Mommy advice needed for setting up teen MySpace rules

Marian - posted on 07/26/2011

m it private, no phone numbers, do not link it to her cellphone because she can upload pictures to her fb and some kids have done them by mistake. you cannot erase it!.
only access to her email for friend invites, and monitor it. do NOT put yourself on her page!!! but MONITOR her actions. tell her the rules. There are preditors out there and she needs to understand any joking behavior can go too far.
good luck!

Leigh Anne - posted on 07/15/2011

I personally don't like My Space....I would set up a FB account first. FB has more ways to protect your privacy.

Kelly - posted on 07/14/2011

Dena, I also have a 15 year old daughter and I allowed this when she was a bit younger. She did not have the maturity to handle this and I am not sure she's there yet. She found some chat rooms and participated in some inappropriate conversations that we soon found out about and had to take away the internet access for a long time.
We were shocked, because she knew better, but it happens. She gets caught up and doesn't thinking rationally. For us, the cell phone and texting is a battle too. We are always monitoring. At 15 they are very smart about how not to get caught. It's a constant process of trying to stay a step ahead isn't it?

Lisa - posted on 07/05/2011

You must have the password and permission to check on the account at any time. If she changes the password or gripes about the rules, shut down the account for 6 months and make her create a new one after that time. I saw this rule on another post about Facebook and thought it was GREAT.

Amy - posted on 02/12/2009

hi My daughter is 14 and has facebook.  My husband and I both have accounts so we can be her friend and check what she is doing on it.  My husband is always checking.  SOme friends parents say their kid won't let them be friends but my daghter had no problem with it and she had nothing to hide.

Tara - posted on 01/30/2009

I said that I have to have the password at all times.  He knows that I may check and he takes that chance if he wants to keep his myspace.  He knows that if even one time, I try to go and the password has been changed- it's over! 

Melody - posted on 01/30/2009

I do not allow a mysapce page for my teen, only facebook. Myspace doesn't have as many privacy settings as other social networks. Even facebook has big risks. We all know that sexual predators are cruising social networks looking for the innocent, but did you know that identity theives are also out looking?

Identiy theives:   your child writes on her page that she went over to Grandma Jones' house (your mom)  for the weekend and now the identity theif knows your maiden name - scary.

Sexual predator: she post a picture and in that picture's background is her school? her home? her favorite hang out place? Boom - now they know where your daughter hangs out? goes to school? lives? scary

I just attended a social networking and teens  talk at our PTA meeting - I changed alot of settings on my 15 y/o facebook page (and mine) - one being that I can log into her account anytime...

Hope this helps?

Andra - posted on 01/29/2009

I sit with my son periodically and let him go through his friends list with me so that I am certain that he knows the people he accepts as friends. I have found though that the hardest part for me to monitor and address has been the posts/surveys/quizzes...strings that weren't started by him...but that he now has the opportunity to see, and participate in. (These are shown only on his homepage, and on the bulletin boards of all his friends). The language & subject matter contained in some of those things makes me cringe - and we continue to have our rounds over those sometimes.

Wendy - posted on 01/28/2009

I have a 13 year old with a myspace page,  I am the one who signs her in to her page.. she doesnt know her password and everything is set to private.. she cant upload pictures  I do it and I  use a 3rd party link so no one can copy or save her pictures..  she has slides and stuff but I remove the links to view all images.. the most anyone can do is pause the slide shows of her pictures. I am also her friend on there and well its worked out ok.. just make sure you have the settings set to where the person requesting or messaging her needs to know her last name or e-mail.. that way you don't get a bunch of strangers messaging her...

Karen - posted on 01/26/2009

I also require that I have their password so that I can check the other stuff if I need to

Rita - posted on 01/24/2009

my daughter is 13 i let her make a myspace.com and myyearbook.com

she puts the background and cute stuff up and i set rules i am to see the people that is on her friends list and i have her password to check her site and she has me on her friends list and i had a few of my close friends add her as friends too i let her put up anything she wants to its good and if you set your profile to private no one can see it unless there on your friends list and thats the safest way to do it for the kids so no one you dont know finds you .... she and all her friends have had the sites for 3 years now you gotta be 16 so just put that you are or you will not get to have a account and now they got tagged .com and facebook.com its also good to have cause family live very far away so if they got computers add them to the site and instead of a phone bill its free to talk and see pics i live in massachusettes and my aunt is in cal. so yahoo she has so thats how we all talk my other aunt has myearbook so thats how we talk with them so it all benafits some way and the sites have a game area too so you can play games..

if you set all the rules and put it to private it is not bad like all you see on the news about these sites you just have to set the private and rules ..

Theresa - posted on 01/24/2009

We won't touch MySpace!  Facebook is safer when it comes to privacy.  However, no matter what social network you may allow, it is good to go over some good basics and make sure she knows how to set her privacy settings and who she is allowed to accept as friends.  She also needs to know that much of the information we post on our social network sites are pieces of information that are also often used for security questions for forgot passwords (such as pet's name, mother's maiden name, school, etc.)

You should also have some sort of access to the page just to help guide her, because we are still trying to train our kids (even though they think they know it all already!) :)

Ginny - posted on 01/24/2009

Ditto to the identifying information and the nature of pictures posted. Forgot to mention those very important things too. Thanks.

Ginny - posted on 01/24/2009

Been there and here's what I did. I HAVE to be able to monitor it, or there's no MySpace allowed. They are not to make friends with anyone that they don't know face-to-face. If there's a friend on there that I don't recognize, I'm allowed to ask questions and, if I'm not satisfied, they have to agree to un-friend the person and/or block them from viewing their page. If there is anyone commenting them that they don't know, they can reply to ask who they are, but if there's not a logical link, no further conversation is allowed. I am allowed to see the pages of their friends, and if I see anything that worries me, we sit down and discuss what to do. I've contacted parents 2x when I saw pictures of their daughter's drug use on their MySpace pages, but it was with our daughter's agreement.  Those have been my rules and, I think, they've worked well. good luck! 

Melissa - posted on 01/23/2009

My kids had their MySpace pages since they were 13 and 14. I created my own page to keep an eye on them and their friends. The deal was, I had full access to their page. Password - all of it. I was able to see their friends comments and their friends pictures. It gave me more access to anything I EVER gave access to my parents.



They were never able to reveal their full name, location or school. The profile was set to private, the pictures were only able to be seen by their friends. The pictures were NOTHING that could ever be misconstrued as sexy or provocative.



My kids are now almost 18 and almost 19. I still have full access. Even to my 19 year-old. They understand that future employers could look to see what type of person they are. It's best to always be on guard for the future.



Good luck!

Tammy - posted on 01/23/2009

Set up her MySpace where your e-mail account is the base of the MySpace.  We did this with our 13 year old son and everything that came through his MySpace also sent a copy to our e-mail.  We can see everything he writes his friends and the things they write back to him.  While we don't read every one, we do hit and miss just to keep him accountable without totally invading his privacy. 

DeLaina - posted on 01/23/2009

I agree with all of the rules that Juli said, I just have one other rule. I told both my 16 yr old daughter (she has had myspace since she was 14) and my 12 yr old son (he has had it about a year) that I needed all sign ins and passwords and I will not be sneaking around but I will be checking often. It is not technically spying if you disclose that info up front. I told them that this was the only way they could have a myspace. I have had to go on and ask that they change a couple of things, mostly phrases that kids say nowadays that I do not find appropriate, otherwise, it has worked out well.

Dana - posted on 01/23/2009

I have 3 teens and each of them have a myspace.  I also have one to monitor things so they have me as their friends.   Their page is set to private, which means friends only can see their page. I also have it set to approve comments which I have to help them approve it since we don't want foul language on their pages. They are pretty good with watching what they put out there though as they are getting older.  We also have all the computers in one room so we can monitor while they are on.  We have passwords on them so when we aren't here they can't go on.   I also have access to their account so I can check it anytime.  I haven't had any problems so far.  I am Blessed with 3 wonderful teens.   Hope this helps.

Bettina - posted on 01/22/2009

My daughter had to give me her password because just being her friend isn't enough. There are ways to hide things from "friends" She still deletes responses from friends before I can read them which tells me that she knows whose responses will get her into trouble which really isn't a bad thing.

Donna - posted on 01/21/2009

My son and I have made a deal that he can not post his full name, phone numbers and I have to have access to his password. I really don't use it because i have set up my own space and i can monitor conversations between him and his friends. He is 14 and we thought that we would try this for a couple of years and then see how it goes from there. So far, it looks as if he is behaving. I also teach a junior high group at church and i have been able to add most of his friends to myspace as well. Good Luck!

Lori - posted on 01/21/2009

I'm not a fan of MySpace - it's too 'available' with private information. My one daughter has a Facebook page - I like it far better because she has to 'invite' or 'accept' individual people to see any of her information. IMO, it's just another way that the younger generation communicates. It CAN be a dangerous thing if you don't set some rules and/or boundaries. In our house, I made it a rule that if THEY have a Facebook page, I ALSO have a Facebook page - and I monitor who they communicate with (in fact, sad (or not so sad!) to say, most of MY Facebook friends are 18 years old or younger, as all her friends 'friended' me too!).

I just don't have as good a feeling about MySpace. Perhaps I just don't understand it as well.

One thing I have always cautioned both my girls - be very careful of ANYTHING you ever write, whether it is a note, or something you type in an e-mail, and especially online - the written word can surely come back to haunt you, and you must take care to ensure you never misrepresent yourself. Anything negative that you feel you MUST write (both my girls are strong 'writers') DO SO ON A SINGLE SHEET OF WHITE PAPER - and then TEAR IT UP.

Good luck in your decision!

Kim - posted on 01/20/2009

I have dealt with this and I let her have one as long as I am able to login on hers and see what she is doing. I am also able to view it so I check out what sorts of things she is doing on there and try to keep a close eye. It's hard knowing how much freedom to give them but I am trusting her to make the right choice and when I see something I dont like her myspace goes if that means locking the computer so she can't log on!! Hope not but have to try trusting them sometime!! LOL

Amy - posted on 01/20/2009

All 3 of my teenagers have a myspace page. Rules are I have passwords to accounts everything is set to private,we monitor pics posted and my husband and I also have pages to keep an eye on things. Good Luck!!

Lisa - posted on 01/14/2009

limit time & make your own page & she must make you a friend too. 

Carrie - posted on 01/14/2009

My 14 year old daughter has a myspace and facebook page. We have set up some rules for her to follow. She has to add us as friends. She can use her own name (so that her friends can find her) but she cannot post pictures of herself on the page (at least not where you can identify her). Her pages must be set to private so that only her friends can see it. She is only allowed to be friends with people her own age that she knows or adults we approve of. She was recently approached by a friend's father to be her friend on facebook and she immediately came to us with his request because, to be honest, it freaked her out. We said no because we barely know the person and had her block him from contacting her again. It's all a matter of trust. We do have her password but have never had to use it. The computer is in a "public" space in our house and she knows that not only can we look at her profiles on-line at any time - we can also approach and read it over her shoulder. She knows that she can look over our shoulders too (although I doubt it would ever interest her). The mutual trust is what goes a long way in the parent/teen relationship.

Shauna - posted on 01/14/2009

I have a 13yo daughter who has a myspace. My rules were a little more strict than the ones below due to her age. We set her page up together and only I had her password. She could only be on it with me in the beginning. I wanted to teach her what is and isn't safe to put on their. Of course, it must be set to private and city must be different from hers. I taught her how to tell if she knew the people requesting her. She had to earn her password from me by making good decisions and having a good attitude about my rules. The steps were 1) only being on with me 2) aloud to be on at home once I signed her in without me sitting with her 3) earning her password, but having to ask permission to be on at home 4) allowing her to get on at a friends house, but only after permission had been granted 5) now she is allowed to access whenever she likes. However, she understands that until she is 18 I will always have her password and I can review and delete as I please. We have a very open relationship so she is fine with these rules. She understands that I have the utmost respect and trust for her and that I only want to guide her into making good decisions. It has worked well for us.

Dena - posted on 01/14/2009

I appreciate all the MySpace ideas for Moms of teens - keep them coming. I feel more comfortable about the whole idea and am now embracing this new teen adventure. I'd much rather my daughter and I learn it together rather than find out later she is off and running in the social media world on her own. Thanks again!

Christine - posted on 01/13/2009

Hello..

I have a 14-year-old son who has a myspace. The only way that I would allow him to have it, was I set up a myspace for me. He had to add me as a friend. I also have to have his password. I have to meet his friends or know their parents.

So I did this and his friends added me to their myspace! There are several of his myspace friends who can't talk to their parents for advice, etc., so they'll come to me for advice.  One of his friends was contimplating(sp?) suicide. I talked her out of it.

Yes, there are rules.

Dawn - posted on 01/13/2009

My teen has her own myspace too. Rules are simple, her profile and her pictures are set to private where only her friends are allowed to view them, she is not allowed to give her town where she lives, I am on her friends list and I do have access to her account at any time. She knows I check on her regulary and I have insisted on certain "friends" being deleted due to their behavoir on the site but she is willing to play by the rules.

Pati - posted on 01/13/2009

Hi

She could not use her full name in the profile, she could not post the actual town either. I had her password, was on her friends list, she had to be set to private and could not add anyone she/we did not know. As well as setting the profile to private, we set the pictures as not shared so no one could copy them. I was very selective on what types of pictures she could post as well.  The computer was in the living room and it was monitored. It worked out well.

Dena - posted on 01/13/2009

Thanks for the MySpace tips, Juli! It is nice to hear that one of your rules is that "Mom can see the page" at anytime. Love that. :-)

Juli - posted on 01/13/2009

They have to add me as friend.

Their page muts be set to private- friends only.

They must use the computer in a 'public' room of the house.

Check the page every couple of days, besides checking up, it'll give you insight into your kids...