my 17 year old daughter wants to do what she wants and not listen to me what do i do?? need help

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Melissa - posted on 03/12/2013

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Wish I had advice my daughter left sunday and hasn"t been home since won't tell me where she is who shes with and has only texted me a few times saying I keep her locked up in cage like a bird by not allowiing hernto go places with her friends. But the friends she wants to hang out with gets in deep trouble all the time. She texted me and told me she wasn't coming home until Sunday for school and I told to come home yesterday and she didn't. What should I do put her out or what?

Aonymous - posted on 11/16/2012

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My daughter will be the death of me one day .I die a litttle more each day due to the way she talks and acts towards me ,.I'm crying as I write this as I feel sooo envious of other mothers [ her friends mothers ] who get only love and resect from their daughters . I actualy PRAY to God not to wake up in the morning as I feel that death would be a welcome release

Linda - posted on 11/30/2012

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To all the WONDERFUL parents who have teenagers! I have 3 children who are all now in their 20's. They are all successful adults who treat me with love and respect NOW THAT THEY HAVE GROWN UP! But everyone of them went through years if "hating" me, being abusively disrespectful and 2 left home to live with my ex who allowed them complete freedom. Those were the worst parenting years of my life. I was soooo heartbroken, I could hardly function. I had been a wonderful mom - not perfect by any means - but a great mom. I never hit or grounded my kids. I have never smoked pot, been one to drink, or use drugs. I provided a very nice home filled with their friends. In fact, we lived on a ranch with all sorts of animals (including horses), ATV's, go-carts, etc. If anything, I was too giving. I also worked too much always trying to keep up their life style. They loved my husband, their step-dad. But they still left or yelled the worst things they could ever say to hurt me. I cried through so many of those years and I thought they would never love or respect me. I couldn't believe that some day all this would pass and the children I once had would re-emerge as loving beings.



I don't have any advise about how to change this terrible thing from happening but I can tell you from my own experience three times over that your kids will grow up and love you. All of this will be behind you and them. These will be your hardest and worst years of parenting but those years that follow will bring you back the love and joy you once had. So, hang in there. You are most certainly not alone. Be as good to yourself as you can. Most certainly don't blame yourself or think you have failed in any way. Pray for strength and patience. And, for what it is worth, please know I care about you because I know you have and continue to do your very best. I know that because I know I did.

Denise - posted on 06/24/2010

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I know your pain ALL too well! I have two daughters, 15 and 17. They will be 16 and 18 in September. My older daughter is disrespectful, feels like she is "owed" things. She has all the answers and knows everything. I have lost my temper w/her many times b/c being patient and understanding of her age just wasn't working. She has this sense of entitlement and she feels like she is gonna do what she wants to do. I know this....when she turns 18 in September, it's my rules or she can find a way to move out. It's tough!

Karima - posted on 12/15/2013

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I have 4 daughters ages 16, 15,12,and 11... My 16 yr old is very rude, mean to her younger sisters an has said very disturbing things like" I wish they would've never been born". Even since she was as young As 7 she's been acting this way. I'm a fair parent and have grounded her and take away what she likes the most and sat with her numerous time a line and as a family and she just shows no sense if remorse . I tell her how her mistreatment hurts her siblings and she seems to not care. When around her friends she's polite respectful to me and her sisters. I just found out she has smoked weed and was drinking at a friends house. Before I let her go to any of her friends house I spoke with the parents and they said there was bad crazy things going on like that at their home(lies).... I found out because when my daughter came home the next day she forgot to delete messages from her phone and I confiscate the phone randomly to snoop thru it and she even had pictures of her smoking and drinking. I was infuriated and waned to beat her up for lying. I didn't hit her cause I don't believe I'm beating. But I made her feel guilty about it. She would always say she would never be another static child and and look what she's done. I'm sick and tired if serif my other kids being verbally abused. They try to hug her and tell her they love her but she'll say"eeeewww go away , you're gross" or they'll tell her something an she ignores them and they call her name to get her attention and she still ignores them and then finally she gives them an evil look and tells them to shut up and that they're losers and she doesn't want them talking to her. My you get ones hearts been broken and stepped on by her and I've had it to the last drop. She hates brig home and I've decided that if she hates being home then she's got to get out. I've raised all my kids the same way and gave equal amounts if love and the 3 younger ones get it when it comes to family respect and how to show affection and and make people feel special but my oldest forget, he's just a block head. Let me say she does gets good grades and she's a high honors student and shes involved in extra curricular activities so I don't allow her to have too much free time so she can get into trouble. But in the home front she just doesn't want to be here. I decided I'm putting her out. I can't continue seeing my other kids being abused verbally because of her disrespect. They're disgusted by her actions. My 3 younger girls said to me last night in tears that it truly hurts them to see her oldest sister be nice and loving towards her friends and she even hands out kisses to all her friends when she never does that with them. Ugh in disgusted and annoyed and feel unappreciated! She never a says thank you to us or anyone in our home when we do something nice for her but she's very thankful when friends give her things or do things for her. I've had it with her I'm washing my hands and I'm getting her out of my house and putting her out. My younger ones sees what she does and acts and they're in shock and thy cry to me and say "mommy you're a good mom , even bough she (my oldest) makes you feel like you're not, we love you a lot mom".... It's soo sad that they feel they have to make up for her oldest sisters mistakes. And that's my struggles so I know I'm not alone.

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Karima - posted on 05/04/2015

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Hello. I have to say that parenting is in steps. When kids are babies then parents treat like babies. As teenagers parents have to treat them as what they are teenagers. Teenagers think they know it all and parents know NOTHING. As they think they can sustain a life outside of mommy and daddies home with out a job or anything because they don't know what anything cost because mommy and daddy has been providing it for them. My advice to you is let her get her independence. I know as parents we don't want to let go of our kids but how are they going to learn to fend for themselves if we are not allowing them to grow up. If what she wants is freedom then let her have some. Allow her to do things show her that mom and dad trust her and KNOW she's a smart girl/boy who will make mistakes but not mistakes that will ruin her life. Kids want their parents trust and validation. when your child does well , praise her for it and trust me she's going to want to do more good because she made mom and dad proud of her and they praised her. Kids love praises and want to be acknowledged for their good behavior. Kiss and hug your child and let them know how much you love them and that no matter what mommy will always love them. You're their biggest supporter. Its sooo hard for teens to stand up to their parents because honestly they don't like it but when parents push and push trying to control a teenager that's when things get ugly. A teenager doesn't want to be controlled they want to grow up and learn about life even if they fail and need mom and dad later. when they do fail they know mom and dad loves them and are there for them. Maintaining a good healthy relationship with your teen is essential for a healthier future for all. Hope everything is well.

Karima - posted on 04/26/2015

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@sue she. Hi lady. Hope you're doing well. I hate to be the one to say this but your daughter is 17 yrs old and she can basically choose where she wants to live. If her friends parents are willing to accept her in their house then let it be. Accept and respect your daughters decision. If your daughter moved out then maybe she's not happy at home, It can be a lot of different factors. I suggest you sitting with your daughter and having a one on one and heart to heart conversation and listen to what she has to say to you on how she's feeling about you guys at home. Teenagers often seek others support if they feel their parents turns their backs on them. Your kid needs you but since some how she feels you're not there then she will just go to where she's heard. Talk to her and see what she tells you. In regards to the friends parents accepting her in their house, if I were you I would be thankful she's not on the street. I don't know the friends parents but obviously that other parent likes your daughter to allow her to stay md possibly live there.I say be thankful to the other parents that are allowing your daughter to stay with them until your daughter finds her self and comes back home. Hopefully the Friends parents are providing good structured home and isn't a party house. Take care and let us know how everything turned out.

Karima - posted on 04/26/2015

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Hello everyone. I just wanted to let you guys know that after sharing my situation on here with you guys in regards to my oldest daughter, I have great news.... My daughter started to come around ore and the way she used to treat her sisters has changed. First of all let me tell you I was thinking in kicking her out my house but I didn't have the heart to do it. So I realized that parenting is in steps. With teenagers you need to give them trust even if they fail themselves and you. Always encourage them to do well and praise them and give them lots of love. I started to spend more time with my oldest since all the younger ones took up a lot of my time. Her and I go out to do nice things out way to bind and connect with each other. Keep your daughters close and looove them no matter what and let them know. Older kids have so much stress and with hormones, younger siblings, school,friends and parents expecting a lot more from them since they're the oldest. I started to encourage her and I told her that she's growing up and part of maturing and growing comes respect. Respect is what mature adults give out to others. She's been closer to be and her siblings. We have movie night and she sits and talks and jokes around with sisters and my husband and I. She's going out to college in augaust and she's super excite. We're all praising her for her hard work. She's changed so much. So for you parents battling with your teens just stop battling them because the more you battle them the further they will be. let them know how smart, good kids they are and how much you love them and that you'll always be there for them and your teen won't want to disappoint you, he or she will always look want to do good. Praising your children builds character and their self esteem. Remember you're their biggest fan! discipline when needed but no hitting because more likely your teen will rebel and possibly hit you back. Never get to the point where you guys are yelling at each other and hitting. I made that mistake and omg I hit my daughter and I felt horrible! Till this day I feel horrible and forever will feel horrible. They're your kids and my your punching bag. You're going to have your happy days and your head budding days but there's no need to put your kids down and crush their self esteem. If theyre getting beaten and degraded at home then who are they're going to turn to? Exactly! theyll turn to their friends who they have fun with. Cmon if home is hell then everything else is better Then home. Well hopefully this was helpful. And again love them and have fun with your teens so they're only source of fun isn't only their friends. They need a balance. Take care.

User - posted on 01/05/2015

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that is worng why yu do that remmber that yu live yur life so let she live hers

Sue - posted on 06/23/2014

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My 17 year daughter just left the house today. we have two other daughters aged 13 and 9 yrs. She always tells us that she want to go and stay with a schoolmate and the mum is going to call us about it. Today she came insisting and being rude to me and the dad. we finally told her to do what she wants as she went to an extent of insulting the dad. my other daughters don't like her behavior although they are still sympathetic to their sister. when her friends come around she always behaves very well and pretends a lot. We feel some of these friends have messed her up as she wants to copy them as they will sometimes come insisting they want to go out with her. We have traced cigarette buts in the car. In school she has been suspended twice of late cause of fighting with the very same friends. My daughter used to do very well in school but that is history now. We are originally from Africa and she mostly takes us as we don't know due to her proficiency in American language and our Accent. They were all born in Africa and was 9 years when we came. We kind of blame this parent who is willing to host her cause shes always talking of her. We got no financial constraints as am an RN and the dad is a Graduate Teacher who is in business now and earning enough.

Colette - posted on 05/27/2013

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my 16 yr old daughter, is fighting for her independance. She is not thinking things thru...she wants to move out and be on her own, but she dosnt even have a job...all this is showing me is that she wants is to be disrespectful to me and my boyfriend...to the teachers at school, to her sister... its always the same fight, her wanting to be out from my rules...I finally said OK. If you want you can move, but you cant just run with NO plan, NO job...I asked her to put together her plan on how to acheive this goal...am I completely out of my mind?

Melissa Jane - posted on 01/28/2013

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cool i hope he will come to his sense i took the pc out of the living room and the xbox out of the livingroom hopefully that works

Bonnie - posted on 01/28/2013

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I've been there. I took away, her phone, her bedroom and closet doors, her computer and she had to earn them back. When we got to the point of that no longer working I turned her phone off. I even had to lock her out of the house until she realized that she had to follow my rules. She became very angry but we worked it out. She now follows the rules. Good luck

Melissa Jane - posted on 01/27/2013

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ok thank you we always get into a word fight, but he wants me to give him everything he wants like putting insurance on a vehicle for him but the way i see it if he cant respect me why should i do that

Tiffany - posted on 01/27/2013

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If you ever need to talk email me, it's listed in the thread, and I am willing to be an ear.

Tiffany - posted on 01/27/2013

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Melissa read Linda's post below it gives great encouragement about how this will pass. In the meantime i think you should do things for him as long as he respects you. If he doesn't respect you, provide just the basics. That's hard to do because if you are like me I am used to really trying to give my son what he wants. But that has harmed him, me and my self respect. They seem to go through some stage of feeling and acting like they hate their moms, especially if no man is involved. But even when there is they seem to go through that. If you believe in God pray hard during this time, he truly will give you he strength you need.

Melissa Jane - posted on 01/26/2013

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what does everyone think do i stop doing things for him and ignore him or what? Any suggestions?

Melissa Jane - posted on 01/26/2013

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my son is 16 years old and he just told me he doesn't like how his dad and i are. Every time we tell him to do something or not to do something he always has something smart to say. I think he hates us and we never done anything wrong to him.

Tiffany - posted on 12/05/2012

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Thank you Linda! When is the best time to reach you? My email is tiffanysonnier@gmail.com

User - posted on 12/05/2012

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I have a 17 yr old daughter who is listening to her aunt, on how messed up her mom is! My sister wants my daughter!! I actually put my daughter out last night cause it got so heated!! All because she wanted to BE with my sister!! My daughter didn't go to school today! But my sister called and wanted to come get my child's things! I told her send her home. or she could buy what my daughter needs!!! She hung up on me!!! WHAT DO I DO?

Linda - posted on 12/03/2012

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Tiffany,



I am so glad my posting was helpful. I don't want to put my personal e mail address on to a public site but I would be very happy yo correspond with you more about my experience through those terribly difficult years and be as supportive as I can for you. If you want to call me at 707 537 0955, I can give you my e mail address or just chat with you. I so wanted help and understanding when I went through those terrible years but I didn't know anyone else who had gone through such a thing which only made me feel worse.



Linda

Tiffany - posted on 12/03/2012

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To Linda (mom of 3 adult children): THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



You have no idea how much what you have said has just blessed me. I only hope and pray that I have the same results you have had with your kids after such a painful time. The pain and tears you describe are exactly how I feel with my teenage son. THANK YOU!!

Manuela - posted on 12/03/2012

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I know how u feel,except my daughter is only 16.It breaks my heart that these kids wants to move out of their parents homes so quick :( my daughter wants to move in with her boyfriend family member,I dont know what to do either.I really wish I knew what to do

Justif - posted on 10/23/2012

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My heart goes out to yours and similar situations.



"The whole time my daughter is giving me that F&^# you mom look, i won this one. So please someone tell me what to do. I am not a bad parent she has been allowed to have her freedom as long as she follows the rules. She has had a phone she has cable in her room she has internet she has everything a 17 yr old wants and doesnt pay for a dime of it. She has two parents who love her and tell her that. She has it all, but she is not a happy kid "



Exactly. "EVERYTHING A 17 YEAR OLD COULD WANT" ...isn't necessarily the same thing as everything a 17 year old actually needs. FREEDOM... Maybe she has had to much "FREEDOM" she apparently doesn't appreciate it. TAKE IT AWAY! ALL OF IT...right down to the cloths you have bought her! Get her a few basic pants and tops...she can be responsible for washing and wearing them. ESP. TAKE THE TV, INTERNET AND PHONE! BE FIRM! She doesn't get ANYTHING back until it is EARNED...problem solved. BE STRONG, I promise you this will work! Do not be affected by her behavior, go about your business she acts out, that is on her...her behavior affects her life, her comfort...you have to provide a roof, food, basic clothing and education...That is all. You are not responsible for comforts, TV, games and entertainment, phones, internet...DONT CRY anymore, make the LAW work in your favor...YOU HAVE NOT LOST THIS.



This entire generation of children are spoiled brats! I know some people think that about every generation and it is most likely true depending on where and how you grew up. There were kids who acted this way when I was that age, but not many. I was raised in a rural town, we were not McDonalds kids, in fact; we grew a lot of our own food. We ate dinner every night together, we worked everyday after school doing our chores and we we did not have TV in our rooms. We also attended church services on Sunday as a family. I am NOT by any means saying that this was the "RIGHT" way...to each there own but this was the norm at that time in the 1980's- etc...I have not raised my daughter in this way. We live in a city, I am divorced and a single mom, we do not attend church as often as I would like but I have almost always had dinner with my daughter. She is 17 years old and I have NOT found very many reasons to have her galavanting around the town with friends and/or people I don't know. I can say this...she is NOT spoiled. She was not given everything in life for free. She has ALWAYS had chores and she has always has a VERY clear understanding of my rules and has not deviated very far from them. She has a boyfriend for the past couple of years, this year at 17, she has just convinced me a few times to allow her to go anywhere in a car. (twice) to be exact. Some people say I am strict and they are probably right. I have open conversation with her and we do have our moments of conflict but let me just say this...THEY WOULD BE TAKING ME TO JAIL...I have NOT and do NOT have a problem with busting a child's ass with a belt. It was a RARE occasion that this was needed but when it was called for you better believe I was not afraid to use it! My daughter is now out of high school and will be starting college soon. She wants to work and she has goals she wants to achieve. I came here b/c I thought I had a problem b/c I would like her to see other people. She has a boyfriend that she has been friends with since 6TH grade. He is a sweet boy just thought they should not be in such a committed relationship this young. I realize after reading the post here that I do not really have a problem. I feel just heartbroken from some of the problems you all are facing.



Big (((hugs))) and I really hope you find some peace and rest soon. Sending some good energy and loving prayers your way.

I want my daughter to see this and I want to give her a big hug. We have had some hard moments but I am very blessed. I just want her to avoid the trap to make it a little easier on the next generation and have her children turn out like this. :(

Wendy - posted on 10/08/2012

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Christina,Your story is the same here in Ga ! I have a 17 year old son who is out of control and has been given every thing in life and raised in church all his life and is the most disrespectful child i have ever known or read about. He is calling his dad F...ing stupid in front of my 2 smaller children and destroyed our automatic garage and threw a router across the room into my new lamp and shattered it. The sheriff has been to my home some 6 times , He has began staying out all night on the weekinds, skipping school, making failing grades onhis math and english progress report card.He came home sun night and had 5 cans of beer in his car, I also found rolling papers and a glass pipe in his car, I his it in our home saving for the counselor or police and he went onto my closet and found it hid in our camcord bag. He is out of control and I was told last night that I can put him out and send him to his biological moms house but would have to get a restraining order. My husband does not want a record on his son because his son is planning on going into the marines but we have to deal with him now before our little ones see too much and become like him for the next 10 years ... please help if anyone has any advise...

Amarifernanez - posted on 08/27/2012

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A friend of mind is having real problems with his daughter , she is what I like to call off the change recently it has been 3 different times that she has ran away the last time she was found at a boys house who is 20 years old, she is 17years old , are there programs available in New Jersey that can help him?

Linda - posted on 08/10/2012

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My daughter ran off with her boyfriend and devasted me but I found out once they reached that age there's nothing you can do.So I signed the papers and let her get married.I tried to tell her that he wasnt good for her but she wouldnt listen,if I hadnt signed the papers she would have ran off and married in 3 mons when she turned 18 and I wouldnt have been there.But you cant help if she wont let you,I'm sorry but I went through hell,did everything I could and still try to help without stressing out myself,she is 21 with 2 kids and a piece of crap for a husband,shes learning.

Christina - posted on 08/09/2012

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After reading all of these post I finally don't feel alone. I have a 17 year old boy that we have no controll over. He thinks he is the adult in the house and he can do and say whatever he wants. he is ADHD with a mood disorder. We have had him hospitalized 4 times and have had the cops come in so many times to help calm him down that I have lost track. He wont go to the doctor or take any medication. We have taken everything away from him and nothing we do works. He has called the police on us and child abuse everytime he doesn't get his way. We finally was able to get some help when he stole my credit card and was using them on game sights and he went after his younger brother and was beating the sh*t out of him. I was able to press charges against him and he was put on probation till he turned 17 and then they dropped it cause he was considered an adult. Then it all changed because we didn't have the juvinile courts to make him go to the doctor and take meds. he has put his hands on me 2 times. the first time he was arrested and only spent 12 hours in jail. Then we had to go pick him up cause we could not kick him out or we would go to jail. He is very mulniputive and can go from 0-60 in no time flat. We have done everything we could with family consuling and indivial. We were told that there isn't musch we can do till he turns 18 and can kick him out. the police have told us that he can run around the house yelling and sceaming at us and when we try to get away he will follow us. He has even unlocked our bedroom door and said if we put our hands on him he will call the police. We know there is no law in the state of missouri that says you cannot spank your kids and we let him know that. Our rights as parents have been stript away and unlike the old days there is nothing the police can do unless he attacks us. I have two other children in the house and he will keep them up all night yelling and screaming at us and them. As soon as you go to bed he cranks up the TV and doesn't care about his siblins. He thinks its a game to get get us out of bed I have gone as far as to put all the electonics in a closest and put a paddle lock on them. Most of the time we are tired and worn out from lack of sleep. Or just tring to keep the peace in our house. If any one has any suggestions please let me know.

Anne Marie - posted on 05/15/2012

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Elisha I feel your pain. In Canada we have a crisis stabilization center we can call, they will come and remove the child and take them to a safe place, not a jail, not a hospital but a house setting where there are counsellors. If they are at risk they will call the police, we also have youth correctional services which can step in to take the child into custody but often the police will take them to those services. I would check into what is available in your area. I think the officer was in bad practise and I would write the chief of police and ask him why his officers cared so little about your younger children and elderly father in law. In Canada I would even write the Minister involved and send everyone a cc. It is amazing how much you can get done with a letter going to the people above.

Elisha - posted on 05/14/2012

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i have the same problem i had to watch my 17 yr go crazy over the last few months, throw things at me and my husband. Cuss us like theres no tomorrow. She was getting totally out of control. I also have a 6 and 4 yr old in my house and a 71 yr old man with dementia. When i finally could i grabbed her and got her out of my house she was violent and yelling and trying to force her way past me to get back in the house. My husband called police and told them our child was out of control. When they arrived i had my daughter in a restraint position for my own safety. She had kicked her father and punched me. Called me horrible names, however i decided not to argue with her and just said "ok" to everything she said. Anyway when the police got there they told me she is 17 she can do whatever she wants pretty much and that theres nothing they can do about it. Told me I could not keep her from coming back in the house no matter if i felt my younger children were in danger of being hurt. Then, here's the bomb, since I grabbed her and removed her from the home thinking i was protecting my littles, the officer told me that he could take me to jail because i was the primary aggressor. WTF my jaw fell. I explained to him how i felt that my smaller children and elderly father in law's safety was at risk. He said doesnt matter you have to give her the chance to hurt them first then we will take her to jail. OMG i wanted to punch his lights out. And he says this in front of my 17 yr old daughter which will only fuel her fire. He tells me however he has decided not to arrest me and that he will be taking her to her friends house. She is to stay away for a period of 12 hours and then I have to let her back into my home where i pay the bills. She has no job no money no car no phone no nothing. But i have to let her back in cause this address is where she gets her mail and her bed is here. If i want her out of my house i have to go to court and EVICT her. On my dime i am sure. He then tells me that if he has to come back in that 12 hour period that not only will she be in trouble but i will for sure be going to jail. The whole time my daughter is giving me that F&^# you mom look, i won this one. So please someone tell me what to do. I am not a bad parent she has been allowed to have her freedom as long as she follows the rules. She has had a phone she has cable in her room she has internet she has everything a 17 yr old wants and doesnt pay for a dime of it. She has two parents who love her and tell her that. She has it all, but she is not a happy kid and she is making my life horrible. I do not want her in my house i dont want her around my young children i dont want her around my father in law, however i have no choice and i cant afford court costs to get her out of my house. So guess what when she hurts someone i ll go to jail for that too cause family services will say i did not do anything to prevent my littles from getting hurt or i will go to jail for removing the 17 yr old from the house. Parents can not win for losing. The laws need changed and they need changed now. This is totally stupid. I am still so upset over this i could just puke on the officers face. Sorry we as parents, good parents have no say so in our Child''s life anymore at age 17 but if they get into trouble we have to pay for it. someone please tell me how that works. I cant make her stay here but i cant lock her out either. I am so confused on who the parent is. The state of Missouri says the 17 yr old is i guess idk i am confused. Please if anyone has any advise that would help tell me.

Cindy - posted on 07/01/2010

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@Alice, I'm with you there. Been crying, praying, counseling, and it is only wearing me down. My husband chooses to ignore, or complain, but doesn't always follow through, so I feel like I'm the only one who cares how the teenagers turn out. my 17 year old is depressed and uses it to manipulate us, but I've worked really hard on setting boundaries. I love him, but he's causing me to break down because of this. His depression has gone on 3 years with threats of suicide and cutting. I'm worn out, want him to grow up.

Lisa - posted on 06/30/2010

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if they think you are a bad/horrible/ the worst parent, then you're doing a great job :)

Lisa - posted on 06/30/2010

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Having issues with our 15yr old son, took him to counseling, making life at home unbareable. Counsellor, told us 'it's normal', to negotiate, give him lots of room, his independance. not to briker or nag him. Teens think no one care about them, think they know it all, yet don't have the life exerience to go with it. As teens want independance, give it to them, they need to fall on their face, and we have to be there to pick them up when THEY need it. It's so hard. I'm learning as I go. They say the teen yrs are the hard years, no kidding! Set rules and have consequences for rules not followed, negotiate together find compromise. Best of luck to you.

Alice - posted on 06/27/2010

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OMG. After reading through all the posts... its like reading our life story! My daughter has been challenging us since she was 1 1/2 years old! And I thought life was tough then! She is now almost 17... I have never felt such sadness and depression any other time in my life. I call her the debater. She should be a lawyer. Some of the things she says to me, I don't even have an answer or comeback to! How do they get so manipulative? She also thinks she knows everything and we are just bad/strict/mean parents! Nobody else's parents want to know where they are, who they are with, what they are doing, home at our curfew, to not sneek out in the middle of the night... oh, the list could go on. It has been going on for y e a r s . . . We have laid down every punishment. NOTHING matters to her. She plays the blame game. She is never responsible for her actions. I have cried so many nights. Now I have almost removed myself from the situation. I make sure she know we love her, and that in our house she will have to live by our rules or face the consequences. She is so hurtful & hateful when we catch her breaking the rules and have to punish her and explain why things are the way they are. I just want some respect and consideration. We are not strict parents. We just want her to be safe. But I get through the days by reminding myself; God would not give me anything I couldn't handle. Someday she will realize we weren't so bad.

Sherry - posted on 06/26/2010

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I've found that sometimes my teenagers have to experience the real life consequences for their actions in order for them to get the message I have been trying to convey to them.

Heather - posted on 06/26/2010

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I wouldn't quit paying the bills - no reason for you to suffer. They are over 18 - it is time for tough love. Get a job & help out or get out! No reason to make yourself miserable because they are lazy & ungrateful.

Ellen - posted on 06/25/2010

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Hmmmm...if she's the typical teen with a cell phone, computer, car and a social life...then you need to pull these priviledges away from her when she is rebelling. Remember, you are her mom and until she leaves the nest, you make the rules and be consistent. Hang in there. I have ages 13, 16, 17, and 19 (all girls...lol).

Lisa - posted on 06/25/2010

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Well all I do not have much advice except to say in this day and age if your child is not on drugs, in jail, has graduated or on task to graduate, and has no children you are doing something right!!

I am a single mother (with a steady supportive father figure (long term)) and my daughter is 19 and my son is 18 in 2 weeks. My kids expect me to do everything still. I mean it clean up after them, do laundry, buy things, etc.

Well the money tree was cut down the maid quit and I am not bailing anyone out so if cell phones get turned off cops get called collection agencies start a knocking or whatever they are on their own. I actually hide towels for myself and dishes and buy no food. I just started this so lets see what happens.

I am not sure I can quit paying bills because then I suffer with no air or cable but... I am considering that .

As far as my minor son I cleaned house tonight told him do as I say or have the cops come get you for unruly teen.

Good luck

Cynthia - posted on 06/25/2010

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in your home are your rules, if she can't abide by the house rules she needs to find another option. Get dad involved. So sorry for your trials. being a mom is difficult but rewarding in the end.

Denise - posted on 06/25/2010

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I wish I had the luxury of sending her to live with her dad. Unfortunately, he lives in an apartment complex that does not allow children to live there. Therefore, it's all on me. Her dad brings her to visit for a couple days on the weekends here and there and has always thought it was just me being mean to her (that is her story). But has actually told me recently that he realizes it's not all me and that he couldn't live with her. So......the only thing I can do is just keep the peace as much as possible and at age 18, if she doesn't want to play by the rules, she can move out. I love her, but a lot of times don't like her. Is that bad?

Darlene - posted on 06/25/2010

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I went through this with my daughter when she turned 16 and again when she turned 18. She decided she wanted to do things her way. Atg 16, it was my way or her dads house....she chose to live with her dad and ended up regretting it. It was hard to see her unhappy but she had to learn the lesson on her own. Nothing I said would have made a difference. At 18 I told her fine but that I would not help her if I didn't think that what she was doing was right. Eventually she understood what I was saying and knew she couldn't do things on her own 100%. She is still a difficult child but she knows what the deal is now. She knows right from wrong and what she is supposed to do and how to do it. I am trying to guide her in the best way I can. that is really all we can do and hope that they turn out ok. Good luck!

Sabrina - posted on 06/24/2010

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In actually fact, there is nothing you can do except let her know that you understand she is growing up but there are rules within your household which she must abide by or she cannot live there, let her know you love her and always will, be there 4 her and advise her and if she wants that advice she will listen, much luck,
sabrina

Louise - posted on 06/24/2010

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You have a battle on your hands here. At 17 teenagers think they know it all and there is nothing you can do about it. All you can do now is let her make her own mistakes and be there to pick up the peices. Hopefully over the years she has picked up enough guidance from you to make her choices in life wisely. Now you have to trust her and be there for guidance when she comes to you for advice. You also have to put some ground rules down that if she lives in your house then you get a say in what time she comes home and who comes into the house. If she can not accept or respect your rules then she will have to make plans to move out. When she realises that living with mum is rent free she will change!

Gloryanne - posted on 06/24/2010

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You're in a little bit of a pickle here. I too have a teenage son who thought that he could take up space and not help out around he house. He graduated high school, but is not going to college. I told him he needs to go to school FT, get a FT job, enlist in the Armed forces, or move out.
The other night, he did not feel that we "were supporting him" and wanted to go spend the night at a friends's house. I told him no and he said he was going anyway. i told him if he leaves, he might as well pack all his stuff becasue I will have him removed from the house. He then made a move and i told him that I wanted his cell phone. That's what made him stop.
I feel your pain becasue his grandmother would also give him $$, etc. i had a serious conversation with her that ended up me telling her that I would stop all communication with her if she continued giving him $$. I told her that I understood why she was doing that, but she is not helping - he needs to fall in order to see that things need to change.
I think you or her father needs to have the same conversation with your mom. Your family bascially needs to have a united front with her.
I would still take cell phone until she gets a job. I don't know how willing her grandmother would be willing to pay a cell phone bill every month.
Hope this helps!

Sandra - posted on 06/23/2010

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i've took her cell phone, and i stopped giving her money but she will just call her grandmother and she will bring her what ever she wants. that's the problem and i've talked to her grandmother about it but it keeps happening.

Anne Marie - posted on 06/23/2010

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Wow I am going through the same things with my 15 year old daughter. Today she walked out of the house saying Dustin is coming over to show me how to use the BBQ, you may want to make sure the house is clean. Well I texted her saying if you can't help I may not want you to use my BBQ. Don't know if that was the right thing to say or not but I was not happy with the attitude. I have told her that she is a teen ager she will do things she shouldn't, and go places she should never have gone, and trust people she should never have trusted but to feel free to tell me about it so we can work through the consequences together. My counsellor told me that was one of the best things I could have said to her. Sometimes they are disrespectful becasue they are hurting, and Iknow my daughter is hurting. Is there another person she can talk to. My daughter is close to her cousin Dustin above and I am thinking about talking to him to try and get some sense into her head. Also is something is bothering her she may talk to him and he is old enough that he woudl be responsible or at least I think he would be. I think that he is the only one she would listen to right now but I am also working with a councellor to try and get some ideas from him. No my daughter refuses to go to the councellor but he helps out anyway.

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