My 13 year old has become mouthy and never wants to do her homework, and gets so angry with us for making her to it. Is there any advice someone can give us on how to? deal with these problems

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

[deleted account]

This may sound hard but it is a lesson I had to learn myself. If you are worrying about your child's grades/life more than they are there is a problem. One of the most important things we as parents need to teach our kids is to care enough about themselves that they will make good life decisions. The way we do this is by allowing them to fail. Easier said than done, I know. When I backed off of my daughter's homework the initial results were disasterous but when she realized that I wasn't worrying about it she finally decided that she had better, esp. when the threat of repeating a grade became a reality. I can honestly say that this worked better than anything else I tried. She is now a Freshman and very responsible with her own work. I rarely have to help with homework now.

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

10 Comments

View replies by

Nancy - posted on 05/06/2013

33

15

3

I have a 13 year old and I can so relate!!!! The problem with her is not so much that she is refusing to do her work - it's that she gets so distracted by things like Facebook!! The logical solution would be to take her computer away but 90% of her homework in online! This is a typical homework day for her - math: Spend 40 minutes on IXL.com, Spanish: spend 20 minutes on duolingo.com then do the vocab lesson on conjuguemos.com, history: skype with your group mates to finish the project, English: do the reading and answer the question on the school's online portal! - you get the picture!! Plus it is a school-issued laptop so it goes where she goes!!! I know I didn't offer much in the way of advice, but just know you are not going through this alone!!!

Lala - posted on 05/05/2013

1

0

0

ok im a13yr old myself nad i can tell you wht she is probably truly thinking
that you have zero trust in her and that is why she does wht she does. that s how my mom is with me and it makes me really upset or maybe she is getting bullied/abused at school and she feels like theres no more reason for her to live much less have good grades. try and see it from her point of view. i hope this helped you slove your problem.

Carrie - posted on 03/11/2009

2

15

0

Quoting Mikki:

My 13 year old has become mouthy and never wants to do her homework, and gets so angry with us for making her to it. Is there any advice someone can give us on how to? deal with these problems




Start taking away things she loves, her cell phone, computer, i-pod, etc.. let her know she will get them back one at a time when she starts showing some respect to you. I don't mean to sound so cruel, but it just might work!!  Good luck!

[deleted account]

Quoting Shelly:



Mikki,






  It's time to clamp down on her.  Your take everything that is near and dear to her the privliages phone,tv ,ipod, computer time, and most of all friends.  You can not expect her to fix it on her own and were it is a fight.  And if it continues you take her privilage of privacey away take her bedroom door off the hinges.  And then as she does better you slowly give things back but very slowly...Take control of the situation before she hits high school.





I totally and completely agree with Mikki! Trust me once your mouthy, disrespectful, inconsiderate, rude and lazy daughter gets a taste of what it's like to have all of her privileges, privacy, and life taken away I can guarantee that she will be the most considerate, polite, kind, helpful, friendly and have a new found love of acedemics! It truly worked for my 14 year old!!!

[deleted account]

Quoting Shelly:



Mikki,






  It's time to clamp down on her.  Your take everything that is near and dear to her the privliages phone,tv ,ipod, computer time, and most of all friends.  You can not expect her to fix it on her own and were it is a fight.  And if it continues you take her privilage of privacey away take her bedroom door off the hinges.  And then as she does better you slowly give things back but very slowly...Take control of the situation before she hits high school.





I totally and completely agree with Mikki! Trust me once your mouthy, disrespectful, inconsiderate, rude and lazy daughter gets a taste of what it's like to have all of her privileges, privacy, and life taken away I can guarantee that she will be the most considerate, polite, kind, helpful, friendly and have a new found love of acedemics! It truly worked for my 14 year old!!!

Lori - posted on 03/11/2009

9

11

1

I too have a 13 yr old daughter, so I can relate to what you are going through.  It is tough no doubt!  Was your daughter okay at doing her homework prior to this year or has it always been a struggle?  I do believe in taking things away as a form of discipline but I believe that sometimes backfires and causes more problems, especially is this is something new. Have you looked into who she is hanging around in school?  Have you noticed "new" friends she is talking to?  I know that has made a difference with my daughter. She will "try" to pick up their habits and I have to correct her.  Is something else that could be going on that you don't know about?  If this is a sudden change, it could be related to something at school that she is rebelling against.  I say to stay close to her, make her talk, even if it makes her mad.  I would definetely get a grasp of what is going on prior to High School.  Hope you find the answers for her and you!!!



Take care ~



Tammy - posted on 03/10/2009

5

31

0

I am currently going through the same issues with my own 13 year old daughter, My husband and I have tried everything....Shes been "grounded" to the house (away from friends, phone, outside activities) since the first grading period...when the grades come up she's allowed more priviledges, the grades and or attitude slips she gets more taken away...We started a "family night with the statute that no matter how much trouble she gets into the family night sticks..This has really helped...Shes also in sports and this is now seemeing to help...I seriously don't know if what I am doing is right I know that I have tried so many things...Talking to her like an adult, treating her like a 6 year old, taking things away, promising things, one thing may work for a short while then it stops working...the only thing that I have found is the grounding and being consitant...



I became a mother at the age of 17 when my daughter turned 3 months old my sister literally dropped her 15 year old and 8 year old on my doorstep to raise. I had custody of them for 3 years, and I will gladly tell you the Worst day ever with both boys combined does not compare to one bad day with my now 13 years old daughter. what definately worked with the boys doesnt work with her.



Good luck and if you find something that works let me know...haha



But other than that we're here if you need to vent...

Laurie - posted on 03/10/2009

3

4

0

I would have to say to take things that important to her away and have her earn it all back. I to have a 13 year old and when he is out of line or disrepectful and doesn't want to do things that need to be done, then privilages get taken away and have to be earned back. Kids will be mad at you, but in the long run they will respect that you cared enough to dicipline them. It is tough being a parent. And sometimes we have to be the bad guy when we love our kids.

Shelly - posted on 03/10/2009

1,605

20

230

Mikki,



  It's time to clamp down on her.  Your take everything that is near and dear to her the privliages phone,tv ,ipod, computer time, and most of all friends.  You can not expect her to fix it on her own and were it is a fight.  And if it continues you take her privilage of privacey away take her bedroom door off the hinges.  And then as she does better you slowly give things back but very slowly...Take control of the situation before she hits high school.

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms