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My 13 year old daughter needs to have her adenoids removed. She is absent from school anywhere from 30-40 days a year due to chronic colds. Going into high school she will have a very difficult time, not only academically, but socially as well. She refuses the surgery out of fear, refuses to see a therapist to help her and I am out of ideas.

Elise - posted on 05/11/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )

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Any suggestions how to get a 13 year old to have surgery? I can't pick her up and put her in a car

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2 Comments

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Teresa - posted on 05/11/2012

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Hi, Elise, This must be such a concern for you I am sorry you have had such a difficult time. it really is not about age or how old your daugter is, its really about being scared, which can happen to anyone at any age, its just that she is unsure how to deal with it, and avoiding going to the hospital, is her way of dealing with the unknown. Patience is a parents virtue, and I am sure you would love her to wake up tomorrow and say 'lets go get it done' and I am sure she would like very much to feel that way.

However fear is barrier to this happening, so look at it as a wall that you have to take down a brick at a time to get to the hospital, how do you do this? The hospital I am sure will have come across this with other young people, and have ideas available to help.

Maybe there is a young girl in your area close to your daughters age who has already had this done? talk to othe parents who's children may have had to go to hospital for minor surgery, perhaps again they have some advice to help you.



Take your daughter out away from home for the day maybe a shopping trip, talk with her about your fears how you are scared but you have to over come this to get the postive result for both of you. Inlist some of her friends to help talk to her about making a visit to the hospital, to have alook around and talk to some of the nursing staff. I hope this helps and good luck.

Tabitha - posted on 05/11/2012

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Just let her know that it's ok to be scared. We all get scared. But if it needs done in order for her to get better or be ill less, it's something she's going to have to do. I'm not sure how your school handles things but in Indiana, if your child misses more than 10-15 days in a school year, they like to call CPS and have you investigated. They call it educational neglect, so be careful with that if it's a possibility in your area.

Has the Dr. been able to explain to her exactly what he'll be doing and why? It may just be the unknown that she's scared of. Have Grandma or someone that's maybe had a few surgeries talk to her. Ask her what she will need in order for her to agree to it, a little bribery never hurt anyone...lol. If all else fails, and this surgery is absolutely the only option, you're going to have to force her to do it. You can't allow her to NOT do it if it needs to be done. You're still responsible for her health and well being. Good Luck.

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