My 12 year old daughter is acting like a whore! how do I make her stop?

Kati Elizabeth - posted on 12/30/2012 ( 6 moms have responded )

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I have a 12-year-old daughter who will be 13 in a few days. She was homeschooled up until 4th grade. ever since 5th grade (she's in 7th now) she has started to change. she used to be very classy and smart and get good outstanding grades. Now she is acting out of control and just like those other kids at her school. She is completely out of control. Her name is Caroline, but ever since 5th grade she started calling herself "Brinley" and she says she changed her name because she thought her name Caroline was ugly and she said Brinley was her stripper name. She used to have long brown hair. She bleached her hair blonde. She also got her lip, belly button, eyebrow, and nipples (!) pierced. Plus she got three more ear piercings. She is wearing super short shorts all the time that show her buttcheeks and tops that barely cover her boobs and expose her belly button. She also wears these really short pleated skirts that show her butt when she bends over, and when it's colder outside she wears really tight yoga pants/sweatpants (of course,with the words on the butt)or super skinny jeans. She never leaves the house without her belly button and/or legs exposed. She also wears gigantic hoop earrings. She also wears ten pounds of makeup on her face every day and she wears so much damn lip gloss her lips look like someone injected ten pounds of collagen into them. She sneaks random boys into her room and has sex with them. I found birth control and condoms in one of her drawers. She has sex with guys from the high school. She actually skips class and goes up to the high school and flirts with the boys there. I got a phone call from the high school saying that my daughter is going up to the high school and that she should be in the middle school. I even heard that she was caught having sex in the school bathroom 5 times! She was even caught having sex in the schoolyard AND ON THE SCHOOL BUS!!!!!!!!! I went through her phone and I saw NAKED PHOTOS of herself on the phone being sent to random boys from the high school and I saw naked photos of the boys on her phone, too! I went through her Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter accounts and she is hooking up with random boys and flirting with them! I saw a bunch of provocative photos on her Instagram account and Facebook account! Her Facebook profile picture is her taking a mirror picture with her wearing a pair of tiny spandex short shorts and her wearing a tight bandeau top with her belly piercing out! I also found cocaine and weed in her room and she has pictures of herself smoking weed! She also drinks alcohol all the time and she says her favorite brand of beer is Heineken! I found a can of Four Loko in her room! She also has a terrible attitude with me and she sasses me all the time and she even hit me once! She is always getting suspended from school and her grades are in the toilet. She is also violent. Apparently a 6th grader "looked at her wrong" and she beat her up and broke her nose! She is always getting into fights and she is always beating people up in school. I heard she stuffs kids in lockers and she hung someone to a coat hook by their underwear! She also cussed out a teacher and cussed out the principal! She called her English teacher an ugly a** c*nt and she called her math teacher an ugly b*tch and called the PE teacher a lesbian. She hit her English teacher and one time she beat up this disabled girl "just for fun" and she put a girl's head in a toilet and flushed it! She also broke a girl's cell phone just for fun! She is becoming out of control and her slutty, bullying behavior is very unbecoming. I tried punishing her, giving her time outs, taking her phone and computer, even whooping her a**! And nothing worked! She doesn't give a f*** what I say and does what she wants to! I want her to STOP! She is setting herself up for a complicated life! Plus, her father is sick! He has lung cancer! But apparently she doesn't give a damn about her father! How do I make her stop!

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Ashley - posted on 12/31/2012

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also, about the body jewelry...unless she did it herself, she had to have a parents signature, and if you didnt sign for it, then you need to be finding out where it was done and turn them in.

Amy - posted on 12/31/2012

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This can't be a real post "I even heard she got caught having sex in the school bathroom" "I heard she stuffs kids in lockers", I'm sorry but the school would if expelled her by now. And if by some chance this is a real post take some control, she's 13 have the places that are piercing her shut down, the boys sleeping with her arrested! Your the parent act like one!

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Shawnn - posted on 12/31/2012

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Ok, several things wrong here.

Lets start with "she has gotten...pierced". Unless you live under a rock, or she did all of those piercings herself, there is no way that any place would have pierced a 12 yo without parental permission. So, why did you give her permission?

Name changes are only legal after you are 18, or your parents have to request it. It involves posting legal paperwork to do so. So, again, she probably hasn't changed her name, but assigned herself a nickname.

However, all of these "behaviours" are learned. Most kids who are homeschooled get their behaviour from their parents...

So, how is she getting all of the slut clothing? How is she purchasing? How is she getting money to buy drugs?

Sounds to me as if some housecleaning needs to be done. Starting with the adults in the house. Examine yourself to determine where she got the behaviour. And stop buying her everything that she wants.

That would be my advice if this weren't a troll...

Ashley - posted on 12/31/2012

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first of all, she is 12 so i highly doubt she is buying her own clothes and makeup...therefore, you need to stop buying it for her, quit giving her money, and take away the clothes she gets from friends. you need to put a lock on the computer so she cant get on it, turn her phone until she can straighten her ass up. dont let her do anything, make her stay in the house or go with you when you leave. you say that you heard she is doing these things, but truth is, if she is doing them and getting caught, she would probably have been expelled by now, so most likely it is just rumors. take the door off her room if that is what you have to do to keep her from sneaking guys in. if she cant be trusted, then she doesnt need the privacy. delete her facebook accounts and any other accounts she has until she can prove she is responsible enough to have them. and if she is leaving school, then maybe you should go follow her from class to class and sit with her...my nieghbor did that with her niece and it worked pretty well. or maybe just going back to homeschooling would be better.and next time you find drugs or alcohol in her room, call the cops on her. that will teach her. you need to show her some real hard love and you need to start yesterday, not when she is already pregnant, or addicted to drugs, or behind bars, or dead. start NOW!

Denikka - posted on 12/31/2012

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Why does she have those clothes? I'd burn them and replace them with appropriate clothing.
Why does she still have a cell phone, Facebook, Twitter, or at home access to the internet? I'd cut that off the SECOND I found out she was using it inappropriately.
Throw out her makeup and get rid of her body jewelry. If she doesn't have it, she can't wear it.

Get her in counselling and anger management (not sure why she's not in it currently with all the assaults she's committed).
Put bars on her windows and take the door off her room. Strip the room down to the basics. Bed, blankets and pillows. Keep her clothes in your room and choose what she's to wear each day.

These are not *temporary* punishments. These are permanent until there is a DRASTIC behavior change. Then she can earn things back. SLOWLY. Over months or longer if necessary.

You need to go in to get counselling yourself. You are out of your depth on this one.
What you are doing is obviously not working, and she is doing much more than setting herself up for a *complicated life*. In a few years, what she is currently doing, will land her in PRISON. You have to do whatever you need to, to deal with this NOW, while you still have a legal ability to do ANYTHING.
That may mean placing her in a program like boot camp, or in alternate housing for a while, to really get the ball rolling.
But either way, this isn't HER problem, that you can just send her off to get fixed. This is a family problem. She is doing things that are completely inappropriate and the way you are handling it is not working. You need new tools and a new attitude to deal with her issues.

Lakota - posted on 12/31/2012

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Kati, are you serious? She is going to be 13, not 18 or 21. You still have control over what she does. She doesn't drive and I'm assuming doesn't have a job. She is acting like that because you let her. She isn't setting herself up for a complicate life, you and her father are. Children aren't born knowing how to act and behave - they have to be taught. Be a parent and teach her. You aren't the victim here, she is.

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