My 13 year old son refuses to go to school.

Colleen - posted on 05/09/2011 ( 56 moms have responded )

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My 13 year old won't go to school. He goes maybe once or twice a week. I'm frustrated. I've been in contact with the school and school board everyday. His 16 year old sister stopped going a year ago. He's a gamer and I've taken that away and that doesn't help. I don't know what to do anymore. Anyone have some advice as I feel all alone in this.

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Stephanie - posted on 01/30/2013

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THIS IS A LITTLE EASIER SAID THEN DONE(LOUISE GOUGH) . MY DAUGHTER IS 13 AND REFUSING TO GO TO SCHOOL. I AM A SINGLE MOM I WORK 5 SOMETIMES 6 DAYS A WEEK. IVE TRIED THE... BE LATE FOR WORK TO TAKE YOUR
KID TO SCHOOL IT WAS GOOD THE FIRST DAY THEN THE REST OF THE WEEK I WAS
JUST LATE WITH NO LUCK OF GETTING HER TO GO. I CANT TAKE TIME OFF TO STAY WITH HER IN SCHOOL. I'VE INVOLVED CHILDREN YOUTH SERVICES, THE SCHOOL COUNSELOR, TAKEN HER TO THE DOCTORS AND A REGULAR COUNSELOR THROUGH OUR CITY SERVICES AND SHE STILL WONT GO. NOW WE HAVE COURT IN 3 WEEKS. I CANNOT AFFORD NOR DO I HAVE THE TIME FOR HOME SCHOOLING AND THE SCHOOL WONT SEND WORK HOME FOR HER TO DO BECAUSE HER MISSING SCHOOL IS NOT MEDICAL RELATED. ARGH NOW WHAT??????

Tracey - posted on 06/23/2013

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My 14 year old son refuses to go to school I've tried taking his games away tipping water on him n now his 11 year old brother thinks he can do the same thing I'm a single mum of 5 it's hard trying to get them to go to school while getting my 7 year old ready n I also have a 3 year old and 8 month old it was easy when there dad was around because do as he says but me thay won't do a thing I say so draining jus a few days ago I got a letter in the mail saying thay were going to take legal action on me I jus don't no wot to do :(

Rosie - posted on 05/18/2011

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As a mom who has dealt with this for 7 years now with three different children and different circumstances: First, stop dumping on the mom; Second, look into outside help--social worker, psychiatrist; Third, why do you think the mom is "giving" them this option? Have you ever tried to force a 6 foot, 250 lb. person out of bed? There comes a time when the kid has to realize this is his life and the choices he makes affects his life. And don't threaten the mom with legal actions. Once they become teenagers, they are the ones who will be jailed or taken to a youth detention center unless there is mental illness involved and then they will be hospitalized.

Didi - posted on 10/25/2013

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My daughter is 25 and was the best student ever. She graduated from USC college with honors. My 14 yr old son will not go to school, it is not my fault. I am raising him the same encouraging way as my daughter. He is also a gamer, I have taken away his computer, he is really mad now but still refuses to go to school.

Sandy - posted on 01/24/2013

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I have a 12 year old daughter who refuses to go to school. I've tried having help from social services who then keep referring me to other professionals. I have a Family Support Officer and because my daughter is still refusing school, he is no longer going to be engaging with us, and I'm being taken to court. I have a disability which is chronic - cervical spondylosis in C4-C7, lower back problems the same as the neck in L3-S1, all with bulging discs, nerve compression on the hips, fibromyalgia, narrowing of the spinal canal and she is a lot stronger than me. I have tried taking things away from her and I have been strangled, hit, punched, I have even called the police out who won't do anything, she has thrown laptops at the wall, made holes in the walls with other objects. But yet, I'm being blamed for not taking her to school. Last week, I again tried forcing her out of bed, and she kicks me, whereby one day I lost my balance and fell down the stairs and ended up going to hospital early hours of the next morning. I am in pain all the time, and trying to hold down a job. Now I'm going to court and I've told her this and the answer I get is "shit happens". I took her mobile away from her and she strangled me to get it back. What do I do? I am scared. I have told her I could get 3 months in prison, again she says "shit happens". Someone please help me. I get told I'm not taking it seriously. I have 54 qualifications, and want her to get a decent job, and all she says is "well I want to work in MacDonalds". Please please help. I'm really scared and I can't even eat due to all the worry and stress of it all.

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Kelsie - posted on 01/23/2014

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I walk almost two miles everyday, just getting to and from school. Recently the weather has been really cold (right now it is 3 degrees Fahrenheit) and I refused to walk to school today, because it was so cold out. Last week my sister fell on some ice on the school property, and she still has a bruise, she went to an office to report it but the school did nothing. The sidewalks on the way to school are always covered in snow, and ice but the school does nothing. Half of the time on the way to school their is no sidewalk. My parents cannot take us because they both leave for work at 6 when school doesn't start until 8. They both get off at 3:30, but don't get home until 4:30, because they work so far away. So dropping us off and picking us up isn't possible. The school called my mom today and told her that they've contacted a truancy officer because my sisters and I have missed about 20 days all together. How would you deal with this?

Karen - posted on 12/06/2013

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I AM SO SICK AND TIRED OF HEARING PEOPLE SAY ITS THE PARENTS FAULT AND THEN THEY SAY MY MOTHER AND FATHER RAISED 4 KIDS AND WE ALL RESPECTED MY PARENTS OR WE WOULD GET THE BELT OR WHAT EVER CORPOREL PUNISHMENT THEY HAD IN MIND. tHIS DOES NOT WORK IT ONLY MAKES THINGS WORSE , WE AS PARENTS HAVE TO GET TO THE ROOT OF THE PROBLEM AND FIND OUT WHY THESE KIDS DONT WANT TO ATTEND SCHOOL , I AM GOING THROUGH THE SAME THING , MY 14 YEAR OLD GRANDSON HATES SCHOOL AND COMES UP WITH EVERYTHING UNDER THE SUN TO GET OUT OF GOING AND HE HAS MIOSSED ALOT OF TIME FROM SCHOOL, i AM LOOKING INTO HOME SCHOOLING FOR HIM DEPENDING ON WHAT STATE YOU ARE IN YOU MAY BE ABLE TO GET FREE HOME SCHOOLOING DEPENDING ON YOUR SITUATION.dONT GIVE UP THERE IS HELP OUT THERE WE JUST HAVE TO PUT SOME ELBOW WORK INTO IT AND FIND IT.

Dana Nelson - posted on 02/07/2013

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regarding our children not going to school, no child should be allowed to physically abuse their mothers!!! this is an outrage, contact Initial Intervention in your local county and ask for help. I would also call the police everytime your child strikes you and get him out and get him some help!!! easier said than done, but it is not ok what's happening. Good Luck!

Dana

Cindy - posted on 01/28/2013

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This post is nearly 2 yrs. old, & I'm amazed that people are still responding. I hope that Colleen has either resolved the issues or has, at the least, found a way to cope with it.

The other thing that amazes me is how many folks still reply telling Colleen to "beat him," or "just take away & sell all his gaming equipment." There's a lot more to any situation than either of those things might possibly affect.

Every child is different & should be dealt with as such. I posted my opinion & reply to Colleen soon after she posted this.

Colleen, if you are still checking these responses, I'd love to hear how things are going & if things have improved. I do hope they have.

Bonnie - posted on 01/28/2013

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Colleen my son stopped going and I tried everything to get him to go. I took away his phone and computer, he wouldn't go. His excuse was that he was too tired. I tried talking to him, taking his covers away so he'd get out of bed, I squirted water on him, I asked the truancy officers for help and they did nothing. I had to go to court for his absences and pay a fine. You are not alone! Do not let anyone make you feel bad as you are trying. See if a police officer will come talk to him. I know many divorced and single moms that have had to deal with this. Limit his time gaming! Good luck! Don't forget you are trying, don't let what other women write on here make you feel bad!

Melissa Jane - posted on 01/27/2013

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i would sell all of the gams and game systems and tell him he will not have any more in the house until he starts going back to school and i would take all of his fun things away from him

Dana Nelson - posted on 11/28/2012

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Hello,



My son just turned 13, he does not like school it seems and what I did was contact the school and nurses office, I explained the situation and now he goes to school if he doesn't have a fever and then we decide from their.



if your son is physically refusing and believe me I have been their!!! I would contact your local social service office, maybe, some are not so great or the police if he ends up somewhere not so nice he will be doing school work!!! maybe remind him of that and that it is the law and your not breaking it!!! then its not about him or you, well, that sounds so great in theory but if your like me you are a Mother who wants her children to be happy, have what they need, etc. so hard to put the fist down so to speak. I am no more closer to a solution than you and its frustrating. I just keep pushing to him that his job is school and mine is what mine is



I have great family support and I hope you do as well. Hang in there and good for you for going to the board, etc...now go above!! they obviously don't see the seriousness of the situation, shame on them!!!! Good luck to you!! oh, your sixteen year old will finish when shes ready, I work with that population of youth but they are homeless.Please know I mean no offense I am only replying based on what you shared. Blessings to you and your family your not alone!!

Renae - posted on 11/28/2012

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WOW thanks for your reply I was thinking the same thing. But now I am confused as to how and where can I get started. I live in Portland Oregon Do you have any suggestions?

Lori - posted on 11/27/2012

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Hello Coleen,

I just want to tell you what we have done that seems to have helped. My son was acting the same way, but he would act like he was sick most of the time. He would miss about one to two days a week. He is 17 and his grades were really suffering. One day he cried when we were on our way to school and said he really just couldn't stand school, some of his teachers were really rude to him he said and it's just SO hard! So I asked him what we could do, did he have any ideas, because I wasn't letting him drop out. He said that one of his friends went to a charter school and that everything was online and at your own pace and that if he went there it would only be from 9-12 or he could go in the afternoon from 12-4. Anyway, I decided to try this and he's been there about two months and seems to be doing much better and doesn't "hate" school anymore. They are not a private school, just a charter school and there is no cost. I don't know if this helps, but I know that some kids just can't sit all day and listen to teacher's talk. It seems like my son was becoming withdrawn and depressed over it.

Renae - posted on 11/27/2012

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I have thirteen year old that disepects his teachers at school and just walks out of school. He is a gamer also who needs rest. I have found that sleep helps him get thru the day better. He is usually on his xbox 24/7

Debbie - posted on 10/21/2012

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Colleen Is there a Dad in the picture? My second Question would be when they tell you they aren't going Im sure the situation is not a calm one. Are you Frightened of them. These things make a difference and i know how heated things can get. I''m praying for you. Debbie

Katina - posted on 10/19/2012

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In response to Susie.....I am sorry, but you are wrong and defensive. Oftentimes, not all but most it IS the parents fault. You raised a child who all of a sudden decides to disrespect you? No, usually this child has been taught these things from a very young age. My brother was 6'3" and 240 pounds in school but he would have never disrespected my parents and they would not have let them. We grow our children up in an atmosphere where we are not their parents but their friends. I see this everyday, as I am the person usually knocking on your door when your child has missed so many days. Unfortunately, our systems in reactive instead of proactive so in a lot of places the parent cannot get help for the child until the child actually commits and offense. Children decide not to go to school for various reasons and in some cases their reasons are valid, but it still does not take away the need for the child to be educated. Parents today are stepping up and finding those alternatives that will make a difference in their child's life. But the thing is you have to be the parent no matter how draining it may be. This is your child and you are responsible for your children. When you allow and older sibling to act out and the younger children receive that this is ok, the behavior and will reenact it. There are laws in most states and the parent (and in my state, the child) can be fined and more. It does not help matters for people to sugar coat the message or not to tell the truth as they see it because this does nothing to help the current situation. The older child dropping out of school is a red flag. I do not believe anyone is trying to hurt this mom by saying what they are saying it is obvious and needs to be dealt with. I am sorry she is going through what she is going through but it becomes necessary to do the hard things so that one day she can look at this moment and shake her head with a smile because her son over came this and becomes successful in spite of himself.

Amber - posted on 10/10/2012

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You have never dealt with a teenage boy who doesn't want to go to school have you??

Monica - posted on 09/28/2012

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You arent alone..my 16 year old son..is repeating his year because he skipped classes last year i thought he learnt his lesson but a month into school and theres not one week he can stay all day in school always leaving classes dont know what to do so discouraged..never had this problem before with him....

Sandra JoAnn - posted on 09/28/2012

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Colleen,

Wow! It is hard to be a parent to teens. Do you think your son maybe experiencing bullying at school? Some kids just do not want the stress of trying to handle this so they quit going to school. Schools say they have bullying under control but when in fact they don't Another avenue you could try is online schooling or charter schools if he really cant stand his school.

Cynthia Ann - posted on 09/27/2012

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I am so sorry you are going thru this.. I will lift you up in prayer! when he is not at school what does he do all day?

Iona - posted on 09/27/2012

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Colleen



I so do know how u feel I have a 14 yr old doing the same.He has been bullied n I've been to the school about it and they say they are addressing the issue but he has to go to the school and point the kid out which my son will not do.I also have a 16 yr old that has been doing the same for a couple yrs I've tried everything.I've even told their dad about whats going on tried to get him to let him live with him and go to school there but my son don't want to even try that.

Trauncy Officer say she will have to take it to court and I was like I'm doing my part I even would take to school and it don't work.I've taking things away too and he says o well take them I don't care.I've tried even calling the cops.My oldest who will be 17 in Dec decide he want to go to a place call Lincoln's Changelle which is a miltary boot camp so we visited it and they said he would get to go starting in Jan but we still have to wait to see if he gets a letter saying they will take him.But with the youngest he is not old enough to go cause thy only take 16teen to 18 yr old.I'm stressed as much as you an feel for you good luck

Dolores - posted on 09/23/2012

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You are not alone, I have a 13 year old who refuses to even get out of bed to go to school, i have even put ice water on him and that still doesnt work, he is a gamer and has already lost the computer and says that is why he is not going, but he lost it cause he was not going.

Jacinta - posted on 08/13/2012

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This is a very hard thing getting your 13 year old to school as i also have the same its a night mear yes i have gone to the police..,lol.. nothing no phone call back even to say how can we help .Then when i did force him picked him up and said move it, he hit me . I so do feel for u and i so do know how hard it is .I wish u luck and if i work out anything differant to what all the above are saying i will surly let u know .

D - posted on 05/30/2012

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I agree with many responses. He is 13, and should be going to school. Have you made it clear that if he skips there are consequences that you follow through on? If possible, drive him to and pick him up from school. Then if he skips once he is there, more consequences such as grounding for a few days with no electronics etc. Any more than a few days and the kid loses the whole point of it. Or, is he allowed to stay home and not go to school due to various reasons (sick, hurt, tired etc)? If that is the case, start making him go, or if he must remain home, go to the school and get his schoolwork and make him do it in the evening (after a day spent with no tv, games etc). If he is skipping once he gets there - why? Bullying? Not liking teachers? Drugs? Is he cutting himself? These are all things to look into. Is he bored with his classes? Maybe put him in a higher level....Are the classes too hard? Maybe put him in a lower level. Is he being bullied? Maybe pull him out and put him in another school.....Is he having emotional problems? Maybe get a counsellor. My daughter is now in grade 11 and I give her one day a month as a mental health day - no consequences, but she does have to stay home and do a few extra chores that day. Its not a free day but it is her day to just know she can sleep in. Maybe give him a book to write his feelings in (sounds corny I know but it can work), then when he is not really looking just flip through it for warnings signs - dont read everything just look for red flags). My daughter now aged 23 skipped starting in grade 7 - she ended up having anxiety issues and that was the cause - she literally would have panic attacks when she got to school but would not tell me, so she would skip out and hide somewhere quiet until school was over. My younger daughter skipped as she was so far ahead in one class she did not feel the need to be there (we changed her mind on that one) as well another class she was so far behind she did not understand anything and skipped (we got her a tutor). Communication is key but in a friendly, helpful way - not a parent giving rules way

Anita - posted on 03/26/2012

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I have a 13 yr old son also that refusing to go do to Bulling, I do know what to do either, He does like his x box and the computer, But I'v taken them away and he don't care, He's been to counseling also. We wen't threw this all last yr to, He is now on Truency to. Any help would be help, :)

Kichelle - posted on 09/28/2011

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i have the same problem with my son whos 13 too, he is addicted to xbox and when you remove it out of the room or turn it off, he goes nuts, like someone who dont get drugs. i live in australia and i have to go back to court again cos he wont go to school, they take the parents to court in australia and my daughter whos 15 yrs old goes to school but she gets her name mark off every lession then goes to the shops when she suppose go to school, ive asked the school for help and all i get is theres not enough funding to help my kids at school, the school says they cant keep them at school but they can take parents to court cos there not going to school, i think the law sucks hear and they have also taken the right to smack your children , you can be put in jail for that ,so as a parent in australia you dont got rights thats why the kids these days think they can do what they want and speak to you how they want and theres nothing you can do, theres no help out there, if you go to the police they say we cant do anything its family laws problems, i blame the goverments for the way the kids are today and its us parents who have to cope it, its just so unfair.

[deleted account]

Get some support for yourself - and take a class like The Parent Project so that you can get the power back. Take care of yourself!

Rachelle - posted on 06/06/2011

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I feel for you. I have the same problem with my 13 year old daughter. I'm disabled and she thinks I use my disability to get out of unpleasant situations so I think she is following in my footsteps only she is a perfectly healthy child. I can't make her understand the importance of school, grades, making the right choices early in life and their effect later in life. The damn thing of it, is the school system lets her get away with it and passes her along to the next grade. I'm afraid it'll be the same way next fall. The only advice the school has given me is to make them earn everything back that you've given them over time. You say he's a gamer, that's a first step. She mentioned they often want to spend time with us so if we tell them if they make it to school on time all week we'll take them to a batting cage or in my case to get our nails done.

Rachelle - posted on 06/06/2011

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@Cynthia, I have the same situation with my 13 year old and resent you saying the things you do. You make it sound so easy to get a kid to school. Of course we are the ones who take them to school. But if we use force CPS is called. Besides she is stronger than me and too old for "spanking". So she doesn't get out of bed. Screaming doesn't help. Threatening the cops doesn't help. Calling the school and telling them she won't come to school doesn't help. Taking away anything and everything doesn't help because at that age they just don't care. She has all D and F's and in our district she still passed into the 8th grade even with cutting school. So it just reinforces her behaviour. She's been councilled at school, at a pschycatrist, etc. and it's still "all my fault". Your comments aren't at all helpful.

Cindy - posted on 06/06/2011

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Colleen, you certainly aren't alone. I have to preface this with a strong piece of advice. Do NOT listen to folks who are telling you to yank the kid by the bootstraps & drag him into the school. If it were just a bump in the road for your son, that might work. But, there appears to be more to the situation than "he just doesn't want to go." I have a 16 yr old son & an 8 yr old son. My oldest struggled with school from Kindergarten. Finally, after years of tutors, and extra work, meetings with teachers, counselors and principals; and my son losing all his self esteem, making C's, D's, & F's; I was at my wit's end. But, just when I thought all hope was lost, I got a call from his 7th grade counselor. He told me that my son's teacher's were concerned, and that he (the counselor) had talked to my son & was concerned about his mental health. They told me that he was walking around like he could barely pick his feet up. They recommended that I take him to a therapist. And, I did. After about a year of seeing this therapist weekly, and facing the beginning of a new school year, I was worried sick about my son falling back into that depression. I discussed school with his therapist, and he told me that if I put him back in public school, he would likely end up back where he started & wouldn't learn anything. So, I turned to the idea of homeschool. But, I knew I couldn't manage it. Our local school system has a homeschool department & was able to give me the names of people who homeschool & accept other children as part of their class. My son now has a 3.65 GPA & doesn't mind school. He only has to go once a week to pick up his assignments & drop off his completed work. I can't tell you what a blessing this has been. My son can complete the work on his time, which is usually late evening. Also, I mentioned my 8 yr old earlier because I wanted to make a point of reference. While my oldest son has struggled with public school, my youngest loves school & does very well in school. The youngest is a gamer, & spends more of us free time at that than I really like. Whereas, my oldest is the outdoor type. He is very active physically. I hope some the different perspectives will help you. It's a tough road, but there are alternatives out there. You really do have to be your son's advocate & find a situation that will work for him. Good luck!!!

Patty - posted on 05/31/2011

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Colleen, my heart goes out to you. I know from experience how difficult this is on a mother. I've been having the same problems with my 16yr old daughter with school since she was 14, and there is no easy answer, and often times the laws actually work against us. 

I also have to agree with Rose. Everyone is so quick to judge when they don't know all the facts...and even when they do. My 16 yr old was diagnosed bipolar when she was 9yrs old. She's been bullied, teased, you name it just for being "different". By different I mean she is socially awkward...says random things at inappropriate times, has a hard time keeping friends because she wants to be liked so bad that as soon as she makes a "friend" she confides in them, and consequently they usually end up telling others. She doesnt learn from her mistakes  She wet her bed until she was 13yrs old and had to take meds for it along with her bipolar meds. She doesn't think before she speaks or acts and is very impulsive. 

I've spent the past 6yrs of my life calling meetings at her schools, talking to doctors, therapists, police, etc. and I'm out of options. She's spent time in residential treatment to try to stabilise her to no avail. I finally had to pull her out of school last yr because she would not go or stay there and we were constantly being called and threatened with legal action even though we were in constant communication with the school and were asking for help.  We tried calling the police to make her go and that would only work for that one day, plus they acted like they didn't want to be bothered and told us there wasn't much they could do. We also would call the police when she would go out the window, kick holes in the walls, etc, and they'd just take a report. 
Finally, I kept her at home and signed her up for FL Virtual School, which is an online school that follows the same curriculum and is free to FL residents. She did just enough to keep us out of trouble but had no intention of finishing. Now that she's 16, she no longer legally has to attend school and says she's going to get her GED and get a job and go to a Technical college for computers. She is very smart and is capable of this but at this point, I just don't jave much faith that she will, although i do try to encourage her. She always has these grandiose ideas and plans (which is part of being bipolar), but she never follows through.  To make matters worse, she stopped taking her meds several months ago and is really unstable. 

People who know me know I've tried everything, but I get so frustrated with others who think they have all the answers but no real experience, especially "professionals" who are so quick to blame the parents. 

The last straw for us was this past year, I fought hard to get her approved to go back into residential tx just to find out that neither they nor I could make her go or stay there. She had to go willingly which wasn't happening. In FL, beginning at age of 13, they have a say in their own mental health tx...she was 15. They actually have the right to say whether their parents can have access to their records. It was the same way in AL. I don't know who comes up with these laws to "protect" children but it's absolutely absurd! Obviously a mentally unstable 15yr old doesn't know what's best for them!

Colleen, I wish you luck and hope that you are able to find something that works for your son. I know how difficult and heartbreaking this is to have to go through. 

[deleted account]

My daughter is afraid of the truancy officer, or the coppers. I have no qualms about calling in the authorities when this is threatened, we have no time, I've got to go to work. She knows that if there is an issue at school, I need to know, but if it's unfinished hw? Forget it, I'll make sure I tell the teacher that it wasn't done and have them bring her in by truant patrol.

Hedi - posted on 05/25/2011

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Dear Colleen,
Please talk to your son and find out what is exactly bothering him. He could be bullied to a degree that he hates going to school. My son hated the school because of that. May be you need to home-school him. Communication is the key to success. When you threatening him, he will see you as another bully. For the love of god, help him before its too late. Don't forget the kids on Michael Moore's movie: Shooting for Columbine. Talk to school and his friends too. May be they know something that you don't. I wish you best of luck as I have gone through hell with my son and come back. Don't give up on him that is my advice to you. All the best. Hedi.

Leetta - posted on 05/23/2011

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he is only 13, how can he stay home without your permission? You are the parent and the adult. You tell him to get his butt up and go to school, or personally take him there and walk him in. explain to him that without an education he wont go far in life. you should also check out the friends he is hanging out with,and he probably thinks if his sister does not have to go why should he, our children want us to show them that we love them and one way we can do that is to dicipline them. and that means not letting them get away with not going to school. good luck!!!!!

Michelle - posted on 05/20/2011

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I am so sorry to hear your dealing with this. I would suggest calling the pollice and having them escort both your kids to school. You can't physically make them go.

Ashley - posted on 05/19/2011

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OK guys that dosent help difficult teenagers can be unbearable to deal with. I work at a group home in Canada most of these kids refuse to go to school and they are in the system so they have social workers and nothing happens we can not force them, we cant remove items like phones or lab tops but the social workers can but it still changes nothing, the police could care less but if you live in the states apparently there is more help available and someone being held responsible i simply dont think parents can do it all they need outside help. My earlier suggestions are simply what i would do for my child as i have seen first hand children ruining there future because there too tired to wake up WTF thats an option. And i agree maybe he needs help with his addiction (games) or a push like taking him to a college for game making also liked boot camp. I really hope that you can get him to soon before it becomes i nightmare to get him back in. Best of luck

Rosie - posted on 05/19/2011

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Do you send a person with a broken arm to a jail or a hospital? Mental illness is also a disease and needs to be dealt with as such.

Nora - posted on 05/19/2011

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Um.....he is 13.......walk his ass in the door every morning and turn him over to the principal. Ask the office to check that he is in every class, if he isn't there have them call a truancy officer. Why in the world are you not MAKING him go? You are the parent, he is the child. PERIOD.

Rosie - posted on 05/19/2011

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In response to JANE, all three have had different issues documented by health experts, although you seem to think you're smarter than anyone, so I guess that wouldn't make any difference to you. I have also had to do the ambulance thing and the hospitalizations. It's attitudes like yours that make the moms feel guilty and leads to more mental health issues. You think I don't know I'm the common denominator! I've put myself through hell until professionals have told me I am doing the right things and the rest is up to the kids themselves. Let me know where you got all your degrees and in what fields that you feel you're such an expert.

Jane - posted on 05/19/2011

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No one is threatening the mom with legal action. It is a fact that in many jurisdictions, including the one I live in, until the kid is 18 the PARENT is legally responsible for getting the kid to school. The PARENT is the one that has to go to court.

I, too, have a 6 foot tall, 250 pound male teen, who is also bipolar, who periodically refuses to go to school or take his meds. However, even though he is larger than I am, I am the adult and I can out think him, and I MAKE him go. He knows what the alternative is and he doesn't like it. I have 911 on speed dial and have been known to use it.

And no one is dumping on anyone. We are speaking from experience. Since you have had three kids who apparently refuse or have refused to go to school you need to consider what, or rather who, is the common denominator.

Jane - posted on 05/17/2011

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My brother had this problem with his girls. He is divorced and the girls live with their Mom. She just "assumed" the girls were going to school after she left for work and never bothered to check. Once the girls missed more than 60 days apiece, the district turned it over to the courts. The girls were required to attend summer school. The mom was "so disgusted by them" that she washed her hands of the whole matter and went out of town. My brother would go to the mom's house every day, let himself in, make the girls get up, dress and eat, and would drive them to the school and watch them go in. He would pick them up from school in the afternoons and take them to his house where all children had to do homework before dinner. The girls got As in everything that summer and both have gone on to graduate, although a bit late because of the credits they missed.

Whenever my son threatens to not go to school I hustle him out to the car, drive him to school, and, holding his hand as if he is two years old again, walk him into his first class of the day. Talk about embarrassing! I have also told him that if I ever learn that he skips out later in the day I will sit down in the room and then follow him to every class of the day, including lunch. He knows I'll do it, too.

Both of your kids need to know that going to school is their job. If they aren't in school, then they need to be earning money to help support the household. If they won't do their job, you won't do yours, and you can talk seriously to them about going into foster care. And then call in an official from the schools or from foster care to have them hear the same thing. If you end up in court you can tell the kids that you will declare them incorrigible and let the state take over.

You need to stand firm. You are the grown up and they are the kids. You can send them to a different school if need be, a home school academy or an alternative school, but they need to go to school. And they need to know that you mean it.

Karen - posted on 05/17/2011

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he will eventually get fines. I got taken to court at 14 for skipping school. They found a note that I tried to fordge. The judge knew I felt terrible when he threatened to punish my parents. He told me that's how it usually works. They can even get jail time if they can't come up with the money. So he took it easy on me and I had to go to summer truancy classes at the school for 6 weeks. They spent hours talking to all of us about why we skipped, why it's important to go to school, and gave therapy. we played some games twordes the end. But I never skipped again because it made me feel like a criminal (I was a sensitive kid). But let him know that if he gets charges, he is going to have to pay them himself. He is old enough to get a paper route, mow grass for neighbors, or do chores. Make him pay for all the days he stays off maybe. To save up for the upcoming charges he is going to have to pay. Or if you can drive him to school and stand outside until he is inside do so. I saw a lot of parents embarrass their kids like that and it worked. They'd even walk in the front doors with them for a whole week. Everytime they skipped another week was added. Going to school is less painful than embarrassment for sure.

Linda - posted on 05/15/2011

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Colleen, my heart goes out to you. But I've got to be straight with you, he thinks he can get away with it because he does. Kids know whose in charge, we teach them that very young. The fact that his sister does it too makes it more evident. But how can you change this at this point?
Tough love for everyone, including yourself. Ask yourself if you truly want to change this. If so, remove any gaming devices from the home indefinitely, immediately. No matter who it upsets. You must be the parent.
Expectations need to be created. "in our house our first priority is education. When you fulfill that we can talk about the items being returned." and stick to it mom! No wavering! No bribing. If you want to receive a paycheck what does your boss expect? Work/results!
Kids have to be taught the same. It shows how much you love them. Do they expect to live off you forever? Or do they understand that you expect them to support themselves eventually?
I know this seems harsh, but it isn't meant to be. Just straight honesty mom to mom. My 15 year old knows not only is he expected to go to school but homework must be completed and turned in on time. Consequenses will follow either way...privileges for doing it, restrictions if not.

My best to you. You can do this and your kids need you to. There's a site online called Empowering Parents, you may want to check it out, it's very helpful.

Carla - posted on 05/15/2011

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II would put him in military school. Save yourself years of heartache and stress. If he is not listening to you now he will not listen to you when he is 15 or 16. I wish I would have mortgaged the house to do jt with my son. I think it would have been the best for him.

Letitia - posted on 05/11/2011

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I like the removing his door option. It seems like not allowing the pleasantries of life, and maybe requiring more work around the house since he's not at school might work?

I see kids that rule the roost these days, which is really a bad thing for everyone. My neighbor's daughter ran her parents with an iron fist. Stealing cars, dealing drugs, you name it. What they finally did was let the police take her. She went to rehab multiple times, she was arrested multiple times. And this is a nice family. I'm not sure how it started, but they allowed her to "shoot herself in the foot" and then they were there for her when she was done being a moron.

I feel for you. There are no easy answers to this. Be strong and don't let them walk over you.

SHARIFAH NORJANNAH - posted on 05/10/2011

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Dear Colleen, you are not alone! believe me or not, mothers around the world have the same problems, I am a mother of two teens and is also working on a diploma for Youth Care Outreach. My children being teenagers themselves are just like other teenagers, I can't stop them from connecting with cyberworld but as a mother, I monitor their time spent on computer, be it gaming, facebook or just watching movies and priorities are given for school, school projects and school home works, I always remind them that they can be heroes in the gaming world anytime, but they need a good education to survive in the real world!



Gaming addiction has always been associated with all the other problems that you have mentioned earlier. So, in my opinion, the urgency is to address the addiction to gaming. Do not wait anymore, if you cannot handle it than seek help from people who are knowledgeable on Cyber wellness.

Shawnn - posted on 05/10/2011

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Colleen,

I have to ask, where do you live that this is an option? Around here, if they miss too much school, the parents are hauled in and held responsible as well as the kid.

My kids wouldn't even THINK of not showing up! They know the consequences could include being removed from our home and placed with youth services. I am really struggling with this, because at 13, there never should have been an option in the first place!

What does the school say? I'm sure that there are a required number of class hours they have to be present for in order to qualify for diploma. I'm certain that there is help out there. Have you contacted your local youth services? Police won't help in this type of case, but youth services will.

Without a little more in depth, I'm not sure what else to say except for good luck

Cynthia - posted on 05/09/2011

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why dont they go. at 13 dont you drive them? i dont understand how they think they dont have to go. this is a huge deal. you can end up going to jail. it is your job to get them to school. he's only 13 how does he get out of going? is he skipping? someone has to be helpping him lay out? dont let that someone be you...idk what else to say i'd beat him in to school.

Ashley - posted on 05/09/2011

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Were do u live depending on the country there may be some help if you live in canada there isint a lot but here are some suggestions take everything but bare basics including bedroom furniture all but a bed and blanket no door no toys games nothing if he wants it back he has to go to school he can get one thing back for every week he dosent go he gets it tooken away again, also no junk food only bare basic food you cant starve him but you sure dont have to give him what he wants make life at home unbarable untill he starts going to school all bikes phones including your house phone should be locked up and get your tv shut off if he is going to friends call there parents and explain that he is not allowed to be at there home until he starts going to school. If you live in the states they have cops that may come get him to put him inschool i would still do the above but include cops. I hope this helps and he may hate you now for it but he will be happy when he graduates. best of luck

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