. By responding to your comment I have also expressed my views about looking after my daughter, in a round about way. I hope you catch on before it is too late, good luck! : )

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Heather - posted on 07/19/2014

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yes i would and i do i check my sons face book and all other sites daily he has to talk on the phone in front of me or his dad he is not allowed a cell and when he does get one i will check it to i feel its our job to protect them even if it is annoying them at least until they are 18

Poppie - posted on 07/14/2014

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Hello, I'm 15 and wanted to share a teen's perspective on this topic. Today I went out without my phone (which I normally don't do) and once I got back I found my Mom looking through my texts. It wasn't a pleasant feeling knowing that your Mom knows all about your personal life. Quite embarrassing, actually. I know what you're thinking, serves you right. You're under 18 so she has the right to, but what happened to morality? It would be unrealistic for one to say that they have nothing to hide. Teenagers like myself need a private space in their lives and for that to be corrupted breaks their trust between parent and child. Overall, do not snoop in your child's phone, because realistically nothing good will come out of it.

Angela - posted on 07/12/2014

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To be honest, any teenager who "keeps" old texts once read/transmitted (the received ones as well as the sent ones) instead of deleting them or keeps a journal or diary that's NOT written in code and moreover keeps it where other people can see it and read it, quite frankly DESERVES to be snooped on!

If parents are paying the bill for a phone a child uses, they have the right to see (via the billing papers or e-mails) what numbers have been called or texted. They shouldn't really be looking at the handset itself. However, my children had Pay-As-You-Go (pre-paid) phones. They bought their own credit with their own money. So it was none of my business.

Jenn - posted on 06/05/2014

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Speaking as a gal who has had her journal found & read by her mother (at age 17), I do NOT recommend this practice! I have a 13 yo daughter now, and she is very secretive. But I will NOT snoop in her things unless I believe (with good evidence to back me up) that she is going to be physically harmed, and I need to intervene.

Misty - posted on 06/05/2014

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I have a 15 year old daughter and although I do respect her privacy. you all are children and do not understand the ramifications of all your decisions. That is why you have adult parents. I found a nude photo of a young gentlemen and 3 videos of him master- bating on her phone today. First of all this is illegal, not to mention humiliating if this were to go viral. I'm trying to figure a way to talk to her without her blowing up at her dad and me. How would you respond if you your parents had this conversation with you?

Shawnn - posted on 06/05/2014

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gotta love all of these friggin KIDS who don't understand the basic parental responsibilities.

All of you KIDS who don't have a clue obviously don't have a very good parental relationship as it is, since both of my teens understand the need for me to monitor them.

Whatever, you're kids, and you all think you know everything...wait until you have kids of your own...make sure you don't turn into a bunch of hypocrites!

Tatiana - posted on 06/04/2014

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hi my name is tatiana and im new to this. i just wanted to give my opinion, im 16 i live with my grandparents and honestly i think ive always been a fairly well behaved kid (my grandmother also says this about me) anyways i just recently found out that my grandparents do go through my stuff for example my grandpa has went through my dairy befor, when i found this out i was hurt upset n just pisst i mean their was one thing i was hiddin from them(the fact im bi) of course they didnt aprove and i knew they wouldnt and they just wouldnt understand this is why i didnt tell them. so in my opinion its NOT ok to look through kids stuff you break trust n lose all resepect. i mean i feel like i have NO privacy it sucks it just makes me hid even more. i mean this will also make your kid very rebelious

Katie - posted on 05/16/2014

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i do not snoop. my 14 year old son's 3 electronic devices (iPhone 4s, iPad, and laptop) are private. he changed the passwords every week, he told me. idk why he changes them so much but whatever. i don't think snooping is right.

Ashley - posted on 05/10/2014

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In my personal opinion snooping on your teens will only create higher tensions. I am a 17 year old girl and my parents invested in multiple spy programs to monitor my every move. My texts are sent on a live feed to their phones, my phone calls recorded, my conversations around my phone can be recorded, my pictures are also live streamed. I know personally this severely diminishes the trust I have with my parents. I realize as parents that snooping is inevitable but you must try to give your child some freedom or they will feel like a prisoner and will become more secretive so you will snoop more becoming a cycle. I think a better solution than snooping is developing an open relationship without judgement so the teen doesn't feel the need to hide so much. Teens listen, they hear judgmental things parents say and assume it will also apply to them. I know my parents constantly said things about other children's intellect, morals, and physical appearance. Teens will make mistakes so perhaps snooping can catch them before they make too bad of one but it does come at a cost. In my opinion, snoop at your own risk, but I am just a dumb 17 year old child so I probably lack the best answer.
(And yes, my parents will be seeing this post, perhaps it will allow us to start to repair our relationship)

Edwina - posted on 05/01/2014

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You are right in all that you say, however, there's no need to be sanctimonious about it!

Kresheana - posted on 04/30/2014

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As a mother of an 11yr old, I go though everything. I pay the bills, school fees and lets not forget that I have the job.

It's this mothers right to know what her child is doing. This childs reply is a perfect example why all parent should look threw there childs things.

Non - posted on 04/29/2014

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Are you freaking kidding me? That's the worst thing to do... and if you do it you'll lose your son/daughter's respect. It's an invasion of privacy, of freedom, of just about everything! My mom just read my text messages with my boyfriend... nothing bad in there, just corny stuff I don't want her to look... but it seriously pisses me off and it makes me believe I won't ever trust her again....

Don't do it unless you want to loose your child's trust

Jager - posted on 03/15/2014

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I'm 15 and honestly to a certain extent it's ok I'm
Very honest with my mom about partying and such for example she knows I'm a teenage boy with urges and if thatean me watching porn to prevent sex then that's the case! But some of you parents honestly need to fuck off! Lol! It's f'd up to violate someone's privacy on that level that's a part of there lives that they literally let no one see but them selves every one
Needs a break from everything so from one kid to a parent back off give your kids some space! If your constantly breathing down your child's neck there always going to try to find a way to be sneaky!

Aerin - posted on 01/19/2014

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Hello, I am 15 about to be 16 and even though I am an honor roll student taking advanced placement classes and only honors classes, I want privacy. Every teen does. What are you looking for on your child's Facebook, their phone, their computer? My mom gave me and my sister laptops for Christmas and she told us it was for our use only. Now she wants to see my email. When you ask kids if they're doing something wrong, they immediately think they are. It's the placebo effect. Snooping on your child's PERSONAL devices isn't only a sure fire way to lose trust, it's the quickest way to an argument. I have nothing to hide on my iPod and laptop but my mom still asks to see them both. It has soured my relationship with her because she does not respect my privacy and because she just doesn't trust me. Most teens won't want you on their things because its an infringement of trust, It makes us feel angry and suspicious of you (why would I have something to hide? Maybe moms hiding something....), and it may even lead to rebellious behavior or displays. Teens are almost adults and by watching everything they talk about it limits their ability to be independent as adults. It happened to my brother as a result of my mom watching his Facebook and cell phone only a few times. I understand why you would do it but you have to ask yourself: what's more important, my child's trust and love and ability to make decisions or my need to confirm they're okay without asking them. The only time you should ever check their messages is if they're doing or acting suspicious. If you want to know something, tell them that if they don't tell you what's going on, you'll have to keep tabs on them. Im pretty sure they'll tell you if only to keep their privacy. And teens need privacy. So yes it IS wrong to snoop in your child's messages without asking your child about it first. Thanks, JustMe

Kris - posted on 01/13/2014

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I'm almost 14 and I get that that's how you feel but I think you need to make it clear that that's definitely not how other teens feel. For me and my friend it is completely frustrating when our parents snoop around on our phones and other electronics. Even if there is nothing bad on there, Privacy is really important to most teens. If something really bad or life-threatening was going on, we would tell our parents if we knew we couldn't handle it. It's just that some kids don't have close relationships with their moms or dads and they aren't comfortable with letting them know what boy they like or what people they are having a small dilemma with. I think most kids would kinda push away from there parents if they know that you've been throwing away there small amount of privacy. And also if you are overprotective of your kids, to the point where you won't even let them have a friend over once a Month, that makes the kids become complete rebels after because they've been trapped for so long.

Allison Alexis - posted on 12/20/2013

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I am 14 years old and I am a freshman in highschool..everyday I am bothered by people I don't want to be associated with. My mother said I can't date til 16, and I completely respect that. I know why she feels that way, She wants me to be safe, succesful, and healthy. I have never touched a single drug, done anything with a boy, and my mom knows that. I tell her everything and anything. I am a strong believer in God and I know that I need to do all things in christ. I am perfectly okay with my mom looking at my messages, In fact, I WANT HER TO. She needs to know what goes on in my life, in my peers lives, and what goes on around me. she may be my mom, but it doesnt mean she is dumb. She only wants what is best for me. If my mom walked into my room right now, took my laptop, ipad, and looked through it all, that would be okay. I dont even have to worry. If they put up a fight, it means something not good is going on.

Lyndy - posted on 12/16/2013

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Thanks for the feedback jane. I agree that if there's nothing to hide then it should be ok to check in with your kids on what they are writing/sharing with each other. I think it also shows that you care. But I also trust my daughter too, I guess we have to in the end. Maybe sit down with your mum and explain a this to her? Good luck

Jane - posted on 12/16/2013

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I totally agree with that! I think its fine if you ask them and they choose to show them really the shouldn't have anything to hide. It's more when people do it behind your back you instinctively become defensive and it seems to you that your not trusted. Whenever my mum asks me or I get a funny text I will show her, its the best way really

Lyndy - posted on 12/16/2013

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I do look at my daughters phone, but I do it with her there. Just politely ask her who she's chatting to and can I have a look. I don't constantly do it, but I do like to know who she's talking to and that she's safe. I work in adolescent mental health so know only too well what type of stuff kids send to each other. Like nude photos of themselves etc! I just want to know she's ok, not the dirty details of all her messages. I tell her that's why I like to look every now and again and she's ok with that (I think). It's about educating our children as well as allowing them to make their own mistakes and trusting them to do the right thing. We can't protect them from every eventuality but can support them to build up resilience to the ups and downs in life.

Jane - posted on 12/15/2013

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I'm 18 and still living with my mother and honestly this has been the biggest cause of arguments between me and her. Snooping on your child can be seen as a very vague term, honestly i think there's different level, ones which your children know is absolutely fine if you check and others where you will have crossed the line. For example my mum questioning me about a photo/post i publicly put on Facebook is fine, were not dumb it is public its possible for anyone to get hold of, the same goes for anything left out in our rooms or we choose to say this is information you can get hold of without going out of your way to get it. I've had my mother follow me when meeting friends and checking I'm in certain places (much to my horror when I'd spot her) which is a minor irritation, but at the end of the day I understand she is probably just trying to make sure I'm okay and where I should be because she loves me. Although, at the same time it breaks a bond that the child might have of trust that they're not believed anyways.

However, I would draw the line at anyone going through they're daughters or sons messages, this is what has broke my trust with my mother. What we choose to say and who to is up to us if we wanted you to hear that conversation we could have shouted it, not only that but it could be personal to the other person in the conversation. Now if you honestly thought they were in danger of some kind then fair enough, but its difficult at this age, and we often need people to talk to about how were feeling and how people have annoyed us, our thoughts, sexual conversations etc. so we can gain support (some of which are likely to be hurtful for you to read anyway if you have annoyed us just the same as I'm sure you would talk to your husbands/friends about us. )
The main point is it is incredibly embarrassing to think your mum read through private conversations and at the same time you've broke our trust and violated space.

I'm a young adult and this evening i gave my mum my phone to play a game and whilst i was upstairs she choose to read through my texts to my boyfriend and i am incredibly annoyed with her not because there were inappropriate things on there or had said something i shouldn't have but because she violated my trust. How would you like it if your child sat in your bedroom listening to you and your partner have sex/ talk to one another/ argued etc. or with a friend. Not everything needs to be shared and the boundaries need to be agreed between both the parent and child if you wouldnt be comfortable with it then why should they and for god sakes dont do it behind their backs it makes it 10x worse.

Like I said really this out to be used for emergencies and for public posts, the more personal you go the more damage you are going to do.

Chealsea - posted on 11/25/2013

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When a parent spies on a kid the kid will get back at you for i am a kid and my mother tried snooping in my room. I will not tolerate this behavior so whenever she goes into my room i go into hers and i ravage and mess up absolutely everything in her room. Just to tell you my mother slapped me but i don't care because it is worth it and don't think your child won't do the same. If not today, when you grow old your child will not visit you and you will die alone and depressed. Thank you for your time and remember this the next time you snoop around in your child's room.

Steve - posted on 11/07/2013

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Candy you are living in a dream world if you think your kid tells you everything. I used to think my kids told the truth despite us raising them right and always being open and honest with them but they still feel the need to lie so they leave us with no choice but to go through their stuff to find the truth. When they pay bills they can have privacy.

Isabella - posted on 09/07/2013

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Oh, I do that to my 13 year old son all the time, he's addicted to the computer. I grew up with a younger sister, who wanted to dye her hair and do drugs, so I was concerned when I had a teenage son.

He doesn't have many friends, so all his texts consist of funny gifs of cats dancing with hats on to his cousin. So I wasn't really concerned...

But I think it's necessary to see what your kids are doing! But don't go overboard. As in replying to the texts or calling the other kids mother..

Brittni - posted on 09/04/2013

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"because i said so" is not a valid reason, not even for a parent. I understand that you're the parent and you don't have to explain yourself to your children, but that 'reason' will probably make your children lose some kind of respect for you and an authority figure

Jenny - posted on 09/04/2013

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Well i have mixed feeling on it.I am a mom of 3 girls.Alexcia14 Makinzee11 and kaylee9.
I snooped on my oldest and it didnt turn out so well. She had left her FB open and so i looked through her messages. I felt bad for doing it but the way she was acting lately with her boyfriend of 9mths, I was scared she was doing something that could ruin her life.Well i was right but once i got done looking, she walked in and seen me on hers. I felt so bad and all she could say was i will never trust you again.But the thing is she never trusted anyways.She doesnt talk to me about anything. Im not proud of what i did but we as parents need to stay connected to them anyway possible. I look at it this way if some of these kids that are on drugs,cutting,having sex, had parents who tried to be involved more and snooped more maybe something could be done before its to late.I know that it still could happen but you might be lessing the chance.As for daughter well if i cant keep her from having sex then i can keep her from having a baby at a young age.

Shawnn - posted on 05/03/2013

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Not if you tell your kids the limits first, and they stick to them. If they follow my rules, there will be nothing to hide. And, they followed my rules, had nothing to hide, and my 18 year old still wants me to look at his accounts. Not because I need to, but because he's proud of the fact that he's an honest person.

If you're as above board and honest as you claim to be in your other post, you have nothing to hide, either. However, there's a difference between a parent checking a child's electronics and an adult child wanting privacy. There's a line once you are an adult.

Kate - posted on 03/20/2013

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Lets all use some commonsense here, I think parents should do some snooping. But what if your child finds out you're snooping, they'll never trust you with any of their own secrets. And most times, but not in all cases, if you raised your child right than you should be able to trust them. Anyway, kids can get pretty crafty too. If you're checking their text messages online, they could just call that person or get a texting app so you can't see their conversation. If you're going to put parental control on your computer, make sure it's specific because when my parents used to do this, and I couldn't look up simple things, like the Puerto Rican flag & other things, for my history papers and such. The thing is you have to always be one step ahead of your child but don't take full advantage of it unless necessary. Don't be an overprotective parent.

Chris - posted on 02/07/2013

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I didn't think about checking my sons room as he just seemed like a regular kid, playing his games, going to school etc. Maybe if I had of snooped around, I wouldn't have had a police raid in my house when he was 16. All you that don't believe in snooping might like to rethink it....and I agree....no computers in a bedroom. Put it in the kitchen.

Nicole - posted on 01/08/2013

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Seriously? Of course you should have some level of control over your child's social media. Kids should not be on facebook until they are 13, my nearly 15 yo daughter understands that I have her passwords and I check in on her account at least once a week. So easy for kids to sext or post inappropriate stuff that will haunt them for many years to come. They are just kids, and this is when they make mistakes, online, in front of an audience that can affect them for the rest of their lives.

Clementine - posted on 01/06/2013

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Yes, even teens deserve their privacy. Don't take this personally, but I'm getting really sick of all the people who think teens are "bad" and are "rambunctious" because we aren't. There are teens out there who won't do naughty things behind your back.

If you really feel like your child is doing something wrong, don't snoop, but talk to her. If you're snooping and go up to her and start yelling at her for something that she did that you weren't supposed to see, she will know you were snooping, and that shows you don't trust her. That could be bad for your relationship with her.

Julia - posted on 01/05/2013

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Never too late to start! You have to be nosy and in their business or they get in trouble.

Candy - posted on 01/04/2013

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Oh, and BTW I do believe that computers should be in public spaces not bedrooms at this age, and phones should be in a central location not bedrooms at a certain hour of night. :) Because the temptation to not sleep is high, and that is when most of the bad stuff goes down. But you explain WHY. 'Because I say so' just won't cut it in the respect game.

Candy - posted on 01/04/2013

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That depends on the result you want, Violette. If you want to keep the lines of communication open with your daughter, snooping is not the way to go. It just turns it into a power play between the two of you, where she will feel you are refusing to allow her to grow up and learn to control her own life- which IS exactly what you're doing.

On the other hand, if you've created a respectful relationship with your daughter as I have with my son, she will tell you about what's happening in her world and feel more free to open up when something's worrying her. Make sure you discuss this article with her. See how she reacts. Ask her what she thinks. Tell her you want her to feel safe and not be abused. Talk about internet and phone privacy.

Respect beats power plays hands down. Kids whose parents snoop leave home ASAP and don't come back.

Elizabeth - posted on 01/02/2013

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I say "because I said so" all the time. This is because, as a parent, and an adult, I am not required to give my son an explanation for why I say something.

Anna - posted on 01/01/2013

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My kids know that there is NO privacy in our house. They have their rooms, dressers, bags, and anything else that can hold something checked periodically. My kids do not have cell phones but if they did I would be going through that as well. There is no reason for privacy except to change clothes and bathroom needs. Why do they need it other than that? What should they be hinding? If they are hinging something then they know it is wrong. if you make easy for your kids to come to you for anything they shouldn't try hinding anything from you. I found this true. My oldest came to me and asked to smoke cigrettes. I didn't yell or over react. I told him that he had to something for me first before I would " LET" him. He had completely research what smoking would do to you, What cigrettes were made of and what each of the ingredants could do to him, Ask other smokers about what it has done fro them pro and con, and then afer all that if he still wanted to smoke he had to sit in front of me outside and chain smoke a carton of cigrettes( they will get sick before getting to the end, So no need to worry they will make it). I did check with the police department before I made these requirements and they approved. By the time he did everything but the chain smoking he didn't even want to be near a cigrette. And now he tells opthers what he found out about them. So my point is that even when they come to you with something that you might want to throw your own kind of fit( like did on the inside) Come up with other ways to make it " their idea" to change their want to do bad things.

Amo4boys - posted on 01/01/2013

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@ Kathryn...that is usually what happens. They never understand why we did what we did until they are adults and have to raise kids of their own.

Amo4boys - posted on 01/01/2013

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@ Barb...I partially agree because you do want to build a trust relationship with your children. However, we as parents can't be naive. My older sister has twin girls. She tries to keep an open honest relationship with them both. When they have questions she explains in a manner consistent with their age. When they turned 11, she found out through a friend of one of the girls (who did not agree with something she was about to do) that a 15 year old boy my niece had a crush on told her , she could be his girlfriend if she had sex with him. The other little girl tried to talk her out of it but my niece wasn't listening. After school they met up at the REC center and she planned to meet the boy there and do whatever i guess. The girl saw my sister who just happened to get off early and came to get them, and hurried to tell her what was happening. My sister thanked her and hurried into the rec center and found her "innocent " 11 year old daughter just before she made the biggest mistake of her life.

Barbra - posted on 01/01/2013

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Trust you child...make boundaries and then if she doesnt
Listen do what you have to. Remember, the more you push someone not to do something they will want to do it more. Talk to her..never say cause I said so. Explain what you want and you will be pleasantly surprise. Trust gets trust!!

Kathryn - posted on 12/30/2012

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I'm going to assume that post/reply was for me? Yes, I have a good relationship with my sons but its not perfect. I have one son whose issues are more than I can handle most if the time! But I find consistency helps in all situations at home. I'm not a friend, I'm a parent and my boys know I love them unconditionally. One day, though, our relationship will change to more of a friend as they begin to leave our home.

Kathryn - posted on 12/29/2012

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Here's my approach in our home: respect must be earned in all things. Choices made show me their level of maturity, and believe me, it's different among all of my sons. My 18 year old has a lot more privacy and privilege than my recently turned 14 year old, but he has earned that over the years and I feel confident when he goes to college next fall he will continue responsible decision making though not without bumps along the way. We all make mistakes, but its how we get back on our feet afterwards that shows character; and that's how I've tried to raise my sons. Hope that helps!

Cindy - posted on 12/29/2012

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Let me say it this way: If my mom would have snooped more into my business, I would have gotten into less trouble, done better in school, chosen better friends, and led a more productive life. They may hate you now for it, but they will respect you later when they mature. That is all.

Patience - posted on 12/24/2012

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Heck ya I would check and do regularly. I pay the bills, IE cell, rent...and I will check if I want to and do. Once they stop living under my roof or are older than 18 and out of high school I will stop snooping.

Amo4boys - posted on 12/24/2012

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Elizabeth, I totally agree. They have friends to have bonding moments. Most children who have parents like you and I grow up to appreciate the lessons we were teaching them. No one wants to hold their children accountable for anything anymore for fear we will hurt their feelings. Well, I believe not hurting their feelings sometimes, (giving in to their every whim, doing what they want as opposed to what is best for them) causes an even bigger problem. I really do not care if my sons like me. However, I know they love me because we do talk. They would not trade in me as a parent for me as a friend any day.

Elizabeth - posted on 12/24/2012

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One thing my son understands is I'm the parent, he's the kid. We are not friends. He is perfectly aware that I have no problem snooping around, checking texts, looking at his fb, whatever. As far as privacy: he gets to close the bathroom door. I will touch anything in his room I choose (draw limits on dirty underwear, lol.)

I am not afraid of him, and I'm not afraid to discipline him. If he wants to dislike me, let him! He will get over it.

It has nothing to do with listening, bonding, blah blah blah. He knows I'm there if he needs to talk. We have a good relationship.

.

Freijpof - posted on 12/23/2012

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fair enough amo but by snoop dont go around and touch shit u can go check on them but i think in the end they will leave home if there a bad apple anyways guiding someone who dosent want to listen will get you no where its up to themselves but i see where your coming from just go easy on the whole snoop thing or your pushing the boundries tell them from time to time you love them cause to be honest thats all you can do so what if you snap them? there gonna do it again and if u over snoop they will start to dislike you and wont trust you i think having a bond with your mother is one of the best things in life.

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