My 17 y/o wants to have a party with alcohol

Maria - posted on 02/11/2009 ( 36 moms have responded )

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My son just discovered alcohol this past fall. He has been to a couple of parties and have had a couple of beers. When he know there will be alcohol he doesn't take his car and I pick up at 11. Now he asked me if he could have a party in our house for about 30 kids and that it will be alcohol delivered. I said NO, we can't give consent to something that is illegal and that we could get sued if something horrible happened. He says that no one will come if there is no alcohol and that I am paranoid. Nothing is going to happen and that I can take all the car keys. I really don't want to host that kind of a party. What shall I do?

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Julie - posted on 01/26/2012

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I hate to play the devil's advocate but what were you doing at 16, 17 or 18? Or ever 19 and 20 when you were in college. You were drinking. And what was right for you then, is wrong for your children? I don't condone my children to drink, but I won't berade or harrass them if they choose to drink. Think wisely, if you make something a temptation, they will be more attracted to do it. Just a thought.

Yvonne - posted on 02/19/2009

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Don't do it!!!! I grew up in a home where myself and my friends were allowed to drink. Nothing happened thank god! I have a 17 year old son now and I would never allow him or his friends to drink. I don't respect my mom for caving the way she did. She wanted to be the cool mom. Its really not cool. Our kids look to us for guidance, they may not always follow it, but believe me it is always in the back of their minds. Stay true to what your expectations of his behavior are. Oh yeah, what about the other moms whose kids would be at your house? How appreciative do you think they would be of your giving their kids alcohol? Good luck.

Sharon - posted on 02/26/2009

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Hi I have my daughters 18th birthday coming up but here in australia the legal age to go to clubs and start drinking is 18. My problem will be there is a cross over of ages some of the kids are 17, 18, 19 it is just the school system here in australia how we get around the drinking issue here is only the kids who have parents permission (so the groups are quite tight) are allowed to drink. I look at  it this way I would prefer them to have the occasional drink at home with their friends under parent supervision, because you can all fool yourselves they are going to do it ( didn't you ) than to go to local parks and drink and get into trouble but that is just my opinion and the opinion of quite a few of the parents of the teenagers that  I know. You have to ask your self how legal was it when you had yor first  drink and where did you have it and how old where and how safe was it. And then remember your kids are no different to what you where, Only these days it is not as safe out there !!!!!!!!!

Pamela - posted on 11/21/2012

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You could actually go to jail since this would be contributing to the delinquency of minors not to mention a civil law suit by the children's parents in the event something went wrong. If you are up on the media there have been cases where kids die from toxicity; I know that is rare but it is real. What you do in your own home with your kids is one thing but when you involve other kids thats where you cross a fine line that could include jail time therefore it's just not worth it.

Nicci - posted on 12/18/2012

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I think you just need to know that what he is asking for isn't even that much. I think that 30 is a pretty good number, considering that other kids are pretty stupid. You need to make a compromise, so you know that he knows that you mean business. give him compromises like only letting the kids outside, and they can't go indoors. Love... me.

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Kathy - posted on 04/21/2014

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I personally do not have a problem with my teens having an occasional drink at home and would rather they learn to drink responsibly. But I wouldn't sponsor a party at my house for other teens whose parents may not approve. I do let my dd and her bf drink at home here but that's because his mom knows about it and they don't drive or go outside the house after they've been drinking.

Elizabeth - posted on 04/19/2014

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I am currently having the same problem with my soon to be 16 year old daughter I have told her that if I get a list of people attending and I personally speak to their parents face to face and not over the phone then I may consider alcohol but until I get a list we are planning her party minus the alcohol.

Donna - posted on 03/22/2014

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I did exactly that. They were all in our backyard which is huge. They came in and out to use the bathrooms and they they slept everywhere inside. The kids were nice and respectful to me. They had fun and didn't get into any trouble and didn't drive drunk anywhere. They would have most likely done it elsewhere and gotten into trouble or driven drunk. It's a catch 22 but I don't regret it.

Donna - posted on 03/22/2014

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It's very risky cause you can get arrested and end up with a felony on your record. On the other hand I did exactly that and did take the keys and everyone slept here. I didn't get into any trouble. I just figured if they didn't do it here where I could supervise they'd do it elsewhere and probably drive drunk. It's a total catch 22!

NAtty - posted on 03/20/2014

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well think of it this way would you rather have your son safe at home with friends instead of him out there drinking not knowing what he is doing when you can supervise him and his friends at home. Even if its not the right thing to do you need to trust your kids to knowing they wont do the wrong thing and trust he can handle himself

Minna - posted on 10/04/2013

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No, no,no, . Can you be responsible for 30 kids getting home? Can you watch for them sneaking off and hooking up? I guarantee drugs will be a part of it. Even if a kid's folks seemed down with it , I wouldn't trust them not to sue if something happened. If a child is seriously hurt and needs expensive medical care, they may not have a choice.
Now when I was 16 a friend's parents [dad was a cop] actually did what Pati suggested and it worked. We all turned in our keys and slept over, boys and girls., separate rooms. This was a one bathroom house, so it was a mess the next morning with hangovers. Ahhh-the 70' s.
Anyway, I had a responsible 17 year old who used to camp and fish with a group of 17 to 22 year old guys. I knew they drank beer and maybe got high around the fire. That was fine. It was a limited risk. Risk is unavoidable. Betting that 30 teens can behave is insane.

Laura - posted on 05/21/2013

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Uh, are you serious? He's 17, you are responsible for his behavior and the behavior of his friends at your house. And yes, you could possibly go to jail if the police happen by or a less tolerant parent reports this.

This is the ultimate definition of peer pressure and it's past time for that discussion. Stand your ground, expect the typical ranting and raving of a child who didn't get his own way.

Party - posted on 10/30/2012

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I am 16 about to turn 17 and I'm scared that people will throw up or not come but i have realised that their parents may not be happy with that, i live in Australia and the legal age is 18, i dont want bad things to happen so im going to let people bring their own alcohol under the circumstances that they dont get drunk or screw things up, if they do then i will be calling home

Bethany - posted on 09/16/2012

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Im 15 going on 16. I dont like alcoho but everyone in my year does and i want to have big party but without alcohol but im worried noone would come :( people have said they still would but i still want them to have a good time. should i have fake alcohol and tell them its real or just no alchol. i know im not a mom but this advise page seems safe and good, thanks moms(my mom is great and has said no alcohol and i agree i just want other points of view) xx

Sharon - posted on 02/26/2009

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Hi I have my daughters 18th birthday coming up but here in australia the legal age to go to clubs and start drinking is 18. My problem will be there is a cross over of ages some of the kids are 17, 18, 19 it is just the school system here in australia how we get around the drinking issue here is only the kids who have parents permission (so the groups are quite tight) are allowed to drink. I look at  it this way I would prefer them to have the occasional drink at home with their friends under parent supervision, because you can all fool yourselves they are going to do it ( didn't you ) than to go to local parks and drink and get into trouble but that is just my opinion and the opinion of quite a few of the parents of the teenagers that  I know. You have to ask your self how legal was it when you had yor first  drink and where did you have it and how old where and how safe was it. And then remember your kids are no different to what you where, Only these days it is not as safe out there !!!!!!!!!

Maria - posted on 02/19/2009

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I have one word......illegal.



My 15 year old and his best friend drank some of our vodka (which I like to keep in the freezer). Thank goodness I know my fluid properties because I noticed it had turned to slush and I discovered (actually forced it out of my teenager) that he and his friend had replaced the consumed vodka with water (thereby causing it to freeze - as pure vodka has a lower freezing temperature than water). He received the punishment of his life and my husband and I learned to never leave any alcohol readily available (i.e., it's under lock and key).

Brandi - posted on 02/18/2009

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My 16 year old wanted the same thing for her sweet 16 party. I told her no way and she said fine I don't want a party if we can't have alcohol. So she did not get a party.

Maureen - posted on 02/18/2009

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Caution, as you said it is illegal and you can be held responsible for allowing underage drinking and depending on your state's laws could be punishable by jail time.  How would your son's friends parents feel about you allowing their children to drink in your home... I would be furious.  You must be the parent, not your son's pal.  Teenagers are not equipped to think rationally however we as adults are.

Sue - posted on 02/18/2009

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Maria, same for us here too. We talk about drugs and alcohol openly and our sons know they can call us for them and their friends anytime. However, there are consequences afterwards, but what we're trying to avoid are the fatal kind!

Maria - posted on 02/18/2009

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We have a pact with out 15-y-o that if/when he is at a party and drinks or the driver of the car is drinking, that he will call us and we will come and get him - no questions asked.  We try to have a very open dialogue about drugs and alcohol and have tried to de-mystify them both. I am scared to death about the choices he may face  - but I would never agree to hosting such a party. And if I found out my child attended such a party, I would like to see them criminally prosecuted. It's irresponsible and illegal and not their decision for my minor child, whether he wants to experiment or not.

Sue - posted on 02/18/2009

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I don't think the issue here is whether or not teens will try these things, but rather, should any parent host a party for underage teens and knowingly allow them to drink alcohol?



The obvious answer is no. We would never allow our underage teen sons to go to any party where parents gave them permission to drink alcohol. Whether or not some may sneak it in, which we all know can and does happen, in Illinois, for example, can now hold YOU liable. (depends on state law and or specifics of each case I believe). In our neighboring town of Lake Forest, Il, there has been a tragic case involving a teen who was paralyzed from a drunk driving incident as a passenger in a car. These kids were drinking alcohol at a home, unbeknownst, to the parents and then left when they were discovered. The parents are now being sued for $2.5 Million.  Besides all of this, what kind of message do we send as parents when we knowingly put our underage teens in dangerous situations? I drank as a teen in the early 80's. Parents hosted parties like this and our high school lost 2 kids to drunk driving incidents.  How I ever made it out of those days alive is a miracle. I know kids will find a way to drink and try things, but I could never in good faith ever give the actual permission for this.



Please read.



http://abclocal.go.com/wls/story?id=6653...



(Consumption or possession of alcohol as a minor (anyone under the age of 21) is unlawful under Illinois State law)

Possible imprisonment for up to one year.

Maximum fine of $2,500

Maria - posted on 02/18/2009

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Debbie -



1) I wouldn't have put this post out there with my first and last name on it - risky, it is the internet.



2) You're not doing your child any favors. In this case you are definitely damned...and putting yourself, household and the minors at risk.  Definitely a legal liability. 



If any of us want to let our own child drink in our home, that is our business, but other children, that’s illegal.

Sue - posted on 02/17/2009

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Here in Illinois, parents of an 18-year old boy were thrown in jail and lost their home and lives basically and custody of their other children because they allowed their son to host a party with alcohol and then someone drove off later that night and killed  2 teens in the car that was wrapped around a tree. It is illegal to serve alcohol to anyone under 21, period. Not only would you be jeopardizing the lives of ALL of these children, but also risking losing everything you have, the worst being the lives of any of them.

Maria - posted on 02/17/2009

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You could be legally and financially liable for all the kids attending, driving - anyone they may come in contact with after leaving.



Not to mention you could also be arrested and criminally charged - that would stink. My 17-y-o niece attended a party that police came to – arrested and charged all the kids and the parents/home owners and they took out a second mortgage (lucky they could) to hire a defense attorney who helped them stay out of jail.  They let their senior in High School have a party with alcohol - - it is like serving and buying it yourself if you’re aware and/or home.  All the 18-y-o kids had to attend programs and are on probation - the younger kids had to attend a alcohol programs and pay fines.



Besides those obvious issues - I think you should say NO... :) 



 Good luck!

Eunice - posted on 02/17/2009

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I'd like to correct myself by saying that the possiblility of our teenagers finding alcohol somewhere is definately great. I was a very obedient teenager however my best friend had parents who had a liqour cabinet and yes, we tried vodka at the age 13! WHILE her parents were out somewhere. They never knew. I hated it so never was interested again and till this day I'm not much of a drinker.

Eunice - posted on 02/17/2009

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Wow..well tough $%*& for him! sorry but thats what I'd tell my daughter (she's only 14 though) Realistically our teenagers will find alcohol on their own somewhere but I would never condone such a party and if my daughter said, "no one will come then" Well then I guess she won't be having a party then! Sorry if I sound blunt but I'd put my foot down forsure in a case like that. Also if something were to happen you could be held responsible. What if someone he invites is on a medication and isn't supposed to drink? This can be the case with many medications and a teenager might still feel the presure to drink, something bad could happen, maybe even life threatening.

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I woulnt let them have a party at that age as you are liable. I let my daughter have a party 2 days before her 19th . I went to the cottage for the evening. Yes the cops came for a noise complaint and many things were stolen. (play station games) they peed all over my clean laundry as well as in the getto blaster in my basement washroo,..But all in all they didnt trash the house to much, there is always one random person no one knows that shows up and makes trouble and yes my daughter said no randoms allowed.. soooo absolutely no... when kids get drunk they have no control of what happens and you could get in alot of trouble... My daughter drank and smoked pot in our backyard but with only a few friends. that even made me uncomfortable.. most parents are in denial that there kids would actually do these things..And it always falls on the parents that allow such behavior//

Nancy - posted on 02/16/2009

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This is easy. NO. It is illegal to serve alcohol to minors. If his friends will only come to a party if there is drinking, then he needs different friends. Will he be furious. Yes. Should you allow that to sway you. Absolutely not. You are the parent and you make the rules and you obviously have reservations about it if you are asking for advise. Just say no.

Concetta - posted on 02/12/2009

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I would stick to your guns, after all they are only 17 yr olds and you would be held liable for all drinking the alcohol.

Shelly - posted on 02/12/2009

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Maria,



  Stand your ground.  Do not allow him to guilt you into doing it.  Not only would you need to worry about being sued you need to worry about being arrested for contributing to a minor, or if God forbid one of these kids die from alcohol piosoning then you can be arrested on a manslaughter charges, or if you have other childen living in your home you risk having them removed from your home.  The risk to you and your family is to high so the only answer to that question is NO NO NO stand your ground you have to much to loose to give into that guilt trip he's trying to take you on.  Stand firm and I will keep you and your son in my prayers  

Maria - posted on 02/12/2009

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Thanks Pati! What a great answer. I am going to do the same!!! Will let you know if I get a list....

Pati - posted on 02/11/2009

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When my step son asked me that question many years ago, actually he asked his dad, but it was thrown to me, his dad never wanting to be the bad one. I wanted to say Are you Fricken crazy!  but I said, If you pay for everything, and you clean it all up, and if you give me a list of kids invited so I can talk to each parent to make sure they know that their kids are going to be here drinking and they are ok with that then you can have your party, but no one gets in unless I have talked to the parents.  needless to say, I never got the list.



If my daughter asked me that I would say Hell NO

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