My 18 Yr Old Son Is Having Issues

Susan - posted on 07/07/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )

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First, a little background, I am a single mom of an 18 yr old son who just graduated high school. It has only been him and I since he has been 5 years old, with basically no involvement from his father. I just went back to work after being laid off from a Fortune 100 company for two years. I was with that company for 24 years.
Sooooo, my son graduates from high school and four days later, moves in with his father. His father is on SSI disability benefits, addicted to pain killers and is in a small apartment where my son has to sleep on the couch. Granted, we don't have a lot but he does have his own bedroom here.
Now a month has gone by. He never showed up to either of the games for his two baseball teams. He also had a wonderful job and didn't show up the first day for work. He hasn't taken the placement test for college. It is like he just shut down.
Now he is asking to come home. I can see that he still doesn't want to follow the rules though. I am at a loss as to what to do. I have such resentment for him just giving up!

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Angie - posted on 07/07/2012

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First of all...I know, know, know easier said than done, but set your resentment aside. In simple terms, it sounds like your son turned 18 and graduated and maybe got a little big for his britches with all these new decisions he can now make because he can.

The good news is he's asking to come home after only a month...but why is that? Talk to him, communicate with him...ask him why. It's kind of a different scenario now that your "responsibility" to him is done ...although I don't think us single mom's are ever done..lol, BUT set your expectations, not only what you want from him, but what you want for yourself. My almost 21 yo just moved back home...I don't charge rent, but he has curfew, he has chores, he does his own laundry, pays for his own cell phone, buys his own personal needs, no girls allowed to spend the night & he has to be doing something full time....courtesy & communication is a HUGE thing in my house. My 22yo niece moved in with me a month or so ago too & has the same rules. My motto is I will help you as long as you are helping yourself because the goal isn't to live with me forever, the goal is to get yourself on the right path to be on your own successfully. And it's real simple to me, if you don't want to do any of that or you want to make my life more stressful, then it would be better if you don't live here & now that you are an "adult" I don't have to let you & I'm actually ok with that. As much as I know how much help it would be to live at home, they have to decide whether the sacrifices they feel they are making are worth the benefits they are getting.

I think your feelings got a little hurt him going to his dads after all you've done for him, but you have to set that aside and not give up on him either...best of luck to you :)

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