My 14 year old son just moved with his Dad 1500 miles away

Olivia - posted on 06/12/2012 ( 7 moms have responded )

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My 14 year old son just moved with his Dad. This has happened after years and years of his Dad manipulating and working to turn my son against me. I left his Dad because he wanted to live a parasitic lifestyle and was physcially and emotionally abusive. I became so worn down from the abuse I drafted an agreed order and allowed my son to move with him. My son wanted this too, and was being very mean to me and flunking out of school. His Dad led him to believe that all of his problems were the result of living with me. I've worked hard and maintained a stable home for my son all of his life. His Dad only paid child support three years. Dad still lives off the woman he's with now. I'm very angry, and right now I want nothing to do with my son or his Dad anymore. I'm emotionally beat down.

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7 Comments

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Rachael - posted on 06/14/2012

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I too have just gone through a nearly identical situation. Sadly it has been great for my mental well being. It has been 8 months and my son and I are getting back to having a good relationship and he calls regularly to tell me about what is going on in his life. Hang on it gets better, and sometime what seems awful as a parent is the best solution. You can make it through. Take care of you!!

Olivia - posted on 06/14/2012

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Thanks for all of your responses. The relationship my son's father has with him exist because, despite the fact I've never had a court order requiring that I allowed him to have regular visits with my son, I knew it was in my son's best interest to have a relationship with his father. No matter how emotionally abusive he was to me, I still allowed my son to spend as much time as he wanted with his Dad. I don't trash his Dad to him, and I try to be supportive of his father's efforts in raising him. I'm in the legal profession and I know the system, as a matter of fact I drafted the agreed parenting order. I hope my son is happy, I want the best for him. However, I'm not going to chase after him for his love. I've been trying to prove to my son all of his life that I was good mother, and worthy of his love and loyalty and it has gotten me nothing more than his betrayal and a lot of sleepless nights. I'll get through this....I'm strong. There's a part of me that's very angy. Again thanks to all of you.

Jen - posted on 06/13/2012

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First, I think you did the right thing. In most states, the courts would let you son choose for himself at his age, and by letting him go you saved both of you the drama of a custody hearing. I can understand how difficult it must be to suddenly have an empty nest. Take the extra time to focus on yourself for once, but also keep in touch with your son (without badmouthing your ex). Your son may or may not come back to live with you at some point, but either way you want to try to maintain a good relationship with him. He may be grown before he realizes all you did for him all these years, but he WILL realize.

Kristin - posted on 06/13/2012

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Olivia,
You have not failed at all. Letting your son go was the hardest thing you could have done and one of the most unselfish things, it shows just how good of a mom you are, to be able to let your son experience time with his dad. That is really good that you are taking positive steps to take care of you, because you matter and you deserve to be happy and live a full contented life with no drama and abuse from others. Thing is, is that one day all of our children leave the nest to go to college, or get married or whatever so we always need to keep a part of ourselves and live for us as well. Stay stron and positive and be happy!! YOU ARE A STRONG BEAUTIFUL WORTHWHILE PERSON WHO DESERVES THE BEST OUT OF LIFE AND TO BE HAPPY AND NEVER FORGET THAT!!!!

User - posted on 06/12/2012

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Olivia I am so sorry that you are going through this. First take care of you, because if you don't you could have a breakdown. After you have taken care of your own emotional well being, if you are ready then try again to face this situation, it sounds like you have been through a lot. Medidate and try to think positive if you can. If you have done all that you can, then let it rest. Take care of your self.

Olivia - posted on 06/12/2012

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Thanks so much for responding Kristin. This has been on of my worst days. I feel like I've failed. I've enrolled in school, and I recently started going to the gym on a regular basis. My life revolved around being a mom to my son, and now I don't know what I'm supposed to be, who I am. All of a sudden my nest is empty, and I'm scared. I feel like letting him go was something I had to do....so he could experience life with his dad on a full-time basis. Thanks again for taking the time to respond.

Kristin - posted on 06/12/2012

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Dont be beat down. Take this time to heal yourself and find yourself. Get your confidence back and do things for you. Probably sooner rather than later your ex's true colors will come out and your son will be begging to come back home. He needs to figure that out for himself and it does not reflect on you in any way. Your son will soon realize who has been there for him his whole life (You) and who was not there (Dad). If i were you I would go to therapy though to help make you stronger to resist the crap your ex gives you, Also, keep the door open to your son and communicate with him regularly, If your ex has a history of abuse he may start to abuse your son and you will need strength to deal with this and fight to get your son back (if this happens). But I am willing to be within 3 to 6 months yiur son will be back home with you where he belongs. Stay strong., Be Positive.

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