My 14 year old step son is a bully!

Cindy - posted on 02/11/2009 ( 3 moms have responded )

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I am a newly wed (been married 2 months but have dated for 5 years), my husband and I have 4 kids between us (3 of them live with us) and he works out of town all week. Every single day for the last 2 weeks I have had to come home from work to listen to what my 14 year old step son has done on the bus as far as bullying, picking and aggravating mainly his 13 year old sister (and of course when asked he didn't do ANYTHING) until yesterday............I got to deal with an irrate mother (of which I do not blame) telling me what my 14 year old along with another boy did to her child on the bus. I have taken any and everything away from him that I thought he would enjoy, I have tried to talk to him and explain things, his dad has talked to him - I don't know what else to do with him it's obvious none of the above is working - any suggestions????

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Shelly - posted on 02/11/2009

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Cindy,



  At least it's limited time together if it's not a good.  Is it his choice not to spend any more time with her or is it you and your husbands?  These are thing that you may need to ask yourself while asking him whats going on.  Oh and you and your husband need to make sure that  your on the same page.  

Cindy - posted on 02/11/2009

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Thank you Shelly - his mother is "around" actually not far from us - he has been told and has seen for himself why he is not with his mother. He will go to see her for a couple of hours but will tell us when he leaves he will be back, he will not spend the night with her and I was glad he felt like that for a number of reasons but in the same sense it has been in the back of my mind that that situation has something to do with why he is acting like he is.

Shelly - posted on 02/11/2009

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Cindy,



  Have you or your husband tried talking to him?  No I don't mean the normal why do you do that as you are upset,  I'm talking about when the passion has passed and you can talk with out yelling and screming.  Just having a casual conversation with him snd slowly work into want he's feeling and why he feels like he needs to bully other kids.  Don't be surprised if he doesn;t know why he does it!!! Is his mother involved in his life?  If not that could be part of the issue has anyone explained to him what's going on with her or was he just moved in to your house with no explination?  He has a problem and part of it may just be that he doesn't how how to deal with what he's feeling.  Your husband is going to have to spend some time with him and help him work through what ever it is that he's not being able to get out.  No, you can't do it you have never been a boy and you will never beable to know exactly what it is he is feeling.  I don't care what any body says it is important that boys have a man in thier life b/c we as mom's can not possibly know what feelings are pulsing through our boys b/c we are not or have we ever been boys.  Or get him it to counceling so he has an out let....

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