My 17 year old daughter just up and left home not sure how to deal

Josee - posted on 01/31/2011 ( 45 moms have responded )

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On thursday January 20th my 17 year old daughter decided to move out. I am so confused as to what happened and not sure how to deal. I am having a real hard time.

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ETA - posted on 11/27/2012

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My 18 year old daughter left and moved out. It feels like my heart is ripped out of my chest. Being a single mom we had to go thorugh a lot to survive and now I just don't know how to pick up my life.

The question is do I still support her financially or should she learn the hard way and actually go out and work. She is attending college right now but her workload is really light. She could work.

My son is away as well attending university. I simply cannot finance three households.

I am very hurt and don't know how to handle the upcoming holidays either.

I welcome all the advise from the moms already gone through this.

thanks

User - posted on 06/15/2012

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What do you do when that 18 year old moves out with a car half in your name/half in hers. Do you keep the car and make her deal with it or do you let her have it and hope she gets a job in time to make the payments? Im ready to let her stand on her own, but I am afraid that by her moving in with her boyfriend's family, she will not stand, but fall when the relationship breaks up. Then she will be too proud to come back home. What should I do?

Bridget - posted on 03/20/2013

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Two years ago my 14 1/2 year old went to her fathers house for visitation and decided she no longer wanted to live with me and cut off all ties. I cried, begged,did not sleep and considered suicide at one point. The only thing that stopped me was that if she did come back I would be dead and unable to hear, hold or hug her. I made the mistake of trying to communicate with her father to get back with her but this did not work. I raised her as a single parent her entire life and still 2 years later cannot deal with the fact that my little girl is gone.I lost her to gangs, ghetto life style and unfortunately eventhough we have seen each other over the past few months, her father has now gone to public aide to request child support, I have filed for bankruptcy, depressed all the time becaue I miss her. My entire life has fallen aprat ever since she left me. She is disrespectful and her dad does nothing to help he could care less and I think hes happy she is ruining her life in spite of me. Things for a short time were going good ( Nove 22 2012 to February 23 , I have not seen her since then, and then since she found out she is going to get child support 2/28 she has changed completely towards me - wont answer the phone or text messages, no calls, doesnt even call to let me know how she is doing. I am lost without her she is my only child and she is a junior in hs, my family wants nothing to do with her because what she has done to me.They avopid talking to me because they dont want to talk about her with me or hear my problems. When she does answer a call she will tell me " if u are going to start I'm going to click on you." she has hung up the phone on me and weeks have gone by now and no word from her. How does a child that at one point loved you so much suddenly hates you and want nothing to do with you I gave her everything and when she left she took only the clothes on her back . I talk to a friend at work and she tries to get me to be strong. But when you changed your entire life and devoted yourself to being a parent, worked long hours and had to be strict because you were on your own where did I go wrong? she admitted to me she left because she wanted freedom, this i can deal with but don't you think about me, miss me, need me - I am you mom and always will be . I try every day to think positively but its hard. she is not taken care of the way she should be , her grades are bad now, and Im even amwazed she is still in school. Lost without my daughter and daily losing hope. Thank you for letting me share my story I hope no one feels the pain I do EVER!

Denise - posted on 02/23/2011

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My 17 year old son did the same thing to me.... except he left in the middle of the night, in the middle of the week.

Here's what I had to figure out in the months leading up to his departure (because I could tell it was coming by his attitude changes)..:

At what point do we stop dictating what our chilren can and cannot do and allow them to make their own decisions, their own choices, their own mistakes. We, as parents, have to let go of our children and allow them to become adults. And hope that the tools and lessons we taught them will help them to live their lives well. Whether we helped them or not, they will survive. We did!

If we are confident that our parenting skills were adequate, there should be no reason for our children to not become productive adults when they feel ready for the responsiblity. Obviously, some feel as tho they are ready much sooner than others.

So as a parent of a 17 (or 16 or 18 or whatever age) year old who has left our bussom, the way I see it, we have two choices.... we can worry about them 24/7, which only disrupts our lives but not theirs, or we can accept it as a fact of life, wish them the best of luck, let them know we are here for them no matter what, and keep living our lives. Which, in my opinion, is the best option because it shows the teenager that left that they didn't accomplish what maybe they hoped to accomplish.... or maybe they did.

Patricia - posted on 02/10/2011

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Well here is my point of view on that topic....lol
Recently my daughter turned 18 and for the last year and a half all I have heard was "When I am 18 I am moving out on my own!" Bla Bla Blaaaaa!!! So ya know what...I said "If ya can't beat em JOIN EM!! So on her 18th birthday I moved in with my fiance....and she moved in with her oldest sibbling her brother!!! PS: After a week of living with her brother her true colors showed up...on her cell phone at 1am...woke up her brother who had to get up for work at 6am!!! That was the wrong thing to do!!! She ended up walking out and walked to her friends house....her latest fling...a 16 year old HS drop out....and Did not attend school for 2 days...and did not contact me or anyone as well!!! WOW!! Finally....I heard from her yesterday...her words....I am sick of bubby thinking he is my father...I will never stay there with him ever again!!
(Now mind you....not onece did she admit that she was wrong for talking loud on her cell phone...nope it was her brothers fault! lol)
In conclusion here....this is my last child to turn 18...I know in my heart that I have done everything possible for her...bent over backwards trying to please a child that truly does not appreciate anything I do for her. So with that being said....I reccomend that you let go! I know its hard...but after all....when they turn 18 its exactly like the old Alice Cooper song...."I'm 18" they think they know it all and have so much knowledge now that they are a "QUOTE" adult!!! LOL
There really is not much that you can do...talking is good...but in the long run...be honest with yourself...will that REALLY help? Sad but true....it will not make one bit of difference to that stubborn soon to be 18 yr old child/adult! LOL
I seriously think that talking makes things worse...my child did not wanna hear anything I had to say to her....she was mind set on being on her own...and nothing me or anyone else said to her made a difference at ALL!!!!!
The more I would ask her to please get up for school....talked to her about going to college etc etc....the MORE she was determined NOT to losten to a word I said. Plain and simple...sad but very true...we gotta let go of the apron strings...and don't let them STOMP all over our heart-strings!!!! It hurts...I know it hurts....TRUST me YES it does!!! Letting go is not easy at all!!! But its something that mothers have to do eventually....when our little bundles of joy begin raising our blood pressure and heart rate to the point where our doctor becomes quite concerned!! It's TIME to let go and let that child learn what it is like out in this BIG lonely cold world!!!
Hope things work out for you!! :-)
God Bless YOU!!!!
49 yr old mother of 3 is now TIRED & RETIRED!!! lol

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Lisa - posted on 10/02/2014

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i forgot to add that my sister would take her for the weekends a lot through out the years and I'm more of a "we don't do halloween kind of parent and my sister is. i don't let my kids go out and hang out late night and my sister does" my other kids don't have the problem that my older child has so far they are focus and respectful they say that when they leave they want to leave on good terms. they warned me about my sister and i wondered why but now i understand.

Lisa - posted on 10/02/2014

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Hi, I'm am married and a mother of 7 kids and one of the way. I have 4 teens 1 in college 3 in high school and the little ones 1 in junior high and the rest are in elementary school. The oldest child is a female and she's grown up with me cause I was young when i had her. I was only 18. The point is she went through the transitions of all the things i had to go through trying to figure life out. My mother passed away when i was 19 I was force to live with my older sister and her boyfriend and my 3 siblings and her child at the time. I lived with them for about 5 year. which allowed my daughter to like them a lot to the point that she didn't want to move out. When i was ready i left to a shelter because my older sister used to treat me bad and abuse the fact that i was homeless totally dependent on her. So she try to rule everything which it was fine I know it was her house but i was working i wasn't living there for free i was giving her money for utilities. anyway the point is that my sister always wanted to tell me how to raise my child. I moved out and still she always had something to say. my husband at the time was as young as i was doing drugs and alcohol going through problems with his mom and so he moved with me into the shelter so that we could start over together. I was in love i saw passed his drug abuse and alway believed that god would come through for him some day. finally after a year of being in the shelter we got our apartment. We got married I started taking G.E.D classes then dropped out and stayed home staying the book with my husband until i passed the test. went straight to college after. but during this time that my husband boyfriend at the time was still doing drugs taking from me and we had constant arguments this is something she was expose too. he'd stay out at night til the morning secretly sneaking women into my house. But i loved him and i forgave over any over again. I rebelled and kicked him out and started to hang out and my oldest was 13 by this time and she would baby sit for me. I know it wasn't right. But anyway no one prayed for me that I know but i always knew God since i was a child cause my parents used to take me to church. my point is I went through some storms that made me change my ways and finally i was serious about raising my kids. i started seeking God and praying for my husband who i also forgave and took him back. my husband had some changes he started going to school working and stop hanging out less. to fast forward thing he finally stop doing drugs graduated from a two year college and then a four currently doing masters. he's doing great. I graduated from a two so far and plan to continue. anyway when we decided we were ready to change and be parents to my oldest child she just wouldn't stop saying how she couldn't wait to be 18 so she can move. I got her throughout college she just started now in september but she's been so rebellious since she fell in love with a thug from our block which i didn't approve of and since i was constantly on her about what i expected from her. one day she disrespected us and she got disciplined for it but that was it for her. Getting back to my sister and her boyfriend they always used to tell her that if ever she needed anyone they were always there and so since i disciplined her she didn't want to accept that she was disrespectful and she left to my sister house and now she doesn't want to return. Im so unset because i feel so betrayed. all i did was correct her for disrespecting me and she didn't accept it she ran from us. she 18 now. so from the age of id say 14 I've been restoring our relationship everything was fine up until she fell in love with this kid and now that she's 18 theres no getting to her. i miss her I'm so regretful of the things i did but i turned my life around and so did her dad and its like she's still stuck in the pass or at least uses it as an excuse to be with this boy cause she thinks he will change to just like her dad. I don't know what else to do:(

Angela - posted on 08/24/2014

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Hi Sonia
I am so sorry to hear and thank you for youe thoughts and prayer. I have a permanent hole in my heart. I feel I will never be the same. God bless you and may time heal our sorrow.
Angela

Sonia - posted on 08/24/2014

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Hi Angela, I'm so sorry you are going through this. I am going through the same thing with my just turned 19-year old daughter, who moved out three weeks ago to a not so great area of town to share an apartment with a man she's never met and another unknown future roommate as there is a third room available as well. She told me she was moving out because of me and my husband also says that I drove her out. I have worked hard these past 19 years to have a good relationship with her and be the best mom I could and this is devastating to me. She won't answer my texts and so I'm not sure if she's alright or not. She also didn't want to give me the address of her apartment. We were very very close when she was younger and as a teen she became resentful of my authority. I know I was a bit too strict at times but every rule I had was because I loved her and wanted the best for her. I have been praying that God and her guardian angel will take care of her. I keep getting signs from God that he is taking care of her and that she is where she needs to be right now and that I need to take care of myself and rest for awhile (it was also difficult with her at home -- although this is worse -- as she was very disrespectful of me). I will pray for you and everyone here. This suffering is immense but it has brought me closer to God as I have had to rely more on Him. I have recently been reminded more than once that suffering is good as it can be used to save others, so when I feel overwhelmingly sad I thank God for this suffering at the hands of my daughter and offer it up to save her soul. May God bless you and your precious children, dear Angela, and everyone else going through this.

Angela - posted on 08/23/2014

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Hi Marie,
Same here except its my 24 year old daughter who lives with her Dad.
She was so jealous of the relationship I had with my son/ her brother. That she started winning him over . by making fun of me. I saw an exchange text between them and it devastated me. When i confronted him he went to his sister's and Dad's...AND NEVER CAME BACK!!! jUST LIKE THAT!!! Before I knew it he asked his Father to move in with him. I now pay child support / ( not that I care). Of course his Father has his motives...but when I asked his Father to take his son this summer as we have shared custody, which he never used. He said "no". But now since I sued him for full child support he has now the upper hand to turn the tables on me. What a surprise I did it because I wanted my Son to be closer to Dad...And now I lost him forever. Its now since july 4th i have been in a series of texts exchanges with my son and seen him three times. He is mean , uses profanity, demaded his computer and texted me " see you in court" can you believe it?
My Friends that know him well cannot believe this was the Mama"s boy as they joked. I have been crying out of control and do not know why he is being like this . When I asked him today as he came to get his social insurance card,he said not now, I do not have time to talk. I asked him why is he rude and mean ...and when i started crying he called me Pathetic ... It destroyed me, Igave him his stuff and he left. I have cried since July 4th and today I thought I was going to jump out of my skin from sorrow.This was a kind boy , sweet and helpful, his sister mocked him for being so good especially with me. I know she feels the pressure of moving out of her Father's, this she confessed to me. She does not want to be alone and is grooming her brother to move ib with her, he told me this a few months ago. I thought he was talking when he graduates university. Thsi was a boy that I spoiled, with good food, being there at school events, having his friends over and feeding them too. Picking him up at work ( which I found for him).
Always super envolved in his life and studies. Felt I needed to compensate as his Father was never envolved. Eventhough I kept him posted with emails.Brought him to Disney last year. Told him how I wanted to help him and his ungrateful sister to buy a property when they graduated etc....you get the picture! He went from holding my hand as recent as May when we were out on some walk or errand, he would be sensitive , loving and sweet. To calling me names, saying I don't care , I was vulnerable and open and he bilgerent and cruel .He would even agree that his Sister had an issue with me
but Two week later he moves in with her and Dad????? God help me...Iam going crazy..

Marie - posted on 08/12/2014

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It seems like my 17 yr old is obsessed by her friend. She dont leave her side for a minute. She swears shes not in a relationship with her female friend but they are inseparatable.If my daughter comes home for a mi ute she cant even talk without the friend calling her and she runs back out. The friend lets my daughter buy her things and pay for things like food and gas. The friend borrowed couple hundreds for a cruise we all went on and never paid it back. My daughter dont seem to care. This is my daughters hard earned money. My daughter been staying over her friends and havent been coming home. Should I force her to or not? I dont know what to do. My 3 sons never did this.

Marie - posted on 08/12/2014

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My daughter is 17 i July. She has an 18 year old friend who she spends lots of time with. She is always with her and never comes home. She tells me she could do what she wants. If my daughter comes home to ge4t some clothes she runs right back lkut. Wont even sit for a minute to talk. The friend lives with her aunt 10 minutes away and they stay together on the couch. I dont know if I should force her to come home or not. She has her car but its under my name. I was thinking of getting the car and hiding it but its going to cause a war. Her father will go against anything I do just to be on her side. Thats how he works. I already turned off her data for her phone but dont want to shut if completely cause then I wont be able to contact her. So my question is do I force her to come home or not.

User - posted on 06/13/2014

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Heather, I can absolutely relate to you, my 15 year old did the same thing to me this year. She came home from school and 20 minutes later i received a call from my other daughter to tell me that she left with her father and she's been with him ever sense. I didn't understand the why, but then my daughter went and made many false accusations about me and her older half-sister being an attorney is taking me to court for change of custody. The first few months were devastating, but my faith in God lets me know that she will regret every moment along with those who have assisted her and I let go and let God. I realized that I didn't have to know the 'whys" but realize that what I've instilled in her is in her and her life won't ever be the same because of her own choices. Unfortunately, the court system, police and society has made it very easy for children to be independent and not respect authority, but they have to just learn the hard way.

Liz - posted on 05/28/2014

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Is there any chance that you could provide an update? I have a child in the same situation right now, and hearing how things have panned out for you could be useful. Thanks!

Mary - posted on 05/05/2014

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She refuses to talk to me and when she does its to tell me she wants nothing to do with me.

Mary - posted on 04/17/2014

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My daughter is 17 monday her father had surgery she wanted to go stay the night with him to help him and I let her she came home tuesday evening and her boyfriend was with her we needed up getting into an argument and she wanted to stay the night with her dad again and I said yes so she and her boyfriend left. I called her to try to apologise for the argument and she said shes not coming back home and she wasn't at her dads she was at her boyfriends house and that that's where she was monday night also and that is where she was staying. So what should I do

Tami - posted on 03/27/2014

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OMG..I know you posted over 3 years ago, but I am so glad I read your story. I needed to hear what you had to say. My 17 year old son..last one at home (3 boys), he tells me all the time he wants to move out. I pay for everything for him, his phone, his car insurance, out to eat..ect...I fear when he moves out I will have that emtpy nest sydrome. I mind you, I do work 2 jobs, 7 days a week to give my boys everything they wanted. His father did nothing. I am heartbroke actually because he does not see what I have done for him. He does not work. He told me today that his dad is getting him an apartment for 400.00 Month and he can work at the apartment (where his dad works) to do odd jobs. I know in my heart he WONT make it. But as you say, I am going to let go and tell him I hope it all works out for him....but once he moves out, I will no longer support him. Period. That is when he will realize what I did for him. I love my boys and they are my life and always will be. Thanks again for your post..what I needed to hear. Single Mom of 3 boys. How is your child doing today? Eml at mtammie31@yahoo.com

Andrea - posted on 03/03/2014

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Hello I am new to the community but I have the same situation. MY 17 yr old daughter is pregnant from a guy she REALLY dont know she cant take care of herself at all but is mind set on keeping the baby..she is a jr in hs but is constantly skipping class and isnt passing most of her classes...she feels as if keeping the baby will somehow give the chance to get the house..I have an older son which is 2 yrs older than her..he is a Marine..my daughter states she isnt thinking about college or military ...some suggestions please...As a mom what do u do...she is the only girl out of 3 boys

Heather - posted on 02/07/2014

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this has cheered me up no end lol... I agree with everything you say and I was a great mom too, I am strill struggling cus its nearly 4 weeks and the way she did it was so wrong. I was at work she rang me saying she was going to the cinema with mates and could we have dinner about 6.30 ? I said yes no probs she said I love you see you lata then never came home

Heather - posted on 02/06/2014

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I have had the same thing happen with my 18 year old don't know what is going on

Heather - posted on 02/06/2014

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All these messages are so sad and I feel for all of you, I have 3 children the youngest just 18 we had a very close loving relationship she told me every day she loved me then one day 4 weeks ago I was at work and she called to say she was going to the cinema with a girl that I have never liked and is a troublesome girl but you cant choose their friends sadly..... she said she would be back and could we have dinner about 6.30 I said no problem she said love you mom see you later.... that was the last I saw or heard from her. I know just how you all feel its like a bereavement you just don't understand WHY !!!!!!!!

Beverly - posted on 01/04/2014

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Hopefully things are better now. If not I suggest that you try not to call her or her father. Trust me she will began to miss you. Pray and ask God to strengthen your heart and to cover her with His precious blood. I experienced something similar. Put her in the hands of the Lord and He will keep her and He will also keep you in peace knowing that He is in control. The Almighty God has your baby girl in HIs hands. No better place for her to be when away from her mom. I pray that God strengthens your heart. She will be back.

Doyleclan1 - posted on 09/15/2013

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Hi, I have had similar problems. My 16 year old left home and dropped out of HS year 11. I have had long term run away issues and problems communicating with her as much as the next parent. I tried arranging counselling but she wouldn't participate. She has been gone two weeks and asked me to come home but then changed her mind a few hours later. Saying she couldn't put up with my house rules. I then Googled some blog sites and have found ones like this one, And fortunately found this one, run by professionals who cover every topic from your teenage kid to coping as a parent. These suggestions here are fine and all but the messages are not plain to decipher. This link is not to cover every problem you have with your teenager, but will take you to the site that covers every problem with your teenager, and professionals providing clear 'how to' and 'what to say or do if or when' advice, and why it works. I read advice and freuently asked questions, prior to which I felt like leaving the country and never see my daughter again. Hey--if a kid can run away, an adult can feel so low they want to run away too. (Don't judge me.) The house is full of reminders and when you go out shopping you think --that's what my daughter like to eat. Then I found the website and felt better immediately after reading many articles. Today I managed to have an hour chat to my daughter even after she hung up the first time. The bad stuff that's happening won't undo itself over night--it's how YOU look at things that can. I do have some advice for the lady concern about having to pay child support. If your daughters room is empty--let the room out for room and board to an International Uni student. You have to provide a furnished room and the rent/board is $700 to $1200 per month. You have to sign on to a 'Homestay" service. Someone will come to view the accommodation you are providing. I might also add, as a single parent during the GFC, I was unemployed 2½ years and did not lose my house as I rented out a room, and seriously moved into my garage. I did it tough but you can get through. I hope you take action for yourself before your situation becomes dire--worrying about your daughter living at her dad's is not seeing the silver lining for her situation. Daughters need there fathers and seek the love of any guy who'll tell her, and she's not pregnant. Second, there is another term called 'necessary losses' (Harvell Hendrick). Referring to the time when we have to let go of people in our lives, including the death of our parents or a child not being a child, moving on and making their own decisions. So managing your feelings is the first step. You'll have to re-instruct your brain with new strategies to get on with your life. But 'be there' in your daughters life--no strings attached--for the time being. Best wishes to you and your family

Read more: http://www.empoweringparents.com/Runaway...

Ileiry - posted on 03/04/2013

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Hello I just wanted to take the time to write about my expirience. I am currentl 24 I was kicked out by my mom when I was eighteen because I wanted to be out with my boyfriend at all hours of the night and I thought I was grown and knew what I was doing. I left with my boyfriend and thought I knew him well but it turned out I did not. I went to pick up my things the next day. I married him that same year and a year later I got pregnant. He than started doing things that he didnt do before for example leaving and not coming home till three oclock in the morning drunk and this was while I was pregnant. I confronted him several times and the altercations got worse he once pushed me to the floor while I was pregnant and I than threatened to call the police and immigration on him since he was illegally here in the united states he never touched me again but things just got worse. I was pregnant and working a forty hour job to get bye because althought he supposately worked he never had money and always had an excuse as to why he didnt have money. He went to jail several times and always had an excuse as to that as well and I always ended up bailing him out until one day I didnt and than he asked my aunt for money which I also had to pay back. I than had a baby boy who was born with spinabifida because he needed surgery and onehundred percent of my attention I had to quit my job and ended moving out of my apartment with him to live with other people because it was the only thing I could afford I was paying all our bills with my sons SSI because I couldnt work. To make the story short he became a drug addict spent his check and stole our sons SSI money and any valuable belongings we had in the house I went into a deep depression and abandoned myself completely although I always took care of my son. I was so poor we didnt have a washing machine were we lived and I couldnt afford to wash clothes at the laundromat so I washed me and my sons clothes by hand in the bath tub. I didnt have a vehicle or a driver liscense and had to walk to the grocery store and hour to go and than an hour to come back with my son in a stroller. I than decided to do something for myself and started going to school online. I couldnt stay with him any longer because he was using cocaine and abusing alcohol and it got to the point were he had halusinations and threatened to kill the dog that he had brought home with the knife in my face and at that point my son rarely had diapers and was lacking many things as well as I was. I was scared of him so I called my mom crying and asked her to please take my son and me in and finaly told her what was happening cause she had no idea. I learned things the hard way. My son is now five I earned my associated degree in medical office management and have an excellent husband who fortunately is very caring of me and our son. Having come from this situasion although it hurt my mom very badly but my advice is to let her learn on her own because she wont know how good she had it until she faces situasions on her own. Now youre not there to buy her essentials or provide food or shelter and well go to the police station and notify them of what happened maybe they can help. Good luck.

User - posted on 06/15/2012

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What do you do when that 18 year old moves out with a car half in your name/half in hers. Do you keep the car and make her deal with it or do you let her have it and hope she gets a job in time to make the payments? Im ready to let her stand on her own, but I am afraid that by her moving in with her boyfriend's family, she will not stand, but fall when the relationship breaks up. Then she will be too proud to come back home. What should I do?

Becky - posted on 02/08/2012

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Just went through a heart-breaking time with my 17 year old daughter. She had been acting different for a few weeks and finally I asked her to have an honest talk with me and she admitted she wanted to move out and had no desire to live at home anymore because she "doesn't like it there." In the meantime, she stayed with friends and I cried for about a week then I decided that even though it was a year earlier than I even considered that she would move out, and I could have called the cops to bring her home, I would change the situation. I explained to her that as her parents, it broke our hearts and we were not ready for this, but if she found a suitable situation, I would support her and help her financially to finish school. I told her gas and lunch money for school was all she should expect from us and then when she found a really good friend, that I have known for a few years, to be her roommate and a good deal on rent, she began to get excited and while my heart was breaking inside, I pretended to be excited for her. Within a few days,I wasn't pretending... I was really excited for her to begin this new chapter, though it was earlier than I would ever have anticipated. Before, when she lived at home, she talked to me only when she needed something, now she comes by or calls everyday to tell me something exciting and sometimes I want to roll my eyes because I think what she's talking about will not work, I just listen, and tell her I love her at the end of the conversation. Sometimes the best thing to say to our kids is... nothing more than... I love you and home will always be here if you need it. And if she ever does, I will never say, "I told you it so."

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My 17 yr old daughter left home during a heated argument with both parents, about an alarming school phone call about her attendance and possibly not graduating this year :(( Although we notice attitude changes and lack of interest in her future, the phone call BLEW our minds and just caught is off guard. Overall, she was always a good girl, and made school a priority like how we tried to raise her since a baby; well I just learned that my daughter has skipped nearly all her classes for the past 3 months!!! Shocker!!! There is more leading up to her attitude change, since getting into 2 car accidents (both her fault), and a speeding ticket, her dad and I had practically put her on lock down at home, and had been triple strict on her with nagging and endless lectures....
As a result, last argue meant her dad have her the option to leave and never come home... with much regret she now refuses to acknowledge us :((. I don't wanna lose her just yet, I just want her to pick up her self esteem and finish school for her sake, but I'm afraid she won't just to get payback at her parents :((

Anne - posted on 12/02/2011

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i am also feeling same my daughter lived with me when she had our grandson up to him being a toddler then move to a flat not too far felt gutted but got use to it I was there when she needed a break which was often I didn't mind then after a year moved back in found a boyfriend all was well for 3 years till last week she broke up with her boyfriend and went with my grandson to her friend 120 miles away and now has decieded to stay for a week now wants to stay there and says I can visit but just been laid off from work cant afford to keep going up there ive gone from looking after him full time to nothing and I feel gutted I feel that there is nothing left to live for I feel so alone what do I do now will he forget me he means so much to me totally lost.

Tiffany - posted on 02/10/2011

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TEENAGERS they think they know it all. I can say that because I have THREE in my household. They think the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. I would talk to her and she what she has to say and go from there. They must learn (sometimes it's the hard way) that there are rules EVERYWHERE you go. Just because you don't like the rules at home doesn't mean leaving will solve the problem(s). I would recommend seeing a counselor also if she is not willing to work it out with you. I was also told parents are responsible for children until they are 18..so even though she left if anything was to happen you will be reliable for it.

Josee - posted on 02/09/2011

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Thank you everyone for you input. I do know where she is. She is staying at my grandparents and I know she is safe. She call a few times a week to talk to her younger sister (16) and her two younger brothers (6, 11) but never talks to me or her dad. I have tried calling her and told her that I am there for her no matter what. That I love her and she can always come home if she wants to. The thing that scares me more is that we think she may be schzohrenic like her dad and want her to get tested. She refuses and I am scared for her. Unfortunatly in Ontario Canada at 17 there is nothing I can do if she decides to move out. I tried calling the police and CAS to see if they could help and they both told me there was nothing they could do. She left at 7:30 at night while I was at work yelling at her dad that she was fed up with this house and rules and family and that she was leaving and there was nothing he could do and then she just left. I do not know what more to do then what I have been which is text her good night every night tell her that I love her and am there for her.
Josee

Lori - posted on 02/08/2011

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just a note though- she is doing fantastic now and i couldnt be any prouder... you just have to give her space to be herself....

Lori - posted on 02/08/2011

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OK here is my input. My daughter moved out ealier this year at 17 as well. She did not like the fact that i would not allow her boyfriend to move in with us because they have a child together. Sk she moved out. Bounced from place to place. With my help i got her into a apartment so they wont be homeless but i kept my "mommy" distance. What i have learned is that they not only need you, but want you during that time. She still comes and sees me very frequently but i try and limit my interruptions or advice unless she needs it. has she done the best since she left? no. but ihave supported her decision even though it hurt like a dickens. i wish her and the kids were here. but they arent so i just try and show/teach her as best as i can from a distance. just remind her you love her, you support her and if there are any problems you will be there. she is going on 19 now nd still calls me mommy!)

Taunya - posted on 02/08/2011

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My daughter (now 21) did the same thing at 17. I would be interested in knowing a little more informtion. Do you know where she is? is she safe where she is? etc. When my daughter did this move i know nothing. I searched for her, called her friends, looked on line, posted messages etc. finally she called me because all her friends was bugging her. I found out she was staying with an old friend's family (i didn't know they still had contact). After getting a little mad at her and the parents for not contacting her parents (me and my husband) we then set down and talked. the other parents said she could stay there for a while to think about things and i let her and them know i wasn't happy with it but said ok. I continued the keep the door of communication open with her but would not give her or them money to support her. I figured they wanted to take it on and she wanted to be an adult then at least i know she was safe and i let it be. She did end up comming home and since then has been in and out, issues arised that we/she is still working on but she's doing better.

Vickie - posted on 02/08/2011

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In most states, if not all, at 17 your daughter is not of legal age to move out on her own. You can make her return home until she turns 18. She'll discover soon enough that living on her own comes with a lot of responsibilities. In the meantime, sit down and have a heart to heart talk with her and find out what's going on. You may also want to consider counselling for her or for both of you.

Carol - posted on 02/07/2011

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I kow what that feels like my daughter did the same at 19 and thought I am all grown up but now at 25 she is back home all you can do is let her know you are there for her and when she makes a mistake help her out but let her stand on her own two feet for a while and she will realise what she had at home keep your heart strong and place your trust in God he will guide you through this Carol

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 02/02/2011

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INVESTIGATE!!! Is she in a relationship? Is she being forced to do something against her will? She's 17, there is SOMETHING going on here. are you and her dad still together? If not, could she be there?

Sorry, too many questions, I know. I'm praying for you both, and I sincerely hope it's teenage hormones and nothing else

KELLIKAYZ - posted on 02/02/2011

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I AM SORRY JOSEE, I CANNOT IMAGINE HOW MUCH YOU ARE HURTING RIGHT NOW. MY 18 YEAR OLD SON DID THE SAME THING WHEN HE WAS 17 BECAUSE HE HAS TOTAL FREEDOM AT HIS FATHER'S. IT KILLED ME WHEN I SAW HIM ONE DAY WITH HIS FRIENDS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD STORE WHEN MY 14 YEAR OLD AND I WERE THERE. I FELT SO LOST AND HURT. I AM BEYOND HAPPY TO SAY THAT HE GOT OVER HAVING THE FREEDOM OVER HIS MOM AND BABY BROTHER AND HAS NOT DONE THAT AGAIN. HE STAYED GONE ABOUT 3 WEEKS, YOU'RE DAUGHTER WILL COME BACK. I'M JUST SORRY YOU HAVE TO GO THROUGH THIS ROUGH TIME......GOD BLESS YOU SWEETIE

Jane - posted on 02/02/2011

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Interesting...at 17 years old, in the state I live in, you can report her as a run away and get her to come home. Do I think that's the right answer? No, but if my now 20 year old daughter pulled that at 17, I'd be finding her and convincing her to come home.

You say you're confused as to what happened....did she leave in the middle of the night? Did you have a fight? Do you not have a good relationship? Is she in trouble? You must have SOME idea on what happened.

Crystal Nutt Spinks - posted on 02/01/2011

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@ julie I love your response!!!! I left home at 16 I was pregnant with my first child and i thought for sure i knew it all (ha) was i wrong...But Julie is right you have to be supportive and let her know you are going to be there for her she is trying to spread her wings and if you fight it you will drive her further into a world she is not ready for even tho she thinks she is......I am not saying make it easy dont start paying her bills and stuff like that she needs to she the full picture of the responsibility she is taking on before she is able to learn this life lesson....You just need to try and sit down and talk to her and see what is really going on something is hapening in her life that she feels she is ready to go it alone...The most important thing is that she know you are there unconditionaly and whole heartedly there to support her as best as you can and trust me she will be back may take a few weeks may take a year but she will be back once she realizes she is not ready for this grown up life yet lol cuz trust me dont we all wish at some point we could go back home.......and be kids again lol

Julie - posted on 02/01/2011

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you need to speak to your daughter and ask if there are any problems either at home or outside and then you can sit and work things out. i left home at 18 purely because i wanted my own space and be able to live my own life without my mum chipping in and either advising(which she always seemed to be interfering instead) or pure critisism. teenagers are funny people and think all parents are mind readers. take her out for lunch and talk to her and help her make her own place nice she will respond better if you leave the mommy head at the door and talk to her as an individual person whose opinions you respect.

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