move out at 16 baby at 17

Alycia - posted on 04/12/2010 ( 46 moms have responded )

60

15

3

I'm curious as to what you would think about if your 16year old daughter were to move in with her boyfriend at 16 and have his baby a year later.
What do you think about it and how would you react.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Alycia - posted on 05/29/2010

60

15

3

I'd recomend all the mothers who are aware about their daughters having sex to get them an IUD instead of birthcontrol, it has a much lower rate of pregnancies then birthcontrol and it can't be mis-used.

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

46 Comments

View replies by

Sherri - posted on 05/30/2010

9,593

15

387

Alycia where do you live that it is legal for them to move out at 16 because in the US they are not considered an adult until 18. Until that point they are legally the responsibility of the parent or legal guardian.

Sherri - posted on 05/30/2010

9,593

15

387

It wouldn't happen there is no way on God's green earth my child (3 boys) would be moving out at 16 and it sure and heck wouldn't be with a girlfriend (in my case).

If they had a child together. Well they would both be equally responsible for this child. I would still love my son and my grandchild. However, they would certainly know how disappointed I was and how much they just made the rest of there lives a lot harder and possibly just gave up every dream they hoped to have for their lives.

Sarah - posted on 04/20/2010

7

3

0

Well, that happened to me. My daughter moved out when she was 17, got pregnant & made me a Grandma. The guy is about 12 yrs older than her. I was very sad & disappointed. Its not the life I wanted for her. I wanted her to go to college & do things diferently than what I did. I got pregnant with her at age 16, her sister at 18, and married their Dad at 21. I missed out on alot of things. I had to grow up fast. I dont regret my children but I wish I would have waited. My daughter now has a beautiful 1 yr old son, that I truely adore. She married the father & is still going to college. I've learned that our kids are going to make their own mistakes & decisions for themselves. At 17, they can legally move out. Its not what is best for them or what we want but there's nothing we can do at that point. You just hope & pray that you were a good enough parent for them to recall what you taught them. I know how you feel with sadness, disappointment & anger.

Alycia - posted on 04/19/2010

60

15

3

Gaby I'm sorry to hear about your tough time as a teen mom, I'm sorry you stuck in a bad relationship for so long.
And as for contacting the parents it dosent change all that much since they are not very involved with their son. It's not a good time for my daughter to get a job since she's doing school and has a baby to look after but her boyfriend has a full time job. They have been living together for a year and a half now and they seem happy. So far they seem to be doing a good job.
They both know it won't be easy but they're both very excited.
Thanks for the advice.

Gaby - posted on 04/19/2010

1

1

0

I definitely would not approve. To begin with I got pregnant at 15 and moved in with the father. It was the biggest mistake I could have ever done. For one I really thought everything would be perfect. I would finish school and the father would provide. We would save money and soon buy our house. We would raise our baby together. Everything sounded so perfect. Except for the fact that I was only 15. He was lazy and we had no money. I dropped out of school to work full time.

I got pregnant a 2nd time only making things more difficult. I had to grow up and fast.

At the time I really honestly believed I was in love. I thought that no matter what happened I could make things work. That I would seriously die without him. I am sure any teen in that position feels the same way. Needless to say the dad and I are no longer together. We were together for nearly 6 years and honestly it was the worst 6 years of my life. I resented him for getting me pregnant, for being lazy and not providing. We would fight all the time. There was no moment of peace. Always yelling and fighting. I know that it wasn't his entire fault but at the time I did. He resented me for many things as well.

Think about it, if it is difficult for 2 adults to live together and make it work. How on earth can we believe that children would be able to do so and on top of that raise a baby?

My suggestion is to contact the boys parents. I am sure that if they are responsible parents, they to will not approve of two kids moving in together. Then sit and talk to your child and the boyfriend. Make sure you are calm and open to listen. Also talk to the boyfriend and his parents. Ask them what they are thinking and feeling. What they plan to do? How they plan to accomplish what they want. Then give them your opinion. What you think about their ideas? Do not yell at them or be negative. (Hard I know) What do you think would be the best thing? What kind of consequences can they expect? Always tell them that you love them and you want what is best for them. Be open to their relationship but let them know that they have rules. For example she wants to move in with the guy ok. School comes first, keep your grades, and go to school every day on time. Then suggest they need to find a job. They will need to save money to live on her own. Have them help you pay the bills so that she can get a feel of what it feels like to have to pay bills. They will need a car, car insurance and keep the car in running order. As a teen you want to have adult’s privileges without the consequences or responsibilities. Do not turn your back on her, trust me that is the worst you can do.

I have 2 kids of my own now a 12 year old girl and a 10 year old boy. I would not like them to make the same mistakes I made. All I can do is talk to and guide them as best as I can to make the right choices. Remember the key to any relationship is always communication and honesty. She is in the end just a kid.

I wish you all the luck and pray that things work out for the better.

Natalie - posted on 04/19/2010

1

8

0

wow, sounds like this "what if" really happened to you. All that's left for you to do is pick up the pieces where you can. She's super young. And young kids tend to think they can do anything, and not think about the repercussions of their actions. My best friend had her first baby at 17. Daddy's baby left at about 3 months into the pregnancy. Now she and I are 37, and she is a grandma. The facts are there is a baby on the way, she is very young and not making really good choices. I think at some point you have to let her make her own choices and let her taste her own consequences. I'm not saying throw her to the fire. My best friend would have never made it without her mother. Just know that this choice she has made *she has made*, and it is no reflection on you as a mother, or a person. We all know teens act wildly, with out thought or care of others feelings or about the future. This choice she made is a prime example of that. Again, it was a choice *she made*. Be ready to help where you are comfortable helping. But don't let your line be drawn in the sand either. Stand firm she made adult choices, and now must act like an adult. Many hugs to you...You can do this.

Michelle - posted on 04/19/2010

14

22

0

Well, my daughter who was always such a good girl. Met a guy when she was 17 and practically tried to move in and I would not allow it. She did get pregnant at 18 and stayed here until like her 6month of pregnancy and then left one day and never came back. Don't get me wrong we still see her occasionally, but she left all her stuff here and moved. One day right before the birth of my grandaughter her boyfriend came and got her bed and a few of her clothes and that is it.

She lives with him, his mom and brother in a small apartment. The baby sleeps in their room. It has been the most heartbreaking exsperience I have gone through. There are times when she doesn't speak to me or allow me to see the baby. I hope soon she will see how much her family loves her and change her ways.



Even with all that has happened we are blessed with the most beautiful and amazing little granddaughter any one could have. I just pray daily my daughter will allow me and her dad to have more time with her and the baby.

Alycia - posted on 04/18/2010

60

15

3

She was on the pill, and they usually used condoms. She was put on medication that cancelled out her birthcontrol, she didn't even know she was pregnant untill she was 4 months along.

Clara - posted on 04/18/2010

39

165

1

To begin with, my 16 year old daughter would not move in with her boyfriend. And I would make sure she were on birth control if she were sexually active.

Toni - posted on 04/18/2010

2

20

0

My daughter moved out the day she turned 18 and moved in with her boyfriend. She is a Senior in High School. She started moving her stuff out a few weeks before thinking we would not notice, and was just planning on leaving a note when she left. She did not like the rules of the house and decided she couldn't put up with it any more. I knew what was going on and told her, If she was really an adult and wanted to be treated like one, she would talk to us like an adult and let us know her plans. She never did. there were hard feelings and she knew I am not happy with her choices. But, I trust my daughter. Although I do not like her choices right now, I know that I raised her with good principles. She has her free agency, and she will be responsible for the consequences for her choices. As hard as it is to watch you children deal with the consequences, all you can do is support her and make sure she knows you love her, and you will always be there for her. My daughter and her boyfriend are getting married in Aug, and she is very happy. He is a very nice young man and he has a good job. Fortunately she has not gotten pregnant. I hope everything works out and they remain happy. But i will be here for her if it does not.

Lisa - posted on 04/18/2010

1

26

0

Well I would be supportive and try to help her as much as I could. Yes I would be upset and disappointed but I would not make her feel like she can't come to me for support and guidance. I don't want her to turn her back on her family and try to do this all alone.

Terri - posted on 04/18/2010

3

137

0

i have my daughter's friend that is in this same situation, only problem now is the guy is bashing her and i have tried my damdest to get her out and the more i try the more she stays, i have been in this situation when i was her and that is why i am trying to help.

Jennifer - posted on 04/18/2010

3

5

0

Keep the lines of communication open. My daughter moved out for a short time at sixteen. It was devastating. it is not a matter of not letting her. That is easier said than done. I did call the police and there is really nothing you can do about it. We raised in a loving home and had a wonderful relationship. She just thought she was ready. I continued (as hard as it was) to talk to her and kept pointing out things to her that were not right. She eventually came home six months later and has slowly come to realize that she screwed up. Your daughter is no longer a little girl but she still needs her mother. Continue to build a relationship with her and keep praying.

Christie - posted on 04/18/2010

29

27

0

Well as a mom who had my first child at 18 while still in high school, and being married right before, and also the parent of a now 14 year old girl, im not sure how I would react. Thats a tough situation no matter what you do. Everyone wants to think they would handle it the best, being supportive and everything, but its hard. I have a younger sister who just went thru this, though she still lives at home with my mom. She got pregnant at 16, had the baby right after her 17th birthday. The night my mom found out she threw my sister out, she screamed, and yelled and cried. When I talked to my sister about the whole situation I told her how disappointed I was in her, but that I would always support her decision to keep her baby. She came and stayed with me for a month while my mom took in the whole situation. When my sister returned home, my mom was still unsure about everything, but now my niece will be 2 months old this month and she is my moms pride and joy. She watches her when my sister goes to school, and when she is doing homework or something like that, but makes her take her with her to hang with her friends and stuff like that. I believe that each situation is different and so is the family involved, but I cant imagine any parent being happy or proud of there child for getting into that situation. And honestly I cant imagine being any different if it were my child.

Denise - posted on 04/18/2010

2

16

0

are you for real you as a mom is crazy to let your 16 years old daughter move in apartment with a boy at the age 16 my daughter is 22 she just move out you need to sit down and talk to your daughter about moresshe needs to no about a lot of thing it isnt easy out there having ababy isnt easy either babies cost alot of money.

Alycia - posted on 04/18/2010

60

15

3

There isn't really a problem I'm just curious to see what other people would think if this happend to them.

Alycia - posted on 04/18/2010

60

15

3

They've been living together for a year, her boyfriend is now 20 and they have their own appartment, his parents aren't that involved. I live in onartio and at 16 she can legally do whatever she wants.
I don't think it's a good idea for them to get married since they are so young, we were talking about this the other day and my daughter wants to wait till she's in her twenties before getting married.
Her boyfriend works full time to pay for everything and my daughter should be going back to school in two weeks.

Jackie - posted on 04/18/2010

5

9

0

I. How old is the boyfriend?...If he is an adult then thats contributing to the delenquency (sp) of a minor.
2. Have you talked with his parents about their plans?
3. At 16 (depending) on the state she is not an adult and cannot make an adult decision with parent concent. (I'm in California so it's 18 here.)
4. Why have them live together if the legal age to get married is 16 and above suggest the get married to make it all legal since they want to bring a child into the world.
5. What are they going to do for money, because if you move out then you should be able to take care of yourself.

Kristine - posted on 04/17/2010

10

13

0

Look, you did not fail as a mother because your daughter is moving out and got pregnant on accident. I had great parents who did a wonderful job. They were nurturing, did their best to instill values, strict and they paid very close attention. I lied to them and snuck off with my boyfriend the day I lost my virginity and guess what I was pregnant at 16 too. You obviously care because you are reaching out and asking for advice. This is a scary time for YOU and your daughter. Support her, but he honest with her. This choice is going to make life very difficult. I love my kids but if I could do it all over again I would have made different choices. I would have never had sex. My son is 14 now and it has been a long road. Your daughter does not even know who she is yet, or who she may want to be when she grows up. That does not mean that she can't raise this baby but she will need all the help she can get. The only complaint I have about my parents was that they did not stand by my side. We do not believe in abortion and I was not comfortable at the time with adoption. However they really struggled with me being a mom so young and we quit communicating. So when things got bad, and he got abusive I did not know where to turn. We had also been together for 3 years and had the same age difference. I never saw signs that he was abusive until the real stress set in. Having a baby is a lot to handle at any age, and kids have a hard time dealing with it. At 20 he still has a lot of growing up to do. Statistically she very well may end up raising this baby as a single mom. I know thats not what either of you want to hear but she needs to be aware of what she is getting into. It is great that she wants to get into psychology, but is she aware of them amount of time and money that is required. When you chose to be a parent life is no longer about what is best for you but what is best for your child. For this babys sake she will need an education but she may need to find a career that she can train for a lot sooner. Her baby will be in school by the time she gets that degree and if dad is not still around paying the bills how will she support herself and the baby. These are realistic blocks that she will come across. Has she thought about how this will effect her socially as well? While her friends go to prom, away for graduation, off to college to live in dorms etc she will be changing diapers, trying to pay rent, wiping runny noses and praying that someday she will loose the baby weight. I applaud you for being supportive and reaching out for help, just try to constantly remind her that at 16 she is playing house and having a child does not make her a grown up and being a mommy does not make you a parent. Good luck you you and your daughter you have rough roads ahead of you

Kim - posted on 04/17/2010

13

13

1

I guess I wouldn't let my daughter move in with her boyfriend and if his parents allowed it they were just asking something like this to happen. But loving her and the baby is the only thing you can do!! It will all work out.

Stephanie - posted on 04/17/2010

2

1

0

It is heart breaking when a child makes a choice that is against your beliefs. You question everything you ever did and blame yourself. You did the best you knew to do, you can't go back and change any of it. The best thing to do it is to love them and be encouraging to them to do the right things. Unfortunately our kids will make all kinds of choices that we may not like, but we can love them and pray for them. We don't support the decision, but we love them through their choices, after all that is what God has done for us.
A little over a year ago all three of my children moved out (20, 18 and 17) The 20 year old and 18 year old were moving in with their boyfriend and girlfriend. They were all going to live together. I was devastated, I didn't know what we had done wrong. Thankfully I had a church and friends to talk with and a lot of praying to God. God reminded me that is how He feels when His children don't obey Him. Well anyways, The two with boyfriend/girlfriend ended up breaking up. The 19 year old and 17 year old moved back in with me. The 20 year old now lives with their grandma. Things aren't perfect, but they are better. And just for the record they all had jobs and did well at paying their bills (just a side note, lol)

Kim - posted on 04/16/2010

6

20

0

I would wonder what was going on in my house that I missed to make her want to move out of our house. She would definitely not be moving in with a boy, her grandmother or older sister maybe but not a boy....

Anne - posted on 04/16/2010

1

19

0

I would be heartbroken, but how do you stop them, short of turning them in? Just say lots of prayers and give them your love and support. I work with teen moms. They need to be supported, it's the babies' right to a good life.

Sarah - posted on 04/16/2010

177

15

29

My mother had me out of wedlock and when someone would say something about it to my grandmother she would reply "The pregnancy was an accident, but the baby isn't!"

Sarah - posted on 04/16/2010

177

15

29

The past is the past and can't be changed. My advice is to look toward the future and your new grandchild. Be there for her. She has made the decision to be an adult now and your relationship has to change to accommodate this decision. It sounds like she's trying to do things right and you should be proud of the maturity she's showing even tho she's made mistakes.

Good Luck!

Christina - posted on 04/15/2010

14

8

2

It's great that you have built a better relationship! even given the unexpected events. Sounds like she and the boyfriend had a stronger relationship than It sounded like. That's great to hear. And she's happy! Here's to hoping that they can work everything out. Knowing that she wants to go to school for this early is also a plus. Good luck! Sounds like she just needs your friendship and help with baby. : )

Alycia - posted on 04/15/2010

60

15

3

I'd like to add again that the pregnancy was an accident, she was on the pill, and didn't realise she was pregnant untill she was four months along. We didn't get along in the same home but once she moved out we built a strong relationship, she's been witht the father (who's 20) for 3 year. I think she's doing a great job, I've never seen her so happy and she didn't make a stupid decision, an accident happend. She will be finished highschool within the year and is going to college afterwards in psychology.

Tracey-Lee - posted on 04/15/2010

4

3

0

My first point of order would be to make sure that my daughter is safe, financially stable and is willing to talk to me about whatever issues that she has that caused her to make such a decision in the first place. I would definately talk to the boyfriend/father of the baby and make sure he is also aware that even if they do not decide to marry/ stay in a committed relationship that this is a lifelong committment (to the child anyway) I don't know how old he is but as they say females tend to mature faster than males and in most cases I have found this to be true. If the daughter is unwilling to talk out any issues than mum should not give up and like I said just be there when she falls because from experience she will fall and it is damn hard to get up when you don't have any support from the one person in the world that should understand how hard it is to be a mum.

Christina - posted on 04/15/2010

14

8

2

Tracey-Lee Redgrave, VERY well said! I hope that this mom can find some solace and ideas on how to handle this!

Tracey-Lee - posted on 04/15/2010

4

3

0

We all know that when we get older we realise that we didn't know everything at age 16y. I was a teen mum at age 16. No matter how you say or write it it never turns out well, but in saying that I love my children and wouldn't have it any other way. I too have a daughter and I hope that by the time she is a teen she will be more informed than I was at that age and make the best decision for her life. I understand that you are upset and confused by the issue but if you have never been in that situation no matter how hard you try you will never understand it. Look at the situation for a moment, your daughter moved out when she was 16y she obviously had some parenting issues and was looking for love in the wrong places and thought that by having a baby she would fill all of those voids. I must say young people do not look at life the way we do when we are older. My advice to you is love her even her mistakes support her choices and love the fact that you have a grandchild. She made these choices and there is a big lesson in it for her. Yes it would hurt and yes it would be a shock but you are her mother and let her know that that will never change no matter what stupid uninformed decisions she makes within her life. Don't give up on her. She is now a mother too, and she may need your guidence in fulfilling that.

Christina - posted on 04/15/2010

14

8

2

I just read that the pregnancy was an accident. I thought the the boy and girl were in a committed relationship and both wanted the same thing. Well again, all you can do is support her and the child and (with time and babysitting and help, financially it's up to you - if you can do this and she is appreciative and spends the afforded time going to school and working)...but I think it would be a mistake for the boy and girl to commit to eachother just because they got pregnant accidentally. I did not expect to get pregnant with my first child and I was not planning on marrying his father, but I did and it did not last. The child is here and is not a choice and is loved and is forever, the relationship is a choice and the daughter will only add stress and instability to her life with baby if she and the boy are not committed and in love (marital forever type of love). Sounds as though baby and school should be the focus. How to relay that to someone who wants to 'give it a go' is not always easy or apparent, nor do they want to hear that. I didn't and I wound up divorced. Not an easy lesson. But now I'm happily married. Marriage is a choice and it's for life, so there's no, "Let's give this a go" type of thinking.

Christina - posted on 04/15/2010

14

8

2

I would be sad that she did that, but I would try to empower her in any way that I could. In other words, support her. I would be disappointed but if that turn in made in her life, all you can do is support her and the baby and the boyfriend. I would want to encourage her to go to school and provide support of the child so that she can do this. She is still so young that she can still do whatever she would like with her life. It's never too late. today's page is written and tomorrows is always available to write whatever we would like. Everyday you have a new page, and you have (or will have), a wonderful new grand child to love and cherish! Just empower your daughter to still follow her dreams.

Alycia - posted on 04/15/2010

60

15

3

No she's not struggling financially, her boyfriend has a full time job, and she is focusing on graduating high school.
She is doing a great job and seems very happy.

Andrea - posted on 04/15/2010

12

23

0

I don't think I would have ever allowed her to move out in the first place let alone to move in with her boyfriend. At 16ys old no child can truely know what they want outta life and need all the guidance they can get from their parents and other family support. I was 16 when I moved out of the house because I got pregnant and although I love my son dearly I sometimes wonder if my parents had been more of a support factor and stood their ground on the more serious issues like under age sex and or moving out that I might not have struggled as much as I have in life. I

Mary - posted on 04/14/2010

13

14

0

In the state of Michigan it is illegal for a child of 16 to move out. At 17 it's their choice but you may not kick them out. You also must allow them back in up to the age of 18. I would be dissapointed in her decision, but not much that you may do now since she is 17. She has a child to take care of. Is she struggling financially? Is she asking for help? I guess it's more about how is she taking care of this child, and are you wanting to help her by bringing her back home? Does she have some goal that she is trying to reach, that you can help her?

Louise - posted on 04/13/2010

5,429

69

2296

I would be mortified and blame myself that my daughter would want to leave the family home so early. We all want to be adults at an early age but this is to young. How she would provide for herself as she is not old enough for benefits at this age would be the first question I would ask her. I would also want her to move back into the family home and try and resolve why she felt she had to move out. Being an adult with bills to pay is not fun and the novelty of being seen as an adult will soon ware off. If she has had a baby then it's to late for the talk about contraception. All I would do is try and be approachable and understanding and give as much support to my daughter as I could. There must of been a huge break down in communication in the first place for the whole situation to of escalatted to moving out to baby!

Alycia - posted on 04/12/2010

60

15

3

Well there really anything that can be done about her moving out.
She's 16, legally she can move out.

Diana - posted on 04/12/2010

34

9

4

I wouldn't let her move first of all.



I would go nuts and be so angry and disappointed! After the initial screaming, yelling, crying, etc., I would sit down with her and think and talk about the true reality of the situation and how to prepare for it. I would have a meeting with the boy's parents too.

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms