my 15year old is moody how can you assist?
MOST HELPFUL POSTS
Angie - posted on 05/20/2010
attitude is what i call it. one day they are all happy. the next day they are bouncing off the wall the next day they are sullen and withdrawn. its driving me crazy!!!! But i keep the lines of comunication open. i tell him when he has gone to far. And i have found that if they see you get angry then they know, oh gosh i just messed up. i have actually had my son come to me after one of his blow ups or episodes of disrespect and say, im sorry i dont know why i did that. then we sit down with eachother and talk it out. (after we have BOTH calmed down). Teenagers. ugggg!! gotta love them thou.
Mona - posted on 05/24/2010
I have a 15yo of my own (boy). Yup, boys get moody too. I remind him that he needs to treat me with respect, the same as I treat him. I don't yell at him, I don't cut him off or roll my eyes & I expect the same from him. I tell him it's ok to be upset, sad, angry about things but it is not ok to take it out on people around you. I always tell him I love him. I always ask him about his day. I always remind him I am here for him.
As problems come up and are solved I remind him how things are never as bad as they seem & we are always in his corner.
I have 17 yr. old quadruplets going through this and a 21 yr old who went through the same problem herself, so I completely know what you are going through. Someone mentioned that it's a day by day thing, but my experience has been really on an MINUTE to MINUTE basis. One minute they're fine and happy, the next they are total monsters with huge attitudes.
Most of the time it is a hormonal thing as well as 'growing pains'. They are in an awkward time and just trying to find where they fit in this world and their world right now only consists of school friends and peers. Just keep your composure and understanding. Keep the lines of communication open and let them know you are available to them and love them unconditionally, even when you feel like throwing them out the window. Don't hover over them and give them their space. What they need is just that but they also want you to know that you are still there for them.
Always be alert for troubling signs that it may be more than just a hormonal thing. Find out what kind of friends they are hanging with and be more vigilant in their wherabouts, but not in a threatening way or your child will distrust you which will end the lines of communication between you both.
Whenever they get into their moods, give them their space and take a deep breath and know that it's only a phase. Above all don't take their actions and/or hurtful words personally. Kids often lash out at the ones they know love them most because they know you will still love them unconditionally.
Before too long, they will start to calm down and then you can begin to resume a wonderful relationship that you always wanted.
When my oldest was 16yrs old, she gave me such trouble that I thought there was no hope. For the next two yrs. she barely spoke to me and when she did they were ugly hurtful words or when she wanted something.
She's 21 now and she is much calmer and sure of herself and we now have a great relationship. She actually bought me something Mothers Day...A day she NEVER recognized until now.
Long story short and the point is...hang in there, it WILL get better, I promise!
Dianne - posted on 05/22/2010
I have a 15 yr daughter...she is moody as they come..she has a big heart, loves people especially kids and the elderly. She is very passionate...She lets all her emotions out on me..I let her vent it..I keep the communications open..when i can i speak in calm voice..We are Christians and i keep reminding her when she looks like her world is about to end...that God can work anything out..He is the answer to all her problems.
I pray for her and have my friends pray for her...she has a beautiful smile and that's what i yearn to see...its hard because i have to learn to put my feelings aside and acknowledge hers and what she is going through..the last thing i want to do is lose her.
She is very much like me growing up..so i guess she wont turn out too bad afterall.
I think her main issue is her Dad and me separating when she was 7 years old.. She loves us equally and we have a very wonderful relationship, because of her.
Trish - posted on 05/25/2010
you are so not alone on this one! Ive got a 16 yr old daughter and OMG! we have been to hell and back with her. 3 months after I had my baby ( in 2009) she ran away from home.. 1 month later same thing happend again but this time she went to my sisters house. She always loves going to my sisters house cos she was the one who gave her, her 1st alcoholic drink. Then 2 months later I found out my daughter was sexually active and also smoking pot! Since then things have always been hectic around home...she never helps around the house...always yelling at her little sister and older brother.
Well...on the 17th April this yr..she did it again! Ran away from home to hang out with druggies who party all the time. To make matters worse, my husband was in Hospital recovering from surgery. She eventually came home and her excuse was...that we never give her enough freedom..we don't trust her. we don't love her enough...the list goes on and on! People keep telling me its jealousy over the baby in the house. But this started way before that.....She has been to councilling and does not seem to be working. My advice would be...DON'T give up...things will eventually get better and talk to them all the time.
Roxana - posted on 05/24/2010
So is my 11 year old and I fear like pre-teen years are just starting. The best advice I got was from my mom... enjoy and laugh, enjoy every second of this moodyness and make him feel special and normal. Like us they go through different stages and their hormones fly around literally! I often hear myself telling him, quit the attitude! and he answers back: What attitude mom? with even more attitude. I have found that letting him know how he makes me feel when he answers back works and I explain that sometimes I am not in the mood to be patient or have my own concerns... I call it the honesty talk, I don't do it often though and I prefer to lie down in bed with him, draw something while we talk or even during a video game match. I do not expect the full eye contact one on one conversation, this has worked better.
Anne Marie - posted on 05/21/2010
i have a teenage daughter I have told her You are a teenager you will make mistakes, go places you shouldn't have, make poor judgements bad decisions and trust the wrong people. You are a teenager and that is your job, just feel free to tell me about it I can help you through it. When they do tell you about it don't freak out just deal with the situation. My daughater still is very rebellious and my counsellor told me that this was the best thing to have said to her. I always say have a good day when she goes to school and ask her how her day was. i usually get a snotty response. She recently had a friend try to hitchhike accross the country and was reported missing. I have since told her no matter what she does she can always come home, we are here for her. Will any of this work Idon't know but they need to know we are there for them and we love them unconditionally. When i am upset I try to approach it as I would with an adult, reasoning and explaining my point of view and listening to thiers. Yop their ideas are off the wall and sometimes idiotic but don't let them know that just counter act with your beliefs.
I know how worrying it gets with teenager and some of what I am going to suggest is shocking, but please bear with me. It is often a process of elimination which is needed in order to more forward.
1, I would have a word with school to make sure your child is not being bullied or have fallen out with a close friend.
2, I would ask around to make sure they are not involved in drink or drugs.
3, If the above doesn't throw up anything I would seek a doctor’s advice to make sure there is nothing medically wrong.
4, If none of that works you might just have to accept that teenagers are moody and some react more than others to the hormones flying around their bodies.
Finally my advice to you is to keep talking to your teen. If you keep the lines of communication open it makes life so much easier for both of you to check in on each other.
I drive my children to school every day and I use that time to tell my children, I love you, I am proud of you; work hard and you will get good grades. They roll their eyes at me every day, but if I don’t say it I get asked why not. Every day when they get home from school I ask them did you have a good day? Do you have any homework and do you need any help with it.
I always ask how one or two of their friends are, remembering to change them round and I always just tell them what I have done that day. Sometimes I get a response and quite often I get nothing. But, they do remember what I say and they sometimes will tell me more then “fine” and I take every bit of info they give me as big a major step in the right direction.
Hang in there, you will be glad you did in the long run.
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