Shawn - posted on 03/24/2009 ( 14 moms have responded )
My 16 year old daughter is on a path of destruction that I am so lost to help! Over the last 2 years she has been suspended multiple times for fighting. She is very defiant, disrespectful, aggressive, angry and lost. She has had boyfriends that she was willing to get physcial with me when I said that she could not go off with them or that they come over to my house. She was in counseling (from last fight that was brutal and community service that she has not completed) Last year she went completely out of control with 3 fights, all at school this year. The school has been very helpful and understanding considering my health condition and would try not to call me but have really made things worse when things finally blew up and I was called by the police she had been arrested because of a fight. I was so upset because after she had left for school that day I got wind of the fight and called to warn the school to get her to the office so that I could stop the fight but I was too late. She was suspened and released to my custody (again). Well I had gotten to the point I did not know what to do because I did not have anything that she cared about to take away from her. She cares for nothing AT ALL. When I told her that she was not using the phone, pc, tv or leaving the house she did not care. So nothing changed. The new boyfriend has her so wrarped because when I told her that she cannot see him anymore or come to my house she ran away. I was up for 48 hours straight calling and texting her friends and had my family driving around for days looking for her. She was found with her boyfriend and when she was on the way home she said to call the police she was not coming home. The police were called they met her and brought her home and told her that she had to do what I said until she was of age to leave which they told her what age she could leave. She stayed in her room for about 2 months except to go to school then the next fight was so bad that she was expelled and arrested again. I have tried to get her into other schools but no one will accept her because of her track record with aggressive behavior (not even the alternative schools). That was in December 08 so for the last few months I have tried to get her to get up before 2pm to go out and get a job but this boyfriend has told her that she does not need to work because he is all she needs, he will take care of her and is going to marry her. Anyway 3 weeks ago I came home to her boyfriend sitting on my porch liked he owned it and I told him that he had to leave (calmly) after hours of telling him to leave he finally leaves and my daughter came in told me that her rules did not apply to her because her boyfriend said they were too harsh and that she was leaving. Well I had heard that before so I let it go and went to bed. She woke me at 7 am told me she was leaving and that she was not coming back. She has been gone for 3 weeks texts me occasionally telling me she is ok but when I tried to tell her that she is in enough trouble that she needs to come home. She refuses. I am at my wits end how do I help her understand what she is doing wrong? I want to help her but if she does not complete her community service by tuesday she will have all her problems combine and she will be gone until she is 18. I feel like I have failed my child badly.