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My 15yo daughter seems to detest me. What happened to us?

Lashaun - posted on 05/08/2012 ( 4 moms have responded )

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Im trying to figure exactly when my daughter started hating me and why. I am a single mom in NYC and my 15yo daughter ( my only child) is starting to develop some not so nice characteristics over the past year or so. At times, she's belligerent, rude, downright stubborn, and disobedient. These times are few and far between but when they happen it seems to be more than I can bear....her attitude is just so AWFUL sometimes. She's never accountable for her actions and seems to get even angrier and nastier to ME when she gets chastized for something SHE did. She is passing her classes and on par to graduate early but her grades are very lackluster and she refuses to study or make any effort. She shows no excitement or interest in her studies. Im confused, hurt and drawing close to my wits end. I try to reflect on what may be happening with her that sparked this such as her dad not calling her in over a year(he was inconsistent already but never no contact for such a long time), high school, interest in boys(namely an 18yo former senior i forbade her to see that she now claims she's in love with : / ) and just plain old puberty I guess. But why is she angry at ME?????!!

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Sol4J - posted on 05/09/2012

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Your desire to be a great mom tells us that you love your daughter very much. You're not alone! I hope that others will respond and share their own thoughts and experiences. I know that single parenting is one of the toughest jobs. As a mom of four boys, I also recognize that it's completely normal to have ups and downs. I encourage you to keep pressing on -- there’s no greater investment you can make. I'd also like to share an article http://bit.ly/IISkqT I read during my time with Focus on the Family. This talks about how to survive the stormy teen years. The books, "Single Parenting That Works" by Dr. Kevin Leman, and "My Single Mom Life: Stories and Practical Lesson for Your Journey" by Angela Thomas speak in depth about the subject of single parenting and its challenges. Hope this helps and I wish you the best. God bless!

Gabrielle - posted on 05/09/2012

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I know exactly how you feel. I feel so alone and dont have a spouse or partner to work through this with me. His dad is also not in the picture so I dont have that outlet either. It has been very uncomfortable going through all of this and worrying that I have failed in some way. I try really hard to not feel sad but the fact of the matter is that I am mourning the loss of my child but need to celebrate the journey of that child into adulthood, even if the road is rocky sometimes :) We are going to be okay... :)

Lashaun - posted on 05/09/2012

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I will definitely look for these books and thank you SO much for the advice. It's just so hard to manage emotionally sometimes-especially when it's just the two of you in the house.

Gabrielle - posted on 05/09/2012

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I am also a single mom of a 16 year old although I have a son. We have always been very close and then, what seemed like over night, he acted like he hated me. Refused to hang out with me, rude, disrespectful and distant. It was incredibly painful for me and I tried to figure out what I had done for him to hate me. Im willing to bet that our children do not hate us but they are taking steps to develop their independence which is necessary for adulthood.

I have researched this extensively and came to find a book called "Yes, Your Teen Really is Crazy" (By the way, there is also a book called "Yes, Your Parents Really Are Crazy" by the same author) It made me laugh, and cry.. but more importantly, recognize that teenagers do things that they didnt before including act like they dont like us as parents.

We need to come from a place of love and maintain that foundation for them through these years. I expect your daughter will come back around ... as most parents have told me about my son.

I honestly feel like I understand how you feel. I feel like I dont know the answers to raising a teen and take it one day at a time. I have hope on one shoulder, faith on the other, and a positive attitude that we will get through this... hope this helps a bit.

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