Moms of Teenagers who are thinking about babies (Maybe some of you were teen moms yourself)

Cheri - posted on 01/29/2011 ( 5 moms have responded )

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I do not have teens QUITE yet, but I will and would like some questions answered.

I was reading a blog where people said that they felt judged because they are young moms. Some of these gals are just 30 and have 16 yo children and are getting dirty looks, nasty comments and more. I was thinking about the "new days" where teen pregnancy seems very acceptable these days and yet, I see it's really not. I think teens are idealizing what they think motherhood is like, and it's very confusing.

I feel like I would want to tell these people to imagine what they want for their children, and share those dreams with them. I don't mean like "I want my child to be a lawyer" but what we want for our kids to be happy overall. I feel like if they did that, they would feel much less judged for having children young. I wonder if expressing themselves to their child can prevent a cycle of their child getting pregnant at a young age, and by doing this, they can feel less ashamed that they, themselves, were teen moms; but rather triumphant that their kids are NOT. I know that we can't turn back clocks, but maybe we can help our future generation make better decisions than we did ourselves? However, IT IS SO HARD. Even if I block every teen mom episode on TV, every magazine from the home, etc....there is STILL school, friends and peer pressure...

So, How do you go about telling your children what you went through? It seems like all of the sudden, it's "in" to have babies. Perhaps, because celebrities are younger (think Jaime Lynn Spears and Ashlee Simpson) these days, perhaps the tv show "Teen Mom", perhaps because there are pacts, perhaps it's something all entirely different, but it seems that more and more teens want to become pregnant and start families. I want to prevent this from happening to my children. I, myself, was not a teen mom so I can't tell them horror stories about my life, or talk about boyfriends' lies or pacts or whatever. I just don't know how to bring it up exactly, and don't know what the heck to do.

I thought about bringing a former teenage mother to talk to my daughters, who had a difficult time trying to support her child, boyfriend left her (after promising he'd always be there), and her struggles and sacrifices throughout her life to provide for her child, but am not sure that in it of itself would actually work.

Any suggestions?

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Kim - posted on 02/07/2011

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Just listen ... when they ask you qustions, no lectures, just answer the questions, as honestly and completely as you can. And if you don't have the answer, look for it together. Explain about sex, and pregnancy, and possible STD's, and even about self-defense. A sad part of teen sex is date-rape. What begins so innocent can quickly become horrific.
No, no one likes to look at that, but as parents we must. Sex is the "easy" part ... it's all the consequences that are difficult. And no one knows just how difficult until they've experienced ... and we all want to prevent our kids from such experiences. So open communication is best. If they feel comfortable talking with us, knowing no lectures are coming, just honest information, and definitely concern, they're more likely to talk with us. JMO

I read many interesting ideas - only you know what will work with your kids. Blessings.

Christina - posted on 02/04/2011

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I think that having a former teen mom talk to her is a great idea. My oldest is ten. I was 17 when I got pregnant with him, and I tell EVERY teenager that having a baby is stupid. It is hard work, and I worked my butt off to keep from being a statistic. Its not fun or glamorous. It is difficult. It still breaks my mom's heart because she had such big dreams for me and life has been a struggle due to my decision to keep my son. I have no regrets keeping my baby, and I love all my children to pieces, but life would have been so much easier if I hadn't become a teenage mom.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 02/04/2011

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When I had my oldest, I was 24, but looked about 16. I had more strangers stop and lecture me about my lack of morals, etc, for having a baby at such a young age. Most of them just about died of embarassment when I'd prove that not only was I NOT a teenager, but I'd also been married for 4 years! That being said, at the time, I lived in a neighborhood full of teenage girls who thought it would be "so cool" to have a baby...so I (and another friend of mine with newborn) set up a deal with these girls. One at a time, they would get to play "mommy". They would arrive at my house on a friday afternoon, and I would hand off the baby to them. Their directions were "you are now mom. It is your responsibility to take care of this baby." Of course, we stayed in the house the whole time, and monitored each girl. When the baby cried, they were told "you are the parent, see to the baby" 2 oclock feedings were the best: "but I'm sleeping" (from teenager) "nope, you wanted to be a mom, this is what it takes" from me. Usually, by the end of 48 hours, the teen who thought they wanted that baby had done a lot of thinking. I personally know that we helped over 12 girls realize that just because they are cute and cuddly, doesn't mean everyone needs one. I am proud to say that 12 more girls graduated high school and made responsible choices about becoming parents after having their "baby" episode.

So, if you know any moms with young babies, that's my recommendation, as well as having your friend who's been through it talk to them.

Crystal Nutt Spinks - posted on 02/01/2011

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i was a teen mom and i do not have any regrets as far as my kids go however i would have waited if i had the knowledge i had now..it was a long hard road there were many times we were homeless had no food difficult to hold a job because daycare is so expensive and the cost of living is on the rise it was hard for me and my kids are 18 and 19 now i cant imagine trying to do it this day and age i do not recomend it at all but i do know the harder you protest your childs decisions the more they are going to do what it is you dont want them to the only ting you can do is your best teach then right from wrong teach them strong morals and values and self respect and do not ever shelter them from the real world be 100 % honest with them at all times even when you dont want to they have to know that you are not only their parent but you care about what they become as an adult.....you do your best but in the end they will make their own choices and you will not always like them but you must be there for them always there is nothing worse than feeling like the the people that are supposed to love you and accept you unconditionaly (your parents ) are not there when you need them the most i know this first hand......

Candy - posted on 01/29/2011

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I reckon you need to offer your daughter some interesting reading material about parenthood. Buy her a parenting manual (make sure it is really down-to-earth) and just tell her you want her to know what parenting is all about before she commits herself. Then just leave her with it... if she's curious enough she'll read it, or at least flick through it. She needs a reality check. With teenagers you need to approach the problem sideways like this or they get all defensive- just provide the material, not a lecture (not even from a friend who's been through it- they hate being TOLD).

If she's into the internet (and what kid isn't?) she needs to start cruising a few sites about motherhood. Get her onto Çircle of Mums and show her all the problems that arise! I'll also give you a link to my parenting blog-
http://auntannieschildcare.blogspot.com/
it's pretty down-to-earth and she might find it interesting, especially the article about what parenting is all about-
http://auntannieschildcare.blogspot.com/...
Good luck... just nudge her along into being informed about all this, don't push.

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