Is it wrong to snoop on your teenage kids?

Shawnn - posted on 05/03/2013

Not if you tell your kids the limits first, and they stick to them. If they follow my rules, there will be nothing to hide. And, they followed my rules, had nothing to hide, and my 18 year old still wants me to look at his accounts. Not because I need to, but because he's proud of the fact that he's an honest person.

If you're as above board and honest as you claim to be in your other post, you have nothing to hide, either. However, there's a difference between a parent checking a child's electronics and an adult child wanting privacy. There's a line once you are an adult.

Whitney - posted on 05/02/2013

That's a downright lie. Snooping will create more problems and won't stop any teenager from doing something bad. Sickens me.

Whitney - posted on 05/02/2013

It's wrong. Snooping and finding out things won't make teens stop. You'll just piss them off.

Shawnn - posted on 04/25/2013

If all you can do is bash my grammar (woohoo...yippee...) Then I'll assume that the rest of my post hit home.

Go play with your friends

Kate - posted on 03/20/2013

Lets all use some commonsense here, I think parents should do some snooping. But what if your child finds out you're snooping, they'll never trust you with any of their own secrets. And most times, but not in all cases, if you raised your child right than you should be able to trust them. Anyway, kids can get pretty crafty too. If you're checking their text messages online, they could just call that person or get a texting app so you can't see their conversation. If you're going to put parental control on your computer, make sure it's specific because when my parents used to do this, and I couldn't look up simple things, like the Puerto Rican flag & other things, for my history papers and such. The thing is you have to always be one step ahead of your child but don't take full advantage of it unless necessary. Don't be an overprotective parent.

Chris - posted on 02/07/2013

I was wondering why you just didn't take the computer out of his room.

Chris - posted on 02/07/2013

I didn't think about checking my sons room as he just seemed like a regular kid, playing his games, going to school etc. Maybe if I had of snooped around, I wouldn't have had a police raid in my house when he was 16. All you that don't believe in snooping might like to rethink it....and I agree....no computers in a bedroom. Put it in the kitchen.

Nicole - posted on 01/08/2013

Seriously? Of course you should have some level of control over your child's social media. Kids should not be on facebook until they are 13, my nearly 15 yo daughter understands that I have her passwords and I check in on her account at least once a week. So easy for kids to sext or post inappropriate stuff that will haunt them for many years to come. They are just kids, and this is when they make mistakes, online, in front of an audience that can affect them for the rest of their lives.

Clementine - posted on 01/06/2013

Yes, even teens deserve their privacy. Don't take this personally, but I'm getting really sick of all the people who think teens are "bad" and are "rambunctious" because we aren't. There are teens out there who won't do naughty things behind your back.

If you really feel like your child is doing something wrong, don't snoop, but talk to her. If you're snooping and go up to her and start yelling at her for something that she did that you weren't supposed to see, she will know you were snooping, and that shows you don't trust her. That could be bad for your relationship with her.

Julia - posted on 01/05/2013

Never too late to start! You have to be nosy and in their business or they get in trouble.

Linda - posted on 01/04/2013

No, they are young and don't always make the right decision.

Candy - posted on 01/04/2013

Oh, and BTW I do believe that computers should be in public spaces not bedrooms at this age, and phones should be in a central location not bedrooms at a certain hour of night. :) Because the temptation to not sleep is high, and that is when most of the bad stuff goes down. But you explain WHY. 'Because I say so' just won't cut it in the respect game.

Candy - posted on 01/04/2013

That depends on the result you want, Violette. If you want to keep the lines of communication open with your daughter, snooping is not the way to go. It just turns it into a power play between the two of you, where she will feel you are refusing to allow her to grow up and learn to control her own life- which IS exactly what you're doing.

On the other hand, if you've created a respectful relationship with your daughter as I have with my son, she will tell you about what's happening in her world and feel more free to open up when something's worrying her. Make sure you discuss this article with her. See how she reacts. Ask her what she thinks. Tell her you want her to feel safe and not be abused. Talk about internet and phone privacy.

Respect beats power plays hands down. Kids whose parents snoop leave home ASAP and don't come back.

Elizabeth - posted on 01/02/2013

I say "because I said so" all the time. This is because, as a parent, and an adult, I am not required to give my son an explanation for why I say something.

Anna - posted on 01/01/2013

My kids know that there is NO privacy in our house. They have their rooms, dressers, bags, and anything else that can hold something checked periodically. My kids do not have cell phones but if they did I would be going through that as well. There is no reason for privacy except to change clothes and bathroom needs. Why do they need it other than that? What should they be hinding? If they are hinging something then they know it is wrong. if you make easy for your kids to come to you for anything they shouldn't try hinding anything from you. I found this true. My oldest came to me and asked to smoke cigrettes. I didn't yell or over react. I told him that he had to something for me first before I would " LET" him. He had completely research what smoking would do to you, What cigrettes were made of and what each of the ingredants could do to him, Ask other smokers about what it has done fro them pro and con, and then afer all that if he still wanted to smoke he had to sit in front of me outside and chain smoke a carton of cigrettes( they will get sick before getting to the end, So no need to worry they will make it). I did check with the police department before I made these requirements and they approved. By the time he did everything but the chain smoking he didn't even want to be near a cigrette. And now he tells opthers what he found out about them. So my point is that even when they come to you with something that you might want to throw your own kind of fit( like did on the inside) Come up with other ways to make it " their idea" to change their want to do bad things.

Amo4boys - posted on 01/01/2013

@ Kathryn...that is usually what happens. They never understand why we did what we did until they are adults and have to raise kids of their own.

Amo4boys - posted on 01/01/2013

@ Barb...I partially agree because you do want to build a trust relationship with your children. However, we as parents can't be naive. My older sister has twin girls. She tries to keep an open honest relationship with them both. When they have questions she explains in a manner consistent with their age. When they turned 11, she found out through a friend of one of the girls (who did not agree with something she was about to do) that a 15 year old boy my niece had a crush on told her , she could be his girlfriend if she had sex with him. The other little girl tried to talk her out of it but my niece wasn't listening. After school they met up at the REC center and she planned to meet the boy there and do whatever i guess. The girl saw my sister who just happened to get off early and came to get them, and hurried to tell her what was happening. My sister thanked her and hurried into the rec center and found her "innocent " 11 year old daughter just before she made the biggest mistake of her life.

Barbra - posted on 01/01/2013

Trust you child...make boundaries and then if she doesnt
Listen do what you have to. Remember, the more you push someone not to do something they will want to do it more. Talk to her..never say cause I said so. Explain what you want and you will be pleasantly surprise. Trust gets trust!!

Kathryn - posted on 12/30/2012

I'm going to assume that post/reply was for me? Yes, I have a good relationship with my sons but its not perfect. I have one son whose issues are more than I can handle most if the time! But I find consistency helps in all situations at home. I'm not a friend, I'm a parent and my boys know I love them unconditionally. One day, though, our relationship will change to more of a friend as they begin to leave our home.

Jemma - posted on 12/30/2012

So you have a good relationship yet your not friends?

Kathryn - posted on 12/29/2012

Here's my approach in our home: respect must be earned in all things. Choices made show me their level of maturity, and believe me, it's different among all of my sons. My 18 year old has a lot more privacy and privilege than my recently turned 14 year old, but he has earned that over the years and I feel confident when he goes to college next fall he will continue responsible decision making though not without bumps along the way. We all make mistakes, but its how we get back on our feet afterwards that shows character; and that's how I've tried to raise my sons. Hope that helps!

Cindy - posted on 12/29/2012

Let me say it this way: If my mom would have snooped more into my business, I would have gotten into less trouble, done better in school, chosen better friends, and led a more productive life. They may hate you now for it, but they will respect you later when they mature. That is all.

Patience - posted on 12/24/2012

Heck ya I would check and do regularly. I pay the bills, IE cell, rent...and I will check if I want to and do. Once they stop living under my roof or are older than 18 and out of high school I will stop snooping.

Amo4boys - posted on 12/24/2012

Elizabeth, I totally agree. They have friends to have bonding moments. Most children who have parents like you and I grow up to appreciate the lessons we were teaching them. No one wants to hold their children accountable for anything anymore for fear we will hurt their feelings. Well, I believe not hurting their feelings sometimes, (giving in to their every whim, doing what they want as opposed to what is best for them) causes an even bigger problem. I really do not care if my sons like me. However, I know they love me because we do talk. They would not trade in me as a parent for me as a friend any day.

Elizabeth - posted on 12/24/2012

One thing my son understands is I'm the parent, he's the kid. We are not friends. He is perfectly aware that I have no problem snooping around, checking texts, looking at his fb, whatever. As far as privacy: he gets to close the bathroom door. I will touch anything in his room I choose (draw limits on dirty underwear, lol.)

I am not afraid of him, and I'm not afraid to discipline him. If he wants to dislike me, let him! He will get over it.

It has nothing to do with listening, bonding, blah blah blah. He knows I'm there if he needs to talk. We have a good relationship.

.

Freijpof - posted on 12/23/2012

fair enough amo but by snoop dont go around and touch shit u can go check on them but i think in the end they will leave home if there a bad apple anyways guiding someone who dosent want to listen will get you no where its up to themselves but i see where your coming from just go easy on the whole snoop thing or your pushing the boundries tell them from time to time you love them cause to be honest thats all you can do so what if you snap them? there gonna do it again and if u over snoop they will start to dislike you and wont trust you i think having a bond with your mother is one of the best things in life.

Amo4boys - posted on 12/23/2012

When you are a parent it is not snooping. it is parenting. It is our jobs as parents to know what our children are doing and who they are doing it with. That is how we guide them into adulthood with morals and values. I do not know where this concept of a child's privacy came from, but it has gone beyond overboard. Yes children deserve privacy to change clothes, shower, bath and use the bathroom. other than that, They should not get much privacy from their parents. Their siblings and friends can and should give them privacy. However, if a child is in your home holding drugs for another kid because he knows his parents never come in his room, there is nothing you can say to the police when they bust your door down. (I mean you as a general term) Kids watch their parents and learn their patterns. They use this knowledge to their advantage. However, because kids talk about their home life, they can also be taken advantage of. So again, it is not snooping when it is your child. It is parenting, guiding as well as preventative measures to ensure that child's safety.

Freijpof - posted on 12/23/2012

my bad i love you ♥ i am bitch ;0 u r winner peace -gives a present-

Jemma - posted on 12/23/2012

Guess what genius I was defending you.

Freijpof - posted on 12/23/2012

no silly i never said i wasnt implying sarcasm hahahaha silly bitch but go assume away immature slut sure your would get spyed on once in a while from your parents but if yous had a good bond you wouldnt take it so seriously infact you wouldnt even know they were spying and snooping is totally different and no they wouldnt snoop if you and your mum were tight wouldnt need to snoop she just comes in when ever kid wont care mum like best friend and thats badass its just a shame if you have to snoop just build a bond then no more snooping

Jemma - posted on 12/22/2012

You thought you were being funny.
You had the 3 dots at the end of your sentence with implied sarcasm.
Example:
What could possibly be more exciting....
Who doesn't love funerals.....

And I think you need to realise that if you have a terrible snooping parent you'll get snooped and spyed on even nif you do nothing wrong.

Freijpof - posted on 12/22/2012

also if you dont trust them maybe set some rules i would suggest father saying the rules as mother are to soft loving people well fathers are more hard headed if mother says they wont listen and break your rules but if the father is a soft guy (has no balls) and the woman is like the man in the house well then you set the rules dont make to much cause then they wont listen and just remind them from time to time you love them even if yous are a little distant in bond

Freijpof - posted on 12/22/2012

wow vickie look whos talking "They sound like a spoiled sullen teenager who got in trouble, poor baby" after saying no trash talking? you just trash talked in a polite manner just to sugar coat your words in a smart way you sound like a stupid immature mother who will never understand your child. also what was i caught for? nothing dont assume it just makes you seem more immature than you already are wich is embarissing your older than me grow up grow some tits you old hag

Vickie - posted on 12/22/2012

I wasn't trying to be funny, I was absolutely serious. If you want adults to take your side seriously you need to speak like an adult. Trash talking and name calling isn't the way to do that. They sound like a spoiled sullen teenager who got in trouble, poor baby. If you want to be treated like an adult act like one.

Jemma - posted on 12/22/2012

Spoken like a mom who thinks she should set the rules for everyone and thinks her previous post was funny.

Vickie - posted on 12/22/2012

Freijpof--spoken like a teenager that has gotten caught...

Jemma - posted on 12/22/2012

I approve of this post.

Freijpof - posted on 12/22/2012

if you delete my answe to the question then your stupid you want people opinions well here you go. but ofcorse stupid bitch whore fucking slutty pussy ass mothers wont listen anyways they just oo its the right thing im a old bag its the right thing ...idiots but thats ok theyll leave asap just to get away from yous you can see them now and then if your lucky you got sum bond there but ur not in there life anymore o well thats life thats what happens when you do stupid things

Freijpof - posted on 12/22/2012

this is a stupid site for mothers your only getting all the answers from fucking mothers wheres the kids say in this? o right nowhere well then this is a waste of a stupid question if only a mum can answer this so heres from a teenagers p.o.v we fucking hate it you stupid bitches and most slowly begin to hate there mother by most i mean majority and you may just lose your child and they will leave your house asap because who wants an old stupid bag snooping there stuff ew u silly dum mothers go snoop somewhere else a room is where they can actually be themselves and just relax snooping ur kid means u have no good bond with ur kids u dnt even know ur child well so u snoop wow how pathetic get to know your child trust is the key if they see you like a mum and best frend they wuld tell u everything about there lives so in conclusion be there mum n best frend u snooping whores

America3437 - posted on 12/06/2012

We need a Mod here. This person is very offensive and out of line. I can't report due to error on my computer but someone please report this "Bitch Asshole"!!!!

America3437 - posted on 12/06/2012

@bitch asshole

Okay you are way out of line!!! Get a life you freak!

Jean J - posted on 12/02/2012

yes I would and I have. So much is out there that these kids think they can "handle" and before they know it they have gone too far and nothing can erase their mistake. I only did it, however, when I had cause for concern. Catching them in a lie or their well being is at stake.

Brennan - posted on 12/01/2012

Look, I know I'm not supposed to be here but someone has to have views from ether side so don't judge me too harshly.



I personally feel snooping, to a degree is acceptable (going through internet history, checking downloads and through prophiles on computers. Things like that) But sneaking around and checking their txts and actually spying on them is a touch far. If you have a feeling something is up (changes in behavior, distractedness. excluding ones self, grades dropping ect.) I feel delving in a little deeper is acceptable, but dont sheild your children compleatly, they are the ones who truly get screwed up. (trust me I am one of them

Vickie - posted on 11/30/2012

I snoop my kids all the time and they know it. I made it clear to them with each piece of technology they received that if I want the password I get it (they keep passwords on them to keep younger siblings off). Even facebook passwords. I told them I will know what's going on with them, and like another poster said, I don't usually tell them I've been snooping, but I like that I know what's going on and I often use the information to direct them because I know what they need to be guided on at the time. Once I found out that my son's ex-girlfriend tried to commit suicide from her facebook messages to him and I contacted her parents who knew nothing about it and they were able to get her help. Parents need to know what's going on with their kids. I don't want to be one of those clueless parents who thinks their child is an angel and suddenly learns they're doing drugs or something.

Jennifer - posted on 11/27/2012

Well, I did today. I HV ave been having problems with my son. He wouldn't go to school at the beginning of the year. In my psych class & from what I've read it's normal for boys that age.

We fixed it, he's been going. THEN

This morning he didn't want to go. It got tense, then he went to school. I get home. when I move his cell to put it with a note, it turned on. I saw a text come in "did you stay home?" So, I text back "no. He went to school". Then, an friend of his left his phone. I have never even thought about looking at his friends stuff before, but this time I picked it up & looked at the ones from my son. Good thing too. His first drug deal in the making was just stopped!!! I feel so bad for snooping, but I am glad I did.

Stephanie - posted on 09/01/2012

As far as I'm concerned I have every right to "snoop" if you will. Once they become teenagers and we don't have "complete" control over them I believe that it isn't even snooping. It's the only way to know what's really going on. I have a great relationship with all 3 of my teenage daughters, however they don't come running home to tell " Mommy" everything like before, so we have to find out one way or another..........!!!!!!!!

Faye - posted on 08/31/2012

As I snoop on my teen, I make sure that if a certain sock or underwear is on top in the drawer when I start, then that sock or underwear is back on top when I finish. If I look under the covers (he never makes the bed so no visible bumps) on the bed then the blanket is in the same way when I finish.



When I told my guy about how I had been snooping on the teen for years, he said he would not have thought to do in that way. I told him that you have to think like the teen.

CAROLYN - posted on 08/31/2012

It`s better for you to (snoop) on your kid to find out what is going on in your house,then to have the police knocking at the door for little (johnnys)drug distrubution,or use,alcohol abuse, bulling or sexting, or what ever else these kids are doing today.My house,my rules,until they are on their own,and in this economy , that`s no time soon.

Ruby - posted on 08/29/2012

I have two teenage sons, 17 and 12. The 17 year old leaves his cell phone lying around everywhere, in the kitchen, the living room and it looks like he's got nothing to hide. His laptop is also open without a password. Good grades, great friends and so no reason for me to snoop at all. However, the 12 year old cell phone never leaves his side and goes to bed with him and when I walked by while he's using his laptop he checks on me to see if I was looking, very quiet and secretive. I ask him as a joke that if I give him money would he let me look at his texts, the answer of course as I anticipated was no. I believe that because of his young age, further investigation is warranted, what I mean he's gonna be monitored closely unlike my 17 year old son. Two different behavior, two different approach.

JavaMama - posted on 08/29/2012

Why would it be wrong? It is your child and your responsibility to check up on them. Who buys them all that stuff and pays the bills? Kids now days act as if we owe them all those things. It's a privilege they earn with good grades and good behavior and my kids understand it can all get taken away if used irresponsibly. I don't tip toe around my kids. If I feel they're spending too much time alone in their room, I make them get out and interact with the family. We are all expected to eat dinner as a family w no electronic devices at the table and no TV. As parents it's our duty to guide and nurture our children to be self sufficient later as adults and hopefully have moral ethics and know the distinction between right and wrong.