My 17 year old daughter doesn't respect me...

Karen - posted on 08/03/2009 ( 4 moms have responded )

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I am raising my teenage daughter by myself. When she was six years old, my husband left me for someone else & she had to deal with going back & forth & he told her things he should not have to make me look like the bad parent. However, we managed to get along for her benefit and then after the hurt of our broken home, he remarries due to the woman becoming pregnant and not even being married to her a year, he finds out he has cancer which was rare and started in his kidney & he was very sick for about two years and he passed away when my daughter was 12. She was upset, but mostly angry which I took her for counseling with no success and she hated school and me. I tried talking to her, but she would just say shut up mama I don't want to hear it. So, I prayed for the Lord to guide me through this ordeal. She is now 17, which she grew up way too fast and hung around some friends of hers I did not approve of and she would always talk back to me in front of everyone even in public especially if she didn't get her way and she would get louder and wanting people to hear her. I tried grounding her, taking things away, etc. and someway somehow she would leave and I would not be able to find her. She stole my car when I was asleep and totalled it this year, but that opened her eyes somewhat because she has to go to court this month and that happened end of March which my father hired a lawyer and they have been able to move the court date up. On top of all of this, my job was eliminated the end of April of this year after I purchased another car. She has her good days and bad days. She will be a senior this year and looks forward to graduating and going to CCCC, however the problem is still there and her yelling at me and calling me names that I'm too embarrassed to type, anyway if there is someone out there that can shed some light on how to handle this, I would appreciate it. She refuses to talk to a Psychiatrist, unlike me. I have one because I can't hold my feelings in like her. It is hard getting unemployment and having to pay for your insurance thru cobra which takes a lot of your income. I do receive SSA benefits for her, but she turns 18 in April, 2010. I worked for the county at Lee Harnett Mental Health until they went private under the Mental Health Reform & then I went to work at Lee County Dept. Of Social Services in the Daycare Subsidy program and that was where I was working when my job was eliminated. Thanks to those of you who could give me some advice.

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Pat - posted on 08/06/2009

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When she asks for things treat her the same way she treats you, the way you treat someone is the way you want to be treated is my matto. My daughter trys that and I walk away I don't give her a answer and then when she comes to me to find out the answer i treat her the way she just treated me. She doesn't get things for bad behavior. How is she going to afford college? If she took my car without permission and totalled it there would be no free ride, she would work to re pay for all the damages and lawyer and I would take it out of her money she gets. Money is a important thing in life and she needs to take responsibility for her actions.

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Debbie - posted on 11/16/2013

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my daughter is now 22. Her father died after a very long battle with cancer. This all began when she was almost 3 years old. She struggles to find her way and feel secure I suppose. She says she loves and admires me. But, she can't stand being with me. She can't help it. She seems spoiled. But, I don't spoil, never was spoiled, wouldn't know how to do it. I do think I left my boundries weak due to her drama personality. I have to battle to like her now. Love is never an issue. I don't expect her to change. Age 25 is the year of full maturity. Once she matures.....I feel like this....out the door for my very loved daughter.

Hilary - posted on 08/06/2009

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I have a 17 year old daughter who has no respect really although at times she can be lovely and helpful but its usually because she wants something; money,shoes,new clothes etc.

She has done some bad things;stolen money off my husband ,me ,my Mum and my brother.She has hit me as well when she was 14 and I have had counselling to give me ways of dealing with her.However she too was offered some but no she totally rejected the idea said she didn't need people messing about with her brain and her thoughts.She is probably frightened at what might be dug up from the past and she feels more in control if she doesn't go there.Only when she is ready mentally will she ever contemplate it and I know from my experience with Rowena she may never be ready and you have to accept that that maybe the case.

(When your daughter runs away don't run after her - thats what she wants cos she knows you love her.Phone round her friends ,inform the Police but don't go after her.My daughter returned home within 24 hrs.)

I had her charged and she now knows that she messes up again thats it she will go to a Youth Offending Centre or if she is 18 (Feb 2010) she will go to prison.

In someways it has taken the edge off her whole attitude but there are times when she pushes the boundaries and calls me all the names under the sun

Now she knows that her behaviour is catching up with her and she will have to face the consequences soon.She probably is scared but hides behind a wall of rebellion (mine did).I did however tell her in her nicer moments that you will always there for her and that you love but there certain actions that are totally unacceptable.

Karen you need to concentrate on yourself - have you got a really good friend that youcan confide in.Have a look around,take an evening course or this might be the time to think about changing direction job -wise.The worst thing is don't bottle it all up. Chat to us on here - sharing your problem is half the battle. If we can help we will.

Shane - posted on 08/06/2009

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Hi Karen, I am a single mom but am trying to co-parent with my ex. This works out that I do all the doctor's appointments, deal with school problems and have to stand up to some very difficult problems. I do the disciplining and try to have some rules so that my children learn responsibility. I also work part time. I have 15 year old twins, boy and girl, a 13 year old girl and a ten year old girl. Tonight my son told me I ruin all his friendships and his friends don't like me. I have the house where everyone comes to. I even call one of his friends my, "second son". I finally got tired of feeding all these extra kids and driving them everywhere. The parents of his friend have never called me to see if they could help or reciprocate. I told my son I wanted to talk to his parents but my son just got mean to me. I am now so hurt. I feel so unappreciated. I just got him a boa constrictor. I have never wanted to get a snake in my home. I just don't know when I should stand firm and when I should let things ride even if I feel used and not respected. It's either angry or sad. My mom says I need to be tough and let him know that I will not have any more of his friends over unless they help out when they are here and I talk to their parents about how much I want them to be here. My kids always call their dad and tell them about what happens in their perspective and their dad makes it into an opportunity to sling mud at me. I personally think that going to court may be good for your daughter because she will learn that their are consequences when she does something bad. Can you not take her in public if she is rude to you? I would just tell her you won't go with her until she learns to treat you with respect. Respectfully, Shane

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