My 14 yr old daughter wants to date, what should I do ?

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Shawnn - posted on 06/28/2011

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Honestly? You need to decide if she is mature enough. Although most parents don't realize it, these kids are already "going with" someone or another. They are meeting at group outings, etc.

If your daughter has approached you, you need to consider her request. You need to know the kids she hangs out with, including the kid she wants to date.

My son is 16, his gf 14, almost 15. We've known the family for 10 years now, and when her mom and I found out that they were "dating" (quotes because they were just texting and talking a lot, not actual "dates"), we sat down and talked to them. When they went on their first date, my son called her father and asked permission to take her to lunch and a movie. Her mom and I discussed whether they needed chaperoning, and it was HER mom that suggested they didn't, that my son was trustworthy enough to allow the activity.

They went to lunch, then walked to the movie house. When they were done with the movie, they called her folks for a ride. When her dad dropped my son off, he thanked me for having such a responsible, respectable young man.

If you flat-out refuse, the rebellion could be just around the corner. It's something that you seriously need to consider! After all, how long do you want to keep your kids wrapped up in bubble wrap? (not a criticism, I promise!)

LaVonda - posted on 06/28/2011

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Say no and mean it! Seriously, have a discussion with her about what it means to date and where it could possibly lead. I've been a middle school teacher for years. Let me keep it real. Our babies are often doing more that just going to the mall and sharing a malt at the diner. I don't

think a 14 yr old should be going down that path just yet. If you feel the same way then your answer is clear. Just explain that to her.

Melissa - posted on 06/28/2011

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If you forbid her...the only thing you will accomplish is cutting yourself out of the loop. She will "date"! My daughter is 14 almost 15, she and her boyfriend talk on the phone, text and hang out in the neighborhood (NEVER ALONE). My son (a year younger must accompany her at all times. I speak with her often about the progress of her "relationship". This has really been a bonding experience for us because she feels I respect her as a woman (you remember how important that was). Get excited with your daughter and let her share this special time with you! You may be asked uncomfortable questions, but I'm sure you want her to come to you with those anyway.

Sam - posted on 06/17/2011

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If both kids are 13 to 15, it is fine to have a "boy/girl friend". These "relationships" (term used loosely) don't usually last more than a few weeks. I agree with Rachel, unless they are locked in their rooms, they are going to do it whether you like it or not. Keep the lines of communication open and pick you battles. Know who she is friends with and don't judge. If you brought her up to respect herself, then you need to give her the space to exercise what she has learnt. I learnt quickly with my children that when I say no too often, I am left in the dark about what they are doing and who they are with. I started really considering what is truly important. I always ask myself this question, is it really truly that big of a deal??

Best of luck with your decision.
Sam

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Rachel - posted on 06/16/2011

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I think if you tell her no she might become rebellious. I have a 14 yr old stepdaughter that has a "boyfriend", but all they do is text (and I do monitor what is said). Dating means a lot of different things, so you may want to talk to her and ask her what her meaning of "dating" is, and if you haven't already really explain the importance of protecting her self and her reputation.

JuLeah - posted on 06/15/2011

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Why and what does 'date' mean to her. I think 14 is too young. Establish boys (sorry, made an assumption it is a male she wishes to date) as friends. So many men and women don't know how to be friends.

There is so much social pressure to date, but who wants to date someone who is only dating them to look cool and grown up?

Kids that age can hang out in groups.

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