My Daughter has been having Sex...

EmmaH - posted on 08/08/2017 ( 12 moms have responded )

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Recently, I've been shocked to discover my Daughter has lost her virginity. She is 14 and has had a boyfriend for some time now. The other night however, I was putting some washing upstairs when I heard some noises coming from her room. I looked in and all her clothing,including Bra and Pants, were on the floor, along with this boy's clothes. I looked over to the bed and they were right into it. Doing a dog like position. it was horrendous... I just walked out and found my way downstairs. I was purely shocked. Then, later, I heard them moving about and people coming downstairs. They both came downstairs. they kissed and waved each other off. I then said to my daughter "Lucy, we need a talk". I think she knew what was coming. She stated crying and.i just asked her why she did it. We have had the talk before. After we'd stressed the importance of STDs etc, when she calmed down, I decided to take a risk and ask exactly what she did. She has always been very honest and open and she said the full story. Apparently, not soon after he came, They both went upstairs whilst I was finishing the washing. She asked him if he wanted Sex had he agreed. They both got fully undressed and He apparently started playing with her breasts... Then she started having oral sex, Doing things like sucking his Penis, and him licking her. Weird... Then he started to finger her. And after thatk He started Masturbating and she sucking the sperm off his penis. Then they decided to go full in. I saw they used a condom which somewhat relieves me. After they had finished having Sex, Appaently, she lap danced for him and then they stopped. I know all that is very specific but I told her to tell me the truth, which I know she would. I asked her why she did it and she said she her friends have all had sex before and she wanted to be like them. I have grounded her and banned him from coming to the house. Soon I am going to contact his parents too. I just need some help with. A) Mentally dealing with it and B) How to stop it happening. I'm scared they might get at it again somewhere. Help please? Anyone?!

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Nikolina - posted on 08/09/2017

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To be honest I have no idea why so many parents are shocked about their kids having sex. I mean as long as its not rape or force – wheres the issue? I mean sex is fun and if our kids feel ready, why shouldnt they do it? My daughter started even a bit younger than yours, Emma... and when she came and told me about it, I was happy and proud. Happy because she liked her first time and proud because we have such a close relationship that we can openly talk about it.

Hope - posted on 08/08/2017

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Aye, that's a tough one. You should feel lucky about a few things, however. One, that your daughter is honest and open with you AND be glad they at least had sense to use a condom! I agree that you should let the boy's parents know what is going on. Grounding your daughter isn't going to keep them from having sex. Well, it will for as long as she is locked up in your house, but you can't keep her there forever. I know from experience, if 2 kids want to have sex, they're going to have sex. Whether it's in the privacy of a home or in an alley, they're going to do it. So, all you can really do is explain (again) your reasons that she should wait for sex.

Unfortunately, once they've tasted the fruit, it may be hard to stop them.

Amber - posted on 09/01/2017

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Dont do that, its part of growing up! You will lose her if you do this. You need to make sure she's protected and that she doesnt HAVE TOO DO ANYTHING IF SHE DOESNT WANT TOO. She's 14 your lucky she didnt lose it at 10, explain to her about sexual options and that they dont need to go all the way. Dont stop her from seeing him, and dont tell his parents imagine how embrassing that'd be. You invite him over and talk to them both, leave it there...

Ev - posted on 08/09/2017

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If you think it is okay to let kids just do as they wish then that is not good parenting choices. Kids do not understand the consequences of sex and the responsibliities of it either.

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Sarah - posted on 09/12/2017

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"Teens have been having sex for, well, a few hundred thousand years!"
Well that may be true, but they also got married at 12 as well and only lived until 30. Every family has and has the right to choose their own faith and moral teachings. The pill won't protect you from HIV, herpes or any other STD. I personally find it sad that anyone would consider sex as casual as a handshake. To share yourself physically is a gift. One I'd lope my own kids would at least save until they are older and in a mutually loving relationship. A child of 14 cannot give consent for a reason; they just don't have the ability to predict the consequences of their actions.

Chris - posted on 09/12/2017

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I just don't see it the way you do, Ev. Teens have been having sex for, well, a few hundred thousand years! It's only modern evangelicals who have made this a "moral" issue. But the real moral is that sex is fun and pleasurable. That's the consequence.
Once you know your daughter is sexually interested you get her on the friggin pill! It's only been around for 57 years!! Amazing that fewer than 1/5 American women are on it. In the U.K., it's over a third. I think we're all on it in Canada. (That was a joke.)
Yes, sex has emotional strings, but doesn't every relationship? I mean, seriously!

I'm with Hope. Be glad your daughter is telling you. You're lucky. Be proud. I bet she's a great lover.

Sarah - posted on 08/15/2017

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She's 14! She is not able to give consent, and depending on his age he may not be able to either! The story you give is so graphic, and there was a lot of activity. Everything from lap dance to oral sex, to intercourse...if that story is true no way was that her first time. I can assure you that not all of her friends have sex and that is a stupid reason to have sex anyway. I actually don't really buy this story anyway.

Sarah - posted on 08/11/2017

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You started right - by asking her questions, rather than telling her off.

Ev - posted on 08/09/2017

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{{{To be honest I have no idea why so many parents are shocked about their kids having sex. I mean as long as its not rape or force – wheres the issue? I mean sex is fun and if our kids feel ready, why shouldnt they do it? My daughter started even a bit younger than yours, Emma... and when she came and told me about it, I was happy and proud. Happy because she liked her first time and proud because we have such a close relationship that we can openly talk about it.}}}

Why would you condone allowing kids to just do as they will at their teen years? There is an issue. They do not know or fully understand the consequences as adults do. Yes, sex can be fun but at the same time there needs to be responsiblity with it. HOW CAN YOU BE PROUD YOUR DAUGHTER LOST HER VIRGINITY AT A YOUNG AGE? How could she like the first time? I do not think you understand. The first time is not all magic and roses.

As for mom here, I do not think your daughter told you everything and how do you know they actually used a condom?

Anne - posted on 08/09/2017

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Perhaps these resources might be of help to you and your daughter.
http://bit.ly/2hM641q
http://bit.ly/2wvA8Sa

Teens are so impressionable and I'm so sorry your daughter has felt the need to keep up with her friends in that way. It's great that she's able to talk to you...keep that door open.

Arlene - posted on 08/08/2017

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Omg! Wow! My son is 18
And That is completely unacceptable!!
I Can't beleave your daughter would even tell you that

EmmaH - posted on 08/08/2017

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Yes. Unfortunately that is the case. Thanks for your reply, I will deal with accordingly.

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