My 14 year old daughter is out of control and driving me crazy!

Laura - posted 12 minutes ago

bless your heart for loving her so. pray and ask God to protect her and give her wisdom. pray for wisdom for mom too i know she's probably at witts end. Jesus loves us and knew we would go thru stuff like this, but with prayer and faith and hope pray baby. He will work everything out for the good for all as you cover her in words of faith and love...she may think youre nuts, but thats ok too. that she will overcome and be protected by Gods angels....I'm praying for you all. there really is someone who can help. seek Him you'll find hope do your best to believe and forgive her so she can come out of the spiral sooner. with love, Mamanoni

Laura - posted 19 minutes ago

Bless your heart she sounds like me at that age, I got sent to 3 girls homes. locked up and stuck in mississippi... but i ended up graduating at the top of my class from flunking out for not going to public school. there are some places that are non profit, I went to Roloffs. Although I would not wish that on any one. but it did save my life. I was stuck and they shoved the bible down my throat. Years later the love of Jesus took root in my heart and changed me...a miracle. Ill pray for your young one...i laugh when i think as i was being transported to the boondocks, the last song i heard ont the radio was" cant always get what ya want, but if ya try sometimes, ya get what ya need".......then we had no radio, tv phone, nothing but bibles and a bunch of ug...girls that age. God loves your baby girl -and you too Mom. prayer helps me to release but man i wish i could find a place for mine too. South tx childrens home is my next hope, but at least mines a homebody...so far. Shes just driving me nuts with the incredible rudeness...this too shall pass.....God hurry! Im getting old quick!
LOve Mamanoni

Shelbie - posted on 04/30/2013

i got a question. im not a mother but my 13 year old sister is way out of control and my mom doesnt know what to do. My mom isnt really that stricted on her and let my sister get away with anything, but things are getting to out of hand. she is sneaking boys in, running away, doing drugs, stealing, and she wont listen to anyone. im just trying to help my mom out and get my little sister off the streets. please conact me at shelbie.shaffer@yahoo.com. i need adivce before my little sister does something she'll even regret

Joanne - posted on 11/23/2012

I have two daughters that when I dropped them off at one door at school they would walk straight through to another door and walk out.well, one daughter lost her loser boyfriend and then grew a brain.She is now 41yrs.old and 4years ago was Mrs. Michigan,very proud. now my oldest daughter is 43 yrs.old and when she wasn't in school and I was at work she would get into fist fights with her friends and even push around her step-father. he told me but I would just say "right, she's only 14"Then on my day off I actually saw her kind of "check" him onto the sofa! well her biological father would hit her and then tell her that he only did it because he loved her so she thought if you didn't hit her then you didn't love her.(how sick---so was he)well getting to what I was trying to say we, my second oldest daughter and I had to go to probation court and have her put into the hospital.this was after several trips to different drs.turned out she was diagnosed with Bi-polar, that's why she was either so happy it seemed unreal or so mad she got violent.she met a boy in the hosp. when they were released, went into a halfway house. from there moved in together, married--went off meds tohave a baby. that baby is now 14yrs. old and is sleeping in her bedroom down the hall only she was adopted by my husband and I cuz mommy dearest never went back on her meds and daddy took off when she was only 3 months old.I'm called G-ma by her can't say what others call me. Don't let this happen to you. Talk with your family doctor about her problem while she is young. sorry so long but I got on a roll. I should write a book. lol

Amber Jewell - posted on 10/30/2012

your daughter is probably at that boys house, and that is most likely where she has been. If she has not been getting arrested and stuff, i doubt she is doing anything THAT bad. And there is this thing called CHINS (children in need of services) that im putting my daughter in. You should look it up.

Deborah - posted on 03/08/2012

I would recheck with the police. I don't know what state you live in, but I had the same problem with my oldest and here in IN you are a runaway even if you stay in touch. (mine would get people to hide her by saying I was abusing her) The definition of this state is if you do not have permission to be where you are from your parents, even if they do know where it is, you are a runaway. I had to have her arrested numerous times. Unfortunately it did no good in my case, except that I had proof that I was keeping up and although I had court fees etc, they could not fine me for her truancy because I was calling her in EVERY time she would leave. I also had tried counseling, medication, probation girls school etc. I hope you find an answer with yours. Know you are not alone.

Lynne - posted on 11/04/2011

This is really an awful experience for you! I remember our daughter was pretty willful and defiant at that age too. Part of it, I believe was hormones. Some girls go really wild when the hormones click in. I remember hearing that some girls don't even remember much about that phase in their lives when they are adults. I know our daughter seemed to get better when she hit her late teens, although she is still a very hormonal person, and the time of month really affects her. Just a thought. I rember one time I was really upset with her and a co-worker gave me a bookmark for her that had a sweet kitten on it. I was really surprised at her reaction because she was touched, and it made me realize she wasn't evil really, and still had that spark of sweetness inside. Things also improved after I told her I was "Done" and couldn't take it any more and I was not put on this earth to spend my time eating my heart out over her, although I loved her very much. . I threatened to put her into foster care, and she knew I meant it. I got a little more respect after that, and although we still had our moments, things did get somewhat better. I believe its a case of hormones affecting her behaviour. I don't know if this will hlp you but here is an exerpt I found, and the full article is below that:
"We have made the point that changes in adolescent brain systems that are specifically linked to puberty have their primary effects on motivation and emotion. These changes manifest as mood swings, increased conflict with parents, a greater tendency for risk taking and rule breaking, an increased draw toward novel experiences and strong sensations, alterations in sleep/arousal regulation, and an increased risk of emotional disorders (particularly depression in adolescent girls). Last, but certainly not least, are the alterations in romantic and sexual interests, which are also more closely linked to puberty than to age."

http://www.dana.org/news/cerebrum/detail...

User - posted on 10/19/2011

The only thing you can do for your daughter is to pray that God intervenes, i don't know if you are a christian but whether you are or not, pray-prayer is the only thing that works!

Mia - posted on 10/17/2011

Is she an addict? Or have a dual-diagnosis? Does your state provide care? It sounds to me like residential treatment is the best thing for her. my state has funds for that and parents don't usually have to pay very much. when they run away from treatment they get taken back and time added to their stay. the programs i've worked for have 30, 60, 90, and extended stay options. they learn a whole host of life skills in addition to learning how to live with others, get their school work done, etc.... there are also several camps/programs that many health insurances will pay for out there. make sure that if you send her somewhere it's filled with people who are skilled and who are addressing her underlying issues and needs rather than just trying to "whip" her into shape. choose rehabilitation and restorative programs rather than boot camps or boarding schools.

Debbie - posted on 10/16/2011

I would ask for a meeting with the counselor, her main base teacher, & the principal. Tell them your situation & her choice of actions. I would also notify Dept of Children & Families of the problems before the law comes down on you. Tell them all she's out of control & wondering the streets. You've notified the cops, & they won't treat this case as a run-a-way, & there's nothing more you can do with her. She needs to be placed in a group home, to get some personal help. You also can't lock her out of her home, because she's still a minor. & your still responsible for her until she's 18, or until she is a massa pated. DCF can arrest you, she is not attending school. It's funny how the laws work more in their favor than the parents, when it comes to this type of issue. Good luck

Debbie - posted on 10/15/2011

Michelle, Get on the phone with each of her teachers and get their vibe/ impression of her. Call the school counselor and get the vibe from him/ her about your daughter's friends and her behavior.
It sounds like there is a lot about your kid that you don't know. Has she been a latch key kid as a pre-teen? ( lets herself in the house because no parents are home to greet her.) Does your family eat dinner at the table together each night? Do you talk about your trials and tribulations?

If you are terribly concerned WHERE your kid is, get her a phone ( Iphone or Itouch) with GPS tracking system. They are reasonably priced. Then you will always be able to find her on a map. (The tracking system is a free download).

Kids act like yours for a few different reasons: Trouble at home or school and feeling like they cant share the issue with you.

Bio-chemical balance- a *brain mapping* might be in order to see what parts of the brain isn't functioning properly.

She feels like she has been *on her own* for so long and your husband and you are *to busy working* to pay much mind to her. So, she felt like she would kick up her heals while no-one is watching.

Or she is running from something that *happened* to her.

Start asking questions of everyone you know who *used to be* friends with her. Not current friends, they will warn her. Ask friends from grade school who they parted ways. Why did they part ways. Ask them if they know if something *happened* to her. These things will be HARD to hear, but if you want to get your daughter back, you have to go to the mattresses!

Brenda - posted on 04/15/2009

OMG, i feel for you i really do! i have a 15 year old daughter that is out of control! i've called the cops on her and children services soo much that i'm tired of the phone,if i never seen the phone again it would be too soon.for a while i was calling the cops everyday for everytime she took off because thats what children services told me to do.but then i had the cops telling theres nothing to do and they're basically annoyed with me calling them for nothing,so i stopped.my daughter makes me feel like crap enough i dont need the cops to make me feel that way too.shes gotten caughting shoplifting and no charges were filed because of her age.she'll walk in the front doors at school and out the back.i never know where she is or what shes doing.we started seeing councilors and trying to work on house rules and agreements with my daughter and she agreed to everything then broke the rules the next day.i had to have her charged,i was trying to keep her home one day becasue she stayed out too late the night before and because she wanted out of the house soo bad she kicked me and my boyfriend so we had her charged(because the children services said that we need to start doing that because shes not taking anything seriously and being held accountable for her actions)well it didn't faze her at all!the following week we were away camping and she was staying at a neighbours,we were gone 2 nights and the second night her and her friends broke into my house,she spent the night in jail while they got all the paper work done thinking if they took their time and kept her longer it might put a scare into her....NOPE!so i met again with the children services today and they are placeing her in an assesment facility for about a month,to assess her in every way to see if there may be a mental illness or chemical imbalance to be making her behave like this with no regard to anything.i'm hopeing they find something wrong with her that she can take a pill for or something.but theres a risk of her walking out of there too because its not a locked down kind of place.its about 2 hours away from where we live so i'm hopeing she'll stay long enough to try it because she wont have any place to run too there.i looked in to boot camps and stufff to but they are way too costly!! i'f i had known about this assesment place i would have told the children services way before to put her there!!i'm thankfull that they are involved to put her there becasue its costly there too,but they're paying for it.i do hope you get help for her and yourself,i know how stressfull it is! but i would say call the cops oh her if there is a curfew in your town and shes not in by then and any little thing she does thats not following the law...its not a quick fix but may effentually get through to her..good luck!!

Michelle - posted on 04/10/2009

Thank you, that is so full of hope and beauty that I copied it and will post it on my mirror with my other daily prayer...

~M

Brenda - posted on 04/10/2009

Michelle, the faith of teenagers is always what they have "borrowed" from their parents.  Whatever faith she lacks God's faith will encircle her faith and carry her.  Kristen grew up with God but never had her own relationship with God.  Through this journey she has an intimate relationship with Him.  It is in the deepest valley where God speaks His greatest whisper to us. 

"Therefore I am going to allure her, I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her.  There I will give her back her vineyards and will make the Valley of Anchor a door of hope."  Hosea 2:14-15.

I know you know that our Father is big enough for any faith she lacks. I will continue to pray.  In Christ, Brenda

Michelle - posted on 04/09/2009

Brenda~

Thank you! I see this light at the end of our tunnel, as I too am a recovering addict, and it is the path that she is taking now as well. She has the seed planted and has a sponser that she cares for, she just does not care for herself right now. But I love your question! My sister went through this and she turned out a beautiful lady, even I went through this, my only fear is that my daughter does not have my faith and belief in God. Thank you for your prayers, with much gratitude, Michelle

Brenda - posted on 04/09/2009

Oh...by the way!  Praise God for she will pick her 5 year chip up in May.  She is married with three children and drives  minivan - this was a scene that I never dreamed would happen!

Brenda - posted on 04/09/2009

I feel every ounce of your pain.  Your story was mine about 10 years ago.  Do you have a Christian support group - only God will pull you through this.  We cannot control our children no matter what we try but we can control how we allow it to imprison us along with the rest of the family.  I ask you a question I was asked many years ago - "Kristen will get through this time but will you?"  Great question.  My daughter took an additional detour from your which was drug addiction.  Through surrendering everything to God and working on my relationship with Him brought me to a peace and joy in living again apart from what Kristen was doing.  My peace was rooted in Him - not in my circumstances.  I will be praying for your family.  Brenda

Michelle - posted on 04/09/2009

Thank you all! I have done the counseling, medication, probation, the door and window things..lol it is at times almost amusing to see how brilliant she is and resourcful in her ways. It all started with a terrible incident that turned her world upside down and led her into trouble, expulsion from school and psychiatry, counseling and all of that. We really have done a lot to help her, she even went to rehab. She found a way to actually take the windows off in order to get in. We have changed the locks everywhere as she is not home to keep her in, we are at the point of trying to eliminate a place for her to be while we are not here. She feels intitled to everything and is very manipulative. I am learning with each new scheme. Yesterday I posted a song on the window that she loved as a child, "Walk tall you're a daughter of God" It really ticked her off as she had it in her face as she was breaking in. She was in the shower when I came home early from work. Shelly I would really appreciate that list. It is exactly what I want for her and us! Thank you all for your prayers and well wishes! ~M

Shelly - posted on 04/07/2009

Oh and by the way in the mean time you go buy window alarms for the windows that she could sneak out of including the front door they aren't that expencive at home depot or lowes..That way at least you have a chance to catcher her before she gets to far...And if you don't catch her then you lock what ever window or door she went out of...

Shelly - posted on 04/07/2009

Michelle,

  I will see if I can find the list of Christian boot camps that I have and will get them to you.  They have scholarships that you could possibly get for her.  I will look tomorrow morning!!!

I will keep your entire family in my prayers 

Holly - posted on 04/07/2009

My son is now 19 but I had similar problems with him not wanting to go to school, I would take him to school every morning and then go to work and he would walk into the school and then walk back out. I started walking him to the office and saying ok here he is and leave to go to work and the first chance he got he would walk out.  I was fined many of times and eventually Children and Youth stepped in and he was placed in an all boys home, and I had to pay child support for him to be there. It broke my heart thinking how could they take my son away from me for not going to school when there are children out there being abused by their parents and they are still in the home, and there are children stealing cars and robbing houses and they are still walking the streets. I didn't like the idea that he was away but he did attend school there and in the end his education was most important. It turned out there were problems at school with a group of kids and he was actually scared to go to school, he eventually got a job and dropped out for good. I wish I knew how to help you with your daughter, it is very tough on the parents and the county don't step in until they feel the need to, have you spoke to the guidance counsler at the school?

Kristin - posted on 04/07/2009

wow, I feel for you. Dr Phil??? I love watching his show and learn alot from it. Other than that - I wonder if you could get a court order for counseling and the possibility of medication. Is there a local curfew in your town? if so - turn her in when she is late or sneaks out..they may put her on probation and then you would get assistance from the community some.

Brenda - posted on 04/15/2009

OMG, i feel for you i really do! i have a 15 year old daughter that is out of control! i've called the cops on her and children services soo much that i'm tired of the phone,if i never seen the phone again it would be too soon.for a while i was calling the cops everyday for everytime she took off because thats what children services told me to do.but then i had the cops telling theres nothing to do and they're basically annoyed with me calling them for nothing,so i stopped.my daughter makes me feel like crap enough i dont need the cops to make me feel that way too.shes gotten caughting shoplifting and no charges were filed because of her age.she'll walk in the front doors at school and out the back.i never know where she is or what shes doing.we started seeing councilors and trying to work on house rules and agreements with my daughter and she agreed to everything then broke the rules the next day.i had to have her charged,i was trying to keep her home one day becasue she stayed out too late the night before and because she wanted out of the house soo bad she kicked me and my boyfriend so we had her charged(because the children services said that we need to start doing that because shes not taking anything seriously and being held accountable for her actions)well it didn't faze her at all!the following week we were away camping and she was staying at a neighbours,we were gone 2 nights and the second night her and her friends broke into my house,she spent the night in jail while they got all the paper work done thinking if they took their time and kept her longer it might put a scare into her....NOPE!so i met again with the children services today and they are placeing her in an assesment facility for about a month,to assess her in every way to see if there may be a mental illness or chemical imbalance to be making her behave like this with no regard to anything.i'm hopeing they find something wrong with her that she can take a pill for or something.but theres a risk of her walking out of there too because its not a locked down kind of place.its about 2 hours away from where we live so i'm hopeing she'll stay long enough to try it because she wont have any place to run too there.i looked in to boot camps and stufff to but they are way too costly!! i'f i had known about this assesment place i would have told the children services way before to put her there!!i'm thankfull that they are involved to put her there becasue its costly there too,but they're paying for it.i do hope you get help for her and yourself,i know how stressfull it is! but i would say call the cops oh her if there is a curfew in your town and shes not in by then and any little thing she does thats not following the law...its not a quick fix but may effentually get through to her..good luck!!