Is it wrong to snoop on your teenage kids?

Violette - posted on 06/04/2011 ( 157 moms have responded )

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I read an interesting story on a website regarding a mom who goes through her teen daughter's room and cell phone checking for inappropriate texts, etc. I have an 11 year old and I'm curious if mothers out there would snoop on their kids as this mom did.



Here is the link to the woman's post I was referring to:

http://www.peoplesinsight.com/articles/1...

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Poppie - posted on 07/14/2014

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Hello, I'm 15 and wanted to share a teen's perspective on this topic. Today I went out without my phone (which I normally don't do) and once I got back I found my Mom looking through my texts. It wasn't a pleasant feeling knowing that your Mom knows all about your personal life. Quite embarrassing, actually. I know what you're thinking, serves you right. You're under 18 so she has the right to, but what happened to morality? It would be unrealistic for one to say that they have nothing to hide. Teenagers like myself need a private space in their lives and for that to be corrupted breaks their trust between parent and child. Overall, do not snoop in your child's phone, because realistically nothing good will come out of it.

[deleted account]

It's wrong. Snooping and finding out things won't make teens stop. You'll just piss them off.

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ABSOLUTELY! I would. It is my RESPONSIBILITY as a PARENT to monitor their friends... grades... boyfriends...health...teeth..periods...diet... activities...and yes, their digital communication.
My stepson took possession of our 'community computer' for a summer. It was located in the living room...basically so someone could use Google to confirm something in conversation. After being home for a week, he moved the computer to his bedroom. I didn't LOVE this...my argument was that it belongs in the living room.
After about two days, he came to my friend Mike...and told HIM the computer is messing up. (Mike has a degree in computers) Now the boy didn't tell ME the computer was messing up...he saved it for the programmer. This brought up a red flag for me.
Mike found "hotdate1234U" and "hotbabesnow" installed on my computer. The boy tried to say it wasn't him...but when Mike showed him the date at time...3am....It was pretty much confirmed.
After Mike left I sat down with the boy and explained to him...if the anti-virus is throwing these windows at you...you have to get away from that website. Two days later...the computer is "messing up" again.
So.....I talked to my little brother. He gave me a really cool program that ran on my laptop...in my bedroom, at the other end of the house from the boy and the computer he moved to his room.
This computer program was called a "rat". It had a TON of neat little buttons...I could turn on the webcam and see what he was doing...I could turn on his mic and hear what was said in the room. I could see each page he went to...and even pull up a window that showed me what was on his desktop. I could move his mouse...I could disable his mouse and I could turn off his keyboard. I could type little messages to him and the only way he could continue on the computer was to click "OK" to the message I sent him.
I would leave the laptop running with the rat pulled up, it stayed on the bedtable beside my bed. If he got into something I didn't approve of...I would turn off his keyboard so he couldn't type...and then I would send him a message saying something like..."it is 2am. You should be in bed, the whole family is going to Pigeon Forge tomorrow morning."
He would immediately power off the computer and try restarting it. I would send him another window that would say something like, "Nope, that didn't work, try something else." "Go to bed D..."
Basically, I terrorized him. But...I kept him from learning about feet fetishes and pedophiles at MY house. He can learn that crap somewhere else...not on my watch.
Now I have two stepdaughters that are 9...I'll do the exact same thing to them too. And Lord protect the pervert who attempts to contact MY girls......I'll bring him crashing down faster than Windows 98!

[deleted account]

That's a downright lie. Snooping will create more problems and won't stop any teenager from doing something bad. Sickens me.

Lauren - posted on 08/16/2015

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I'm a teenager and from my point of view and reading these comments its not a good thing for parents to snoop in their child's things. My mom snoops. I'm saying that parents shouldn't snoop cause it just makes it harder for your child to trust you. Maybe they will tell you. But if they don't that's their choice. Everyone needs a personal life where only that person knows everything, and no one else. That's where the phones, tablets, and laptops come in hand. I experience snooping from my mom. She likes to look over my shoulder when I text, but whenever I move the other way she asks me who and what I'm texting. Teenagers get really frustrated when they are asked that question. I say that its not right. It just causes more of not being able to trust and they will hide more thongs from you, to not talking about themselves. That's when teenagers start to yell and slam doors. Just even if you don't trust your child ask them if there is anything they need to talk about. Just think of the consequences of the bond between you and your child.

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Emma - posted on 07/19/2017

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I wholeheartedly understand your desire to protect your kids, but privacy is a strong need for them, especially older ones. I have come to the understanding that many parents think that only a teen who has “something to hide” would even bat an eye if they toss their room and car top to bottom, read every text, track every keystroke made on their computer, and monitor their GPS movements, into their early twenties. (I know that is an extreme example). But it simply doesn’t make any SENSE! It mystifies me, I can’t even eloquently record how much it mystifies me.

Ella - posted on 07/15/2017

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One thing you guys need to know is that teens are tech savvy, so usually you won't find anything!! Sad I know

Ella - posted on 07/15/2017

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Hey, so I'm a tween myself and i personally think NO NO NO DONT SNOOP PLEASE JUST DONT! My mum has been very suspicious about my phone lately since my friend came over for a sleepover and my nosy little brother told my mum we went on a website called OMEGLE and it's slogan is 'talk to strangers' so you can pretty much tell no child should use it!! Anyway I explained it was her idea and I didnt want to. My mum came in and asked what I was doing (this happened literally 2 minutes ago) and i had no clothes on and I was checking my YouTube anylitics (if that's how you spell it) and my mum asked what I was doing, and since I had no clothes on my mum thought I was sending pictures! (BTW my mum has been giving me the 'Don't trust anyone on the internet' talk for a good 2 years) and I explained I wasn't chatting to anyone. My mum asked me to do the double tap thing where it showed all the apps I was using and I was literally only checking my YouTube. My mum wanted to check my phone, and although parents pay the bill, us tweens/teens get VERY uncomfortable when asked this (even when we have nothing to hide, our phone has all our private info and yes, kids are entitled to have lives, shocker, right??) also our friends might have told us secrets, possibilities are endless.
She also asked who my snapchat and whatsapp contacts are and I added kylie Jenner who obviously won't add me back and my dad claims she posts inappropriate stuff but obviously she knows she has kid followers!! As for whatsapp I only have like 2 friends and family!! THATS IT!!

Bottom line, no don't snoop!! Although we are under 18 or 21 in some places, we are entitled to lives of our own. Luckily my parents are fair with this, but a lot of parents aren't and this causes kids to be more secretive.

Hope I helped :)

Amy - posted on 07/03/2017

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I Honestly Dont think it's ok. When your kid is growing up they need privacy and you know that they need privacy because you were once there age. Im Only An Teenager. I often change my password because of privacy issues and stuff. I only do that because i was confessing to my crush and my parents saw and grounded me. I Was angry and sad.

Kendall 15yr - posted on 06/13/2017

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Ok first I'm 15. And I'd like to say I'm pretty mature for my age. I like to go on this cite and give advice from a teens perspective. When I was younger my mom would check my phone. (She checked my photo gallery, history, texts, social media, etc.) I was ok with her doing it because she would just randomly come up to me and ask for it and I knew what she was doing. I this there is a difference between "checking" and "snooping" I will say that if it weren't for my mom checking my phone, I could be texting or doing wrong stuff with my phone. It also builders a trust with my mom and me, but if I ever found out that my mom went looking for stuff in my room or searching through my stuff I would lose trust. I think if you check your child's phone often and you notice dirty texts or pictures then I think you have a right to look a little and if they get mad you could just explain the stuff you found on their phone. I hoped this helped! :)

Norma - posted on 06/03/2017

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It all depends I have18 year old that graduated and I so still
Snoop because he has been doing very negative things . I can't trust him because I can't support what he's doing.and
It's things that he wouldn't share because it's illegal
,,I'm trying to figure out what my next step
If he continues . I'm broken

Anonymous - posted on 06/02/2017

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Hi I'm a 13 year old girl and I just want all of you mothers to know how us teens feel about this. A few years ago I downloaded instagram I was about 11 and my mum doesn't really know about these things but my brothers (4) and sister do know and they tried to tell my mum I shouldn't have it along with Facebook which I used to contact school friends and family members but my mum said yes so every wrk on my instagram my brothers and/or sister would check them, now I wasn't too bothered but what did make me feel abit iffy was that my brother 16 now then 14 was also on these social media accounts and Snapchat and had been on it at a age even younger than mine yet he never got his accounts inspected EVER and it made me feel like no one trusted me and thus is what led to me being secretive about my social media. I deleted my instagram account shortly after starting it because I couldn't handle the amount of inspections on it. Now two years on I had no social media except for Facebook which I didn't use I persuaded my mum into letting me make a snapchat account and she said sure the checks on this weren't that bad until I was forced to have my brothers sister and aunties cousins everyone in my family on my friends list and my brother (16) was always watching my stuff telling me not to post pictures of me and my friends and not to do story's or always swiping up and telling me to do something so I blocked him from viewing my story. I got the idea from my cousin because she has them blocked from her story but gets away with it. My sister was stalking my friends account and long story short a boy appeared on a snap video in my story and they somehow seen it alls the video was was him being silly and goofing around we were just good friends too, this happened twice and the second time I was forced to delete my snapchat. The thing is though why do I have to get checked over? Why not my brother? What have I done for you not to trust me? I just want to know why I can't just live my life to the fullest and make mistakes to learn from but tbh with you I don't think I will ever fully be able to understand what the difference between me and my brother was and why he never had his stuff checked, was it that they lived him more? Didn't trust me for some reason? Didn't like me ?? I don't know. I never will. IS anyone has help for me please let me know. And the moral of the story I suppose is that you should have a little trust in your kids otherwise if you push them too hard they will grow to resent you like me and my family. Have done faith in your younger generations 😩Thankyou

Mj - posted on 10/23/2016

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I'm sorry, but I can't believe how critical one can be of a parent who is only looking out for their child's safety. My parents never had to worry about social media dangers. I was not at risk of texting strangers who appear to be teenage boys, but rather are dangerous dirty old men. I am a parent of three children. My oldest is 16. Since she first had a cell phone in seventh grade, we've had to monitor her texts etc. We are a close, involved, faith filled family. Regardless of all the love and advise, her curiosity and, unfortunately, low self-esteem, pushes her in the wrong direction when it comes to cell phone use. We've used contracts, rewards, etc. and still she has not learned. She only gets her cell phone when absolutely needed now due to too many dangerous behaviors. Unfortunately school computers have access to so much and she is getting old enough that she has to somehow learn to control her behaviors. I'm talking about friending, texting, giving way to much information to strangers. If it wasn't for our monitoring and "so called snooping", she would still be sexting and with photos. FYI this is against the law in many states and, if the other person is over state lines, it's a federal offense. Not a mistake you want them to learn the hard way! I truly sympathize with kids these days since they have access to way too much information way to young. We have always been open with our daughter that we have access to any communications made under our roof. She is still a minor and we are responsible for her behavior. Believe it or not, her computer use has become less dangerous, but she will still friend strange boys and have conversations with them. Given the school computers, we actually are at a loss to prevent this. No computers at night nor in the bedroom has kept the conversations innocent, but I still give my two cents on the risks involved more often than not. She knows I can and have read all her messages. I have reason to do so due to past innapropriate behaviors. She has not yet earned back the trust and she actually understands although she hates it. Yes, she'll go on about the lack of trust and privacy rights, but until she has kids of her own, she doesn't have a leg to stand on. I want her to trust her parents will be there for her, to support, teach adn love her. I also have two tweens who, so far, have not given us reason to be suspicious. They have a completely different personalities and are unlikely to take as such risky steps as their sister has. That being said, I will not be naive and assume that it will never happen. I have all their passwords and full access to their ipods. Being a teen, especially a girl, is very difficult the way it is. Would I like my children to trust me? Yes, but not as a best friend. I am still their mother. It is up to their father and I to teach them accountability and the risks of dangerous behaviors. If you caught your kids drinking, they would be punished, right? Or would you turn the other way and say they have the right to learn from their own mistakes? At the risk of hurting themselves and others? The use of social media and cell phones can be a very dangerous activity. We need to teach and protect as parents. Trust me, I still pray every night hoping she is getting 'it,' but until she is 18, I am obligated to do more. FYI, if I didn't check her texts I wouldn't have found out about a year ago that she was cutting and expressing thoughts of suicide. You think you can see the signs, not always. I'm sure glad I risked my daughter's trust in me to read her texts that day!

Cadet - posted on 09/22/2016

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I'm 15 and my mom does check my messages occasionally (when I'm logged in, she may say, "let me see what you're doing" and I show her). She's only once reprimanded me over something she read... I tell her I do delete messages, some of them flirtatious, and many of them simply personal things about the other person that she has no business knowing (as in, past embarrassing events).

Natalie - posted on 09/19/2016

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I believe that it's not okay to snoop , that doesn't give your child the space and privacy they need . I think it's okay to check the cell phones and ect. With the child knowing . Tell them "let me see your phone " let them know you are . My mother never looked in my phone with out letting me know 1st , and also it doesn't let your child trust you either . Also if you are worried that your child is doing something that isn't appropriate at night that take the phone and any electronic away at night . And in the morning they can get it . A child ohinenis like a diary to them . so no it isn't okay to snoop you're just killing any trust they have for you . Ask and trust me your child and you will become closer.

Mary Jo - posted on 08/10/2016

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To answer the question short and simple, no it is NOT ok to snoop on your kid's phone. This is why teens/tweens become sneaky and do things behind their parents' backs. You will lose all of your child's trust and humiliate them. If you have no serious reason or obligation to, I strongly advise you do not ever snoop through their phone; that is their private matter and has nothing to do with you.

Nellynunes148 - posted on 07/16/2016

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I have 4 children 3 sons and a daughter ages 16-10 years old.Only my 16 and 14 years olds have cell phones. They have a pay as you go and they don't use their cell phones at home. Its strictly for them to call or text me that they got to school, and they call or text to let me know when they left school. Our family computer stays in the living room, I also go in their backpacks on a regular basis.

Ellie - posted on 07/12/2016

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Hi im a teenager, and im 13. I find it wrong that parents do this, my mum does. And my older sister does and shes 21. I find it so direspectful, and ive lost the trust in my house with everyone, if its not them reading my messages on facebook etc its them reading my notebooks, which is were i write my emails/passwords/and how i feel, just all that kind of stuff, i literally trust nobody in my family at all. Theyve broken my trust.

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Lauren -- sorry but I disagree. as parents it is our job to know what is going on. I think you might feel differently in 25 yrs

[deleted account]

if your child has given you any reason to lose your trust, then you have every right to snoop.

Robin - posted on 06/09/2016

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I do believe that in certain cases it is ok to "snoop". If your child is showing signs that something may be wrong, if their attitude changes all of a sudden, mood changes, these could be signs something big or bad has happened or happening and you might need to intervene. The simple everyday text between friends that isn't something a parent really needs to read and that isn't why we would be looking at the electronic devices. Teens are entitled to privacy unless they give reasons for us to be concerned, lets remember that it is a parents responsibility to keep their children safe.

Kathie - posted on 10/19/2015

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Yes SNOOP! Now the professionals including Dobson do not agree with me...but it has helped me so much in knowing how to mother my hurting kids when they weren't sharing with me....including the very beginning of an eating disorder because a boy at school said some remark that made her feel bad about her body.I am very thankful I nipped it in the bud and got her help fast.

Lawrene - posted on 08/20/2015

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Teens have the right to be clothed, fed, health and sheltered. Unless you are paying your own bills, and are out of my house, you will be checked on, have curfews set, have regular dental cleanings, etc.

Jen - posted on 08/18/2015

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I have 3 teen boys, I snoop. They know I snoop, and the stipulation to have cells and laptops and social media is that I have all passwords. They know this. Do I snoop on a regular basis? No, I have more important things to do. BUT, when I need to, I have the ability. If I have one acting strangely, I can check "behind the scenes" to see what is going on. Do I always confront them when I find something alarming? No, but it does let me open conversations "in general" about similar things, and the ever present, "my friends son is doing this, what do you guys think about it?" My boys see me as that mom who they can come to about anything, their friends come to me, I'm the "cool" mom most of the time. I think that's why when I lose my cool over something, they take me seriously. We do have mutual respect, and I believe having access to their devices allows me to be "in the know" without having to have awkward conversations.with them. I've told them from day one, don't text or post things you wouldn't want your mom to read. Sometimes they push my limits, but having a level head about where the teen boy brain is, I can take a deep breath or drop a "not cool" reply to a post on their pages and they understand to rein it in. And they know without a doubt if they cross a line on social media I will blow up their pages for all their friends to see. I believe that more then anything has taught them some restraint.

Aliciaczhi - posted on 08/03/2015

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Alice Whittleberg:
I agree with you very much. No parent should do such a thing. And about your personal life, I'm very sorry, just remember that you will grow up and leave and forget about them. Don't visit them, don't chat with them, they don't deserve it unless they change.

Nicole - posted on 06/06/2015

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I just noticed how old the original post was. These issues are here to stay and becoming more complex with the huge range of forums tweens can publish on.
We all love our technology but tweens, teens and adults need to learn that everything you text, message, post or otherwise publish is a permanent written document/image, signed by you that can be shared and published further without your knowledge or consent. That is the reality.
If you wouldn't want someone else to read it, then think twice before you write it.
Knowing that a parent will check from time to time helps tweens understand this. It isn't orivate, so think before you post.
I ask my daughter - How would you feel if Sarah's Mum read that? It is on Sarah's phone, so she might read it. Or Sarah's brother? Or her Dad? How would you feel if Sarah's brother forwarded that to his friends, or posted it on Facebook?

A lot of the replies from teens talked about breach of trust - especially when parents snooped through their rooms, looking in drawers and diaries. Trust is a huge issue, but trust also has to be earned. I agree that rooms are private, unless the circumstances are desperate and your child's health or safety is at risk. And they are not communicating with you.
But "trust" about publishing online is more about trusting your teen truely understandsthe public nature of their posts, than about trusting them based on their behavior. I don't trust my 13 year old to completely understand how permanent what she publishes is, or how widely it can be spread. She is a sensible, trustworthy kid and she has grown up with IT education, yet she still feels that what she texts to a friend from her bedroom is a orivate communication. It isn't. Hard lesson learned when one of her friends confided a family secret to another friend during a text session, and a month later when they fell out, the friend shared the secret and when the other girls didn't believed it hauled up the old text as proof. Caused a storm and a half.
So snoop - but let them know that you are going to be doing it, and ease off and allow privacy as they get older and wiser.

Nicole - posted on 06/06/2015

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I think that it is perfectly appropriate and responsible to check on what an 11 year old is saying online, PROVIDED that they know that you are going to be checking. It isn't snooping - it is helping them learn about what it is and isn't appropriate to share and say. When my daughter first started messaging friends from her ipod at about 11 (she us 13 now), she and her friends said some awful things to each other in group messages, fights would start, things got misinterpreted (as they do in texts). A couple OF her friends mums were also keeping an eye on their daughters messaging and we were able to step in occasionally and remind them that group messaging is NOT a private activity. That is what they forget - that what they text, post, message etc creates a permanent record on other oeople's devices or online. It FEELS private, and they forget that it is not. Nothing ends a tween girl group messaging nasty gossip fest like someone's mum suddenly joining the group and suggesting that the tone of the talk has gotten nasty and it is time they all ended the chat!

We are parents. Our job is to guide them and keep them safe. So yes - at 11 parental monitoring is appropriate. As they show they have developed the understand the reality that what they post online us permanent and real and public, then we can back off and respect their privacy. I don't check my 15 year old's stuff. He has given me no reason to think that I need to to keep him safe. I rarely check my 13 year old's stuff, but I am her Instagram friend and insist in knowing her oasswords so that she knows I COULD check.

Megan - posted on 06/03/2015

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I am a teenage girl. I would recommend that you don't read your kids' texts unless they are acting suspiciously. Your texts are your business. This also applies for teens.

Oksana - posted on 05/06/2015

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A very hard question for present-day parents. It is very difficult to agree that our small kids are growing in time when using all these Internet resources is necessary for them. I've bought my 12-year-old daughter a laptop, but I check all she does when she's online with the help of this parent control program http://www.refog.com/ With it I feel more confident that my child uses the Internet safely. But of course she doesn't know that I'm doing this and hope she'll never know, otherwise it can spoil our relationships.

Kate - posted on 04/07/2015

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sorry but i disagree. I am 14 and my mom snooped on my phone and found out that i swore on one of my text (i never ever swear but it was a one time deal and it was just a joke ). she got super angry and didn't understand why i don't talk to her anymore . that was when i was 13 , and now i still don't talk to her , i could be being over dramatic but i don't care and i seriously hate her . i had perfect grades , i was always home before curfew , she loved my friends , she really had no right to snoop . and on another point of view , shes way to strict , i only swore once and im 13 so its not the end of the world , besides she swears all the time . in conclusion , just don't . there may be some conditions like if your kids grades average at a D+ and they are never home and they are kinda shady and have a lot to hide . but don't do it with out reason like my mom

Eliza - posted on 02/22/2015

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I agree 100%. I'm so jealous of my friends who say that they tell there parents everything and that there parents are chill. I feel this way because I can't tell my parents anything they just don't understand how my life is. And I hate when my mom takes my stuff and goes through it I feel uncomfortable because those are all my feeling that I just can't explain to her because my parents are unapproachable. Then she will ask me like who is this do you like them?!? I'm alwYs upset and crying because of the relationship I have with them. They think im impressionable and that I give into peer pressure. I tell my mom I'm uncomfortable with her looking through my texts because she just says that it's not that she doesn't trust me , she dosnt trust my friends but she also goes through my pics and search history. I wish my mom and dad were like my best friends that I could share anything with and have great times with them. I'm truly sad that I hate them because of how they think I'm naive and give into peer pressure, they don't listen to my feelings they just will never understand

Alice - posted on 12/22/2014

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I have something to say. I'm a teenager. (Sorry I just had to respond to you) I'm so sick of my mom and dad. Do you know what I want for Christmas? A lock! For my bedroom. That's what I want. When I have secrets, my mom and dad are the last people I'd tell. And it annoys me when they look through my stuff! I don't want to tell them that I have my first crush, for a reason! Because they wouldn't be understanding or anything. They'd probably get mad at me. I'm sorry, but I can't help it. And they aren't exactly the most trustworthy people. Parents always want to know what their kids are doing because kids are untrustworthy. It's not because we're untrustworthy. It's because you are untrustworthy. I'm actually crying now. My parents are the last people I'd go to if I had a problem. That's actually annoying. I'd like to tell them...or someone. But kids can't tell anyone except their friends. Parents aren't friends. I understand if you think," I keep you alive! I get to know what you think!" But...it's so hard. Because we can't control our emotions. And it's so annoying being completely controlled!!!! When I give reasons as to why I want something done my way, it's the most ANNOYING THING IN THE ENTIRE WORLD when you say "because I said so". Why? We are people! We have emotions! We aren't robots! Sometimes we have a hard day too! And you know, you aren't sympathetic to us either! And, when you make us go to an after school activity EVERY DAY, and we only come home at 7....okay, here's a little math. Each teacher assigns 1/2-1hour hw and there are 7 classes. That's 3.5-7 hours hw! And guess what? We have harsh teachers too! Our teachers are absolutely mental. And if you say "all the other kids do it!" NONE OF THE KIDS HAVE STRAIGHT As okay? PLEASE DEAL WITH A FEW Bs!!! I don't even want a phone! What's the point? ITS YOUR PHONE! You won't let me use it in confidence! I hate my parents so much!!!!!!!! Why?! Certain things are private! I can't live with my parents need to know everything! I'll deal with my hw. I'll do as they say? JUST DONT LOOK THROUGH MY FUCKING STUFF!!!! Swearing is a big deal for me, so you know I'm mad! Honestly I don't see the need for communication at all! Why can't I just live here without any talking? Do you know what's SO ANNOYING? When you are in your room and your parents complain about how you don't spend enough time with them! I CANT TALK TO THEM!!!! If I do, they'll snoop, they'll insult me. What's the point in talking you? You can't have a normal conversation anyways! Parents need to stop, and think about their child's feelings.

Muttogamer - posted on 12/14/2014

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To all you parents who do snoop on your kids...

What are you thinking you will find?
What would be your action if you found said thing/s?

(Your job as a parent is to have them ready to face the real world when they decide to leave the coop. Does going through their shit accomplish this? If you found weed in your kid's room and then yelled, argued, then grounded him, did that advance their readiness to take on life? Not at all. All that comes of that situation is distrust, anger, and more bad behavior to rebel against you.

So, instead of snooping through their stuff, wouldn't it be wiser to pay a more active role in your child's life and pay attention to the things they do in plain sight? Then if you did suspect your kid of having weed (like in the previous example) you could sit down with them calmly and have an honest and respectful conversation of why you wouldn't like drugs in the house.

Children (and especially teens) respond better and mature quicker in a way like this then just being trampled by despot parents. Why do you think kids openly talk to their teachers, coaches, orany other type of adult leader about their lives and problems? These individuals treat your kids like another adult and not like a child.

Give them respect and show them the respect you show other ADULTS. Then you have their trust. When the trust is there, there's no reason to snoop.

I get that this might be hard to do. Your child is ALWAYS your child no matter how old they are, but you just gotta let go and let the relationship evolve to the next step.

Tessa - posted on 12/03/2014

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I feel like everything is fair game for snooping except a diary. Whoever wants their most personal thoughts read.

Lexus - posted on 11/24/2014

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Coming from the point of view as a teen, my mom always looks through my stuff, including my phone, diary, backpack, sketchbook, and drawers. Honestly, I see this snooping as a form of distrust, and im 100% positive I didnt do anything to earn it. A couple of weeks ago, i decided i would hang out with a couple of friends, and i thought my mom would let my privacy hang out in my room, and i left my phone on my desk, and as soon as i arrived home, my mom was putting accusations on me that i was having sex and doing drugs because i had a friend named molly, and had recently got a boyfriend,but my point is that when my mom goes snooping through my phone, or anything else, its uncomfortable to know that your mother has seen every conversation, thought, or rant i have ever sent, and sometimes, there are things that arent bad, but are an opinion about a topic she heavily disagrees with

Heather - posted on 07/19/2014

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yes i would and i do i check my sons face book and all other sites daily he has to talk on the phone in front of me or his dad he is not allowed a cell and when he does get one i will check it to i feel its our job to protect them even if it is annoying them at least until they are 18

Angela - posted on 07/12/2014

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To be honest, any teenager who "keeps" old texts once read/transmitted (the received ones as well as the sent ones) instead of deleting them or keeps a journal or diary that's NOT written in code and moreover keeps it where other people can see it and read it, quite frankly DESERVES to be snooped on!

If parents are paying the bill for a phone a child uses, they have the right to see (via the billing papers or e-mails) what numbers have been called or texted. They shouldn't really be looking at the handset itself. However, my children had Pay-As-You-Go (pre-paid) phones. They bought their own credit with their own money. So it was none of my business.

Jenn - posted on 06/05/2014

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Speaking as a gal who has had her journal found & read by her mother (at age 17), I do NOT recommend this practice! I have a 13 yo daughter now, and she is very secretive. But I will NOT snoop in her things unless I believe (with good evidence to back me up) that she is going to be physically harmed, and I need to intervene.

Misty - posted on 06/05/2014

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I have a 15 year old daughter and although I do respect her privacy. you all are children and do not understand the ramifications of all your decisions. That is why you have adult parents. I found a nude photo of a young gentlemen and 3 videos of him master- bating on her phone today. First of all this is illegal, not to mention humiliating if this were to go viral. I'm trying to figure a way to talk to her without her blowing up at her dad and me. How would you respond if you your parents had this conversation with you?

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 06/05/2014

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gotta love all of these friggin KIDS who don't understand the basic parental responsibilities.

All of you KIDS who don't have a clue obviously don't have a very good parental relationship as it is, since both of my teens understand the need for me to monitor them.

Whatever, you're kids, and you all think you know everything...wait until you have kids of your own...make sure you don't turn into a bunch of hypocrites!

Tatiana - posted on 06/04/2014

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hi my name is tatiana and im new to this. i just wanted to give my opinion, im 16 i live with my grandparents and honestly i think ive always been a fairly well behaved kid (my grandmother also says this about me) anyways i just recently found out that my grandparents do go through my stuff for example my grandpa has went through my dairy befor, when i found this out i was hurt upset n just pisst i mean their was one thing i was hiddin from them(the fact im bi) of course they didnt aprove and i knew they wouldnt and they just wouldnt understand this is why i didnt tell them. so in my opinion its NOT ok to look through kids stuff you break trust n lose all resepect. i mean i feel like i have NO privacy it sucks it just makes me hid even more. i mean this will also make your kid very rebelious

Katie - posted on 05/16/2014

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i do not snoop. my 14 year old son's 3 electronic devices (iPhone 4s, iPad, and laptop) are private. he changed the passwords every week, he told me. idk why he changes them so much but whatever. i don't think snooping is right.

Ashley - posted on 05/10/2014

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In my personal opinion snooping on your teens will only create higher tensions. I am a 17 year old girl and my parents invested in multiple spy programs to monitor my every move. My texts are sent on a live feed to their phones, my phone calls recorded, my conversations around my phone can be recorded, my pictures are also live streamed. I know personally this severely diminishes the trust I have with my parents. I realize as parents that snooping is inevitable but you must try to give your child some freedom or they will feel like a prisoner and will become more secretive so you will snoop more becoming a cycle. I think a better solution than snooping is developing an open relationship without judgement so the teen doesn't feel the need to hide so much. Teens listen, they hear judgmental things parents say and assume it will also apply to them. I know my parents constantly said things about other children's intellect, morals, and physical appearance. Teens will make mistakes so perhaps snooping can catch them before they make too bad of one but it does come at a cost. In my opinion, snoop at your own risk, but I am just a dumb 17 year old child so I probably lack the best answer.
(And yes, my parents will be seeing this post, perhaps it will allow us to start to repair our relationship)

Edwina - posted on 05/01/2014

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You are right in all that you say, however, there's no need to be sanctimonious about it!

Kresheana - posted on 04/30/2014

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As a mother of an 11yr old, I go though everything. I pay the bills, school fees and lets not forget that I have the job.

It's this mothers right to know what her child is doing. This childs reply is a perfect example why all parent should look threw there childs things.

Non - posted on 04/29/2014

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Are you freaking kidding me? That's the worst thing to do... and if you do it you'll lose your son/daughter's respect. It's an invasion of privacy, of freedom, of just about everything! My mom just read my text messages with my boyfriend... nothing bad in there, just corny stuff I don't want her to look... but it seriously pisses me off and it makes me believe I won't ever trust her again....

Don't do it unless you want to loose your child's trust

Jager - posted on 03/15/2014

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I'm 15 and honestly to a certain extent it's ok I'm
Very honest with my mom about partying and such for example she knows I'm a teenage boy with urges and if thatean me watching porn to prevent sex then that's the case! But some of you parents honestly need to fuck off! Lol! It's f'd up to violate someone's privacy on that level that's a part of there lives that they literally let no one see but them selves every one
Needs a break from everything so from one kid to a parent back off give your kids some space! If your constantly breathing down your child's neck there always going to try to find a way to be sneaky!

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