MY DAUGHTER IS 13 & WANT'S A BOYFRIEND SHOULD I ALLOW IT OR NOT?

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Rosa - posted on 04/24/2013

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Hi, I am 19 and my little sister is 13. My mum went through the same thing, I am out of the house, in college, living on my complete own. When I was 13 my girlfriends and I, of course, would talk about "the cutest boy in school," but never had any inclination on "dating" him. It shows how different kids are these days. There are 15 year olds who have had 6+ "boyfriends," and already having sex... it's sad. Corrupt. My mom said to my little sis: you can "date" him, but gave her the sex talk. She also met his mother and they made sure to set ground rules. (don't leave them alone, escort them on "dates," etc.) I also talked to my sis, because I know I have influence on her. I told her exactly how I felt about the situation: not good(I'm very protective), but also to be safe, make sure if you don't want to do something, you make it VERY clear to him. And what do you know: two weeks later they were "broken" up. My little sis said: "Boys are just plain stupid. He wouldn't let me hang with my friends, and I'm not okay with that." Good job sis! lol I hope all went well with you!!

Maia - posted on 09/14/2013

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Ok I know this site is for moms, but I'm going to give you an answer from a 16 year olds perspective... First you need to check what she means by "dating" because sometimes kids just mean being able to call somebody their boyfriend, and give an occasional kiss on the cheeks... If that's all she wants then go ahead, but watch out because it can get more intense really fast... If she wants more like a relationship where you go out on dates, the I would say no, my mom gave me the rule that I can as soon as I get my license it doesn't matter if he's got it, but when I get it I can go out on a date... This I believe is not being an overprotective parent, it's being responsible... There are so many ways that teens can get around their parents and then they will have to break the news that something happened to them... It's not for certain that something will, but condoms don't always work... And the worst thing for my mom to have to go through was when my brother had to tell her the news that at 17 he got a girl pregnant.

Tiffany - posted on 07/02/2013

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Don't be over protective......... Just make sure they know about some outcomes of having a relationship. If you don't let them they will do it behind you back. Plus if you dont you should just forget about your relationship with her!!!

Robin - posted on 04/25/2013

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No. To be honest, I think being friends is enough at that age. Having the status as a 'boyfriend' or 'girlfriend', in my experience, tempts teenagers to have sexual relations.

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Lily - posted 1 day ago

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I have allowed my 14 year old twins to have boyfriends. It's all casual, the most exciting thing that happened is that one of them got kissed on the cheek. As long as you know the boy and find him to be a good influence on your daughter it should be perfectly safe. She's too young for sex and just make sure she understands that.

Jessi - posted 2 days ago

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I think that today casual sex is a bigger risk than allowing your daughter to have a boyfriend. Just make sure he is the kind of guy you want your daughter to spend time with. I found my daughter in a website called friblind.com, that help facebook friends match to have sex and talk to their friends anonymously. You can imagine my face when I saw that.

Cloey - posted on 03/17/2014

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Ok heres the deal, I have a 12 yr old daughter and she has a boyfriend basically its just a guy who she sits by at lunch and maybe every once and a while get a pic with or hold hands but nothing serious I mean the biggest thing that ever happened in their relationship when on Valentine's day he got her a bix if chocolates but I would honestly just let her dont be worried shes too young to have sex and she should know that but before you letbher at least have the sex talk to be safe

Mary - posted on 02/25/2014

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Can we please remove the children from this site and speak to ADULTS/Moms! Circleofmoms!

Sophia - posted on 02/22/2014

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Dating at a young age is still not a thing for my kids... However all family are different. And what. Works in one home won't work in another. If your family. Is ok with you dating that's great. Respect was never a thought it's just that the age was for me too young. But happy to know you are doing well.

Kali - posted on 02/22/2014

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So I'm 14and I know this is for moms who want to talk with moms but I have something that can hopefully help with your choices, I know I'm not fully grown up yet but I am not a little kid or a "baby" I am dating at 16 year old boy, he's very nice and respectful. My mom didn't like the idea at first because I was 13 when we first wanted to date but when I turned 14 she said I was allowed. My grades are really
High and I have a large amour of friends still even if I have a boyfriend. I still have time for all the sports I play and I love. People seem to think at 14 you're too young for this sort of relationship, honestly you're just fine. I have time for mostly everything in my life. I know my limits and what I can and cannot do I respect myself as well as my parents decisions. It's hard to let your child grow up sometimes even though I am not a mom but someday will hopefully be when I'm older. We have been dating for a year now and he has never had sexual intentions or I know how to Handle things if he ever did but I doubt that will happen. I am happy my mom trusts and respects my choice. Some parents will think it is wrong but when your ready I think it should be just fine

Sophia - posted on 02/21/2014

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Mommy do you think she is too young to be a mom..... If yes at 13 then no she can't date. Do you feel her school work may suffer,,, will she be when the boy lost that loving feeling and still be strong in school and other social life with friends and family.... If no too young now.

Butterfly Jade - posted on 02/13/2014

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i have a boyfriend right know and he is a nice guy. The guy i have if you tell him no then he will stop doing what he is doing and go on to another subject that way you will never feel uncomfortable about going out with a guy
this is the way i feel about it because i am 13 years old and dating is not that bad they always say your first one is going to break your heart. For me my first one did not break my heart i loved him and he loved me and i had to break up with him because he cheated on me and i just dont go out with cheaters i dont like that at all that is just not me i am still a virgin and always will be untill i get about 30 and then i might have sex but other than that then i dont think that having a boyfriend is not that bad if you really think about it

Rosie - posted on 01/13/2014

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Well my 11 yo has a boyfriend but I didn't know how to take it but I trust her and I know she knows right from wrong

Thatbinnichick - posted on 01/12/2014

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K iam not even thirteen yet but i almost am and 6th graders at my shcool grind on boys yea theres alot of stuff that you dont know is happening at shcool but me iam not really interested in dating cuz its retarted and my awnser is no girls at my shcool dating act like hoes and its annoying i undersatand you asking this question but this is a really sucky generation and kids arent the same anymore this will lead to future problems she obviously thinks shes grown and alot of kids do but remember her age shes 13 boys are pervs at shcool so yea you shouldnt let her think shes grown because shes gonna start doing grown things i have freinds who think they are grown and say that they smoke and drink and crap like that and i actually live and a nice place theres SO MUCH you dont know and thats not safe 13 is not a good age and you should wait at least till 16

AGHELPER - posted on 01/10/2014

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Do NOT allow your daughter to date at this age. She is too young.They can be friends, and she also has her whole life ahead of her to date. So whats the rush? She is just a kid. LET KIDS BE KIDS!

Amanda - posted on 01/09/2014

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Why not! I mean she's thirteen. What are they going to do. Make sure you meet the boy and his parents. Let them hang out at each others houses (with an adult home) and let them be teens! Even though they say "boy friend" its just a word. All that they are going to do is hold hands, hug and maybe kiss sometimes. Big deal. Talk to your daughter and let her know how you feel about it and listen to her too. Then you can ake your decision, but I highley suggest htat you let her have her little "boy friend" hope this helped

Rene - posted on 01/07/2014

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this site's for mom's but I'm a 15 year old teenager :) i read all of your perspective's and i'm pretty glad that some of your views really match mine.
i am dating a guy since one month and i know it's not a long time for a really good experience of a relationship but i have come across many of my friends' situations. i said my mom about my relationship. at first she was literally shocked to listen such a thing from me which i guess she never expected but then she said its fine until and unless you be GOOD FRIENDS first. i said her that he is more like a friend to me but we date and that's the fact! i talk to him in front of her and we never talk about those really romantic stiffs but just laugh and have fun talking with each other. we never talk about ourselves rather we talk either about our friends or family. dats wat we do!
i am pretty fine with my mom's point of view but still somewhere in my heart and mind everytime i think about my mom and her thoughts, i feel her not being SO fine with it. :( i just want my relationship to be strong as well as not see that grudge in my mom either. but i just cant hold the both together. i just hope my mom is fine as she said me... even though she dint tell me about all those limitations maybe coz she doesn't know how to say me i guess still i'd keep all the LIMITATIONS in order. i would NEVER have sex until and unless i marry him. just hug him, kiss him li'l often and take care of him. btw we never talk at school coz we dont get time to be together. its just only saturdays-sundays we talk. we barely say hi to each other.
at last i would only like to say all of you that, let your daughter date, have the feeling called 'LOVE' in her to grow. relationships is the another way for your daughter to grow up and be matured enough to handle her own situation with maturity. but dont forget to be her best friend more than a mother. she'd love the best friend more ! unlike my mom but i know she'll soon turn out to be my best friend n m gonna share each and everything i do with him. there are limitations of teenage love and relationships... set up a barrier and dont cross it, be a good and trust able child. just talk, have fun, have strong friendship, LIVE TEENAGE LIFE ! Moms, its your responsibility to set up barriers and daughters its your responsibility not to cross it. dont break promises, its hard to drive it back when you lose one and dese barriers are just gonna be your guide and see how you'll enjoy life ! :)

Alexis - posted on 01/04/2014

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First of all, ask her ehat she means with "dating" because a lot of the time its basically just goimg around saying "this is my boyfriend", nothing serious about it. But if it's like going to the park and dates and kissing, ask yourself "is my daughter responsible and mature enough? Does she know how to say no? Will she be naive enough to have sex?"

Hannah - posted on 01/02/2014

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Hi I know that this is a site for moms but I'm 13 and I've been in two long term relationships I think that you should let your daughter date I never told my parents about my relationships until I was 3 months in at least I don't want you feeling the pain that my parents felt when they realized that their daughter didn't trust them

Anon - posted on 12/29/2013

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Okay we'll I am 13 years old and I know me and my parents don't have a close relationship at all and when it comes to boys my mom is very strict about it my mom only became strict about boys when I got into middle school because in elementary school I had a bf and my mom didn't care at all but when I got in middle school my mom became overly strict and I really don't like and I want a close relationship with my mom but since my mom won't let me date or haves boys over I have to sneak behind her back my inviting my bf over when I'm alone and I really don't like sneaking but I have to live life but since me and my mom don't have a close relationship I taught myself my boundaries .. I know .. No hickeys, no bj, no hj and no sex .. And the farthest I'll go is a make out but my mom just doesn't want to hear it so yeah it kinda sucks but I would have trust in my 13 year old daughter I would let her have a bf let her find out that boys can be buttheads and they can hurt you , but let them no the farthest u will allow them to go is a makeout and that Ur gonna trust them to make sure they don't go farther and if u show them u trust them they will respect it believe me ... I hope this helped thank u

Rose Mary - posted on 12/28/2013

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my 12 yr old little girl is having prombles with her bf and do u think i should let her date agian???

Heaven - posted on 12/28/2013

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Hi, I'm 13 and obviously not a mom but I would have to say I'm not completely biased. My mom doesn't let me date and I used to argue and argue until I realized why she didn't want me to date. I had a lot of difficult times in my life and I guess my mom just didn't want the emotional distress from all the boy drama and the heartbreak to add on and overwhelm me even more. So in the long run, my mom was just trying to help her baby. ๐Ÿ˜š๐Ÿ‘„ It had nothing to do with maturity or trust, it was just plain love. Then again, obviously if your 13 year old is oblivious and naive and only likes the idea of "him" then obviously she is not not ready to date. I would say give it a couple of years. It all depends on the kid. Here's my philosophy; smart+smart=good relationship; smart bf+dumb gf=pregnant; smart gf+dumb bf=boring; stupid+stupid=disaster
hope this helped,

Heaven W. ๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜‰

Christina - posted on 12/23/2013

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I know this website is for moms but im a 13 year old and I just got my first boyfriend 2 weeks ago and literally all we outside of school is text. thats all we do and im sure thats all what the other 13 year old couples do. Actually, "dating" for 13 year olds is pretty much telling the world that they like eachother. In school, we dont hold hands or kiss eachother. we just make eye contact and sometimes sit with eachother in classes and at lunch. He just asked me to go to the movies and I fell like it would be a little bit awkward. If your daughter asks to go to the movies with her boyfriend, I would recommend going with another couple or a big group so its not as awkward or bad. I think that its healthy letting your daughter have some experience with boys and stuff like that. You just have to let her grow up and trust that she is going to make the right decisions.

Haley - posted on 12/20/2013

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I had a boyfriend in 4th grade we didn't do much. We dated for 18 months. All I did was hold his hand. Nothing else. The worst thing I have done was in fifth grade. I was dating this kid. We kissed. It was nothing. But then there was tongue. Everyone thought it was bad. It really wasn't. My parents wouldn't let me date but of course I did. It made me want to do worse stuff. I started to sleep and guys houses. I was not known as a good kid. I regret it but I know I only did it because my parents said no. I now have a boyfriend and I tell him I love him all the time. We started dating yesterday. I have already kissed (tongue) him.

Madi - posted on 12/18/2013

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Hey there! I know this question is old but for the people still looking for answers I have one.

So, I'm 13. Haha I do know it's weird I'm on a mom's site I know but I wanted to help give advice from the teenagers point of view. So if your daughter or son in middle school wants a boyfriend or girlfriend let them!

I'm saying yes because we usually don't even talk to eachother (relationships are weird in middle school) Some people actually do talk and hug and kiss and stuff but it's usually just ignoring eachother.

I hope I helped!

Elizabeth Audrey - posted on 12/17/2013

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Okay; I know this is a site for moms but I'm 15 I think you should hear it from my perceptive. I should be allowed because think, it's your daughter and I know when I was that age, I was dieing to have one. I'm sure you were too. But if you want to be the cool mom I say, TELL HER YES!!!

Kofi - posted on 12/10/2013

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Unfortunately I'm going to tell you the honest reality. At 13 hormones are starting to fly and I remember always getting thoughts like 'what does my mum know she just dosnt want me to grow up' if you protect and stop a child from experiencing small relationships then she is more likely to go behind your back even if she isn't that type of child ( it is kind of natural instincts) . If she knows you wouldn't let her date before she will be very closed when if comes to future relationships an you don't wNt that you want trust! Allow her to date just to experience commitment and the joys of feeling loved and special just make sure to speak and set boundaries. Also make sure that she is not going out for popularity and she actually likes him and don't let her date quickly after they break up teach her to be mature and respect his feelings. You can't control what happens at school , they may have a small peck or cuddle without you knowing. She is only 13 so chances are it will last a couple of weeks until they get bored and no damage will be done because within a few days they will be close mates again ( previous experience I am now 16 and dated when I was 12 and I'm perfectly fine ! The fact my mum trusted me ment I didn't do bad things because I wanted to prove to her I can be trusted to hold a relationship!)

Stacey - posted on 12/09/2013

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Hi! About your question; I think you should let her have a boyfriend :) It might sound silly at that age, but I'm sure it's probably going to be one of those relationships where they just hug and kiss occasionally, MAYBE go on some sort of dinner date or catch a movie at the theater. Just be sure to have meet the boy first. Make sure he isnt some disrespectful boy who will be a bad influence on your child! Or even worse, is someone much older than her. I think that now, as she is quite young, you should probably try to make sure she isnt dating anyone more than 1-2 years older, because there is quite a difference in what they will enjoy doing or what they are ready for, if you get where im coming from :) You should also sit her down and explain to her about the responsibility she gets, and that you trust her to respect that!!! So don't get pregnant or become a drug addict or whatever dangers you think she might develope :)

Mary - posted on 12/03/2013

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hey I am 13 ,female I go to teenage discos with all my friends and every 1 is dancing and having a kiss with some1. I have had 2 boyfriends 1 when I was 8 for 2 days and it was notin but just being able to say it and 1 2 weeks ago I was with him for 2 months and it was just like when I was small but we held hands at school, text the whole time and very very rarely gave each other a little kiss ( tounges) I think it was just a harmless little thing and I think once your child is 11 years old they are going to do it wether u like it or not so my advice is say yes but explain what it really means set ground rules + DONT TELL THE DAD you no how dads can be with their little princess so I never told my parents only my older sister and she told me to be safe don't do anything stupid and make very clear when I do not want to do something


I SAY LEAVE THEM DATE SHOW HER YOU TRUST HER GIVE HER CONFIDENCE TO TELL YOU ANYTHING !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

April - posted on 12/02/2013

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I am 13 and I want a boyfriend but my mom and dad said that I can have a boyfriend in college but that is late but am still young I think maybe as long as she takes care of herself

Rickey - posted on 11/30/2013

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I ager what ever when how sand yes be case our pants need to let go I dating but my mom and dad dot now about it my dad what car my mom world they a fiat but I do not ager what the one mom her derty her have sax that is just rang no mater what.

[deleted account]

um hi, my name is Chris but my friends call me grey. I'm 13 and I've only dated one girl in my entire life so far. but I'm really popular at my school so i know everything about everyone and every detail. i know kids who drink, almost had sex, smoke pot, and all the stereotypical things parents think their teenagers are doing. but really there aren't many kids who do that kind of stuff, if you think something bad is going to happen to your kid it probably won't. don't worry about it TOO much. although there is some stuff to be curious about. If you TRULY know your kid then be insightful. kids like me know the score and the consequences. we know what will happen if we have sex without a condom, by the time i was 12 i already knew everything. in today's society children know what will happen. and if your still worried then i would do what my dad did. he went over the basics, told me I'm starting to be a man now and that as a teenager there is going to be SOME moments in high school where i have to make tough choices, and then he gave me a condom and told me to keep it in my wallet, don't just pull it out whenever and to use it wisely. if your gonna do that then don't nag them about it either. don't tell them the every single detail(but the crucial stuff of course), and tell them that they're growing up and that you're not going to tell them how to do everything but they need to be smart. if you mess that up they'll get mad. we like to be complimented (but not too much), and given space. once again this is coming from an actual 13 yr old, i know from personal experience. good luck
-Chris Grey Kelly

Drew - posted on 11/25/2013

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Hey, I know this website is only for moms but when I found this conversation I just needed to add my opinion.

Dating. What is dating? I'm 13 and dating for people my age involves talking on Facebook and that's basically it. Even actual physical interaction (like holding-hands) is out. Nobody does it. It's basically just having a friend who's a boy that you can call your boyfriend. Nobody actually dates to marry, they just date for fun.

I've never had a boyfriend before and what my mom says is that if I ever want a boyfriend I'm gonna have to talk to her and tell her why, if I'm mature enough and what dating includes.

Anyways usually couples break up due to they want to be "just friends" or they just fall apart. There isn't much heartbreak either.

I think you should ask her what "dating" is and then go over some rules.

Good luck xx

Robin - posted on 11/24/2013

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Middle school is the house of filth and temptation for kids. I'm an 19 man now, but back in middle school kids who dated all had some sort of sexual relationship ongoing as young as 6th grade. Kids are developing mentally during middle school and your asking for all kinds of trouble if you let your daughter or son date this early. I actually had friends who had sex without a condom and impregnated a girl simply because he hadn't had 8th grade sex ed yet and his parents didn't think he needed that information. I wasn't allowed to date until I was in High school, and by that time I had studied enough failures and successes in my friends relationships (as well as let several girls down gently) to know how to succeed (the internet also didn't hurt). It does depend on you, the parent though. Would you rather you kid having sex early, watching porn online, or stumbling into a mess of dating advise. Either way their sexual urges develop during this age and their gonna express themselves. Its up to you to decide whether they do it with another parent's child or by themselves. Sucks for the parent of the girl though.

Harpreet - posted on 11/09/2013

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Hi, everyone, I am having tough time these days, I have come across my daughters chat diary on FB, it seems she has a boyfriend , I am really not able to digest this, she is 13, and says she is not having any affair which is a lie. I try to explain her but in vain , at times I feel technology is another culprit, her academics performance has dropped from a grade to c, she is always dieting and busy dressing herself, in the bargain all the area boys are behind her, I am so worried because the guy they link her up with is street side Romeo and surely above 21. Inspite of all my counselling there is no respite and feel cheated. Can any other mom please help me.

Scarlet - posted on 10/29/2013

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I must say that i allowed my daughter to begin dating at the age of 13 this was based on her maturity and grades. These are vip things to consider overall.

Lisa - posted on 10/16/2013

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This is a tough issue. One I'm faced with for the first time today. I told my daughter she could have a boyfriend at school and text/message him, but no going out on dates until high school. Even then, the dates will be supervised family outings. This boy seem like a very up standing young man, but lets face it- they're both teens with raging hormones. I know from personal experience things can get out of hand very fast. I have two daughters. Once they are old enough to drive, I'm considering letting them date on their own. I will still demand an itinerary for the date and reserve the right to pop up where ever they are at any time. It is a hard balance- showing them that you trust them and protecting them from the pressures (sexual) that can occur with dating. I want them to have the experience of young love and I don't want them to be so cloistered that, as soon as they turn 18, they go wild. I am already trying to figure out how to handle the inevitable break-up. Thank you all for the different views on the matter. It helps to hear what other parents have to say and to know that I am going through something other parents are going through. I like this ladies perspective and, ultimately, it helped me decide how I want to proceed.
http://www.hampoland.com/2011/03/05/let-...

Deborah Ridgely - posted on 09/09/2013

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Ummm... let's think aboit this for a minute... How can you date someone unless they can drive you somewhere??? Seriously! And, do you really want your daughter dating a guy that cannot independently support a child? Come on, moms! You are just asking for a teen pregnancy. Things can get serious pretty fast ( first date ). Talk to your teens before they are teens about these things. My children won't date until 18, and they understand the responsibility. They only will date the person who is a serious contender for marriage. They agree with our standards and that is a safe place for them. Hormones and feelings should not control your teens actions. Let them understand all the responsibilities of a relationship, and decide with wisdom rather than peer pressure and hormones.

Aileen J - posted on 09/05/2013

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If you had asked me a week ago I would have said yes but having held my daughter as she cried after a six month loving relationship broke up out of the blue I would say they are too young it is too intense

Jackie - posted on 08/21/2013

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13...I say no way...reading posts and hearing people say don't be overprotective...somebody needs to be protective...13 is too young and the last thing you need is a pregnant teenager...kids want to grow up faster these days...but they are not ready yet.I would say no and keep my eyes on her...check her cell phone periodically to make sure she is not going behind your back...

Jennette - posted on 08/18/2013

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Yes I think you should. My daughter is just
Turning 13 and has a boyfriend, yet it sounds to me like they don't really talk as much as usual boyfriends and girlfriends do as much as older teens do. Sometimes all of their friends hangout and have some parties they never go over to eachothers houses alone this is why I'm ok with it the only time they talk is at the parties,school, and over he phone I'm pretty sure this is usually how "dating" is in junior high

Jessica - posted on 08/05/2013

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I just don't like the fact that my 13 year old hide things from ME. I always tell her talk to me don't let me find out

Vanessareverheart - posted on 07/30/2013

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yeah don't be over protective they are teenagers they are going to do what u tell them not to

Vanessareverheart - posted on 07/30/2013

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i honestly think that u should let your child have a boyfriend because it's just a learning experience so let them try it!!!!!

Holly - posted on 07/23/2013

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Yeah , I have13 year old twin daughters , one has a boyfriend but I no they won't do anything stupid together and they are never alone as her twin sister is they and she is very protective over her

Kendra - posted on 07/14/2013

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NO NO NO to young to have a boyfriend maybe. A friend that come over and hang out but they should not be left alone way to young to understand. The emotional conciqunces of a relationship.

Claire - posted on 05/28/2013

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When mine was 13 she had a school bf who was her age and nice and polite. He would eventually come over for dinner and spend time with her at our house. They are both now 16 and truly in love and committed to each other (at least as much as any 16 year olds can be.) They are both responsible and get good grades in school and she is on bc now and they use condoms. I know if I'd try to stop their relationship they would just go behind my back. There are times now that I like him better than I like my daughter lol but they are good kids in a serious relationship.

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